Tag Archives: be confident

Test ride.

It’s no Tesla, but I love my E-Bike.

I was able to accomplish my test ride heading home from work today. I managed the ride in 1 hr and 14 minutes (with 2 stops), and it ended up being just over 14 miles.

As you can see in the images below, I was able to go much faster on the E-Bike, but it was still a very good amount of pedaling. There were a few downhill stretches where my legs and lungs got a break, but on flat terrain I still have to put in part of the effort, and inclines I was doing most of the effort. It really is just a boost.

It was still manageable, considering that I gave up at a little over 8 miles on a traditional manual bike.

As for the route, Google maps was kind enough to provide a bike friendly route with smaller hills than the massive hill on Banister Road- though two of the hills I did ride were not much less. One was very long but not as steep, and the other was equally steep but half as long. Maps even introduced me to a bike path I’d never used. It was a good ride in 60+ degree weather with the sun shining brightly.

As for my battery, I probably over consumed it figuring out how to navigate hills and stoplights, but it still comfortably made it home. Once I get more efficient and have more leg endurance it’ll get less of a power drain, and I could go much further.

I stopped twice. Once to avoid a heavy burst of traffic crossing Ward Parkway, and the second time was to take off my outer most layer to avoid being soggy from sweating. Otherwise I was able to ride straight through. It was nice to be able to ride that far. I’m definitely no marathon competitor, but I’m glad to know my legs are not as gimpy as I thought.

Once I got home, I went ahead and decorated my bike with holiday decor and battery operated led lights. That way if I end up riding before/after dark I’ll be amply visible. It’s not a problem when the sun is up more hours of the day!

Anyway, tomorrow there is a chance of rain, and Anya’s work schedule is very similar to mine, so I’ll drive us both to work at the same time. Wednesday will be my next chance to ride, and honestly after two long rides when I haven’t touched a non-stationary bike for years, I probably should take a day off. I don’t want to overdo it, and this is to help with transportation needs and fuel consumption, so I won’t have to ride every day, just every opportunity that is convient and manageable. If I get 4 or 5 days a week it’ll make up for my gym routine from before May, and accomplish both of the other goals too!

May you have good bikes, good rides, and perfect weather to enjoy. May you have fun figuring out new things. May you always have answers when you need them and the right tools for every situation. May you be patient with yourself, your life challenges, and with well meaning concerned friends. May you know everything will be alright no matter what, and above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Why?

A conversation with my friend the acupuncturist, over ingrained improper words, stirred memories of both prior conversations and childhood. Then she did an acupuncture treatment that released a couple mental patterns, and reminded me of my innocence of youth. Together that in turn stirred contemplation from a more youthful inquisitiveness as follows.

  • Why is it so hard to change things learned as a child, even once your brain acknowledges there are better choices?
  • Why does language learned one way, become so hard to change and adapt as the world changes?
  • Why is the world so damn slow to change for the better? (Probably somehow related to the previous question.)
  • Why does society feel that women are incapable of success on their own accord? I remembered a conversation where one of my brothers stated that Camala Harris must have done sexual favors to get where she is now. My response was “I suppose you’re right.” But, my intent was in that manner of not wanting to argue over something such as that, during the time I had to visit. Why are women in powerful positions never acknowledged for having worked their asses off and having put up with far too much shit to get there? Maybe, just maybe, they kicked some major ass in multiple ways, and their position is their reward for having done what others couldn’t handle, including putting up with male chauvinism in many ways.
  • Why are men (especially those of my birth family) so ingrained with women being lesser and incapable? Why are women seen as only worthy/capable of bearing children and taking care of family members?
  • Why are men unable to recognize when a woman is genuine, has integrity, and still manages to do what society deems as too difficult/impossible for them?
  • Why are men so intimidated by women that own their power and stay true to themselves as much as humanly possible?
  • Why are men afraid of women succeeding?
  • Why are men so adamant that women are lesser and men are superior?
  • What is ingrained in men so deeply that the toxicity has permeated all of their concepts regarding women as a mass-society/culture?
  • Why does the Bible tell a story where man gave a rib to create woman, when both men and women have the same number of ribs; but in reality, male chromosomes are where the shortage lies? Did that shortage in their chromosomes cause the deeply ingrained toxic complexities and lack of compassion, generosity, and inner knowing, as a gender? Are they somehow innately jealous because women have more chromosomes?
  • Why aren’t both men’s and women’s chromosomes equal? Is the inequality of chromosomes structure really the root of all inequality?
  • Why does religion feel the need to restrict behavior and label people as wrong because they naturally fall outside religious paradigms? Why does society continue to let religion label perfectly good and honest people as wrong or sinners because of their uniqueness?

