Tag Archives: awe

Awe and amazement…

Nathan and I just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. We’ve been together over 16 years. Anya was born over 14 years ago, and her mom left us over 13 years ago. I very much enjoyed her early childhood, but often felt like I wasn’t as much of an influence as I would have liked to be. Nathan has always sworn otherwise.

Tonight I really truly saw myself in my children and it was wonderful.

I really saw Ian and his thought processes. It was an “I discovered mini me” moment. He was getting frustrated because I said “I love you” followed by “I want to set my seat-mat”. I walked him through in painstaking detail how those are 2 separate concepts, the pause shows that, and they were not any bearing on his intelligence. I explained I know he knows how to push buttons and turn things on and off and even to change settings. I then explained how I know he’s learning to read, but he just doesn’t know the words for those settings yet and it would be faster for me to set it, than teach him how.

Essentially, he had thought that my 2 sentences meant I thought he couldn’t set my seat, like he was unable. As soon as I explained it the long way, he understood it was just he hadn’t gotten that far yet. My son, detail oriented just like me. Super intelligent just like me. Eager to learn, just like me. Impatient with himself, just like me. Super sensitive, just like me.

I told him that learning is like telling your brain I love you. The more he learns things the happier his brain will be. It’s a start… that will eventually be breaking curves, just like me.

Then Katherine decided to join the fun. I watched my 17-month-old run and sidestep an object without breaking stride. I watched her then do a pratfall in a perfectly clear area and laugh at herself. Then minutes later she demonstrated being able to climb the baby gate. She even demonstrated fine motor skills of putting a spoon part way through the slots of the baby gate and pulling it back. She tried to feed one of the kitties with the same spoon.

She made me sound out words by intently watching my mouth and then jabbing my lip for emphasis. I could see how intently she was focused on learning everything as fast as she possibly could, just like me.

As I sat eating my evening treat: almond butter and cashew butter mixed with a bit of honey, she climbed up on my lap and pointed at it and then her mouth, just like “Simon’s Cat“. I proceeded to give her as much as she wanted. I explained to her: “Uh oh, and I break all the rules: you’re not supposed to have any of these until you’re 5”. I thought that’s so silly, they have no idea how healthy these are for people.

I told her the nuts had nutrients that helped her use other nutrients, and healthy fats that help fix broken cells and build a great brain, and the sweet honey gave energy to do everything.

I then marveled at how on Earth could anyone actually believe that those are unhealthy foods.

Those are essentially first foods, the human race has been eating since the beginning of mankind on this planet. We have been conditioned over millennia that those foods sustain life. It’s only with modern problems that people’s bodies have been trained to think those items contain negative triggers.

Peanuts alone: a major anaflactic allergy was 1 in 100,000+ only a couple/few of decades ago. Now it’s 1 in 140, and a major portion of that escallation has happened in the last 10 years. Answer yourself how are our bodies being told that peanuts are so bad?

Nuts, fruits, and meats were first foods, and honey was the first sweetener. It amazes me that people have been trained that honey for babies will kill them. It is true that honey can have minute traces of botulism toxin, yet that toxin is what we inject in large quantities in adults for everything from puffy lips to migraines. There have been a rare few cases of babies that have died where honey was introduced just before their death, but no smoking gun to prove that’s what killed them. I’m going to point out here that either those babies were exposed to higher levels of botulism than normal (which can happen a number of ways), or they had very weak systems that would have struggled against nearly everything in their environment. The cases are sad but no reason to rule out honey as life sustaining food.

I have always fed my children Earths first foods and will always continue to do so. Yet I strive to keep as many man-made chemicals out of their bloodstream as possible. None of my children have suffered, and by my awe and wonder this evening- I know that they are flourishing.

I am ever so grateful that I have the knowledge and intelligence to have this experience. I am extremly grateful for my guiding connection to the divine that helps me see both the path to, and the results from, a moment like this. I am grateful that my children are just like me, regardless of money in the equation, it will get them far.

