Tag Archives: assistance

Moving faster…

So, I’m now past the safe home delivery point. I’m officially at 38 weeks, and crunch time is on. I literally could safely give birth any day.

Though I have a bed, and we can still utilize the original backup plan for my water birth, we’re really hoping that our more permanent bedroom is situated by birth, and thus a ready comfy birth suit available.

To that end, we’ve been working like mad to carry out the plans to adjust Miss Hannah’s basement & get full move in ready. I have to say I’m utterly grateful for their offer, and especially for their help. Her and her boys have done so much hands on work, that we couldn’t have accomplished otherwise, especially with me working so many long hours.

Things are moving so much faster and more smoothly than they have for the last 2 years. There have still been glitches, but much more minor, and easier to overcome (less time consuming as well).

Bonus, so far most of the supplies have been things that were originally intended for the trailer remodel, so there’s been little expense so far (mostly paint and carpet squares). This has been an excellent element because we’ve again dumped about a thousand dollars on vehicles repairs.

I’m so over driving long distances all the time.

Since we’ve had such spectacular progress I thought I’d share some images and descriptions.

——————–

Hannah & her boys emptied the space to be our bedroom and put a coat of concrete sealing paint on.

Nathan painted the ceiling and Hannah’s boys and Anya did touch-ups where the sprayer missed. The fluorescent light fixture will get swapped out with one’s I’d intended for the trailer.

Nathan ready for spraying the ceiling:

Before touch-ups:

Hannah & kids helped me glue the bottom studs for the new wall. We had to hold them in place long enough for the glue to grab, then weighted them to sit for 24 hours to dry fully.

The salvage flooring went down. Team effort by all except me. Hannah puttied cracks since it didn’t go back as nicely as new flooring would have.

Nathan & Anya:

Teens helping:

Hannah puttying:

Flooring nearing completion, it was time to build the wall so that trim could soon be installed to finish the floor.

I started the studs last night, and Nathan added to them today based on my markings. The last few studs I’ll have to complete after work tomorrow (mainly because I know where they’re needed to place panels- a live action tetris game).

I feel fairly ridiculous looking in those pictures, geesh….

This is the wall after Nathan’s additions today.

The area below, with all the belongings piled up, will eventually be organized into a family room type area with art space & exercise stuff behind (dark far corners of the picture).

Once the studs are up, paneling will go up fast. I’m thinking we could almost get it done on Tuesday when I’m off. The catch is that I need to leave panels off one side of the wall to run new electrical sockets in it, & accommodate moving the wall switch for the bedroom light fixture. However, as long as the bedroom side is paneled & trimmed, we can assemble our bedroom furniture. It’s 13×15 feet, & tentatively I think we’ll fit our bed, baby crib, & Ian’s bed, and most supplemental furniture (dressers/closets). However, anything that doesn’t fit will be in the little kids room.

Furniture is already available, but piled other places until the room is ready. I’ll have a truly new bed for the first time in years, & this is the first time everyone will all have their own actual dressers in years, all-be-it used (before we shared and supplemented with Rubbermaid drawers). Now we’ve found dressers to accommodate everyone, & the baby dresser that was given to us doubles as a changing table.

Whew.

Finally, we will be to finish the little kids room and what will be my tub & storage room.

For the kids room I literally just need to adjust wall sockets, updating 2 of them to 3-prong (raising them higher out of toddler reach in the process), then hang paneling, trim everything out, & lay carpet squares.

This is the room before:

& yes the wall paneling will hide the furnace.

My tub-room/storage-closet, really just needs fully painted, the one wall paneled, & curtains hung in front of the shelving (on the right in this picture), water-heater (foreground), and furnace (far left of water-heater). The entrance to the room is by the furnace & it’s a small space (about 8×8), so this is unfortunately the best picture of the whole room.

The teen’s already started the painting, getting most of the two walls and shelves done. Little Ian helped some too.

He apparently loved feeling like he was helping.

The 2 panels for that one wall will go up quick and easy, and the floor needs a coat of the sealing paint & the room will be ready for curtains & tub. It will be a cozy quiet space for me to relax occasionally.

