Tag Archives: be honest

Punch a Monk

I told Nathan that’s what I want to do. I wouldn’t really, it’s just words to express my frustrations.

I’m not some monk sitting in robes in some mountain monastery all day for the rest of my life. In fact that sounds like a really great permanent vacation at this point.

No phone, no internet, people all busy taking care of their inner world, being served minimal extra healthy meals, getting perfect amounts of sleep regulated for the group as a whole. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that picture and the human experience.

In fact it’s the ideal.

And that’s why I want to punch them.

I’m supposed to try and fit monk ideals into:

Being the provider for a single income household, mom of 3 obstinate kids, wife to a kind but struggling husband, working 6 days a week, and trying to play catch-up for everything that failed when Nathan landed in the hospital again.

I pretty much told god, it may not actually be impossible, but it’s so damn close that the level of expectations is rediculous.

I want to punch Sadhguru, and every monk that ever made it sound easy. I want to punch them and scream at them to go and do it in my life. Go ahead, let’s switch roles for a couple of months, I’ll play monk in robes in quiet solitude and you can carry out all of my roles for a month. I dare you.

I’m supposed to be able to fix it all, manage it all. There’s supposed to be resources for all of it. But despite all of my well meaning efforts, all of my mantras and meditations, the resources simply aren’t there. Most of it is my direct responsibility, and my magic wand has run out of batteries long ago.

I had to stop the service that was taking some of the load off my shoulders. We’d hit a waiting for paperwork to process wall, and were told it could be 2 to 3 months before we got any answers. Bonus, everything else that they could have helped resolve would have taken dollars I didn’t have, at least right now. The chiropractors didn’t really have it in the budget to begin with, so I acknowledged the immense help it was, and willingly cut the cord.

I really need a real live personal assistant and about 20 grand in the bank to attempt to bring a monestary feel to my doorstep. Seeing as how that’s not happening today, or likely even this week, I keep reaching for the best I can in any given moment.

So, with all of that in mind, I am going to poke fun at Sadhguru’s quotes from this week. Who knows maybe he’ll read it and get a chuckle.

Seriously though, I have fit in some hammock time even with overcast weather. I have done meditations at night, and I’m savouring my beach time by looking at the pics and videos and letting my mind be back there. The To-Do-list is moving slowly to try and keep my shit together and keep myself from stressing so much. There is less stress, but it is not gone. I’m doing my level best with the situations and elements I have to work with and around. Perhaps one day I will find my path starting to get easier, but it’s been so long I’m really clinging hard to my hope of that.

May you find the humor when life fails. May you know that ideals are lofty goals and the rest of us are just responsible for reaching as high as we possibly can. May you see the good in your life and have enough time and resources to manage everything. May you know that you are supported and that the trickle can grow. May you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do, even when it is poking fun at monks and the negatives of your life.

Om Shanti

Catching Up: 4

We’re In This Together.

We all need to know we’re not alone sometimes, and today was that for both me and one of my clients. The office staff was super helpful and kind today and I received some much needed relief. Then one of my clients came in seeking the same.

We talked and talked and talked. Due to HIPAA and my own personal ethics, what happens in that room stays in that room. So I will not be divulging any details of her experience, nor a name.

However, I can tell you that like many of us, she has experienced abuse, and also some of the same revelations I’ve been having of late. We compared notes on how memories safely locked away in our brains have surfaced to be dealt with. I shared my knowledge of EFT and other techniques that help to release all of it from our bodies. I also did a little extra energy work on top of the massage given. I spoke from my authentic, fully honest self, and over-shared knowing that it was safe with this person. Then apologized just in case it was a little too much.

It was a truly safe space for both of us. So much so that I could hear her voice crack when acknowledging that she can’t talk about some of those things with anyone else in her life.

We shared stories of places and things in our lives that have helped us find healing. It was quite amazing how much of our lives and beliefs and choices overlapped.

We both really needed that connection today. We both really needed to know that our efforts are part of a bigger picture leading us from #METOO, to a healed collective of openness and balanced masculine and feminine.

I congratulated and thanked her for her work helping women, men, and transgender people to heal. I expressed how much we all need that and how even though it can be uncomfortable at times we really need to keep doing what were doing. Eventually it really will heal our karma which will help bring healing for the collective as a whole.

May you understand your place in all of this. May you know with certainty that you are not alone and we are all on this journey together. May you see the kindness and healing you need. May you know you are accepted as your fully authentic and honest self. May you be kind to your self and give your body what it needs to heal. May you find your own truly safe space with more than enough acceptance. May you know that you are loved and supported in all that you do.

Om Shanti