Tag Archives: annoyance

Frigid Triggers

So I mentioned that I had been climbing out of trigger holes this week. I’m going to talk about that a little more.

One moment just after my birthday, I had a bit of jealousy sneak up on me. I quickly acknowledged that was going on and talked myself out of it. I acknowledged that jealousy is based on the belief that someone has something that you want and don’t have, but also some level of feeling neglected. I pointed out to myself that neither case was actually true. If the shoe was on the other foot, as in viewing myself from an outside perspective, I had that which was causing the jealousy, and I am far from being neglected. It simply wasn’t actually true, so that was an easy trigger to solve.

My other major trigger this week, and one that was reoccurring every single day, was simply the bitter cold and how it was affecting my life. One element of that was the whole ‘it’s the week of my birthday and the weather straight up sucked’. The other element was that it began directly affecting my daily work experience.

See, the clinic has two halves on two different heating systems. My office is in the half that has what is commonly referred to as a mini-split. Simply put, it has a unit outside, and then wall mounted units to accomodate both heating and air conditioning without the need for ductwork or other hazards of central heat/AC. They are only slightly less costly than a centralized system, but they are supposed to be more energy efficient. The biggest problem that I have noticed with the older unit governing my office, is that it no longer handles temperature extremems. It has gone down 3 times in the last two years, all during extreme temperatures- once due to heat in excess of 100°F, and twice due to temps below 15°F. This week was the second round of below 15°. The units work decent when they are only attempting to bridge a gap of 30 or 40 degrees, but once the range exceeds that, problems arise. This time it was the exterior lines froze preventing any function.

That treanslated into trying to function solely on space heaters. Generally not a huge concern, except that the 3 office rooms were wired on one 20 AMP circut. Which means that we could only power 2 space heaters on full, or if I needed table heat on, I had to turn space heaters to low. It was frustrating to say the least. So, it meant coming into a frigid space and doing my best to warm it by the time people needed to be disrobing for their massage. We blew the breaker well over a dozen times this week, just trying to get 2 of the 3 rooms to a decent temperature. Finally, the acupuncturists decided to temporarily relocate, so I was the only one attempting to get a room to normal temperatures. I still managed to blow the breaker 3 more times trying to warm the room up as quickly as possible.

It was frustrating, and at times infuriating. I kept climbing up from negativitiy, and something would set me off again. At one point the one acupuncturist asked me how I was doing, and I lost it on her, spending several minutes ranting about the whole situation.

I’m mostly (referencing generalities) still in my detached space, and because of that I keep repeating “Not my monkeys, not my circus”, but it is directly affecting me and that is why it keeps triggering a negative loop. I can’t stand weather this cold, and especially when I get bone chillingly cold myself.

In my perfect world I would be that person that takes an extended vacation when the weather turns crappy like this. I would love to have a birthday in Cancun or Hawaii, but alas it is not currently possible.

It also doesn’t help that no one seemes to care about the problem in a long-term solution sort of way. The chiropractors knew I was upset and began turning on space heaters before I arrived, but there was no motion towards a real fix. I pointed out to the acupuncturist that this was the third time I was having to deal with this situation and I have yet to make my 2 year anniversary. I explained that even though heaters don’t go down all the time, that it is a possibility with any system, and whoever wired 3 offices on one 20 AMP breaker was dense. There should always be enough power for worst case scenario. Yet, there is barely enough amperage for normal function in 3 rooms.

For instance, I am a massage therapist, and I have 4 seperate devices that draw a good amount of power. My room alone could blow the breaker if I turned everything on. I know becasue I did when one of my space heaters was taken by the acupuncturist. At that point the whole building was struggling to maintain, and the office manager and chiropractor had taken space heaters for themselves, and so one of my 2 tiny ones went to the acupuncturist. My solution was to turn on my hot stone roaster, my hot towel cabbie, and the table heater. The other space heater was already running, and the lights were on. 30 seconds later the breaker tripped. So just my basic devices which I have utilized for years, tripped the breaker becasue they were all on at the same time.

There is no way that those three offices can handle all of the devices that could potentially run at the same time. I can not run my menagerie, and then have the acupuncturist try to use diathermy, or even a laptop being used on top of my regular stuff would be too much. It simply is no good for a lot of reasons.

Ultimately, not only does the mini-split need some serious TLC to try and get it more functional, but if I had a say, I would call an electrician and figure out the cheapest solution to get those three rooms better power in a permanent way.

There also should be stored space heaters and fans for situations like this. As it is, I brought in 2 of my personal space heaters and the one accupincturist had one of her personal units. That means if we hadn’t been on the ball, the whole office would have failed due to a lack of heat providing devices. It would not be any significant financial strain to buy a fan and space heater for each room, and all of the rooms could come up with the shred of space to store them when not in use.

Alas, it is not my circus. I have no financial investment in the building or business. I am simply a contractor trying to keep clients happy, so no one gives a flying eff about my opinions. So, on top of hating the cold, being upset over a frigid birthday, and then spending an entire work week battling the cold inside of my office, the lack of my opinion mattering was just the icing on the cake.

It took every ounce of my mental fortitude to keep pulling up and finding my happy this week, and today I was so exhausted from it that I really just wanted to stay in bed and not even go to work.

Yet I did.

I showed up 40 min early, and the chiropractor had already turned on the space heaters, so it wasn’t as frigid as previous days. The sun was shining, so I got a bit more sunlight than the previous several days. I even managed to get in a decent workout between clinic and my 2nd job. I’m holding steady, and hoping that they seriously figure out a long-term solution before the peak of summer heat kills the equipment again.

