Tag Archives: beautiful things

Loved, loving, lovable

Nathan helped me after work yesterday. We pulled cards and he helped me figure out the meaning, the story the cards told, what the hell I was feeling and experiencing.

There were 7 people, I was the center one, the other 6 were the people I had been feeling in my body all day, and as we talked over the cards I could feel which person was what spot in my body. At the end of the reading I realized that it was my birth family recreated, that each role I could relate to parents or siblings in childhood, but also to the current and recent past. It seems to this day, I love them all and just wish they got along because I love them.

My intuitive flash was that I just need to focus on the positive elements of each of the 6 roles. That they keep re-manifesting because I need to focus and put all the positives together. Yet at the same time understanding their roles in the first place to let them off the hook. They are not responsible for my happiness. I can love them without needing them to keep reappearing in my life. They only need be in my life if they want to be.

1) There’s the mature man with finances to spare, but emotions are upside down because his world was turned upside down. I still love him and hope he sees that. He was kind and soft spoken. He was commanding not because of force or volume, but because everyone knew when he spoke he had something important to contribute. He was strong and lean and healthy and easy going. He was gentle but passionate. He gave excellent back rubs and was one of the best computer programmers I knew. He had adorable wavy hair I always wanted to play with, and cute glasses. He was focused and driven with regards to his work. He was generous and loving and a good friend to everyone around him. He was super smart but also down to earth and could talk to anyone. He will always have my heart, no matter what.

2) There’s the shooting for the stars man. More mature than anyone gives credit, but because he’s shooting for the stars might be a bit overconfident in his own abilities, it makes for good learning lessons. He has stable finances, but grand ideas on how to manage them, which occasionally comes off as a bit ungrounded, but to me that’s endearing/cute. He’s also strong and passionate, and can be gentle when he wants. He’s a gentlemen when he focuses and is mindful of his touch and affect on people. He senses energy like me and wants to do the right thing, but doesn’t know how to respond when the energy is more intense than expected (I also think he’s figuring it out as he goes- just like me). He knows how to have fun and is kind to everyone. He is far more open and accepting than anyone will ever give him credit and I suspect he feels pigeonholed. He wants to be accepted for who he is as much as I do, and also has big dreams of helping people in grand ways. He’s handsome to me, especially in moments of kindness, and I appreciate that he wants to have his act together, not just look like it. I also appreciate that he has goals of fighting the good fight and being faithful in every sense of the word. He is very capable and optimistic and carefully contemplates consequences before taking action. He trusts his gut and follows his instincts well. He’s often intense, but a very deep thinker that no one notices. He’s good at whatever he desires to put his efforts into. I will love him whether he ever loves me or not. He is a good person at heart.

3) There’s the woman I’ll call my angel with broken wings. She parallels my mom, and I’ve already had this role refilled a couple of times. Overlooking victim mentality, she’s beautiful and kind. She is flexible and able to go with the flow. She’s often more solution oriented because of the problems she has faced. She is usually strong and always wants to be loved, just has a hard time seeing/receiving it. She’s a wonderful mom and intent on helping others avoid traumas she faced. She brings out the helper and healer in me. She wants everyone to feel good and feel loved. She’s a great cook and very organized. She wants to put people at ease and save them from hurts. She wants to help make the world a more beautiful place. She is sincere and good at making you feel like the center of the universe when she focuses. She’ll literally pick you up when you fall, even if it hurts herself in the process. She deserves someone that can get through her defences and give her the same in return. She’ll have my heart forever even though she never noticed she got it in the first place.

4) Mr honesty (Nathan and one of my brothers). So honest that he can’t even slant the story to make it sound better. Yet very loving and strong. He wants to be there for you as much as possible but knows his own limitations and downfalls. He is easily distracted by all that glitters as gold, but has a keen sense of what is genuine and worth keeping. His heart is true and faithful. He is more likely to let his health suffer than to avoid work or being there for his chosen family. Once he’s committed he’s all in, and for the duration of his life. He is very creative and able to solve many problems, and confident in those few things that he has taken great care to master. He is a kind and patient father and good husband. A little patience goes a long ways for seeing things through with him. He has my heart and knows it, but because he knows it, he is confident in allowing me to be me in whatever way that means, and is ready to give me a hug if I fall and hurt myself.

