9×12 Strathmore Charcoal Paper with laid finish. Prismacolor artist pencils and oil pastels.
Images as follows: my original photographs used for references, googled images used as references, and finally progression of drawing.
Like the commissions I worked on this in just my spare time. I’m going to sit with it for a couple days, then, if satisfied, scan for reproduction and frame.
May you enjoy creative moments. May you find peace in your days. May life be colorfully wonderful always. May your creativity inspire active endeavors. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.
** I decided after an afternoon staring at it, that I needed to revisit the background sky. I decided I didn’t like the gradient I did and thought it should echo the sky inside the shell to reinforce the title. So I’m almost done with the revision. I will update when complete.
I did have to add just a little oil pastel to finish the sky correction.
I am here For me To be me To find my FIre To experience
I am here Where Earth Meets land Meets wind Meets sky
The sun Is my guide My light Lies within And shines All about Me
I am here On a beach The water Cold The wind Strong Sun shining Through Clouds And fog
Despite Everything It still Shines It shines For me
Because I am Here For me For my Birth Day
I am here to Celebrate Me
By doing something I desired Whether Anyone or Anything else Supported my Desire
I was willing To do it Alone With nothing And no one
I am grateful Because God helped a little Provided Basic luxuries Of bed Toilet and Shelter
Yet I am still Here I am standing Where I desired When I desired To do so
The shining sun is for me The strong wind is for me The cold waves are for me The crashing sound is for me
My light My fire Is me I am Here I am the creator I Am the observer I see me Here I experience me Here
Next time I'll make it Warmer Sunnier Funner It'll be nicer For kids
There will Be A next time For Me Whether God stays to help Or not Because My fire Is here In ME
~ Treasa Cailleach
May you BE you, here and now. May you feel your inner fire return full strength if you so chose. May you release everyone else from responsibility for your outcomes, and may you release your responsibility for theirs. May you understand that your experience via the 6 senses was all that was ever intended in this physical body. May you release understanding any of it for now. May you release everything and everyone else to be your best inner being in a physical experience. May you enjoy this transition and use it to your fullest. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.
Admist everything else that has been my life of late, that question has been on my mind. Yet I need to take care of myself at every opportunity to make up for my painful lapse. So, I have thought and thought, and now I write while balanced on my foam roller.
At first blush, 2 weeks on a warm sunny beach with no one would be awesome. No questions, no comments, no concerns, no inquisitive ramblings, no need to do this, or have to be there, no role to play, no person to be for someone. Just me, sand, sun, ocean view, and tasty cold beverages.
Except then I acknowledge how seemingly impossible that would be. Either I’d have to run away and have guilt over that, or hire a babysitter and home health. Neither of which is desirable and the latter is out of my budget, I can barely afford the two middle-schoolers that watch Ian and Katherine on the rare occasion we have to resort to that. Fortunately, they are homeschool kids so even during the school year we can call on them if needed, but it is always a last resort.
So I told my friend the office manager I was sitting on that beach in my mind as often as possible, and then she made sure that I had as much time as I wanted to myself yesterday. I am grateful for that. I struck the balance between to-do-list and running away and gave myself a couple solid hours of quiet me time.
Anyway, so there’s that question. I have thought immensley on.
The short answer is: what I’m doing now, just a little less of it, a couple hours a week less should be enough, but with proper external care- so adequate trades too.
The long answer started when I thought about the offered office admin position at the clinic. I can do it, I’m not a 30 year seasoned vet, but I get the complexities and processes. Yet, I find myself holding my breath often, and I really have to focus because it isn’t second nature for me. Between dyslexia compensation mechanisms, and easily distracted, I find I have to spend most of the day making myself focus. It’s just like when I was Activities Director. It’s not a bad job and the job itself isn’t that stressful, but me doing the job is.
Then I thought about things I like and things I don’t like. It was a long list of both. Ultimately, the important likes were making pretty/adding beauty to the world and helping people. Those two give me big feel good warm fuzzies. Yet, I am beginning to see that the former is a result of the latter, and also that the way I help people can be a much wider array of ways. So in a way my current role is a good reflection of that.
I also acknowledged that there are other jobs that could accomplish the same things, but most of them would require more education, and that is out of reach at this point in time. Others, I’m not sure they would be any kind of pay raise or reduction in labor, so there’s no hurry to switch.
I also felt that I have had many people over time acknowledge my talent in a variety of ways: being called a healer, being told I’m compassionate, being told I’m gifted, and thousands of “best massage in my life”.
It’s just in me and I’m okay with that.
It’s so much there, that massage is the one thing I’m so profeccient at, that I don’t really have to think about it. My mind can be on a million things and people never notice unless I say something about it. I can carry on conversations while working my magic. I don’t have to give it one thought.
Yet I do, I still spend vast amounts of time focused on what my hands are doing, pressure, sensations, and billions of repetitions of healing phrases and and Reiki statements. I think about how beautiful some of my clients are, and how kind, caring, strong, and generous other are. I think about all their good qualities to help them reach themselves and heal.
I don’t do it because I have to.
I do it because I want to.