May you see the blessings in all your qualities. May you see the best of your children and be able to help them learn and grow on a path of least resistance. May you feel the love of the divine, and the guidance to give your children the best chances in this world. May you find full understanding of yourself and how wonderful it can be to help another little being discover this world.

Be well and be loved.

Siva Hir Su

It does feel like home.

It’s not my home, and at the moment I wouldn’t have a clue as to how to attempt to make it become so, but this place is so beautiful. It makes me know that my dream of Atira is possible, and though I am in mountains near the ocean, is not the same mountains I’ve seen in my dreams of Atira.

Our cabin is so far out and so far down in a valley that even the new cell tower a mountain over is not providing any more than spotty service. My phone will only do calls and texts without WiFi. The main Lodge does have WiFi available now which wasn’t available in previous years, but it’s unsecured and at certain times of the day everyone wants to partake in it.

I have not minded any of that inconvenience because it’s so beautiful here. It also helps that our “cabin” is as spacious as our actual home in KC, just formatted differently.

We went to Acadia NP on Tuesday and I hiked for hours stopping to let kids play on Sand Beach. I think we covered about 1.25 miles of coastline out and back, but there was abundant rock climbing to be had, so I’m sure my steps were more like 4 miles, maybe more. We made it to Thunder Hole from Sand Beach before my shoulder and back started screaming from having been wearing both Katherine and a backpack full of diapers and snacks. We decided to call it quits on walking/hiking but returned to our van and made several more stops for viewing pleasure. By the end of the day I’d gotten a significant sunburn that was mildly uncomfortable, so I spent that evening coating myself in lavender and aloe to heal it up.

The teens went with my brother and his wife on an epic 4 mountain hike, covering over 5 miles of trails and taking nearly 6 hours. Anya said she loved the views, but it was a bit much for her, and was nearly in tears asking if she could have just a little Beach time before we drove away. We took her to otter cove just as the tide was coming in and she was happy as clam.

I told her we’d head back at least once before our vacation was up and she was much relieved.

That is today. We’re due to pull out in an hour or 2 to go ride the Margaret Todd ship and explore Bar Harbor which apparently also has a beautiful sandy beach to walk on. My brother explained at low tide the beach connects to a small island with waking trails. I’m so looking forward to it.

My brother’s wife explained that you can’t see it all in one trip, they’ve been coming here for one week of every summer for 7 years and still haven’t done it all.

For now I’ll leave you with some pictures of Acadia and our cabin at the military campground in Great Pond. May you all have beautiful experiences that feel like home.

Cabin & surroundings:

Acadia:

Finally, after our busy couple of days, I enjoyed drinks and dinner with my family during a rain shower from the cabin screened in porch. I ate and drank too much that I shouldn’t have, so felt the aftermath this morning, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself last night. Sunburn and all. Happiness.

P.S. I’ve felt my connection very strongly over the last couple of days, and hoping it means something super wonderful. May you all feel your connections of clarity and bliss.

Giving in sometimes equals happiness.

So last update I was stressing so much that I accidentally took a nail to the finger. I’m happy to report it’s healed perfectly and is barely noticeable.

To that end Nathan & Hannah made strides to complete things, & got everything close enough that I was able to conceed that the rest could be done at a later date.

Ian’s room at that point looked like this:

Essentially all that is left is part of the window trim, the one panel at the end of the furnace, trimming a few carpet squares, and finishing his furniture arrangement.

At that point I knew baby was ready for me to be ready, so I pushed to prep for birth. We put a rug on top of Ian’s carpet square floor for extra padding, tarps to keep water off the rug, and set up the birth tub & supplies. That was Friday night, & this was the results:

We covered the tub with blankets & construction scraps because Buddy Cat wanted to play on/in it and we were afraid he’d pop it.

We casted my belly for memories (Ian’s was a duct tape cast the didn’t last, so this one we used plaster) and I did some henna (wanted to do more, but ran out of time & energy):

Saturday brought much pelvic discomfort & baby pushing lower.

Sunday morning at work early labor/ Braxton-Hicks contractions started & remained through out the day, never getting regular, & intensity being mild.

Sunday evening I headed straight home from work skipping my evening massage client, and I’m glad I did. About 6:30pm I sneezed and my water broke.