Regardless, it’s not my circus and I will always do my best to stay focused on my happy place. I will keep finding better feeling thoughts, and do my best to keep pulling up, even when triggers are plentiful and repetitive. Sometimes it just takes way more effort, and I’m somewhat wondering if I will ever see a good reason to keep reaching up so diligently. Hopefully that’s just the remnants of discouragement talking.

May you have many birthdays with beautiful perfect weather. May you find that finding your happy place is easy. May it be life affirming and easy to regain your balance and feel good. May you have plenty of rest and plenty of warmth. May you see the results of your energetic and thought work. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do, no matter what.

Om Shanti

Put up or shut up.

I still have energetic junk plaguing my family and my home in a quite cyclical fashion. I suspect I know which partie(s) are causing it, but I’m not 100% certain.

I have however, gotten really good at shutting it down and blocking it after the fact though. What I can’t seem to block, Nathan can and does repeatedly.

Yesterday I had scream fest over it, alone in the van, on the way to work. I was blasting the source with a message of “if you’re not going to help then leave me the eff alone, I’m already doing it on my own, and you’re just making it harder.”

On one hand, good for me, makes me even stronger every single time I win. On the other hand it’s keeping me from the easy route which at this point I have more than earned, a dozen times over.

It amazes me that a couple/few individuals so insecure in themselves, can be hung up on me, allowing jealousy or whatever-stupid-reason to be fodder for regular energetic fixation in the most negative of ways.

I am getting stronger. I am getting more confident. I am able to keep my vibration higher most of the time, and even these energetic attacks only distract me briefly at this point. I am healing and growing and learning.

She-Ra was excellent inspiration, and I’m glad I revisited the show of my youth. It has only helped me with the here and now. I can’t begin to explain the number of ways I have put that inspiration to good use, and I am energetically kicking ass these days. (Which in all honesty I wasn’t doing half bad before.)

Beyond that, I’m not really the vengeful sort, but I am very aware of all of the energetic ways to ensure this non-sense ends. If push comes to shove I will invoke any means necessary to end this stupid game of theirs. I know God would both understand, and accept my request for forgiveness, to ensure my family is safe and secure.

So let this be fair warning to them. If they continue to cause problems and distractions, they will be bound energetically. That would make their lives extra difficult and possibly even emotionally painful, and I would hate to see it come to that.

God supports me and knows that it is time for the negativity to end completely, by whatever means are necessary. I count myself blessed that I understand how to do that without ever laying a finger on anyone or anything, except maybe some clay and a candle.

Of course, there are easier ways. They could  simply tell the truth and come clean. Or… They could completely let go of me, whatever they think of me, what they think I should do or not, their desires centered around me, etc. It’s obvious that something about me is causing another person or people grief, anger, frustration, etc., and they are looping something fierce. They really should just address their brain needing to loop onto the topic of me. With the millions of things to think about, just let go of me.

Hell, my older brother used to turn water on to drip just to drive me nuts. I learned quick how to ignore it, but in this moment maybe dripping water could help them ignore me. Or clouds in the sky, or cars on the road, or music. There is literally an infinite array of options anyone can use to distract themselves. If all else fails, there’s even mantras you can say or think repeatedly. ‘Om Shanti’ means “All that is be peace” – use the sanskrit or English version, either one will get your brain off of me and onto peace.

Of course, I recommend everyone repeat that mantra as much as possible. Regardless of language used, it definitely does help bring world peace. The more people chanting with focused mental stillness, the higher our planetary vibration becomes and the better we all get to experience. I would love to see more of that.

Anyway, the source of the negativity either needs to make good in reality with full truth, honesty and disclosure, or leave me the eff alone and let me slowly chip at making my world better with one less obstacle. If neither of those happens willingly from their end, I will shut them up energetically. I sense a binding coming on.


May you be energetically sovereign and mostly dwell in high vibrations. May your days go smoothly and have a steady flow of positive interactions both physically and energetically. May you know God supports you in all that you do. May you know you are healing and getting stronger. May you know you are learning all that you need to know. May everything bring you a sense of divine timing and God force guiding you to all you desire. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

America the new South Africa

This morning I went to renew my CDL and motorcycle permit because of my birthday.

I moved up the street, but otherwise I’m in the same county of the same state, same voting district. Same everything.

They’ve already verified my birth certificate when issuing my licenses on previous years.

They’ve already verified my name change through marriage when issuing licenses originally.

They’ve already verified my CDL medical exam when I did it last summer.

Yet I needed all of those things along with 2 different pieces of mail to verify my address.

I only showed up with one form of address verification and the CDL medical exam the first try, making the assumption that because it was a renewal then they’ve already got everything else.

Now I sit waiting a second time to attempt to renew my licenses.

This is the stack of documentation I need to prove I am who I am, even though my picture is on the licenses I’m renewing.

Current license and motorcycle permit, birth certificate, marriage license, 2 forms of address verification, mortgage document, and CDL medical exam envelope.

Thanks Trump, did you really fix anything or just make people think you did because illogical additions make people jump through more hoops and make daily life inconvenient.

Apartheid ended when I was a kid, at least I thought. Reality is it just moved here.

Update: I renewed, but have to come back with different mail to get the Real ID. Even though I had the mortgage title document and the mortgage insurance envelope which both qualify for the Real ID, they were just over 30 days old. So another trip, another wait in line, another fee, another waste of government employee time, because my documents were 40 days old.