This is 2 shots of the basement bathroom. I adjusted existing shelves to create more storage, hanging the one set on the wall with hooks below for towels. I also caulked the tub. It does still need the sink glued in place (a forgotten step/oops by the original installer), & the toilet needs basic maintenance.

I’ll probably paint the board the hooks were hung with, but it’s a low priority, left for last or a teen needing something to do.

I’m very excited, because when all is said and done we’ll have nearly twice the living space we’ve had for the last 2 years, & that’s with sharing a kitchen and living room with another family. We’ll also have running water, and that is just amazingly awesome to me. Little Ian has already enjoyed a few baths with Miss Hannah’s help and he’s loving being able to take them again. I don’t blame him, I missed them too!

So, all that to say we’re headed to another step of improvement being completed. Another rung on the journey of life. *sigh* This is good. All is well.

I’m not the only one holding on.

Today my thoughts are with Florida. Friends of friends are there. One set of direct friends I haven’t heard from, but Nathan is keeping an eye on their facebook since I don’t have an active account. One grandma and her parents (Anya’s great’s) are about halfway between Tampa & Orlando.

Keeping everyone in my thoughts and prayers. Anya has a trip planned to go down there with a friend in October. I’m wondering if their trip will end up being a volunteer opportunity to help with cleanup. 

The news is stressful. It makes me remember why I don’t usually watch the news. Yet I feel the need to know if loved ones will survive. Mostly I think they will, but it’s still a bit close to call. So, I’m trying to moderate my check in’s, to stay apprised without causing too much emotional distress for myself.

Today I must get paperwork and computer work done, so that will be a welcome distraction. Later I will meditate and send light, love, and prayers. I suspect resources and hands will be vital over the coming weeks, but I myself am limited with the new job starting. I’ll send money once I have it, there’s definitely enough ways to donate. I hope many, many others are able to provide hands on assistance.

Do what you can. Start with meditations and prayers now, and any resources you can offer once the storm clears. Support your fellow humans in whatever way you can.

Spinning like a top.

Tonight I write as I work on drifting to sleep. The goal to empty my head, to calm my mind, so that I can sleep.

I feel at the moment as though my head is spinning as fast as a dradel.

This month I’m on a ride, I think I dove straight into that fast spinning vortex Abraham talks so much about, and I’m definitely holding on for the ride to resume normal.

Quick recap of previous bumps: depression cycles, miscarriage, Anya succumbing to depression, losing my mind thrice over with manic in between, sinus infection taking me down a notch, and discovering I’m actually still pregnant with the other “twin” 8 weeks along.

Oh, but it gets better. After yesterday’s news, I asked my one building if they were still interested in having me in their team. They had given me a sort of impromptu walk in interview last week when I went to do my regularly scheduled chair massages. They responded that the position might have been filled and send my resume anyway.

I received the call at 9am that the position was mine if I wanted it, I gave a tentative yes. By 10am I’d filled Nathan in, and confirmed my acceptance to start on the 22nd.

 By noon I’d rescheduled most but not all of my massage work. I have 2 buildings left to permanently reschedule, and 2 individuals will likely get permanently dropped. Everything else I found homes for in my new schedule. And I still managed to complete most of today’s actual originally intended work.

The new schedule starting the 22nd will be full 10 hour work days Thursday through Monday. 1 half Tuesday per month, & Wednesday’s will likely end up filled, but only half for work (pm will still be family activities).

So I’ll essentially be working 6 long days a week. While pregnant, and yes the new job knows I’m expecting. They really, really wanted me.

It felt really nice to have a respectable employer want me that much. It validated my thoughts about my mad skills.

The pay is lower than hoped, but Nathan pointed out I was interviewed on the spot before I submitted a resume, which generally speaks to how highly they regard me. In addition, they’ve already pointed out that within 6 months I could work toward increases equal to half again the base/starting rate, potentially reaching over 15 an hour. Plus it has benefits, and I could keep all of my massage work that I chose to.

It was just really, really easy and very convenient, with perfect timing. I couldn’t have asked for a better solution for the moment (exception being winning a lottery jackpot).

 I spent the rest of the day thanking the Lord/God/Shiva/Jesus & the divine in general.