I have broken rules and still become successful, and the men in my family seemingly can’t stand it. I have been true to myself as much as possible and I have reached for better alone. Even though religion loves to tell me I’m a sinner, I have a direct line to God and I know it for certain because of how I feel when I receive messages. I know I am mostly on my path and doing better every day that I stay true to myself. I have done my familial duty by bearing children, and though I haven’t cared for my parents in their old-age expectations, I have cared for my husband and kids, and continue to do so. Yet I still work, and not only do I work, I am the traditional head of household and breadwinner as much as any 1950’s male. I have literally done both roles simultaneously while healing myself and finding far better mental health than my childhood enabled. I am being true to myself and my integrity is far more than most any of our recent presidents- especially the prior one, just ask any one of my nearly 200 clients, many of whom keep referring new people to me. I break rules and go against religious doctrine on a regular basis, yet God supports me and guides me often. I function outside of western medicine, and am healing myself with very little of their help, yet I understand the system and the human body enough to help my husband and clients navigate it when necessary. I see the broken parts of everything and do my best to reach for solutions daily, and sometimes that means giving someone information they would rather not hear. I am doing my best to be a voice for God and help the world shift towards better one choice at a time. I am doing my best to reach for knowledge and support of maintaining our rights and freedoms as human beings. I aim for better in every way possible. I have worked with people from all walks of life and from every age from birth up to 108, and because of that I have a greater understanding of life and people. I see how people function, what they desire, and ultimately what patterns/habits/choices do the most damage over time. I do my level best to educate clients on how that applies to them, on a daily basis. I genuinely want to help make this world a better place, not just for me, but for everyone, and I make efforts towards that goal daily.

I deserve every bit of recognition I receive. I deserve to be honored and respected for my knowledge. I deserve to feel pride in all that I have accomplished and all that I still do. I am a woman: smart, strong, capable, and successful, and I earned every damn bit of it without sacrificing myself to male chauvinism or preforming sexual favors. Every woman deserves that level of pride, success and respect. We do have more chromosomes and we use them to the fullest, and yes sometimes that means we kick ass and forcefully take what should have been rightfully ours to begin with. Toxicity will eventually fall, and until then women like me will keep doing what we do, and putting up with outdated rediculous mental bullshit from men that choose not to better themselves, while we keep trudging along fixing ourselves and everything we touch. One day good will prevail for real.

May you know the right questions to ask. May you see the solutions to problems you face. May women be recognized for their skills, efforts, fortitude and integrity. May we all heal and move towards real equality. Above all may you know that God loves and supports you because you are doing your best and improving every way you are able.

Om Shanti

Self-study

Right now I’m taking a short break to wash sheets at the clinic. My brain hurts.

I decided that even though I can’t afford med-school, especially knowing I would argue with teachers frequently, it doesn’t mean I can’t learn what I need to learn, to help Nathan.

He’s struggling again, and needs answers, and I’m determined to make it happen one way or another. So I started with texting his nurse and reading textbooks at my easy access.

At work I have a whole library of medical compendiums at my access thanks to 3 chiropractors, 2 current and one retired.¬† I started there with “Grey’s Anatomy”, not the stupid show. I’m now on to reading all applicable areas of “Medical Physiology”.

I’m certain I stirred up a rats’-nest with the DaVatia clinic, but the first doctor to get a clue and do their job right is spared if evidence does point to any applicable malpractice moments. Hopefully the DaVita doctor will be that saving grace, she seems nice enough.

I have plenty of books to read (see below) and if all else fails I can go down to UMKC and browse their medical library. I will find out what I need to know, one way or another. It’s too bad that I’m having to play Susan Saradon’s part in ‘Lorenzo’s Oil’. That movie was made in 1992 based on a true story from prior, yet here in 2021 there are still moments where the family cares more than the doctors.

So this is the library at work:

If I don’t find my answers there I will navigate UMKC. Somehow I will find answers. I just hope it it on time to prevent worse trouble for Nathan.

May you never have to battle for proper care. May doctors always do their best to help you. May you know that you are being cared for properly. May you have all the resources you need and find a way to make things right. May you fully understand every challenge in front of you and find solutions easily. May you always be heard and understood. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Holiday Hootenanny

I may have a really messed up sense of enjoyment these days.

I spent my holiday finishing a project started last fall- the front patio. After pulling the few plants that managed to make it through the summer of 2020, we managed to not get back to it.

*Can’t figure out why (dripping in sarcasm)*

Anyway, I decided this final day of my 12 days off should be invested in finishing that, it was my last chance to get caught up for who knows how long. It could be a month or a year, so I took advantage of my chance.

My holiday celebration began at about 10:00am with a trip to my favorite hardware store: Menards. First trip was 16 bags of sand to level the area in question. After quickly dispersing the sand, I returned for second load: 83 pavers.

I ran home and with Nathan’s help quickly placed the pavers. He hoisted pavers until he over exerted reaching to try and pull 2 at once, he said it tugged too much at the lower incision. Then he became my photographer.

I needed just a few bricks or cobble stones to fill gaps too small for the 1 ft square pavers. So I returned to Menards one last time for those.

I have a bag of locking sand mix, but being that it was raining lightly all day, I couldn’t put that down yet. So, it’s essentially one easy step from being done.

I’m very happy. After moving pots closer to where their final spots will be (they’ll be on the charcoal pavers after being locked down). I then placed the boyscout plants we ordered 2 months ago, they came in 3 weeks ago, but I’m just getting to plant them now. The result is the final view pictures below, after the gaggle of progress shots (plus there’s a couple cute moments with kids from after hammock time at the end of the day).