I want to help and make beautiful, and doing what I do, does that for them. I want to be my best self so I’m always striving for more focused, more attentive, more helpful, easier. And to do all of that I focus on what I’m doing even more.
So even though my job is easy enough for me to mentally check out, I remain as present as the client’s conversation allows, most of the time.
Things that bring enjoyment and joy are those that you can focus on fully and completely.
The more attention you give to your now moment the better it feels. And for me, massage and art, are both neck and neck for that place. Those two things have brought me the peace of the moment, more than anything else in my life. When I was in highschool music was a tied third. As an adult I have no time for music, and I’d have to start over being so rusty. I genuinely love all 3, and currently I’m working in 2 of them successfully.
Anyway, at the long end of my contemplation, I have decided I need to back off slightly and somehow figure out good trades bi-weekly. I’m not giving up on what I love because of injuries, I just need to make certain they don’t happen again. There is a balance and I will find it in time.
For now I’d still love that vacation. I’ll leave the door open that the universe finds a way to make it happen.
May you see you role in this world and love yourself for it. May you have all of the joy inspiring focus you need and may you never have to focus on something you’d rather not. May your skills match the job perfectly and make everything easy for you. May you breathe deep always knowing that you got this, and you’re doing exactly as was intended for you. May you find your way to make the world a more beautiful place and in turn help everyone the same as a drop of water in the ocean. May you always know that you are loved and supported in all that you do, and you have that and more from the divine always.
Furthermore (after publishing thought):
I am able to focus on massage and art, even when life melts down. I am able to focus on them even when I’m in pain or distress. I am able to focus on them in the midst of everything. I choose to do them because I enjoy them and they help me too. I choose to make the time for them, because they serve me well always, and bonus they help me pay my bills too. They are my gateways to my inner being no matter what else is going on in the world.
I wish that for everyone. May you all find that thing or the things that are gateways to your inner being no matter what is happening in your world. Those are your gifts. Cherish them always.
I woke up at essentially the same time I would for work. I hadn’t slept well anyway, my tummy was upset from the prior evening’s food and emotional trigger.
So, I decided to walk the beach before my final goodbyes, in an effort to let go one last time. I didn’t want to end my trip on a down note, and the ocean has no judgements, only soothing waves and bird sounds.
I crossed state line to Rhode Island to a significantly bigger beach, still only about 20 min from my brother’s house.
I walked a long time, stopping to take shoes off fairly early into my time out at the beach. It enabled toes in sand and feet in water, very grounding and soothing.
I collected one large purple clamshell and a handful of sea glass and water-polished stones. My goal is to turn them into jewelry at some point next week. My souvenir for myself.
Pics below. The horseshoe crab I tried to flip over when it didn’t on its own, but I think it was already dead. I did see a seagull near where I discovered it, so I’m guessing it was on its way to being food before I scared the seagull away.
May you have good soothing moments in nature. May you have mostly good trips. May you find a way to move past and let go of other’s judgements. May you feel good mostly and find ways to stabilize when you’ve had an emotional hit. May you know that the divine loves and supports you.
No responsibilities. No kids. No requirements. No things to think about or solve. No schedule or places to be. It is my choice.
I started at my brother’s house because my sister in law picked me up for a break for herself, and they were saving me a rental car by loaning me one of theirs.
So 9:30 was saying hi to everyone that has already made it. Then I wandered his property. It is so beautiful I took pictures. Here’s some highlights:
Then I needed to decompress and find the ocean. He’s 15 minuets From several options, but I picked Stonington’s borough.
I sat on one stretch of rocks by the docks, then walked further out to the small beach. Again a few highlights for your viewing pleasure:
After quite some time I decided I was thirsty and somewhat hungry. I went to the restaurant on the pier by the docks. It’s called breakwater.
I enjoyed a grilled lobster roll with sweet potato waffle fries and a rum punch with a Flourless Chocolate Torte for dessert. I went only slightly off of my diet choices to accommodate a wonderfully east coast amazing meal. Nothing an extra Benadryl can’t solve, especially since it was so yummy and a good meal by the water.
So far I am having an amazing day, and it’s only 3pm. I have 5400 steps in and much needed relaxation, and a super yummy meal. Did I mention I really needed this!
My phone battery is running low from all the pictures/videos, so I may not be able to post this fully until later tonight when I get back to my hotel. Needless to say, I’m really enjoying much needed relief and relaxation.
I am enjoying this short trip immensely, I really needed it and I’m milking it for every ounce of joy possible.
On a side tangent, as someone who never gets their nails done because I have to trim them twice weekly, I didn’t want to spend any significant money making mine look good for this short special occasion. My first attempt was peel and stick. They were pretty with gold accents, but were easily loosened by normal tasks and came off the first time I washed my hands. My second attempt is a do-it-yourself glue on set which I had to trim down. They’re not perfect like high dollar manicures, but pretty and they accomplished what I was going for. Both sets were $5 from “Five Below”.
May you have immense relief when you need it. May you enjoy yourself and still be kind to your body. May you have exactly what you need and desire in any given moment. Above all may the joy you experience, help you find the healing you seek in every moment. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.