Tag Archives: be creative

Cloud surfing.

I have been feeling the need for some positive focus in a major way. In lieu of my grand dreams of Atira Community, I’d take some more practical Tessering. So I’m going to focus on the paradigm I’d like to be in right now, and aim at it based on my current reality. Essentially, I’m going to focus on what my ideal next step would be. As in from right where I sit right now: what is the best improvement in all areas that is reachable?

My ideal health situation would be: My own personal health, and that of my family, finds balance and is more easily maintainable. The tools to accomplish that would be easily afforded and/or covered by insurance, and would be toxin-free and side-effect-free. I could do the IV nutrient treatments in an affordable or covered way. I could heal organs for myself and my family. We could eat normal foods in normal quantities again. We would all be healthy weight, strong, flexible, and have healthy nutrient levels in our bodies. All of our bodily systems would function easily and seamlessly to provide a sense of overall consistent health. My family would make friends with focusing on meditation and yoga to help maintain their balance. They would find other enjoyable ways to help maintain that balance as well. We would all feel good consistently.

My ideal financial situation would be: The income I have been able to produce consistently these last few years, would come with fewer hours and still be minimal stress levels to help maintain health. A wonderful bonus would be if the wages increased a bit, and was still fewer hours and minimal stress. That would be wonderful because it would help to pay things off sooner, and I might be able to save time for tree sculptures and other activities I’ve been unable to accomplish. It would also help me to provide things that the teen has requested (car insurance for her to drive). It would be an increase of enjoyment along side financial relief and less hands on work. That would be amazing.

My ideal home would be: Enough time to keep regular chores caught up and finish projects started. I still have trim to finish installing in Anya’s room, and the drywall patch needs sanded and re-painted, I’d love to finish those things. There are still a few little silly things that have just never made the priority cut, like one door needs the kick plate installed. A wonderful bonus would be having enough income and/or time to tackle the big projects that have been indefinitely postponed: exterior paint job and addressing window replacements. Our home is beautiful and I love the idea of making it even better, by addressing the few not ideal items. I look forward to being able to do that easily and in a way that fits with schedule needs. It would also enable more contemplation and possibly even action towards things that have been considered to make our yard and kitchen beautiful as well. That would be most excellent. I look forward to moments like that.

My ideal community would be: Open, fully functional, healthy, lighter, and at peace. People would be secure in their beingness and open to others doing the same, regardless of how that manifests. We would all be free to choose and we would all reach for better. People would begin to walk away from arguments on differences, and embrace each other based on common ground. People would reach for things that feel good and look for ways to appreciate each other regardless of uniqueness. There would be even more beautiful plants and trees, and caring for the environment would be evident everywhere I go. Recycling would become even easier to accomplish, and everyone would make efforts to maintain cleanliness in our community and in our world. We would embrace the changing weather patterns and work together to adjust to the changes. We would all work together to find compromises and solutions to all of our challenges in every arena. Bipartisan would become a collective of positive forward motions and change for the better. Acknowledgment of failures would be propulsion towards a collective reaching for alternative solutions. We would all work together for the betterment of mankind and the world. We would all aim for balance with nature and help improve the world in every way for lasting progress, and hopefully increase humanity’s chance of survival for many generations to come (only in balance will humans continue to flourish). Institutions would recognize when they are failing the collective and adjust their actions and motivations to meet the needs of the collective. Governments would do likewise. Both institutions and governments would serve us best by acknowledging that though no action will be perfect for everyone, there are actions that would be a better solution for most, and those would be the actions that bring everyone together again. Institutions and governments would also acknowledge that because no one decision is perfect for everyone, they would enable choice in participation, we would be allowed to maintain our freedoms and our human rights. They would acknowledge that they are charged with making decisions for the majority and finding ways to enable those decisions for all whom wish to participate, but that human freedom is pertinent regardless. (Example: Education is supported and structured, but any one family can choose public vs private vs homeschool at their own judgement and risk.) That concept is embraced and applied in all areas of life. Institutions would embrace the energetic world knowing that more and more people are aware and open to it, and medicine would be served to learn more about it and find ways to help people with it.

My world would change slowly enough to enable most people to keep up and survive, to heal enough to lead healthy lives. Only those that are unable to keep up would perish, and that could easily be a slim margin with more available options.

These ramblings are my broad view of things on my mind and where I wish to see them head. Hopefully you see the overarching theme and how it applies to your experience.

May we all get through these changing times in one piece. May we all have the healing we seek. May you see that you are doing your level best to provide yourself with everything you need. May you give yourself the best possible options you can. May you find forgiveness for yourself when you are unable to give yourself the best available. May you love and respect yourself and everyone around you. May you see the light that our world needs and find every way possible to bring it into your days. May we all work together for better and brighter days. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Overcome Toxic

This is intended as a short post.

First:

Toxic is toxic, regardless of gender or sexual identity. I had the playlist (screenshot below) come across my notifications and I started to listen, giving up quickly. The second song was simply just too toxic for me. It’s from the viewpoint of ‘you shouldn’t date her because she’s _____’. It made my skin crawl.

My response if someone said that to me would likely be along the lines of shock and dismay. You can experience jealousy without tearing down the innocent bystander, I know because I have before. I internalized my jealousy, being that I was already struggling with depression, but the thought never occurred to me to attack another. Now with my history and my own journey, I’m to a point where I know better. If someone chooses another over me it’s just fine because I probably deserve better than they can offer me. I find I’m more sad for the last person that hurt me than for the loss of them. I wish better for them and growth for themselves.

Beyond shock and dismay there are several phrases that come to mind as good responses. “Well aren’t you high and mighty!”… “Your definition of beauty is awfully shallow!”… “Who are you to judge them?”… “You might be right, maybe I shouldn’t date them, but not for the reasons you gave, and it’s obvious I shouldn’t date you either.” …

Then I’d play Godsmack’s “Whatever” as loudly as possible: ” I’m doing the best I ever did, I’m doing the best that I can, now fucking go away!”

Lastly:

I worked on the Herky dog drawing some more and wanted to share. So far I have about 6 hours in, and it’s staying true to the time I invested in other high detailed work. I’m happy with the progress so far. First 3 shots are from before. The other 2 are this week’s progress.

May you know your worth and that you never need to attack another. May you have only blessing for our fellow human beings. May you find your way out of toxic behaviors and beliefs. May your growth benefit all those you encounter and our whole world. May you know your are loved and accepted as you are. May you help lift this world up. May you find wonderful creative outlets to produce beautiful things for this world. May we all know we are loved and supported by the divine; fully accepted as the human beings we are.

Om Shanti

Update: I just got home and Nathan showed me his labwork received at today’s monthly dialysis check-up. He’s doing much better. His Kt/V is much improved, but still has a ways to go, otherwise most of his numbers were much better and even had smiley faces next to them. It is validation of relief I have begun to notice, slow progress is still progress.