Tag Archives: anticipation

Knowing.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. – George Carlin

https://bayart.org/george-carlin-quotes/

Thank you George, I’ve always thought you were funny, if a little crass at times.

It seems I’m dancing to music only I can hear, yet I have a knowing that at least a couple of others hear it too. I’m waiting patiently for them to step into that knowing.

This week has brought a lot to contemplate and do.

I returned to work and was flooded with messages many of which I didn’t understand or left me concerned.

I was also inundated with the news again. I have found myself wanting to rant about several things and then stopping myself knowing that it would be focusing on the wrong things.

All of it viewed as a whole leaves me with a knowing. I have recognized in hindsight some of my messages being merely markers to acknowledge I’m still focused on the same trajectory even if I have moments of doubt. Much like the highway signs that remind you which highway you’re on.

Because of that I’m seeing a little more easily the doubts and negative thoughts as being intrusions. They are intrusions from focusing too heavily on the energy which others are projecting, intrusions from Mass Hysteria and fears, intrusions from IT (Wrinkle in Time). I have been a bit more successful in reminding myself those are not mine and turning away from them. Practice, practice, practice.

I have also begun to notice my mirror messages.

I hear frequently, especially in my HAL notified videos, references to Divine Masculine as being your mirror. I can definitely see that, and it’s starting to help put 2 & 2 together for me. There are many things that if I view them from the mirror interpretation, then they make much more sense. This is especially true for a lot of my license plate messages I’ve referenced in the past. It also has begun to manifest when I drop cards: upright is me, reversed is about my masculines (Nathan included) Acknowledging that puts me more at ease. It helps me maintain a higher vibration now, especially more consistently.

I’ve also been able to weed through some things that generally speaking just are what they are. I take what I like and leave the rest.

My work at the moment is layered.

– I am noticing others in the public eye doing the same dance I am. I find relief in that and see the benefit of that path. For instance: the one female politician, when asked about opponents fumbles, simply redirected the interviewer to consult their campaign team and then went on to discuss things she’s working toward. … I like that perspective and it gives me hope that our government might pull up yet.

– I have begun to refocus my efforts into my art more, though I have yet to complete anything. I’ll keep you posted when I do.

-I have spent many hours searching through photographs of mountains looking for the ones in my dreams of Atira. So far, I’ve narrowed it to some of our West coast range father North, or mountains outside the United States. There are some pictures of the Rockies that look right, but my knowing that they are far from the ocean, makes me hesitate to latch onto them. I also want to talk to my mom about her desires. Things we discussed on our vacation make me wonder if she has the answer, or at least a good suggestion to look into.

– I’m also putting a fair amount of thought into home and work. I like helping people with massage but the chiropractic environment is exhausting which I already knew. I have yet to find my both solution for work. Home (a rental) is currently battling a basement mold issue that is somewhat affecting our health and though it could be much worse, I’d much rather have my new dome with excellent temperature and humidity controls. I know if I could move us there we’d all feel better within days.

– Otherwise, I am just doing my level best to focus only on the things I know in my heart and soul and wait patiently for everything to work itself out. I know that the next few months are going to continue to be very interesting for me, I’m just not sure of the details yet. I just know I feel the man, I feel Nathan more these days, and I know I’ve been promised good things being inbound, and that Angels are indeed keeping watch over me. I’m also doing my level best to prepare myself for the baby that God is nagging me about. I want this pregnancy to go easily and that takes a good deal of preventative action steps and getting as healthy as I can.

I have quite a bit on my plate, it seems more than ever, but the difference is this time I’m more confident and winning the battle against IT.

May you all have your confident winning moments.

I’ll leave you with a picture of one of the mirror readings I did for myself so you can see what I mean.

Excited… Let’s go now!?

This is a short post while I wait for my first client of the day.

I’m getting very excited for our trip coming up.

The last few arrangements have been settled, key and details given to house sitter, dog boarding set-up, kitten sitter confirmed. The older kitties are just going to stay home since they are low maintenance, the house sitter agreed to check their food and water supply and add litter to boxes as needed. Even our rental van is reserved and mail hold requested.

Literally we’re already ready to go except packing clothes and coolers. This coming week will be about getting the van picked up a day early so we can pack it up and get the kitten delivered to that sitter. The dog will be dropped off in Iowa when we pick my mom up, as the boarder there was several hundred dollars cheaper than the ones here in KC, and my mom had used them before so she confirmed they were decent.

It’s exciting but a bit nerve wracking. I am to that point where I begin to wonder if I forgot about anything or missed any possible contingencies.

I keep thinking about Maine and what my brother told me about the Great Pond and Acadia area this time of year. I have checked that everyone has swim suits that fit, even the baby is covered. I’ve got beach towels for everyone, and reminded my family that we only need a few days worth of clothes because there’s a washer dryer available in our “cabin”. My brother said they’re called cabins but really fully stocked and furnished smaller houses. That’s really cool to me as I’m so used to just getting the cheapest hotel available.

I’m excited for getting to go hiking for the first time in ages and so I’ve been thinking about clothing choices and I told Nathan we need to pack several slings instead of our giant stroller. I figured we could take the little umbrella stroller for our detour to Boston on the way home. (Anya begged us to do something fun and touristy not involving family at some point in the trip, so Boston was the concession since I hadn’t been there since I was a little kid.) Anyway, my goal is to accommodate the greatest number of needs with the least amount of stuff.

This is going to be so fun. I’ve been through most of the Northeast seaboard as a kid, so I’ve been roaving through memories of the area and the fun things my family did. I vaguely remember one trip where we went to the edge of Acadia by boat, but it was foggy so there was no good sights or exploring to be had on that trip. I’m so looking forward to this.