5) Intensely connected. He is real, and I’ve heard his voice, he’s not dead. We share the same energy stream so intensely that emotions ping pong off each other. Every emotion flows so easily through the ethers that I feel like I know him a thousand ways, and a thousand lifetimes over. He’s curious and passionate, a hard worker and with highly admirable lofty dreams of helping whole families. He’s intelligent and multilingual. He’s an engineer like my dad and one brother. He’s a dreamer like me but a bit more practical in application. Adorable, charming, open and accepting. He wants everyone to be happy and get along, and like me wants everyone to feel the loving connection. He’s willing to work on himself and keep improving. He won my heart years ago, and knows it, but doesn’t know why. I would love to explore why, but know I will find my happiness even if that doesn’t happen.

6) Known unknown, this slot is representative of my younger sibling and also the person whom is connected to Mr Intensely Connected (as felt during the reading-left side of my heart), the cards that came out could also apply to a couple of other people I’ve known. I feel them and care deeply, but there is a lot I don’t know about them.  I know by virtue of being in my bubble (my little brother being family) they are innately a good person. You don’t get years of association with good people, being raised by good people, and turn out to be that nasty. Yet, I’ve not had the luxury to fully see the way life has moulded their being into strengths and weaknesses. I get a sense that they lean toward scientific minded and chalk many things up to chance. I know my brother is honest and genuine and doing his best to leave a positive mark on this world also, so I like to think the others are similar. Honorable and relatively easy going, but compassionate even when not necessarily on the path of least resistance. The kind of person in search of their truths and able to examine things more objectively than most.

Those were the 6 people of the reading, the types that I keep re-attracting, and feeling in my body. It made sense to me. Why I was feeling them for nearly 2 days straight I’m not sure. All I know is I was being told to only focus on their good traits and let them off the hook.

So if you know you’re one of those people and you read my blog to keep up with me, I release you. I let you go. You’re not responsible for my well-being or my happiness. I only want you in my life if you want to be, but especially enough wanting to ease into finding a way to coexist with anyone else in my experience. I know I can’t make people get along, and I know that others are not responsible for my happiness. I’m willing to allow others to come and go as they need and I’m willing for others to display their affection or lack thereof in whatever ways they see fit. I am willing to let God take over the connections and help me to have my best life. I am willing to give love unconditionally because that is what God wants of me. I am willing to let go and let God.

I have experienced a knowing this week, through the help of changing energies and my finger tips. A knowing so deep that words fail, but which will last in my memory until my dieing day. A knowing simply of letting go of control can actually help things work better. It started with feeling the others, with feeling clients, continued with telling cells they can take the day off and relax, with visualizing warm sun on skin to enable relaxation, and ended with a long awaited phone call. I like this new knowing and I’m very grateful for the understanding.

May you all find a way to let go and let God. May you give your cells, your whole body, a break- let them release each other and feel sensations of things they miss. May you feel unconditional love and a knowing of your connection to God. May you understand why you keep repeating elements of your life. May you find a way to give control back to the divine. May you see all of the benefits of that in your life. May you feel blessed and divinely guided.

Siva Hir Su

Why I prefer “chick flicks”.

So I was contemplating my preferences after my recent acknowledgements, and in the process came to an understanding as to why I prefer “chick flicks”.

I was literally attempting to put words to my quandary of why do men do the machismo thing more than in the past, or so it seems to me.

I had thought about how at one point men in media were shown as dashing, handsome, wholesome, and multi-talented. I thought of moments like are found in a myriad of movies, but especially I thought of scenes from Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire movies, I thought of Casa Blanca. Actors from that era were expected to be good looking, but also excellent dancers and singers, they had to be strong, and often were required to speak multiple languages.

I’m fully aware that even though that was the standard in media, our society still had the full array of everything you still find today. Yet, there was an understanding in society that those were qualities that earned respect and showed your integrity. Those were the virtues that even regular working class people strived for, that even the average Joe reached for.

I then thought about movies today. There’s a whole lot more blood and gore. There are strong men, but every time you see a strong man- a superhero, someone dies, and often many people loose their lives in such movies. Going back a bit there are those Rambo type war stories, there are zombie apocalypse movies, and straight up superheroes like spider man. In all of these movies their strength is for one goal, take down the bad guys at all costs. I would agree that usually what’s chosen to define the bad guys is clear and agreed upon by societal standards, yet each and every movie includes the loss of innocent lives.

I realised that even though I acknowledged that those are all present in our world today, I prefer not to watch it for entertainment.