Ian’s water didn’t break until right before he was born, so it took a conversation with the midwife and another BH contraction to know for sure that’s what happened. I asked if I should do anything to encourage real contractions and she said no, since I’d worked all day it was better to rest and that contractions would come on their own.

She was right, by 8pm they were increasing in strength and about 8 min apart, and by 9pm my plug turned loose.

A little after midnight they got into the 4 min apart range, & my midwife & her assistant arrived shortly after. Baby was doing fine and I was allowed to get in the tub. Somewhere around 1:30am I began dozing off in between contractions, & my pace slowed. A contraction around 2am woke me and I realized I was cold & very tired. Everyone helped me out of the tub & got me dried & warmed up. They checked my progress and discovered I was only dilated to about 4cm, a long ways to go. I told them I was sure it was because baby knew I was so tired. My midwife agreed and I was put to bed with a disclaimer to sleep as much as possible and to let her know when they picked up again.

Contractions spaced about 15 to 20 min apart for the rest of the night and into the morning. I slept in the gaps until about 11am, and Hannah made calls for my massage work on Monday and Tuesday letting them know I was in labor.

By 4pm I was able to eat enough to regain strength & stamina & contractions had again gotten to 4 min apart. We let the midwife know & her, assistant, and student headed over. The assistant was first to arrive and noted that I was doing great, took heart beat of baby and noted she was also going great. The assistant started prepping for birth organizing supplies as desired, and double checking everything was present & good to go. By the time midwife & student arrived I was in the final stretch. Contractions were closer together and super intense. Shortly after I noted that I could feel baby’s head working out. They asked me to differentiate between inner cervix and vaginal wall, and I specified cervix. About 4 contractions later I could feel head beginning to exit and reached down to feel baby’s hair and help stretch myself to ease baby’s head out. It took 3 more very intense pushes to get her head all the way out, and 2 more very intense pushes to get body out.

Baby was born & perfect… 8lbs 10oz. That’s 12 oz more than Ian- to be expected with the first & third trimester hormone/allergy induced high sugar battles. A few seconds of cool air out of the water & she coughed and fussed and began turning pink. All was well.

Dad didn’t get into the tub until baby was born, so he could hold baby in the warm water and help cut the cord. He put swim trunks on, so when it was time to get out, he was first to get out & work on drying off. Then he helped hold baby while I stopped at the potty & got comfy in bed.

Midwives checked me & baby out. I had no tears or significant abrasions, my blood pressure, temp, and oxygen were good. Baby was perfectly healthy per visual inspection, & good oxygen saturation. They’ll be back in 2 days for heart, heal prick blood test, and hearing test and follow up check, & birth certificate delivery.

For now, lots of snuggles in bed and nursing, & loves. No one has to go anywhere or do anything except eat, sleep, & rest.

Labor was longer than with Ian, and a bit more discomfort (probably because of her slightly larger size), but completely worth every minute of it. She’s beautiful and perfect and I couldn’t ask for more. Welcome to the world my little pure light, Katherine Jyoti.

I’m definitely in post birth bliss & everyone that’s seen her has gotten mushy & teary eyed. Now to let grandparents and everyone else know- 1 at a time. *Happy sigh*

Almost there.

So I’m inching closer to baby being here, and doing my best to inch closer to being done with room construction.

Last Tuesday I spent all day long- 5:30 am to about 7:30 pm completing the majority of the electrical needs for the new rooms. Anger, worry, and frustration got me started so early, and pure determination kept me moving.

I ran a new line for the 5 sockets/recepticals on the new wall, and used an existing line to split off for 3 new light fixtures & 2 other recepticals. With all of our low amp gadgets and toys these days, I figured the 20amp lines would do OK with those additions, especially since the light fixtures now have LED bulbs. The new line still needs set into the breaker box, and the ceiling fan (1 of the 3 fixtures) needs mounted, but everything else is complete.