My mom did get in one jab at Nathan though. She reminded me that she had a senior pass to national parks and explained in a few years Nathan would be able to get his for $80, and how it was a ‘good until your dead pass’. Thanks Mom. I know my husband is older, but you don’t have to make it sound like he’s 90 or about to die. 😆

May you all have a week of anticipation ending in fun things to do, places to go, or people to meet.

Hogwash & fiddlesticks, I want to feel good.

So my last post was pure livid anger, and for good reason. But as I’m learning, that Shit is how I spent 20+ years stuck in a depression loop. So damn it, I want to feel good.

That means I must look for what I like, for things I want, for improvement, for solutions, and for love.

It’s hard to do that when you’re so pissed off.

I’m discovering it’s even hard when you’re simply in constant motion. I’m essentially back to work 7 days a week, and when I get confirmation on hours from the building I do activities for, I’ll probably have a total of 3 days off in September. I make it work, and make the best of it, but transition has been difficult for my mental puzzle again. The result has been that I was gifted 2 illnesses (1 digestive, 1 head cold) from my family, since my vibration has been all over the place. I swear I’ve been sick more since thanksgiving than I had been the previous 5 years, and the only thing that’s changed is my intense desire and efforts to produce more income and higher vibration.

It leaves me acknowledging that my negative lapses are manifesting fairly immediately, and being that they’re small and manageable is a fairly good sign. It means that my positive efforts are building steam, which I already knew from the increase in hours and income, but I suppose validation from both sides of the equation is a good thing, a helpful measure so to speak.

So, my 2 ended train is finally moving in the direction I want, albeit slowly. But if I have learned well enough, it means I just need to keep at it to get some good momentum going.

More practice; practice makes perfect.

That’s a sentiment I’ve proven to myself many times over, especially with music and art.

So, since I’m already tired, super draggy, and stuffy headed, having trouble focusing, I thought I better write since it forces me to focus.

This week (or 2?) started with good validations. At one point I had an epiphany (very personal about my childhood “imaginary” friend) I simply asked mentally that if my thoughts were accurate to show me a green & purple dragon (thinking of the puff the magic dragon song). The next day at work there was a bouquet of green and purple flowers that were placed such as to remind me of a scaly dragon head. They were in a residents’ room and she was reading a “song of Solomon” about where someone’s love had gone. I knew it was my validation instantly and nearly cried telling her she was my message from god. Yet since that day I’ve seen nearly a dozen more green and purple dragons.

One of the last ones: I was drawn to stop at a favorite store of mine, but didn’t know why, seeing as I didn’t have any extra cash available for spending fun. While there I thanked the owner for support she gave years ago when Nathan was ill, she said she needed that, and I knew that was part of my visit, but something else was nagging me. I browsed a bit and ultimately discovered my message:

A Shiva statue priced with my birth year, and my dragon request on a singular box of incense. Next to 2 other incense boxes that were one of a kind. I know because it was such an intense set that I looked through the whole wall of incense to see if someone had just misplaced them. No, no matches were to be found, they were the last ones available.

I simply could not resist and bought the incense, knowing I’ll ultimately have to go back for the statue at some point soon. Resistance is futile. You don’t say no to the universe, but it’ll have to wait until payday.

The point of all of this is, I’m definitely getting messages, and they all feel really good. I like that. I love being validated and feeling supported. My only hiccup is in understanding. As in, I only asked for one dragon, and the first was good enough for me. So why then, give me a dozen more, one of which was the exact thought I had- a green & purple- puff the magic dragon?

Does the quantity and repetition equal someone screaming “yes!” from the other side? And if so, I’d think it would start manifesting, like now. I’m going to tell myself that’s the case and see how things unfold.

I have been feeling intense anticipation for some while now, but have difficulty maintaining focus on just that. It makes me all jittery, and ultimately I end up getting distracted by daily interactions. Yet, I suppose that’s the practice makes perfect element.

So, I think about what I want, and possible ways it could happen, and I do my best to make sense of other messages I see. Like I still want to end up in Colorado with a big dome full of people that love me enough to commit to being family. I know who I’d like that to include, but right now I still don’t have any idea how, and I’m doing my best to ignore roadblocks and deadlines in the way of that. I keep reminding myself that the divine can ultimately solve everything in proper timing, even if 60 days seems like a tight squeeze to me, and there’s probably a dozen options I can’t even fathom.

I think of all the other close calls I’ve had and how everything always worked out. God has my back and always keeps me safe. Usually I’m the one that gets in my own way of that, and this time I intend to be a cooperative element helping things flow smoothly.

To that end I even let myself go down a small ego-trip road with how lucky I am to have multiple people that care about me. People that care and help more than my own blood realitives (exception being my parents). It helps me see my good. I thought about my strengths and good qualities, and admitted that even my weaknesses could be worse. I appreciated myself a bit and acknowledged there’s a reason others care. I like knowing that, it helps me see how to love myself. I am a good person and I will get to do great things for this world yet. Of that I’m certain. I know that I must hang in and keep practicing this, and even if I have a few more muggle based action steps to enable myself to practice allowing, at some point soon I will get good at manifesting exactly what I want.

When I do- watch out, because I could end up being the next Oprah/Ellen. Not saying I want to be on TV, I really don’t, I just like how they inspire others and help so many people. Yeah, I want that part, and can totally skip the being on TV.

So this ended up being rambly and all over the place, probably due to that being sick difficulty focusing thing. I apologize for that, but I’m glad you hung in there with me. If I can climb out of decades of depression, and overcome livid anger in a few days, you can too. May we all make a better world by starting with ourselves. A single drop creates ripples in the whole lake.