I prefer to see strength demonstrated in other ways, and I suspect I’m not alone. It’s why feats of herculean strength are now demonstrated in games: Olympics, Ninja Warrior, Highland Games, and the like. The games eliminate the blood and gore while still demonstrating strength and agility. I appreciate that, it’s a much more civilized and palatable way to experience that virtue.

That then brought me around to Hallmark movies and why I love them so much. They are wholesome, the people are genuine, there is kindness and love. Yet you still are treated with complex stories that could happen to regular everyday people. It takes the complexity of this world, but focuses on happier more joyous aspects and outcomes.

Though I mostly prefer heartwarming stories like those, I will watch other movies. I still prefer movies where the people demonstrate intelligence and strength without so much blood and gore. I also greatly like fantastical movies like Harry Potter and the less gory science-fiction like Star Trek/Star Wars.

I suppose that is why I like Will Smith so much. Beyond also being polyamorous, he’s good looking, charming, charismatic, and many of his movies he’s able to accomplish great things with a minimum of blood and gore. I really truly appreciate that.

I told Nathan it’s one of the things I appreciate most about him. Even though he doesn’t look like a hallmark actor or Will Smith, he embodies many of the qualities that they do, and he’s cute to me, and that’s what counts.

So then I sat to define what I appreciate most about others, and admitted that looks are a relatively small factor. As far as looks go, I appreciate this:

Really what I’m trying to show is that I find appreciation in a wide variety of people and body types. I have discovered that only the severely unhealthy people are unattractive to me. Those people that have given up on their health, or just didn’t care to begin with. I’ve known several of those people and just can’t even contemplate a relationship with any of them. I’m sorry, but Yuck!

What is it I do appreciate about people that makes me desire them then?

Hmmm…..

  • Kindness
  • Concern
  • Thoughtfulness
  • Intelligence (As Queen Latifa would say I get lady wood there.)
  • A belief in something greater than us.
  • The ability to learn and discuss complex topics (quantum physics is one I find particularly fascinating, even if I have trouble keeping up with it).
  • The desire to keep learning.
  • Strength of physical, mental, and emotional aspects.
  • A desire to do better, striving for more, self improvement goals.
  • Loving
  • Supportive
  • Striving for equality and social justice is pretty high on my list.
  • A desire to help make the world a better place.

Yet there’s more….

  • I like a good challenge, someone that makes me think or improve myself even more.
  • I like encouragement when I’m admittedly not at my best, you don’t always have to challenge me.
  • I like knowing I’m appreciated.
  • I like knowing they notice small things about me.
  • I like when they take criticisms or input as a challenge for improving themselves as well, and likewise do my best not to stir that pot too often.
  • I like people that work well together, especially since ultimately I hope to build Atira through my chosen family. It would be in our best interests to be able to work and play together and not get sick of each other.
  • So an ability to compromise, problem solve, and find a balance in challenging situations is very exciting to me.
  • I find good communication skills quite sexy too. If you can tell me work flow concerns in one breath and follow that with coherent sentimental thoughts in your next breath, I might faint on you.
  • I love when people can make and keep priorities. For instance I know I need a certain diet, certain amounts of sleep and exercise, and certain balance between work and recreation. Most of the time I’m able to maintain that, occasionally I fail. I prefer those around me accomplish the same.

Though I feel like there are many more qualities I could define, those are usually ones that I look for evidence of first. At that point then I’m usually familiar with a person enough that it becomes about analyzing their interactions or their behaviors, and their words. I start looking for alignment between the two. That represents integrity and honesty to me. If I get to know someone and one of those starts to show gaps, it almost always becomes the undoing of the relationship. I’ve been hurt enough times that I simply loathe intentional mistruths and/or manipulations. For a long term relationship, I simply must have honesty and integrity.

And that brings me full circle back to Hallmark movies. They are chalk full of honesty and integrity and showing how if you’re not honest what damage it can do. So I’ll end with a thank you to Hallmark. Thank you for wholesome movies that show the importance of honesty, integrity, and kindness.

May you all have your defining moments of greater clarity. May you all find an abundance of honest people in your lives, and may you experience many examples of integrity. Above all may you find the love you seek.

Siva Hir Su

ET is helping me water my seeds… part 2

My fantasy this morning was the idea of my adulting room and bathroom in the main home of Atira. Not just for the obvious reasons.