I was super happy! I told Nathan I was really happy because I finally had a decent house, and now it has both a pretty front patio and a wonderfully comfortable back porch with all the fun stuff and practical gardens.

We’re going to put up a singular pole to remount our white led string for front patio mood lighting, it’ll be like a canopy of twinkle lights over the front patio.

Then when I get done dissecting the tree we’ll have a patio set with lots of character to go on the patio. I decided between our neighborhood having occasional theft concerns, and also because of needing to use up the tree, that a rough hewn set was the perfect idea. A few chainsaw cuts from the large end of the tree and a bunch of assembly is all that is needed. I’m kinda excited to do that project. It may be slated for next Sunday, weather permitting, we’ll see.

Anyway, I really was happy with my results and I have enjoyed the inspiration it stirred as well. It even kept my mind of of other concerns all day, in fact right up until I wrote this sentence I had completely put everything out of my mind. That is immensely comforting. It is relief through hard but creative labor.

Now as I write this post dinner is being made, and I’ve already had an hour out in the hammock. So, I layed a new patio in roughly 7 hours, mostly by my own hands and driving. That’s spectacular considering I’m not a professional and have no specialty equipment. I really appreciate that Nathan helped as much as he could and I look forward to days where he’s more back to his normal self. That will be a good day for certain.

This was a good day.

May you have good days full of inspiration, accomplishments, and loving support. May you have your health always and find that you easily push worries from your mind. May your productive moments also bring you great joy and satisfaction. May you find that you can relax knowing it all, is a symptom of improvement. May you know that the divine and your higher-self loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Put up or shut up.

I still have energetic junk plaguing my family and my home in a quite cyclical fashion. I suspect I know which partie(s) are causing it, but I’m not 100% certain.

I have however, gotten really good at shutting it down and blocking it after the fact though. What I can’t seem to block, Nathan can and does repeatedly.

Yesterday I had scream fest over it, alone in the van, on the way to work. I was blasting the source with a message of “if you’re not going to help then leave me the eff alone, I’m already doing it on my own, and you’re just making it harder.”

On one hand, good for me, makes me even stronger every single time I win. On the other hand it’s keeping me from the easy route which at this point I have more than earned, a dozen times over.

It amazes me that a couple/few individuals so insecure in themselves, can be hung up on me, allowing jealousy or whatever-stupid-reason to be fodder for regular energetic fixation in the most negative of ways.

I am getting stronger. I am getting more confident. I am able to keep my vibration higher most of the time, and even these energetic attacks only distract me briefly at this point. I am healing and growing and learning.

She-Ra was excellent inspiration, and I’m glad I revisited the show of my youth. It has only helped me with the here and now. I can’t begin to explain the number of ways I have put that inspiration to good use, and I am energetically kicking ass these days. (Which in all honesty I wasn’t doing half bad before.)

Beyond that, I’m not really the vengeful sort, but I am very aware of all of the energetic ways to ensure this non-sense ends. If push comes to shove I will invoke any means necessary to end this stupid game of theirs. I know God would both understand, and accept my request for forgiveness, to ensure my family is safe and secure.

So let this be fair warning to them. If they continue to cause problems and distractions, they will be bound energetically. That would make their lives extra difficult and possibly even emotionally painful, and I would hate to see it come to that.

God supports me and knows that it is time for the negativity to end completely, by whatever means are necessary. I count myself blessed that I understand how to do that without ever laying a finger on anyone or anything, except maybe some clay and a candle.

Of course, there are easier ways. They could¬† simply tell the truth and come clean. Or… They could completely let go of me, whatever they think of me, what they think I should do or not, their desires centered around me, etc. It’s obvious that something about me is causing another person or people grief, anger, frustration, etc., and they are looping something fierce. They really should just address their brain needing to loop onto the topic of me. With the millions of things to think about, just let go of me.

Hell, my older brother used to turn water on to drip just to drive me nuts. I learned quick how to ignore it, but in this moment maybe dripping water could help them ignore me. Or clouds in the sky, or cars on the road, or music. There is literally an infinite array of options anyone can use to distract themselves. If all else fails, there’s even mantras you can say or think repeatedly. ‘Om Shanti’ means “All that is be peace” – use the sanskrit or English version, either one will get your brain off of me and onto peace.

Of course, I recommend everyone repeat that mantra as much as possible. Regardless of language used, it definitely does help bring world peace. The more people chanting with focused mental stillness, the higher our planetary vibration becomes and the better we all get to experience. I would love to see more of that.

Anyway, the source of the negativity either needs to make good in reality with full truth, honesty and disclosure, or leave me the eff alone and let me slowly chip at making my world better with one less obstacle. If neither of those happens willingly from their end, I will shut them up energetically. I sense a binding coming on.


May you be energetically sovereign and mostly dwell in high vibrations. May your days go smoothly and have a steady flow of positive interactions both physically and energetically. May you know God supports you in all that you do. May you know you are healing and getting stronger. May you know you are learning all that you need to know. May everything bring you a sense of divine timing and God force guiding you to all you desire. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti