Tag Archives: be humanitarian

Relaxing into clarity.

Yesterday I hit an exhausted wall again. Cancelled most, but not all, of my massage work today. That is an expensive habit I need to break, even if it has only been once a month.

You see as an employee I’m faced with the corporation’s rules:

  • Too many sick days and there’s penalty.
  • Overtime equals penalty.
  • Too many penalties and you get fired.

Yet the “reality” is I am working 7 days a week. 5 for them and 2 as myself. It also holds knowledge that I made $4 more last year in the job than in the self-employed work- way more hours for the same pay.

The reality is that their full-time 40-hour-a-week job has unrealistic expectations. There’s simply too much to be done to fit into 40 hours, but not enough to justify hiring an additional employee. So rules being what they are I’ve been electing to work off the clock averaging 2 to 5 hours a week of unpaid overtime, and that’s with efforts I’ve made to make certain duties more efficient.

I’d hate to see what the average Joe would need, and it has made even clearer why they keep going through activities directors like candy. Because like myself they’ve all probably hit the this-isn’t-worth-it-wall and quit caring which ultimately led to unfulfilled job duties and getting themselves canned. Unfortunately, even though I’m seeing the clarity, my work ethic demands I stick to what I’ve already done, until I find a better solution.

I’m literally putting in 70 hours a week between both sources of income, sometimes more.

So today I worked less to take care of myself. In fact I’m writing this from my post cupping, Epsom salt bath.

Thought you might prefer to not see all of me naked 🤣, but I’m loving that technology has allowed this moment.

Anyway, sunshine, cupping, massage, good healthy food, CBD oil, and a peppermint/eucalyptus Epsom bath- I’m starting to feel revived. I might actually be able to accomplish some tax prep before bed.

In the meantime, whilst I soak, I’m going to breakdown the opposites I’d prefer to experience.

  • Ballance between work life and home/social life.
  • Quality time with my children (wanting to play in the sandbox with Ian and go for walks outside again, now that the weather is improving).
  • I’d love to get paid above the real, current, highly inflated, cost-of-living for doing a 40 hour week. Less hours, more pay. I feel I’m worth it. I’m intelligent, hard working, detail oriented, and do go the extra mile when it’s called for (it shouldn’t be a daily expectation at low wages like it currently is).
  • Legally, I’m due to be paid for overtime when it’s necessary without penalty. Companies should acknowledge that if they are choosing to have fewer employees than workload dictates, they are to pay accordingly, or adjust the workload. In this particular case there are 3 people with time available to help. 2 of which are computer illiterate (as far as many of my duties are concerned) and the 3rd is one of “the mean girls” above me in rank. That is the additional clarity of why I just work off the clock, instead of attempting to shift workload elsewhere. They are simply either not able or willing to help in a genuine caring manner.
  • I wish to work with people willing to go the extra mile and be supportive of each other, but in an environment that tests it less frequently. Lower stress environment.
  • I prefer to work with people that are more open, accepting, and understanding. We all have oddities, quirks, and strange habits or mannerisms, just because someone else’s might bother you doesn’t make it right to mock them.
  • I enjoy being around friendly people.
  • I enjoy being appreciated.
  • I am grateful I leave lasting positive impacts on the people and places I’ve worked with.
  • I enjoy the feeling of belonging one gets in a tight knit community.
  • I enjoy being around people of all ages and all backgrounds. It is more interesting and brings more ideas to the table, the “compromise-challenge” is worth it.
  • I prefer to live the sentiment Summer Osborne addressed in her TED talk. (see here)
  • I would love to have genuinely good insurance that covered providers of my choice, even home birth, chiropractic, acupuncture, and massage. That is truly progressive and preventative medicine.
  • I would love to have my dome home and an electric vehicle.
  • I think I would really enjoy being on the providing side of these sentiments through owning my own community- my dream of Atira gets clearer with every day I’m alive.
  • I look forward to a day when I know my efforts help produce profits that go to good charitable causes instead of investors bank accounts.
  • I look forward to having a hand in those charities as well; a way to make a greater and even more positive and lasting impact.
  • I look forward to easier times ahead for me and my family.
  • I look forward to being able to take vacations occasionally with enough budget to do so easily and comfortably. Even once a year would be grand.
  • I look forward to experiencing the cafe and bistro I’ve dreamed of where I can walk in knowing there are multiple truly healthy and truly tasty options to choose from.
  • I look forward to being able to stay home on messy winter days and being able to take full advantage of those perfect sunny days, even if it’s just a walk in the park.
  • I look forward to being able to release my CDL comfortably knowing I no longer need to keep it as a backup plan, let alone my source of income. There are plenty of people that love driving more than I do.
  • I look forward to having a great playground in my close knit community…. And a dog park… And trails… Mmmm good.
  • I look forward to manifesting greater good in this world for God. I choose the archetypes Shiva (Zeus/Poseidon), Kali (Hera/Brighid), Ganesh (Hermes/Mercury), etc., because they resonate with me and I have such a layered understanding of God’s aspects. Regardless, we are here to further manifest on behalf of God. We are conduit for the Divine to produce more, and I acknowledge the weight of that willingly. I choose to do better, to strive for better, and to leave a positive mark on this world. Part of me wishes everyone had that same intense desire, and on some level we all do, but I acknowledge some are simply not able to accomplish what I am reaching for. I hope that I am able to accomplish what I am reaching for.

With that, my bath is cold and I am going to reach for tax progress with the remainder of my evening. Adeau and Happy St. Pat’s day if I don’t get a chance to write again before then. Blessings everyone.

Journeys make the dream.