This morning I thought about how nice it would be to have a bathroom where everyone actually kept their stuff orderly and clean, where teenagers didn’t get my Q-tips soggy with their face scrubby, and where each other’s toiletries and accessories were respected. Then I thought of how nice it would be to get to chill out time on one of those giant love sack cushions, just the simplicity of an hour of silence away from children in comfort. An hour of alone time relaxation: adult serenity. That would be so wonderful. I very much look forward to one day having my dome with the 3rd floor child-free room and bathroom. That will be nice, to access those things regularly.

Though wonderful thoughts they were, I’m not sure that my ET had anything to do with them. However, that divine masculine did suggest the trip to Unity Village on my day off.

I’ve been aware of Unity Village for several years now, ever since a friend stayed at their hotel to regroup and avoid divorce. She needed the alone time I’m always seeking, and retreat to Unity for several days provided that for her.

So this last Sunday, we took the kids to a giant playground in Lee’s Summit and while there I thought of it and asked Nathan to check it out. He said that is great idea, and since he’d actually gone before he was happy to take me.

We wandered their campus gardens and fountains for a while and Nathan showed us things by car, both on the way in and out.

Their flowers were beautiful and the fountains gorgeous and I took lots of pictures in between attempting to keep my children out of the water.

What I was most interested in was the peaceful nature their grounds carry, I absolutely loved that. They have definitely found a way to allow the serenity of the chapel to flow everywhere. I really appreciated that this week.

I also enjoyed noting how much of Unity Village overlaps with my idea of Atira. This is a third intentional community with many of the elements of what I desire in Atira. Really if I could take Unity Village, Lily Dale, and Camp Gaea and relocate them to the same physical place, using mostly monolithic dome construction, you’d have my Atira.

  • I love that Unity Village had its own power plant and water tower.
  • I also love that their water tower doubled as office space, that was a really cool element that you don’t often see.
  • I loved that they had a school, as I’ve always wanted that for Atira, at least in the long-range plans.
  • I loved that they had work-out facilities.
  • I loved that they had a bookstore and coffee shop… that’s similar to a portion of the shops I have wanted at Atira.
  • I loved the hotel being a solution for temporary housing.
  • I loved that their village was all people that worked or somehow supported Unity Village. Permanent resident caretakers. That’s what I’ve always wanted for Atira.
  • I loved the connection to the divine and the many ways they found to incorporate that into the overall environment.
  • I loved that much of the structures were built with conservation and reusable materials in mind – recycled concrete made several of their archways.

I loved noting all the beautiful elements and things that Unity shares with my concept of Atira, it was a much needed serene detour of experience and thought. Yet another validation that my idea is entirely reachable and sustainable. One day.

So I give gratitude for my spirit making the suggestion. I give gratitude for the time on a day off to experience the village. I give gratitude for diversity of thought and those that have come before. I give gratitude for the serenity and validation. I give gratitude for the desire for more. I give gratitude to the divine helping to water my seeds of Atira.

May you all have expansive moments of validation that you are on the right path. May you all find the things you seek in your present moments, and may you all feel your connection guiding you to greater awareness and appreciation.

Be well. Siva Hir Su.

Some of my images from the experience:

It does feel like home.

It’s not my home, and at the moment I wouldn’t have a clue as to how to attempt to make it become so, but this place is so beautiful. It makes me know that my dream of Atira is possible, and though I am in mountains near the ocean, is not the same mountains I’ve seen in my dreams of Atira.

Our cabin is so far out and so far down in a valley that even the new cell tower a mountain over is not providing any more than spotty service. My phone will only do calls and texts without WiFi. The main Lodge does have WiFi available now which wasn’t available in previous years, but it’s unsecured and at certain times of the day everyone wants to partake in it.

I have not minded any of that inconvenience because it’s so beautiful here. It also helps that our “cabin” is as spacious as our actual home in KC, just formatted differently.

We went to Acadia NP on Tuesday and I hiked for hours stopping to let kids play on Sand Beach. I think we covered about 1.25 miles of coastline out and back, but there was abundant rock climbing to be had, so I’m sure my steps were more like 4 miles, maybe more. We made it to Thunder Hole from Sand Beach before my shoulder and back started screaming from having been wearing both Katherine and a backpack full of diapers and snacks. We decided to call it quits on walking/hiking but returned to our van and made several more stops for viewing pleasure. By the end of the day I’d gotten a significant sunburn that was mildly uncomfortable, so I spent that evening coating myself in lavender and aloe to heal it up.

