Tag Archives: be aware

The world needs more like my mom.

First I wanted to share a YouTube video that was a good reminder for me. I told a friend the thing I dislike the most of everything going on is the polarization, fighting, and fear that an awful lot of people wish to participate in. This video is a slight twist to things I’ve suspected and suggested myself, but her words are better at conveying it.


Now for my intended topic :

For every failure my dad demonstrated, every trauma incurred by him in my childhood, my mom showed brilliance. In fact she is the one that I credit for keeping me from being completely like my dad, and teaching me better ways to live .

My mom was my protector, as much as she could be. My mom was my support, the kindness in my world. She taught me how to care about others through kindness and her own personal charity workings.

She knew how to apologise, and her biggest faults were apologizing too much and falling prey to dad’s dominance and a general poverty loop.

My memories of mom are exact opposites to the memories of dad. Where dad is mostly negative memories with a smear of positive ones, my mom is mostly positive ones with a smear of negative (and really the few negatives tie back to dad in one way or another).

My mom was the person in our family that was always doing something to help people that were less fortunate.

I remember one Christmas season my mom was worried that we ourselves would not have a holiday celebration of any significance, and knew she needed to rely on K-Mart’s layaway program to even try to provide a holiday. However, she knew someone that was struggling even worse than our family was. Their family had 3 small children and when she went to put our toys on layaway at K-Mart she picked 3 small toys for the other family to include in her layaway purchase. I remember her being worried about timing because the last payment was due right before Christmas, but ultimately she made it work and both our family and theirs had a holiday that year.

Then there was our next-door neighbor when I was about 4 years old. It was an elderly lady that had emphysema from having smoked for her whole life. The lady lived alone and had no close family to help her. She continued to smoke even while using oxygen. My mom promised her that she would come clean her mobile home and make some food for her if she promised not to smoke while her and I were there. The house always smelled strongly of cigarettes and I disliked being there, and often the lady would have a cigarette ready to light as soon as we left. Yet she never actually smoked when we were over, and my mom did continue to help her every week until we had to move away. My mom never charged her anything, only asked she pay for any groceries paid for on her behalf.

My mom was big on helping at Christmas time. She would always find an acquaintance or co-worker that was having a particularly difficult year. Sometimes she would give gifts, sometimes decorations. Occasionally, if we were having a good year she would do both. I remember several years where I helped her pick presents for other little girls. One year she helped a Mexican family she worked with and provided much of their Christmas. They had moved to Iowa City not long before that holiday season and were caring for elderly extended family from Mexico. She provided them a whole array of inexpensive decorations and small gifts for kids and even bought them a turkey. My father was very upset with her because she had helped a Mexican family in such a large way. I have always respected her choice and it always bothered me that my father kept pointing out their race.

Help is help, and anyone struggling to get through life deserves help. Those barely getting by, need the boost of a little holiday cheer sometimes, and kind hearts make the world keep functioning. That is a lesson my father missed, because he would help anyone that was white, even druggies, but not a hard working Mexican family. Charity is not about skin color, but honoring someone’s journey as being more difficult than deserved, and making an attempt to help another’s life be just a bit better than yesterday. Everyone deserves that moment.

My mom was also a nurse that mostly worked in nursing homes. Mostly working evening and 3rd shifts, there were several times that my mom would have to take us to work with her and Dad would pick us up on his way home. Hindsight being what it is, I now wonder if those supposed long shifts were parts of his affairs with other women. Regardless, what I remember on those nights is how mom always got along well with her co-workers and was kind to residents. There was one nursing home I actually enjoyed going to because they had a resident cat. The cat had made friends with mom because she was the only one that was really kind to it. So, when us kids went, we were accepted by the cat as being friendly as well. It would hang out and let me pet it the entire time I was there. The same nursing home also had a huge fish tank, or what seemed huge to me, and I loved watching the fish. But really, I remember my mom rubbing backs and convincing people to take medicine because it was good for them. I remember her patiently explaining to people that she would help them as soon as possible.

Is it any wonder I have spent nearly 8 years working with elderly? Or that I get along with my mom far better than my father?

Despite working mostly nights when I was a kid, my mom still cooked and cleaned and took care of us children during the day. I remember when I was really little trying to pry her eyes open and asking her if she was ready to get up yet. She would just say “a little longer can you watch your shows please”. I would watch all the PBS shows including Bob Ross and another lady painter that did adorable little animal paintings. That’s where I got interested in art. When I would get bored with TV I would pretend. I would play family or school or tea party, or lay in sunbeams with my kitty and daydream that the dust flecks were fairies. My stuffed animals were great friends when my mom was resting from her work shift. Then around lunchtime she would spring into action, make me lunch and start cleaning, laundry and prepping for making dinner. As I got older she would let me help by showing me how to dust or make Kool-aid.

Then eventually I started school, being the youngest for many years, and she actually got a full amount of sleep.