I’ve already broached moving back to the city, or at least much much closer with Nathan. He understands my concerns especially with being pregnant and now working so much. He’s not fighting me, but we need to discuss and work out an agreement on details. I’m hoping that as we do that, something will show itself equally easily.

We’re suddenly in this space of knowing that every time we make a specific request it’s like we get a very direct, very easy response from the divine.

At this point I’m just doing my best to keep up, still needing to invoice, finish paperwork for Anya to see someone, and now tomorrow fill out new hire paperwork, plus a dozen odds and ends that we’d intended a while ago.

Oh, that was the other thing. I mentioned ages ago that I thought I was being nudged to get passports in order. I thought at that time Anya’s was in our fire box with her birth certificate. Apparently the grandma still had it from the trip to Brazil before her mom died. I had no idea. But the divine did and somehow solved the problem. Grandma literally gave us the expired passport with the money to renew it when she brought Anya back Tuesday. None of us asked, but poof, exactly what was needed.

See what I mean. Hang on for the ride and do your best to keep up. That’s all. Everything else is just falling into place. 

The only one I’m waiting for is my friend to show up, I keep seeing him looking out a plane window. I don’t know when, he hasn’t said anything to me, but I know it’s soon. It makes me happy to think of it.

And on that note, I’ll drift off to sleep thinking happy thoughts of new homes and cute boys showing up out of nowhere.

Intensity & contemplation

Intensity: 

I’ve been receiving messages for a while now. If  you’ve been reading my blogs, you might know better than I how long. Some of those messages I’ve said what I believe them to mean.  Others I admitted stumped me.

One such set, I was half afraid was telling me my Nathan was going to die. They included references to DR, & ER, & 8X (which I took as infinitely crossed). There was always an N or N8 with them, and 530 was common as well as 37.  It freaked me out and Nathan and I had several conversations about “you have to promise me you’ll stick around”.

Well yesterday, I found out that our friend Nate who’d gotten cancer from the horrible preservative he was responsible for at his former work- BHTQ, had passed away on May 30th. He was 37 years old. 

I was astounded,  I realized the messages had just been validated.  All of them.  Even though I have yet to understand what some of them mean. I said a prayer for Nate and his wife and kids.  I thanked whomever was sending the messages and promised I’d do my best to interpret better. I thanked “them” for even sending/ providing the messages to me. I was beside myself,  no words. 

Later that night,  I awoke with a wonderful intensity. I felt great joy,  happiness, relief, all at once. I knew Nate had woke me up. I felt a twinge of sadness,  over leaving his  family and the wake of grief it caused.  Yet there was such an overpowering relief of “I feel so much better”. It was so intense I shook with excitement. It must have been an actual physical shake because Ian stirred beside me wanting a bottle. 

As I floundered in the kitchen trying to find the bits of bottle, still shaking,  I exclaimed “a little help here”. It was like one pot in the dirty dishes pile was highlighted,  & as soon as I moved it I found the missing package of bottle nipples.

Upon returning to bed,  Ian took the bottle of milk & drank himself back to sleep. I layed down,  head swimming with amazement thinking I needed to be up in 4 hours. At that moment I felt a tug on my arm. Being trained in Unwinding, I  automatically followed the tug.  My arm slowly and uncomfortable began to reach backward (massage therapists spend all their time reaching forward,  so the reverse is always tight). Then much more easily and gracefully reached forward and upward. The message just clicked,  a knowing.  Reaching to the past can be uncomfortable because of past hurts and “failures”, reaching forward is easier and ok.  Just keep reaching for the better things and times in the future. 

I knew the message wasn’t just for me. Though I benefited,  I knew I had to let his wife know.  I thanked Nate & said you know I need to be up in less than 4 hours,  I’ll tell her.  & I felt like he hugged me & left. I texted Nathan about  it since he was still out working & then went back to sleep.  Very sound sleep. 

When I woke in the morning I messaged his wife about it.  As I was reading my words to my Nathan we both felt an overwhelming sensation- I would describe as gratitude and relief and love all mixed together.  It made me cry. I hope my words help her and the rest of the family.