The teens went with my brother and his wife on an epic 4 mountain hike, covering over 5 miles of trails and taking nearly 6 hours. Anya said she loved the views, but it was a bit much for her, and was nearly in tears asking if she could have just a little Beach time before we drove away. We took her to otter cove just as the tide was coming in and she was happy as clam.

I told her we’d head back at least once before our vacation was up and she was much relieved.

That is today. We’re due to pull out in an hour or 2 to go ride the Margaret Todd ship and explore Bar Harbor which apparently also has a beautiful sandy beach to walk on. My brother explained at low tide the beach connects to a small island with waking trails. I’m so looking forward to it.

My brother’s wife explained that you can’t see it all in one trip, they’ve been coming here for one week of every summer for 7 years and still haven’t done it all.

For now I’ll leave you with some pictures of Acadia and our cabin at the military campground in Great Pond. May you all have beautiful experiences that feel like home.

Cabin & surroundings:

Acadia:

Finally, after our busy couple of days, I enjoyed drinks and dinner with my family during a rain shower from the cabin screened in porch. I ate and drank too much that I shouldn’t have, so felt the aftermath this morning, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself last night. Sunburn and all. Happiness.

P.S. I’ve felt my connection very strongly over the last couple of days, and hoping it means something super wonderful. May you all feel your connections of clarity and bliss.

I love my family.

I’ve been having an afternoon of appreciation. It started with my residents showering me with their appreciation of all that I do. I was bashfully grateful for their appreciation. Much of what they notice I feel is just doing my due diligence in my job. I’m glad they appreciate my efforts though, it feels very good to be thanked like that.

It ended with a walk in the park. Nathan wore Katherine while we walked in the woods. It was over 3 miles of Tomahawk Creek Trails (1.8 mi one way) with birds chirping, flowers in bloom, and the wonderful sound of water flowing.

This was the stretch of trail we walked. Well worth the time and I’d recommend it to anyone in the area.

Spring and happy adulting.

So this week brought a few just plain stupid things at work: proof I work with 40+ year-old teenagers. Boxes appearing where they shouldn’t be, a red pot I put in storage a week ago getting left on a table outside my office, things getting moved, and a decoration being hidden until the day after I took all the rest of the St. Pat’s day stuff to storage. Not to mention being privy to an outside provider’s jacket being hidden from her and other just plain mean actions.

It makes me realize how much I prefer being kind and considerate towards others, even or especially when those others might be cognitively delayed or naive. It takes far less effort to be kind than any one of those pranks took. And kindness never hurts.

I did laugh today. One of the mean girls used a new phrase intended as an insult to the employee most recently fired. Granted that person had caused inconveniences by changing paperwork that should have been left untouched by company policy. However, my laughter was not about who the phrase was directed to, more the rediculosoty of the phrase itself and the way it was said. It was an over the top insult fitting of the personality of the person delivering it. My response was “that’s a new one” with a good laugh. Sometimes those moments are needed, laughter is good medicine, but I had a moment after the fact where I wished it hadn’t been at another person’s expense, and especially that I hadn’t contributed to fanning mean girl flames. There’s more than enough of that to go around to begin with. Perhaps the universe can deliver me some more healthy comedic moments.

Anyway, what the universe did deliver was sunshine and warm enough weather for a wonderful walk. I took pictures of new growth, green beautiful things, Katherine exploring, and Birch trees catching the setting sun. Then when we got home Katherine danced and sung along to a song that SoundHound thought I should listen to. It was a very good spring evening.

Relaxing into clarity.

Yesterday I hit an exhausted wall again. Cancelled most, but not all, of my massage work today. That is an expensive habit I need to break, even if it has only been once a month.

You see as an employee I’m faced with the corporation’s rules:

  • Too many sick days and there’s penalty.
  • Overtime equals penalty.
  • Too many penalties and you get fired.

Yet the “reality” is I am working 7 days a week. 5 for them and 2 as myself. It also holds knowledge that I made $4 more last year in the job than in the self-employed work- way more hours for the same pay.

The reality is that their full-time 40-hour-a-week job has unrealistic expectations. There’s simply too much to be done to fit into 40 hours, but not enough to justify hiring an additional employee. So rules being what they are I’ve been electing to work off the clock averaging 2 to 5 hours a week of unpaid overtime, and that’s with efforts I’ve made to make certain duties more efficient.