I remember spending holiday time baking a whole array of tasty treats with mom. I ate far too many things right out of the oven, but it was just SOOOO tasty. The best part was knowing that many of her delicious treats were for others. Should would make goodie baskets for friends and co-workers, she would give breads and cookies to neighbors. She baked pies to help other families have good holiday dinners. And it wasn’t just at Christmas. When our zucchinis would ripen she would bake loaves and loaves and give away nearly half of them. At Easter she would bake cookies and muffins and give them away with chocolates. On her birthday she would always make two cakes, one for home and one for work. All year round she would cook goodies and half always went to other people. When I was in highschool a neighbor made pickles and she would trade goodies for pickles. They would combine their leftovers for other neighbors to get some of both.

When times were really tough for my mom in Utah she would drive across state line to buy butter by the car full. She would take the butter to her neighbors and sell it cheaper than the Utah taxed butter but more than she paid. When she wasn’t running butter she hauled manure, because one farmer would pay her to clean out animal stalls and another would pay her for the load as fertilizer for crops.

She made dolls and crocheted doll dresses by hand. She baked for profit and for fund raisers for school. She crocheted blankets for friends with babies and would give them as gifts whenever she could. She made clothes for us kids when she couldn’t afford to buy new ones.

I have always felt terrible because the year bullying started for me, she had made me some very pretty dresses for school. Yet, they were not dresses found in stores, so kids noticed. They teased me for not having store clothes and then I didn’t want to wear the dresses. I knew it hurt my mom’s feelings, but the kids were hurting my feelings. There was no good solution. It was the first time I struggled with a problem like that. I have always wanted to make up for it and felt I never could.

I love my mom and I really appreciate everything she did for us and especially for what she tried to do for us. I know she did her best to keep dad’s anger at bay and protect us when she couldn’t keep it away. I know she had more than a few ingenious moments that kept our family afloat when times were tough and she made dollars go far further than most people manage. She was strong and compassionate and caring on multiple levels. She put her kids first and God second, and was always doing her best to make our lives and the lives of those she knew better. She is a kind human being and that is exactly the kind of person this world needs more of. I aim to be like my mom as much as possible, and hope maybe one-day I’ll figure out a step even slightly better.

I love you mom.


May you always have a kind person in your life. May you see acts of kindness all around you and find ways to do them yourself. May you have loving caring parents and be successful in protecting your children from the hurts of the world. May you forgive yourself and others when hurts seem to multiply or affect those you want to show love. May you know your presence in the world is helping others to have a better experience. May you know you are leaving a positive mark on the world. May you know you are loved and safe.

Siva Hir Su

Slowing down.

I fell again yesterday….. Again! …. Right?!

The chiropractor was kind enough to adjust me again today, and provided a reminder I need to slow down and be conscious of caring for myself. I replied “I know, I promised I would slow down, but it’s so hard when I’ve spent so many years trying to do everything.”

It is though, falls are always God’s attempt at slowing me down. Sadly, or is it thankfully, they always work. So tonight I’m nursing angry muscles, partly from the fall and partly from the corrective adjustment. As I lay with a tennis ball wedged against my left psoas muscle, I’m catching up on watching notification videos, and the following was a powerful one.

Watch “Jacob Lee – Oceans (Official Music Video)” on YouTube

I really feel that one. Sometimes I do feel exactly how the singer did, especially in these crazy times where fear over a singular disease has caused all of society to cease real living. But it seems I’m getting better and better at finding my source, my inner always present divine half. The half that never leaves me, but sometimes it’s awfully hard to see or feel.

I went nearly 2 decades fighting off suicidal depression, and in the last five years I’ve found alignment more than not. I still have boughts of severe depression, but they’re shorter and shorter now, knowing all of my triggers and how to fix being in the hole. That information is priceless and I still look forward to the day I find total healing and those days disappear altogether.

I know I’m on the right track, and right now I’m literally throwing every tool I know at finding healing. It’s part of the reason God wants me to slow down, I am doing so much I probably need to give myself a breather and let my system catch up.

It made me a little mad though because I’ve now missed two days of workouts, the fall happening 90 min before my projected workout, and the aftermath making exercise a physical impossibility.

At one time I hated exercise because it was so difficult for me, now I miss it. At one time I hated running because it was so hard, no I look forward to making friends with it knowing it’s starting to help. At one point I hated cilantro, now I love it for it’s detoxifying effects having started the healing in my brain. There are so many things that I have a much much greater appreciation for, all because they help me feel better and they are slowly healing my brain and my body.

I wish that for everyone.

Beyond my gratitude over those solutions, I have immense gratitude for all of the people, current and past, that have helped me find solutions or fix me when my efforts are not enough or applicable (especially the chiropractor today). Those people that rescued me when I needed it most. Many were one time helpers, few have helped me repeatedly, but all were pricelessly valuable.

May you all see your worth. May you love your gifts from God. May you understand your challenges and love the solutions. May you live life to the fullest, and know that food is a tiny fraction of what that means. May you give back to the divine by helping others find the solutions they need. May you show gratitude for the people in your life that help you implement those solutions. May you love exercise and all of the things that enable you to live a greater life. May your greater living not only be more enjoyable, but of greater assistance to the world. May we all work together to create a better world for us all.

Siva Hir Su శివ హిర్ సు

Smells fishy.

Hopefully my last post on Covid19. Please do watch this Minnesota news report, it overlaps with much of what I have tried to convey, but from a senatorial doctor.

Watch “Bombshell by Dr. Scott Jensen on CV” on YouTube


https://youtu.be/bQsuqp0jA30

Additionally, I might add: why has no one significant (government agencies, AMA, etc) discussed how to deal with symptoms properly. Especially since we are now trying to keep Covid19 people out of hospitals. I know that several KC area hospitals have mandated to stay home unless symptoms are severe enough to warrant admittance to the hospital.

Dr. Oz apparently has discovered the medication for RA and Lupus inflammation keeps the virus at bay, as no-one on the medication has been sick enough to even be tested for the virus. So there is likely a correlation between the kind of allergic inflammation of RA and how the disease presents. I know for my own journey, when I have a flare up like that I rely on a dose of every OTC allergy medicine (Zyrtec, Allegra, and Benedryl, even Claratin combined) plus Advil-clear. So would my at home solution/alternative to RA medication also work for this virus? Only a doctor could determine that for sure, but someone has to try it to determine if it does.

Chris Cuomo on CNN discussed how he literally just had to willpower through anything uncomfortable and then he cleared it fine. His description made me think of how computer viruses work. Attack the weak spot and make you want to give up. I couldn’t help but have a Matrix moment, but also find a parallel to how I fix things in massage- bear the pain, work through the difficult, and it gets better.

However, supposedly beyond high fever, the major complication factor is excess mucous causing difficulty breathing. That is the same complication as many flu strains, most pneumonia strains, and asthma. Why is no-one (governing bodies, medical officials) offering the OTC early solutions to prevent and reduce or even potentially avoid the worst symptoms?

As in: we know Tylenol helps with fever, for this virus you may need to take X# milligrams every Y# hours because it is extra severe. Or: we know Mucinex cuts mucous, you may need to take as much as X# pills every Y# hours to handle the severity. Or: we know that Albuterol nebulizers help counteract any causes of difficulty breathing, so instructing people to purchase those supplies for someone at first sign of illness could prevent someone from even needing to seek further treatment (nebulizers and tubing have to be purchased from medical supply sources, but the only prescription needed is for the Albuterol refills themselves), especially since a machine can be shared by multiple people as long as each person uses their own mouthpiece. It’s the main factor as to why I’ve never been concerned about me or my family catching it. I, being an asthmatic, have a nebulizer and several mouthpieces, extra tubing and plenty of the Albuterol refills. Though if my whole family did get sick it would eventually deplete my supplies.

I know that any dosage recommendations would need a disclaimer “for adults only, consult a physician for pediatric situations”, but it would help most Americans that actually get sick. They have done things like that in the past when other diseases or flu strains were extra problematic. Why not now?

It bothers me that they are having doctors label ANY (even remotely possible cases) regardless of proof, as Covid19. That will sorely skew data. I explained to Nathan that there has always been a prioritizing of disease in cause of death, but this is different. Normally, if someone has asthma, and has lived with it for years and suddenly gets pneumonia and dies, the cause of death is labeled as pneumonia, because they had lived with chronic asthma. Simply put, they can’t label one death with multiple causes. So, even if a bout of asthma flare-ups led to the pneumonia, the pneumonia was what actually caused the death and it gets the blame. The way they are handling covid19 is a bit more extreme and causes too many assumptions not requiring positive test results. That gets scary.

Regardless, I’ve known all along that multi-directional fear factor was being utilized. Everyone in power, down to most of our news sources are utilizing your fear to control the masses. If it bleeds it leads. It’s yet another case of “target of opportunity”. They found a way to scare us into our homes and bring most of society to a halt. To what end? What did this round of opportunity allow governments to do? I noticed some financial sector changes and the government cashing in on small businesses by offering crisis loans, even some EPA regulations were eliminated. But those are minor in the grand scheme of things. What was the big thing that was slid right past our noses because of the fear distraction (like the way the Patriot act was passed)? Only time will tell what was done, and I hope that it isn’t worse than the damn disease, or that it can be reversed when we do find out about it.

May you know and understand this situation enough to overcome fears. May you be confident in your ability remain healthy, or regain health if you do get sick. May you trust your connection to the divine and find a way to make the voice of reason be heard. May you know and understand how to manage the symptoms if you do get sick. May you know, understand, and utilize proper sustainable means of sanitization and disease control. May you know that diseases will always exist and the best way to avoid them is to ease into health on a daily basis. May you know and feel that you are loved, supported, and protected by the divine.

Spread the light and love of the divine, foresake fear.

Siva Hir Su

I’ll leave you with images of a small sampling of my education on viruses (being I had 4 biology/science classes [2 collegiate] that also covered it plus a CEU class). Note on page 387 it talks about the wide time frame of when the virus is communicable, it references the peak of transmission usually being day 4, and it is widely known and accepted that sometimes you don’t show symptoms for much of that period. It is not until your body is overwhelmed by the virus that symptoms become severe.