Nathan started laughing and smiling.  He told me “No, you’re not psychic!” I said “I’m not.  If I were a psychic I’d  have understood the message before he passed.”  He just said “maybe that was the point this time”. I didn’t have  a response. The rest of the morning I just kept feeling the need to sigh. Over and over again. Big intense sighs.

I’m grateful for Nate’s visit and his message,  I’m grateful for all the other messages “they” have given me. It’s simply astounding. I’m sad Nate is gone,  he was a great guy, & I know the grief everyone that loved him feels. I’m glad he’s found peace & relief. I’m a bit overwhelmed with the whole interaction & sensation, it was very intense & I still don’t have full vocabulary to  describe it. At a loss for words. 

Contemplation:

One of the messages I’ve been receiving seems to imply my desires for Atira will be met soon. How soon,  I’m not sure. The divine functions on a different time scale than we do,  so soon might still be a while from my perspective. 

Anyway,  in contemplating having Atira, I’m working on figuring out logistical concerns.  I’ve acknowledged, through massage therapy & other life interactions, there are people that:

1) take a little help & run with it doing great things

2) more slowly absorb help and eventually create change,  but may need lots of reminders or encouragement or help problem solving the details

3) want the help, but fail to implement said help at all, and thus repeat their sad cycle relentlessly, often with many an excuse as to why they failed

In Atira, I’m primarily looking to help the homeless that fall in the first 2 categories.  Where even if the process is slow,  my time, energy,  and resources will ultimately be well worth it. 

The 3rd group I would probably refer to the typical resources already available. 

My problem is I have yet to figure out which is which until I’ve spent a significant amount of time interacting with people. So there in lies my contemplation.  How does one tell quickly if someone will take useful advice and help,  and apply it to their lives, even if slowly; vs not at all. How does one weed out the excuses people, to  be able to maximize ones resources actually helping those that would benefit? 

On that I don’t have an answer yet.  It will come. 

Monster striving to be an Angel.

I often feel like the Beast in “Beauty and the Beast”. Having a kind and caring heart, but feeling like my harsh exterior (the depression and anger from my malfunctioning brain) is preventing my good from being seen. I try ever harder to overcompensate and often feel like my efforts are in vain, begetting more frustration. Can my few good moments really overcome all my negativity? I don’t have an answer, but I always hope that my efforts are seen by those that matter most: my family and the divine.

Lately my mind has been on this a lot as I’m working through “The Depression Cure”, I can see that I’m improving, but it is such a tedious arduous journey I sometimes wonder if I will ever completely clear the other side. I see that the patience thing snuck up on me again, as I feel like I want it solved now. Enough already… but then I know that doing the work will make the results that much more valuable. Patience.

Ultimately this is installment 2 of Atira Community.

Despite feeling like I am a monster, I am reaching for being the Angel. I grew up watching “Touched By An Angel” and though I knew I didn’t agree 100% with the strong Christian tones, I was touched emotionally by that show quite often. That Angels sometimes showed up as “Normal People” (really the angels were wearing that guise) doing wondrous things for those that needed it. It always made me wonder if that was really  what benefactors were- normal people filling Angels’ roles.  It has always tugged at my heart, and I have always wanted to do that. I simply want to help people and creatures improve their lives. So it’s really no wonder that when Nathan and I were dreaming up our  ideal community and what we wanted to do, that was the focus.

We discussed originally working with organizations that already do some of the things that we spoke of, and that is still very much a possibility. I acknowledge that being able to put the whole community together all at once as I’ve dreamed, is not only a huge undertaking that would require a lot of hands on deck, but it would also take vast amounts of money. I’ve hypothesized  that if I ever hit the jackpot for Powerball or MegaMillions that it would be very much in reach. But that brings me back to the Probability vs Possibility issue discussed in the ‘millions reasons’ blog I wrote (what seems like) ages ago.

I’ve also thought that if the right set of eyes saw my writings and plans and vision boards, maybe- just maybe- they would be that generous benefactor, Angel Investor, if you will to help make the dream a reality. I have so many figures that I look up to that could potentially be that. I told my husband that if I could have 3 people get really interested in my blog it would be Oprah, Bono, and Ellen, with Bernie Sanders being a close 4th. I really respect those people and would love for them to get on board.