The next step was to start installing panelling. Nathan started that and Hannah did her best to help, but neither had done it before, so there were some cutting errors. So last night I did my best to solve the errors to avoid needing to replace panels, and after a brief melt-down, managed to do so. We then proceeded to finish panelling the wall & Hannah and Nathan placed 2 panels in the kids room. Things are moving along.

All that’s left to call our master bedroom (2nd master for the house now) complete is to hang 2 panels, install the ceiling fan, mount all the trim, & hang a door (or 2) in the wide doorway. Nathan & Hannah said they’d try to get trim down today, & since I work all day ( until about 7:30pm), that’s a good thing. Whatever they don’t get to, I will get another chance Monday evening.

I will again have all day Tuesday as well, so perhaps we’ll be able to finish everything for real this time. If not, we at least have enough that we can set-up for birth & baby.

I am sooo looking forward to normal and calm returning. I have found a new level of functional exhausted that I previously thought was impossible; having had periods of functional exhausted several times in my life I thought I’d already experienced my limits. Yet, this time I have a more finite time frame to exist in this manner, and knowing the end is near and time off will be available, I keep persisting. All will pay off soon.

And now for the pictures…

Last view I showed in my previous post:

Hannah assembling our new bed… Nathan helped but stopped to snap a pic.:

Panelling in progress, with electrical already in place (apparently no one snapped a picture of me doing the electrical, or the end result):

Pregnant Me hanging panels:

New wall panels completed (outside & inside):

The dusty dingy look is the sawdust on the panels & it’ll wash of easily. It looks great & will look perfect once trim is up over cracks & ceiling/floor borders.

I will have something pretty for the first time in 2 years and I’ll have running water again. I honestly owe it to my personal faith in god and working with the Shiva & KaliMa archetypes these last 2 years. I asked for help in making things pretty again and the divine is doing just that. I’m ever so grateful. Everything is going to be OK and life is improving. Thank you. Siva hir su.

Wishes and Dreams

Today the work theater presents “The Greatest Showman”. I’m only 15min into my resident-sitting-movie-gig, and it’s a reminder of the threads that have kept me going. My wishes and dreams.

It seems that my wishes and dreams may be working their way into reality. That reversie card I wrote about, may be finally at play.  It seems the messages from the divine (or simply the other side) are getting louder.

The last week brought messages from my friend’s late uncle about her grandfather’s ill health. He worked very hard to warn her using me as the middle woman. It took days to figure out because I knew they were messages, but it wasn’t until I started showing her pictures of the messages that she put the pieces together. She’d sent me a copy of a picture of the uncle to show me who was communicating, and later in the evening his picture (on my phone) opened itself right as she was being informed grandpa was being taken to the ER.  It was eerie, but fascinating validation. Luckily by morning she learned that grandpa had a very treatable temporary setback. He’d be okay.

That was in the midst of finishing my portion of my taxes to get them turned into my accountant. I really hope she’s able to work the same magic as years before, because between baby and moving we’ll really need a decent return.

Speaking of moving, that’s part of the reversie card. 

We never did find an adequate yet affordable home. However, my friend (Hannah) with the talkative deceased uncle, has offered their home, and to simply split the existing costs. 

We’ve been friends for several years, but lately we’ve discovered how intensely we share goals, hopes, dreams, skills, preferences, and even health challenges. We grok each other, an understanding on a deeper level. We’ve gotten very close, and I feel like she’s family in my heart. So, when they offered their home, and even to help make necessary adjustments to accommodate us, I couldn’t say no. I feel like it’s an honor to have her support and love. I can’t see the full puzzle being put together yet, but definitely feel like she’s a very important piece, and one I’m glad to call family. I definitely feel my heart blossoming and growing with more love for a greater family than I could have imagined. 

I’ve shared with her my thoughts on all my previous messages and including the picture with the elephant figurines and the happenings with the boy, and she is in agreement. She agrees that he’ll eventually return and I just need patience and to keep my hopes and dreams alive. 

What’s more is what she’s found in helping prep for our full move in. She’s found her bulbs of the ‘Lily of India’-5 of them, she’d already planned on planting them, but they’d already begun to sprout in the cellar storage. 