Recently I just finished watching “The Kindness Diaries” on Netflix (I believe that it is a NetFlix original). It was the most amazing story of a spiritual journey that I have seen yet. I am utterly grateful for Leon’s journey for it brought hope back to my heart and provided a great expansion in my being. Essentially, he travels the world solely by the kindness of others, which leaves him in some very interesting situations. In the end not only was the kindness that he was shown amazing, but the kindness he returned was amazing too.

It has made me think yet again about ways that I might do more for others. My heart so yearns for a large scale helping of others. I have acknowledged lately that I am not here to make money; I am here to help make the world a better place for as many people as I can. It’s why I became a massage therapist a decade ago when my art degree failed so miserably. I thought that if I couldn’t make the world beautiful, perhaps I could help people instead. They are really elements of the same aspect of my being that is my soul manifest. Beautiful sound, beautiful images/objects, and treating others beautifully- they all contribute to a beautiful world.

I have been very verbal about that, even responding to queries from my residents regarding things that Trump is doing, that I am a humanitarian at heart- I want to help people and I wish there were more humanitarians in the world. I explained to one resident (when he was asking about military budget), that the biggest problem that I had with spending more on the military is that it wouldn’t go to the soldiers it would go to the military machine- that our country has a long history of sending people off to war, getting maimed and traumatized, often killed. The ones that do return home are “released” and left to their own devices; often having to fight for medical care through our pitiful VA system. I pointed out to him, that even he chose to use up all of his retirement savings on a private facility rather than go to the VA home. It really is sad how our veterans are treated after having fought for our freedoms. Yet the system continues to function the same way, because there are too few humanitarians willing to put their foot down and refuse to perpetuate that very system.

Regardless, I am essentially aware that I myself have not been able to produce monetary gains of any sort. I’m not here to make money. However, I’ve been having long conversations with the divine of late that it’s much easier to help others if the monetary flow is great. The greater the flow in fact: the more people that I could help. The better effect I could have on the world. The more beauty I could bring.

I have acknowledged that the archetype of Lord Shiva (aka Zeus, Jupiter, Thor, Cernunos, you even could compare to the burning bush God of The Bible) is speaking to me of late. That archetype:  Father God with strong firey powers that can be both destructive and life giving; is speaking to me on a level that I am still having trouble wrapping my brain around. It feels so amazing, yet very surreal. The messages are flowing strongly, the mental images are intense yet very comforting. I am literally feeling the divine love lately. I am feeling the love in me and my life much better than the broken depression wrought brain I had a few months ago.

[Because believe me when I say that: not only does depression eliminate the ability to feel love, it also makes me a very angry aggressive monster, and I end up even despising myself and the things I have done.]

Yet, I have conversations with this power about how I could be doing so much more for others, especially if I wasn’t worried about my own self and family so much. I say “if only you could drop a ‘whole lotta money’ in my lap, I could build Atira” and create that beautiful perpetual giving machine to help thousands, perhaps even millions of people. I emphasize that I would do it all in the name of the Divine, that I know I personally am not here to make money for myself. I have proven time and time again that I can exist on little to no money. I can and would contribute all of it to building the giving machine. As long as I had a peaceful retreat (room of my own) and enough food (which really isn’t much these days)- I would give everything else to create Atira and help everyone I could.

And then the surreal gets blissfully even more surreal.

I realize that without the hard journey Nathan and I have experienced, we would not have gotten to where we are. We would not have been so concerned for the safety and security of others. We would not want to help others out of situations that we narrowly missed. We would not have wanted to fix things that other people are blind to. We would not have the desire to be such intense humanitarians.

So then I ask: can we cut to the chase now? Have we experienced enough journey to be like Leon Logothetis and give back in a big way? Can I start having the OPRAH experience now? Take that twisty-windy-curvy, long, painful road, and make it short, straight, sweet, and to-the-point? PLEASE?!?!

As if trying to yell a response, my days get even more surreal.

Messages are everywhere. I realize that a residents’ wall I’ve been staring at for 2 years has objects on it that validate my current experience. I begin to wonder what the remaining objects mean.

I also get messages in text speak- lots and lots of them!

For instance, in one spot I see: L247282… 8 has always been a reference for infinite for me. L or LU  has always been Love or Love You for me. So then I translate the text speak into “Love 24/7 to the infinite too”, essentially telling me show some love back please.  My response- OK, done!

How does one show love to the divine?

For me it’s always been through mantras, art, nature, dancing, and music. They all help me feel connected, help me feel that love much more. So I’ll step up my work some more. Mantras have already been stepped up, and I’ve already been listening to a lot of music that makes me want to dance. I don’t feel like a great dancer, but I do love to dance around a fire on a cool summer night. I can’t wait for the weather to get a little better so that I can do more of that. That leaves art, being in nature, and playing music. All of which I could do lots more of. DONE! Making room in the schedule.

Yet, what about that 24/7 part?

I need to bring the feeling I get when I’m doing those things into all of my waking activities… and sleep too! For sleep, just set the tone before drifting off… it always works for me. Waking hours might be a bit more challenging, but challenge accepted. If that’s the missing link, then I’m going to do my best to show the love 24/7. I’ll bring more love to my residents, more love to my work environment, more love to the road, and For Pete’s Sake more love to my ever-frustrating super-smart yet very beautiful children. If love’s what’s missing, I’ll do my humanly best to bring more love to the table.

 

So, today I brought the love through stopping to smell and take pictures of flowering trees. I flirted with the lifeguard at the Y, I said hi to complete strangers. I gave what little pocket change I had to a man on the street (I’ve been sorely short cash moneys lately), and I drove oblivious to the traffic conditions that would normally frustrate the living daylights out of me.

It was and still is a beautiful day, rain, clouds and all. Things feel good again. I look forward to the future manifestations of that.

Next installment of Atira I’ll talk about the different business things I want to do… I’ve been working on fine tuning mentally the order of things before I sit to write it.