But for now, I realize that it still falls under probability vs possibility. Anything is possible, but with the millions of bloggers and other people trying to vie for attention of famous people, I’m likely to be missed.

So, then I start thinking about what’s the backup…..

That’s where the rebuild comes in. We have to have a stable safe home on some kind of property- free and clear. The trailer is small, but by the time the rebuild is done, it will be enough for us at least. I could then get a couple of acres free and clear for a few thousand dollars (right now the area we’re contemplating  is $2500/acre). Then move the trailer and install well and septic. … My initial estimates to get to that point was about 5 years, we’re already significantly behind schedule, so maybe 10 years. *makes me frown* ….. The goal was then to fix the trailer we’re now living in to support the first people we help. Essentially giving them a home and food/utilities and helping them get their lives in order, in exchange for hands on efforts to continue the building and growing of the community.

Nathan is a photographer, I’m a massage therapist for work, and an artist and graphic designer on the side, we could teach those skill sets readily. However, being that the two of us put together have so many other skills, we could readily teach quite a bit, especially in and for  the literal building of the community. We could even help people get driving jobs since both of us have worked as ClassB drivers.

The biggest concern I’ve always had is that it’s a long process to go from no address, no identification, and/or no documentation, to having those things. Even under the best circumstances and with the best help, it’s still something that can take anywhere from a couple months to a year to complete- mainly because of all the bureaucratic red tape that is designed to prevent the process from happening. Our society definitely likes people staying homeless and poor. I don’t know why, for all the degrading we do to that faction of society, but the system is definitely set-up to keep the poor or homeless in their place.

Imagine if you had no money and no address: How would you request a copy of your birth certificate? How would you seek a copy of your social security card? How would you seek to get a sate ID or drivers license? All of those items take some money to obtain; even though not much, if you have as little as a homeless person, it’s probably unlikely you would choose to spend it on those items. Plus, at least in the state of Missouri all of those items would ultimately be mailed to you. If you live in a homeless shelter or some other provided shelter, that may not be so much an issue, but if you are truly homeless, you have no address. Yet all of those items are necessary to obtain a job and file paperwork to hold said job. Think of that the next time you hear someone telling a homeless person to go get a job!

Enough of my rant about that. Ultimately what that boils down to is there would very much need to be a shelter, some kind of basic home, to house anyone we helped. A basic starter kit for eating, functioning, bathing/hygiene, and sleeping.

We would also have to assist them in the process of obtaining the items listed above, which at least for Birth Certificate and Social Security card, you have to know several identifiers like parents birth-dates and birth-places. I don’t know about you; but I don’t know those off the top of my head right now, let alone thinking about the possibility of having lost the information years ago and having been in survival mode since loosing them. I simply can’t imagine trying to remember the necessary and vital information. So we would have to have someone that could essentially research that information based upon details we do know. I’m certain that that individual would be well served by having access to government resources, and that would take connections. Something I don’t currently have- despite having 2 brothers in law enforcement- I know the one brother hates me, and I think the other brother simply would not register it as an important cause to get on board with. It’s personally a bit sad to acknowledge that for me.

Once I had fed, housed, cleaned up, and dressed these individuals, I could complete their documentation process, while they do some hard labor to keep things progressing and running. At that point if they felt they had the skills, I would vouch for their time with me and get them employed. That would then necessitate assisting with transportation to said job until they had made enough to purchase a safe vehicle.  All the while I would need to enforce that they continue working for me on the side to compensate for all the assistance. AGAIN this is the back-up plan. Starting small. I wouldn’t be able to afford wages on top of housing, food, clothes, utilities, documentation, and transportation. I’ll be lucky to even pull this off for a handful of individuals after a decade of working hard to just lay the ground work.

I sincerely hope that I can. My heart wants to provide real lasting positive change for others. It seems a valid goal, and it seems like it’s possible, if only the Universe lays off of the set-backs and challenges for a while- a long while- it might even be probable! Finally, I ask that the Universe help to provide both more money and more time congruently and/or concurrently. My pattern thus far is: a little money ($5000 or less at a time), or a little time- no grand amount of either, and never both at the same time. *SIGH*  PLEASE!