Then there was the elephants her grandmother played with as a child. She knew they existed, but as she was sorting belongings she found them, 5 to be exact.

It gives me goose bumps and spine shivers every time another sign like that shows itself. It’s validation that I’m not crazy and that at least some things I see are indeed messages. I look forward to seeing the full manifestation of all of these divine signposts. To that end I keep repeating “my miracle is on its way, just keep believing”.

It was one such moment that I realized the car in front of me had a plate that said “4SHIV”. I snapped a picture and sent it to Nathan and Hannah to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. (I’d put it here, but I don’t have their permission and the photo would give away their state which could jeopardize their personal information.) Regardless, both Nathan and Hannah validated it very much said what I thought, and we all had an OMG’s moment. I pointed out, there was enough characters for the A on the end of Shiva. I was left with a strong sense it had to be for me because the shortened version isn’t commonly used here.

 It was very much a perfect alignment of astronomical odds that I know was a message for me from the divine. For that I am forever grateful. It’s those seemingly small kernels that mean massive amounts to me and help me get through this chaotic time of 3rd trimester diet craziness, moving, working an insane amount, squeezing in taxes, and then doing my best to have at least a few minutes of quality time with my kids before falling over from fatigue each night. It will all be worth it when my growing family is using our miracle to build Atira.

I very much look forward to that. Those will be wonderful days.

So close…. but no touchy, touchy!

So today was a fairly normal work day, at least until 2pm. 

Our special entertainment then was a presentation by a rare-bird rescuer. She’s from near Kansas City, but rural. Her and her husband have been caring for birds reascued from smuggling situations over the last several decades. 

She had lots of beautiful birds that made me go “squeee”. There were parrots and parrotlets, cocatiles, a toucan, AND an Eurasian Eagle Owl. OMG’s he was sooo beautiful!

OK, so can you tell my day perked up at that point? 

Aside: It was much needed considering I’m still battling round 2 of full body hives from my food allergies. The downside was it took very little of said food to cause it. The upside: it validated that Thai food is too much for my system to handle anymore. I ordered Thai Rama Chicken (chicken, broccoli, and red curry sauce), and only ate a third of the dish. Why I can eat bucket-fulls of mild seasoned Saag Paneer, but a tiny smidgen of Thai Rama Chicken sets my body afire is beyond me. I suppose it just is what it is. 

Anyway, back to the birds. I was doing my job and bringing in residents when I noticed the lovely owl. Then I was privileged to be the photographer for most of the presentation, enabling me to snap some pictures with my phone. I’ll show those in a bit. It was wonderful, she was well spoken, entertaining, great interacting with the audience, and her birds did many wonderful tricks. Several of the birds spoke quite a lot, enough to converse like a child. Then there was the parrot that whistled Dixie- I loved it!

In fact I love all big birds.

The owl was saved for last. She explained that it’s the largest owl species in the world and is related to the Great Horned Owl (my favorite of the U.S. big birds). She then explained that females are larger than males, and her male Eagle Owl was nearly double the size of a female Great Horned.

THEN she asked if there was a volunteer to help demonstrate his flying. I nearly yelled “Yes! I’ll do it!” I was so very excited.

Her instructions, hold his perch up and when she asked if I was ready to simply call his name “swoop”.  She stood at the far end of the room (about 50 feet away) and asked if ready, with her back still turned to me. I called his name and she turned around & let go. He flew straight to me with 3 wing beats. Landing on his perch right in front of my face.

My fingers were 3 inches from his razor sharp talons. He was so very big, yet lighter than my old lady kitty Priss. I looked in his beautiful eyes and was in awe. We weren’t afraid of each other, but I definitely understood his stern look of “don’t break the rules”. I could look but not touch. I told him he was very beautiful several times and felt my heart swell.

He was just amazing. I was so very close to such a large beautiful raptor. I wanted to reach out and pet him so badly.

 Alas, it wasn’t a good idea, I knew breaking the rules would result in consequences. So, I relished being so close and spent the rest of my day remembering every detail of him, with permagrin. 

I’m still enjoying the moment 5 hours later!