I’d hate to see what the average Joe would need, and it has made even clearer why they keep going through activities directors like candy. Because like myself they’ve all probably hit the this-isn’t-worth-it-wall and quit caring which ultimately led to unfulfilled job duties and getting themselves canned. Unfortunately, even though I’m seeing the clarity, my work ethic demands I stick to what I’ve already done, until I find a better solution.

I’m literally putting in 70 hours a week between both sources of income, sometimes more.

So today I worked less to take care of myself. In fact I’m writing this from my post cupping, Epsom salt bath.

Thought you might prefer to not see all of me naked 🤣, but I’m loving that technology has allowed this moment.

Anyway, sunshine, cupping, massage, good healthy food, CBD oil, and a peppermint/eucalyptus Epsom bath- I’m starting to feel revived. I might actually be able to accomplish some tax prep before bed.

In the meantime, whilst I soak, I’m going to breakdown the opposites I’d prefer to experience.

  • Ballance between work life and home/social life.
  • Quality time with my children (wanting to play in the sandbox with Ian and go for walks outside again, now that the weather is improving).
  • I’d love to get paid above the real, current, highly inflated, cost-of-living for doing a 40 hour week. Less hours, more pay. I feel I’m worth it. I’m intelligent, hard working, detail oriented, and do go the extra mile when it’s called for (it shouldn’t be a daily expectation at low wages like it currently is).
  • Legally, I’m due to be paid for overtime when it’s necessary without penalty. Companies should acknowledge that if they are choosing to have fewer employees than workload dictates, they are to pay accordingly, or adjust the workload. In this particular case there are 3 people with time available to help. 2 of which are computer illiterate (as far as many of my duties are concerned) and the 3rd is one of “the mean girls” above me in rank. That is the additional clarity of why I just work off the clock, instead of attempting to shift workload elsewhere. They are simply either not able or willing to help in a genuine caring manner.
  • I wish to work with people willing to go the extra mile and be supportive of each other, but in an environment that tests it less frequently. Lower stress environment.
  • I prefer to work with people that are more open, accepting, and understanding. We all have oddities, quirks, and strange habits or mannerisms, just because someone else’s might bother you doesn’t make it right to mock them.
  • I enjoy being around friendly people.
  • I enjoy being appreciated.
  • I am grateful I leave lasting positive impacts on the people and places I’ve worked with.
  • I enjoy the feeling of belonging one gets in a tight knit community.
  • I enjoy being around people of all ages and all backgrounds. It is more interesting and brings more ideas to the table, the “compromise-challenge” is worth it.
  • I prefer to live the sentiment Summer Osborne addressed in her TED talk. (see here)
  • I would love to have genuinely good insurance that covered providers of my choice, even home birth, chiropractic, acupuncture, and massage. That is truly progressive and preventative medicine.
  • I would love to have my dome home and an electric vehicle.
  • I think I would really enjoy being on the providing side of these sentiments through owning my own community- my dream of Atira gets clearer with every day I’m alive.
  • I look forward to a day when I know my efforts help produce profits that go to good charitable causes instead of investors bank accounts.
  • I look forward to having a hand in those charities as well; a way to make a greater and even more positive and lasting impact.
  • I look forward to easier times ahead for me and my family.
  • I look forward to being able to take vacations occasionally with enough budget to do so easily and comfortably. Even once a year would be grand.
  • I look forward to experiencing the cafe and bistro I’ve dreamed of where I can walk in knowing there are multiple truly healthy and truly tasty options to choose from.
  • I look forward to being able to stay home on messy winter days and being able to take full advantage of those perfect sunny days, even if it’s just a walk in the park.
  • I look forward to being able to release my CDL comfortably knowing I no longer need to keep it as a backup plan, let alone my source of income. There are plenty of people that love driving more than I do.
  • I look forward to having a great playground in my close knit community…. And a dog park… And trails… Mmmm good.
  • I look forward to manifesting greater good in this world for God. I choose the archetypes Shiva (Zeus/Poseidon), Kali (Hera/Brighid), Ganesh (Hermes/Mercury), etc., because they resonate with me and I have such a layered understanding of God’s aspects. Regardless, we are here to further manifest on behalf of God. We are conduit for the Divine to produce more, and I acknowledge the weight of that willingly. I choose to do better, to strive for better, and to leave a positive mark on this world. Part of me wishes everyone had that same intense desire, and on some level we all do, but I acknowledge some are simply not able to accomplish what I am reaching for. I hope that I am able to accomplish what I am reaching for.