OF Course I would willingly accept the less probable options of lottery or Angel Investor. I have so many ideas for making the perpetual giving machine also a quite lucrative business endeavor. I hope to one day be a small community functioning business wise like Newman’s Own does. That would be a day to celebrate and to proclaim Divine assistance, Atira Community is dedicated in honor of the Divine in all it’s archetypes, but especially those that have influenced me, as without divine help it will never come to be. Amen, Namaste, So Mote It Be.

 

I Had a Dream.

Or Did I?

[Side Note: Still in withdrawal from my phone. Trying to use a laptop for all communications just isn’t working too well. Some things just aren’t possible, so I’m feeling a bit disconnected today, and hoping this post will help.]

This is really a story from a few days ago ( a little over a week ago maybe).

I debated even blogging about it, as I have no proof, it could really just be my mind playing tricks.

It started as a dream; Nathan made some kind of noise as he was getting up to prep for his route, it woke me. I felt compelled to “Go back” and finish what was started, so I proceeded to meditate in the wee hours of the morning to get back to the “Dream” and follow through.

Sitting on the side of the bed I had an amazing experience that I just don’t know what to believe or do with it. So, after mulling over it for quite some time, I’m just going to share it here.


 

I felt like I was dreaming….

There was a dog barking, not unusual, but when it’s close and continuous I tend to want to investigate. I got to the kitchen window facing the driveway and I see a medium sized brown and white spaniel at the end of the driveway with something in it’s mouth. I think ok, it obviously wants me to come out, so I did.

When I get to the dog, it drops what looks like a newspaper in my hand, and I think: oh honey, I’ve got tons of those. I pet the dog on the head and proceed to turn around to head back inside. The weather is warm, but it’s getting dark so I don’t want to linger outside.

As I turn around I see a line of Animals. Left, close to the steps to the house: a black panther. To the right in order of lineup, the female Mountain Lion (from my real-life close run-in months ago), a male Lion, Tiger, and a Brown Bear. I literally think “oh my, it’s like the circus threw up in our yard”, at which point the animals seems to multiply and they start dancing. I just stand Awestruck for a moment.

I realize that something is approaching from my far left, so I turn my attention to that. It’s the black panther from a moment ago, and to the panther’s side is a woman carrying a young girl, they look related.

*That’s when Nathan made the noise and I woke up. I entered meditation and focused on the last image I had of the panther with the woman and child.*

The Panther guided the woman and child toward me. I stepped toward them. I could see the woman looked very concerned, verging on upset. The girl she was holding looked much like her. I could see the girl had lumps on her legs that were discolored like bruises. The girl was very thin, sickly thin, and looked like she was weak. She was maybe about 8 years old. I walked toward them so they were still in the grass when we met. I said to the lady “Don’t be afraid, when a beautiful creature such as this acts in this way, they are trying to help you…. Is this your daughter?”

She replied “Yes”. I asked for their names and  the lady replied “I’m Anna and this is Suzie.” She paused and said that something weird had happened earlier, a hawk had blown on Suzie’s eyes. I explained that any time a wild creature acts in a seemingly gentle manner as that, they are trying to help. I explained that hawks have very good eyesight and perhaps the hawk was trying to bestow some of that eyesight on Suzie.

I asked Suzie if it was OK that I hold her for a moment. She replied yes, and I gently took her from her mom. I noticed mom was still holding a teddy bear and I asked Suzie if she wished to hold her teddy. She said yes and reached for it, but reached the wrong direction. I knew at that moment something was preventing her from seeing correctly. I asked Suzie if she was cold and she said a little. I said OK, we’ll wrap you up in a soft blanket.

We sat down in the soft grass and I covered most of Suzie with a blanket. I was sitting cross legged and had Suzie rest her head in my lap. I had momma sit at her feet. I asked Suzie if she had ever grounded before, and she replied that she didn’t know what that was.