So now for the pictures:

Mmmm that was a wonderful day!
AND I just realized my blog post from January 10th was about finishing drawing a picture of this lovely Owl. (cue Twilight Zone theme song here) Mmmm, I wonder if my drawing helped manifest today. Perhaps I need to do many more drawings of things I love and want.

Spinning like a top.

Tonight I write as I work on drifting to sleep. The goal to empty my head, to calm my mind, so that I can sleep.

I feel at the moment as though my head is spinning as fast as a dradel.

This month I’m on a ride, I think I dove straight into that fast spinning vortex Abraham talks so much about, and I’m definitely holding on for the ride to resume normal.

Quick recap of previous bumps: depression cycles, miscarriage, Anya succumbing to depression, losing my mind thrice over with manic in between, sinus infection taking me down a notch, and discovering I’m actually still pregnant with the other “twin” 8 weeks along.

Oh, but it gets better. After yesterday’s news, I asked my one building if they were still interested in having me in their team. They had given me a sort of impromptu walk in interview last week when I went to do my regularly scheduled chair massages. They responded that the position might have been filled and send my resume anyway.

I received the call at 9am that the position was mine if I wanted it, I gave a tentative yes. By 10am I’d filled Nathan in, and confirmed my acceptance to start on the 22nd.

 By noon I’d rescheduled most but not all of my massage work. I have 2 buildings left to permanently reschedule, and 2 individuals will likely get permanently dropped. Everything else I found homes for in my new schedule. And I still managed to complete most of today’s actual originally intended work.

The new schedule starting the 22nd will be full 10 hour work days Thursday through Monday. 1 half Tuesday per month, & Wednesday’s will likely end up filled, but only half for work (pm will still be family activities).

So I’ll essentially be working 6 long days a week. While pregnant, and yes the new job knows I’m expecting. They really, really wanted me.

It felt really nice to have a respectable employer want me that much. It validated my thoughts about my mad skills.

The pay is lower than hoped, but Nathan pointed out I was interviewed on the spot before I submitted a resume, which generally speaks to how highly they regard me. In addition, they’ve already pointed out that within 6 months I could work toward increases equal to half again the base/starting rate, potentially reaching over 15 an hour. Plus it has benefits, and I could keep all of my massage work that I chose to.

It was just really, really easy and very convenient, with perfect timing. I couldn’t have asked for a better solution for the moment (exception being winning a lottery jackpot).

 I spent the rest of the day thanking the Lord/God/Shiva/Jesus & the divine in general.

I’ve already broached moving back to the city, or at least much much closer with Nathan. He understands my concerns especially with being pregnant and now working so much. He’s not fighting me, but we need to discuss and work out an agreement on details. I’m hoping that as we do that, something will show itself equally easily.

We’re suddenly in this space of knowing that every time we make a specific request it’s like we get a very direct, very easy response from the divine.

At this point I’m just doing my best to keep up, still needing to invoice, finish paperwork for Anya to see someone, and now tomorrow fill out new hire paperwork, plus a dozen odds and ends that we’d intended a while ago.

Oh, that was the other thing. I mentioned ages ago that I thought I was being nudged to get passports in order. I thought at that time Anya’s was in our fire box with her birth certificate. Apparently the grandma still had it from the trip to Brazil before her mom died. I had no idea. But the divine did and somehow solved the problem. Grandma literally gave us the expired passport with the money to renew it when she brought Anya back Tuesday. None of us asked, but poof, exactly what was needed.

See what I mean. Hang on for the ride and do your best to keep up. That’s all. Everything else is just falling into place. 

The only one I’m waiting for is my friend to show up, I keep seeing him looking out a plane window. I don’t know when, he hasn’t said anything to me, but I know it’s soon. It makes me happy to think of it.

And on that note, I’ll drift off to sleep thinking happy thoughts of new homes and cute boys showing up out of nowhere.

Attempting to find words for my awe

Last night I had a beautiful experience. I chose to believe it was divine influence on this illusion that I’m living,  because it feels  extremely good to believe that. That is what I’m reaching for through the law of attraction, correct?  The amazing feel good,  joy bringing positive emotions, to encourage positive attraction (be it divinely caused or simply quantum physics in action).

