Okay, so first disclaimer. I took cannabis meds tonight to help my state of being. I may be struggling enough that I took a little more than usual, and thus I’m feeling it tonight. Not bad, actually quite good, I just felt I should note that I’m writing from a slightly-altered state of mind.
I had a thought I'm not sure how it was brought I wondered if she'd rather be called J I grew up with a brother that went by JJ He had a feminine side Father tried to beat out of him Dad given nickname He came to hate I wondered if that was why He preferred JJ JJ is androgynous It doesn't pick a side It doesn't let you decide So would be J She grew up a girl With behavior more befitting A boy I relate Mud pies, skinned knees, Playing war as long as My brother didn't win too much She had sisters and parents Of similar age as mine She was born a girl after all Who would think different I heard my father's words Echo bitterly: "If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck...." Bullshit of generations past Too weak to allow for more Turning them to cowards of Either/or I want to allow more I want to honor differences I want to respect those that deserve Respect Just for being them So I reach for How How do I ask From genuine concern And not sound like An Ass I'm not good at this Because our generation was Those that admitted We were Different But labels Weren't firm Weren't decided and settled There wasn't discussion or education And didn't get used accurately Often Parents were oblivious They thought they were Doing great But never noticed The poor example set For learning to Respectfully acknowledge Individual vessel For a much greater self So even this unique SELF Doesn't always know How to be addressed I've been called T And it's just fine Ambiguous Allows for Flexibility I still like My feminine Celtic Wise Woman Name Near my heart For being My choice But I have And always will Keep up with The boys Whenever it matters To ME So Ambiguous Sounds good to me Because I can be Girly girl Manly Woman One of the boys Whatever I need In any moment It allows for More me To just BE ~ Treasa Cailleach
May you always know how to ask respectfully. May you see more possibilities for yourself and others. May you find a way to honor the whole of someone you care about. May you be patient with those that are doing their best to improve. May you be equally patient with yourself for aiming for those same and even more improvements. May you have love in your heart for every uniqueness. Above all, may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.
At least for today, this will be my final post. It’s one of those days, I’ll take it while it’s flowing and I’m able to weasel a moment to type. BTW, my middle post had two stanzas added after I hit publish, edits happen. If you caught it before I finished editing check it out again.
What does Love Of For Self Look like?
Is it Clothes worn Replaced Often As body size Dictates
Or rewards Earned For having Won Battles Waged Internal
Is it Flowers Plants bought Beauty To brighten A space To enjoy Everyday All year
Is it Treating One's self With Respect In words And actions Because Respect is Earned And self Definitely Earned it
Is it Loving touch Sensual Exploration Or palpable Fixing of Muscular woes Easing discomforts Soothing nerves Relaxing Body
Is it Quiet Stillness Brain's Breath Giving self Safe space To BE SELF Still Calm Centered
Is it Activities Creative Enjoyment A Presence In the world With loved ones Doing Making Memories Filling Lifetimes
Or is it All of the above Anything Everything You would Do to Give Another As affection All are Valid To show the Same affection To self
Self is Pure Positive Beautiful Radiant You
Self Knows more Feels more Loves more Accepts more Handles more Cares more Creates So much more
Self is Amazing Kind Compassionate Caring Loving Healing Beautiful Exuberance
You Cannot Not Love Self
Self Is Perfect
Give Self The best You Are able And learn how To improve On abilities To honor Self So it will Always Get Better and Better
You Deserve You Deserve Self Deserve Better Always
~ Treasa Cailleach
Love yourself and all that you do. Honor yourself, respect yourself and show yourself you deserve the best you’re able. Your inner pureness has earned every last bit of loving honor. An it harm none, do what ye will. Above all know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.
Right now I’m taking a short break to wash sheets at the clinic. My brain hurts.
I decided that even though I can’t afford med-school, especially knowing I would argue with teachers frequently, it doesn’t mean I can’t learn what I need to learn, to help Nathan.
He’s struggling again, and needs answers, and I’m determined to make it happen one way or another. So I started with texting his nurse and reading textbooks at my easy access.
At work I have a whole library of medical compendiums at my access thanks to 3 chiropractors, 2 current and one retired. I started there with “Grey’s Anatomy”, not the stupid show. I’m now on to reading all applicable areas of “Medical Physiology”.
I’m certain I stirred up a rats’-nest with the DaVatia clinic, but the first doctor to get a clue and do their job right is spared if evidence does point to any applicable malpractice moments. Hopefully the DaVita doctor will be that saving grace, she seems nice enough.
I have plenty of books to read (see below) and if all else fails I can go down to UMKC and browse their medical library. I will find out what I need to know, one way or another. It’s too bad that I’m having to play Susan Saradon’s part in ‘Lorenzo’s Oil’. That movie was made in 1992 based on a true story from prior, yet here in 2021 there are still moments where the family cares more than the doctors.
So this is the library at work:
If I don’t find my answers there I will navigate UMKC. Somehow I will find answers. I just hope it it on time to prevent worse trouble for Nathan.
May you never have to battle for proper care. May doctors always do their best to help you. May you know that you are being cared for properly. May you have all the resources you need and find a way to make things right. May you fully understand every challenge in front of you and find solutions easily. May you always be heard and understood. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.