I explained that grounding is connecting to mother earth for stability and strength. I continued to explain that grounding is very helpful if we are struggling to maintain balance in our awake time, or if we feel confused or like we’re going to fall. I added that once we’re grounded we can connect to God and pull the two energies together in our belly in centering, and that it is a very good thing to do to heal our bodies, bring peace to our mind, and feel comforted. I told her it’s a good thing to do that process every day.  I immediately thought to myself: I know how to do this, why don’t I do it for myself very often!?  I refocused and began to walk Suzie through grounding. I told her to put her feet in the grass and feel the cool grass blades tickle her feet. I waited a moment and asked her if her feet felt tingly, she said yes, so I told her to slowly pull that tingly feeling up her legs by clenching her muscles. I described it like pulling on a tug of war rope, but with her leg muscles. Every few moments I would ask her if she felt the tingly sensation reaching a certain spot: ankles, calves, knees, thighs, hips,  belly button, tummy. Finally, I described where the solar plexus is, just below the rib cage in the middle of her belly, and asked if she could find the tingly sensation there. When she said yes, I replied good- hold onto that sensation.

I explained next that we were going to connect to God through our crown, or the top of our head. I said God’s energy feels very light and peaceful, like fluffy white clouds. When we stick our heads up in the clouds all our cares just seem to disappear. I asked her to do that and again gave her a few moments. I then walked her through the same process to pull that light airy sensation down her body into her: head, neck, shoulders, arms, elbows, forearms, wrists, hands, chest, ribs, and into the middle of her belly where she left the mother earth energy. When we got back to her solar plexus I asked her if she could feel the fluffy clouds mixing with the tingly earth, and she said yes it felt really good- warm and fuzzy all over. I said “Good, we’re ready to begin then. … I believe that the animals are here for you tonight. I love all of these animals, and they all have a space in my heart, but they rarely visit me, so they’ve come to help you, and they want me to explain.”

Panther walked up to the little girl and looked at her mom. I said “Panther is very strong and very patient, he’s very fast when he needs to be, but enjoys laying in the sun all day long. Panther is not afraid of anything in the world because he is the biggest and strongest in his world. Panther wants to give you some of that strength and patience, and is inviting you to bask in the sun every day like he does.” After I spoke the Panther sniffed the girl all over and licked her gently in several places, one of which was the leg area I’d noticed earlier. When Panther was finished washing her, he leaned over to her face and nuzzled on her cheek. He then turned to mom, and licked mom’s cheeks, touched his nose to her forehead and sat down in the grass to my left.

Next was Mountain Lion. I explained what I knew of this beautiful animal: “Mountain lion is much like panther in physical abilities and desires, but she is a very good momma. She will do anything to protect her babies and keep them safe. Her love for them is strong enough to defeat even the fiercest threat.  She likes to be alone at times, and is good at keeping an eye on everything from up high. She’s going to give you that love to protect you now.” The mountain lion then proceeded to do much like the Panther. She stopped over the girls heart, gently resting a paw on her chest and purring in the deepest most gentle big cat purr I’ve ever heard. While purring the mountain lion proceeded to rub cheek to cheek. After a minute she stepped back and sat next to Panther.

Next up was Lion. “Lion is the biggest and fiercest of all the cats, he is the king of his territory. Lion has little to no fear, and is a great leader. His strength radiates from him at all times, and everyone can feel that they must respect him. Lion is going to give you more strength and the ability to lead, so that one day when you are better you can do great things for this world. When you start thinking about what you want to do when you grow up, perhaps think about some type of leadership role that benefits animals.” The lion stepped  forth and with an open mouth proceeded to sniff and breathe on the girl. Lion gently touched her belly with his paw, and ended with a really big lick to her face. The girl giggled. Lion sat next to the others.

Tiger stepped forth. ” Tiger is also like Panther, but Tiger is very passionate, tiger always knows why she’s here and what her mission is. Tiger will stop at nothing to complete her mission and will overcome all adversity to do so. Beyond that Tiger has a great beauty, she knows her beauty and carries herself proudly. Tiger is going to help you know why you’re here, what to do, and how to show your beauty.” Tiger, purring the whole way, licked the little girl slowly from head to toe, and then proceeded to join the other big cats.