Now logically,  what I’m about to describe on the surface seems ubsurd. Taken one step further,  science has some explanations of what might be going on. 

 Quantum physics talks about the observer and the observed. As a scientific approach it acknowledges that for some reason,  the topic or object at hand can’t be fully understood unless the viewpoint of the observer is addressed. There are actually lab studies that show bi-location of matter,  until an observer causes that particle to singularly locate. (See documentary:  What the Bleep Do We Know). It’s  akin to the old adage, if a tree falls and there’s no-one there to hear it, does it make a sound. I’ve taken part in discussions where Schroedinger’s cat was being referenced in this line of logic as an example. So my experience last night could simply be because I’m the observer looking for evidence of life being an illusion and looking for positive feelings,  and the 2 combined influenced my experience.

Behind door number 2: is the scientific theory of matrixing. Essentially your brain takes 2 or more elements (sights, smells, sounds,  etc.) And blends them together because the complexity being experienced is too much data.  The matrixing or blending of the data allows your brain to manage the data more easily,  but can influence how the data is interpreted by your brain and thus the reaction you have to the experience. So my experience last night could have been caused by matrixing,  and then because of what I have been thinking about previously my reaction was intensified.

So, logically it’s all in my head and nothing out  of the ordinary actually happened. I overreacted and that’s just life…..

But that view feels like (pardon my curse) -shit.

So, my chosen feel good interpretation is that my experience was the way that the divine chose to communicate with me.

So, WTF am I talking about? 

Last night was a beautiful, awe inspiring,  end to a fairly glorious day.

On my way home,  to the North and East a storm was brewing.  To the West the sky was completely clear and stars were shining and the quarter moon was visible. I had turned on music as I got in the car,  and though I was in a good mood,  I was a bit fatigued from my long day. So, I opted to put on the EDM Pandora station for some upbeat grooving to get me through the long drive home.

I was enjoying the music when I rounded the curve putting me in direct line of sight of the storm brewing.  At first I could barely see the lightning it was so far North and near the  horizon.  As I broke the most intense parts of the metro the beauty of the storm smacked me in the face.

I saw lightening all over the sky.  Intense little bursts of beautiful white light. I was watching the lightning as a new song started,  one I knew and liked.  As I began bouncing to the music,  I realized that the lightening was keeping time with the music.  The rhythm of the lightning matched the music so closely I immediately thought of the Windows Media Player graphics equalizers that pulsed with the rhythm of music.  It also brought to mind the lights that are used to convey music to the deaf. There were sections of the sky that followed the bass, sections that followed the high-hat/cymbals, and sections that followed the mellody.

Being that I am so into music to begin with,  I was just utterly astonished.  At points I stopped to just watch the lightening play with the music. I drove home with more attention on  the lightning than the road,  but without even drifting in my lane.

When I finally got home, I called Nathan and Anya over to the car and cranked the volume up. I said “Look at the sky & listen  to the music!”

After a few moments they both said “that’s cool”.  Nathan followed it up with “I think that’s for you honey.” I cried tears of joy the emotions were so intense. 

I thought about an image I drew in highschool where I bridged drawings of plants and animals with lightning bolts. Back  then I was trying to convey a personal belief in an energy that permeates everything and connects everything.

I realized that was the message I needed to validate.  My beliefs are accurate for  me and the divine is validating me and supporting me. I stood and watched until I was so tired I began to lose my balance.

I literally drifted off to sleep listening to mantras with a perma-grin on my face repeating “I love you Gods: Lord Shiva, Ganesh, Kali Ma and Brighid, thank you!”

I know some of my friends would be turned off by my particular religious interpretation.  Some would say the logical explanations are accurate regardless of my emotional feelings on the subject.

 But regardless,  I  feel the need to point out:  what does it matter?  If I was that kind of happy,  and no-one got hurt, what does it matter that I choose to believe the divine was “talking” to me? It’s my perspective on this big crazy chaotic world we live in,  and if it helps me get through,  then that’s what matters.