Finally, Bear stepped forward. I told her: “Bear is a whole different creature. She is a good mother protecting her babies at all costs as well. However, Bear knows when to rest, taking a very long rest each winter. Bear wants you to know that it’s OK to rest when you need it. Bear also knows that it is important to eat plenty of healthy foods: fish and berries and fruits and vegetables, bear will eat almost anything, but loves the bits that are both healthy and tasty. Her diet and her ability to rest are the things that give her such an intense strength enabling her to fight other bears and climb trees and swim long distances. She has much to teach you.” Bear came over and licked the girl several times in several locations. Then bear stood up and let out a fierce roar, very loud and very long. When bear was roaring she raised her paws in the air and at the end of the roar dropped down to earth hard and strong. It sent a beautiful light blue shock-wave of energy so strong that my actual body, sitting in my bedroom on my bed, felt the ripple. A ripple so intense I was nearly in tears. Bear nuzzled the girl and turned and nuzzled the mom, and returned to sit by all the big cats.

I took a long breath, taking in what had just happened. All of a sudden I just knew there was one more animal to visit with. I paused. Then I remembered the dog at the beginning of the dream. I looked around and didn’t see the dog, but could feel it. I waited a moment telling the girl that there was one more animal we were going to meet. When dog didn’t come forth I did the only thing that felt right, I howled like a wolf. Dog came trotting over happily and started licking the girl all over very excitedly. The girl started giggling and as the licking continued the girl started laughing out loud. I told them: “This is your dog, he has the heart of a wolf, fiercely loyal and a great protector, but the mind and body of dog and will be the most gentle and loving pet you’ve ever had.  He will be your sunshine when you can’t make it outside, and will cheer even the most down moments. He will give you a reason to get up every day and will take care of you with his every breathe. Every lick, every nuzzle, will carry healing energy. When this dog comes to you in real life know that he’s there for you and welcome him into your home.” I turn to momma and repeat that “When you see this dog in your experience, make sure he becomes a part of your family, it is very important you take him in when you see him. This dog will follow you both everywhere and will be a guiding force through even your toughest moments. His joy will keep you both afloat if you allow it.” The dog sat down next to the girl and rested his head on her tummy.

I began to wrap up. “I don’t know what the future holds for you two, but I know these animals felt strongly about helping you and providing some much needed and very intense healing energy. Every-time you find that you need a boost, you might be struggling or just plain tired, remember this  experience. It will bring all of those energies back into you for another bit of healing. Use the sensations you saw and felt here, to feel the energies from the animals. It will help you get through another day.”

I look directly into momma’s eyes: “Regardless of what happens, please know that you are being heard, that there is someone doing their best to help, and that even the animal kingdom did their best to provide healing to you and your daughter. You are loved and you are an amazing mom for putting your daughter first when she needed it most. I will continue to send prayers and healing energy for you both, and hold onto the dog. He will get you though everything.”

I paused to let everything sink in.

“I think it’s time you two return home. Panther will lead the way.” And sure enough Panther stood up and momma stood taking Suzie into her arms. The panther guided them off into the dark, and the dog followed at a slight distance.

I breathed a deep heavy sigh, and dropped my head saying a prayer that I hope I had done all the right things.



As I came out of the meditation I felt an overwhelming sense that I had communicated, so overwhelming I was in tears. I just knew that it wasn’t just a dream, and that I had done my best to do some good for someone out in this big wide world. I don’t know who Anna and Suzie are, or if that’s even their real names, but I do know that somewhere out there, there is a mom and daughter fighting a debilitating disease and I’m certain that they have prayed long and hard for healing. I hope that my experience made it through to them and that the animals really did provide healing. The only one I felt myself was bear, and that was because it was so vast and intense. Regardless, I felt like I communicated with animal spirits in a major combined effort to provide much needed healing. I have since sent Reiki to them many times, because every time I think about that experience it brings tears to my eyes.

I don’t know if the dog has shown up for them yet, but from having been at dog shows I knew it was a real breed. I looked up spaniels on Google and the one I saw in the experience was a Kooikerhondje (image courtesy of: DogBreedsPlus), which has a pleasant personality, great for a healing little girl. I really do hope that their dog comes to them, and that the healing form that experience is exactly what Suzie needed for total healing. Finally, I hope that momma reads this so that she knows it was real divine intervention. Sometimes we just need a little validation.

Many blessings to momma and daughter, and many thanks to all of the spirits that made the experience possible. I am willing and able to be your humbled mediator anytime. As Above So Below, So Mote It Be.