With that, my bath is cold and I am going to reach for tax progress with the remainder of my evening. Adeau and Happy St. Pat’s day if I don’t get a chance to write again before then. Blessings everyone.

Adventure?

We woke this morning to still not having power. I cancelled my massage appointments, none of which were surprised, and 1 of which had no services themselves.

84,000+ KCP&L customers are without power, and that’s the largest, but not the only provider in the metro.

Our house was gradually losing temp, and even wearing snuggly PJs and a sweatshirt and gloves I was cold. So we’re opting to venture out and find warmth somewhere hoping our power will resume by bedtime.

Here’s some of the damage around our house, in our yard, and me all bundled up. The lack of power and damaged trees is unfortunate, but I’m still enjoying the beautiful snow cover.

Our neighbor’s tree (above) made our road entertainment last night.

The branch in the view above fell right after I had walked through that stretch of our yard. Said a big thank you for that moment of perfect timing.

Last night held beautiful moments too…

May you all find some beautiful and warm moments this winter’s day.

Moving… breaking… playing

So we’re plugging along at moving. Thinning the herd again. Every time we move our load gets lighter and lighter. I’m happy for it, as at one point we had way more than 2 people should. Now we have what a normal family of 5 would, and we’re one step closer to living lighter.

In the process this time, I was working on lowering the massage table that had been be Ian’s “loft”, so that it could maximize space in the move and…. I sat it down on my foot. Initially I said ouch and kept moving. About an hour later my foot was still throbbing enough that I told Nathan I needed to look at it. As soon as my shoe came off, the pressure backed off, but I knew I would not be getting it back on. My foot had swelled immensely.

This is what it looked like initially.

It was hard to tell other than the intense swelling, but I went around showing everyone that it was what a freshly broken bone looks like. I explained I had broken a bone in my foot, probably hairline fracture as it was tolerable to walk on. Also, compared to the last time I broke a toe, this was actually less painful.

Now after I’ve had a few days of healing, having kept it wrapped in an ace bandage, the swelling is much less, but the bruise is much more noticeable. It has also reinforced my prior estimation of which bone I’d broken, based on the epicenter of pain. I had estimated it was my 2nd metatarsal, and the bruise has mostly settled into my 2nd and 3rd toes, which fits with that theory.

This is what it looks like now.

Really each morning I find that it feels better and better. However even with the ace bandage, each evening brings burning sensations in my toes from limping all day at work. This evening may be the worst so far as I spent nearly 12 hours in constant motion, mostly up on my feet. It was a rough day.

That being said I’m very grateful that I’m still able to work and help with the moving process. A little discomfort for a few weeks is far better than needing surgery or something worse.

__________________

Another thing I’m grateful for is my now fully mobile 5.5 month old baby. She’s so smart and so strong that she’s crawling, pulling herself up to standing and holding onto furniture to walk. She’s even getting the balance thing down enough to stand one-handed, and occasionally she lets go for a few seconds. She has enough confidence that if she makes it about 5 seconds hands free, she tries to take a step, though at this point every time that happens she falls. Yesterday she had a great time demonstrating that for me several times over, smiling and giggling the whole way.

This morning she played with shoes and one of Ian’s trucks, and Nathan had the sense to capture some video I can share. The other moments have been so enthralling that we’ve lapsed on videos a bit. Next time she gets moving I’ll do my best to capture a clip to share.

May you enjoy the zest for life and learning all babies bring to this world, and find your moments of less discomfort and hidden blessings. Aho.

Beautiful things…

Like the song by Annie Lennox “A Thousand Beautiful Things”:

” Every day I write the list

Of reasons why I still believe they do exist

(A Thousand Beautiful Things)

And even though it’s hard to see

The glass is full and not half empty

(A Thousand Beautiful Things)

So light me up like the sun…”

I write my list today to remind myself of things I love. Things I miss when they’re gone. Things I want to see more of. Things I relish and enjoy every last bit of. Things that brighten my day and my life. AND I apologize to everyone for having gone negative for a while again. Suffice it to say no-one enjoys being negative and in the hole, and let my negative posts be validation of my efforts to heal myself, as when you’re down you always want to get up again. This is my effort to do so. This is my effort to start to turn things around regardless of my physical experience. I’m doing as Abraham says “Shift away from the what-is-ness and toward the what can be.” Shifting yet again and taking to heart “you’re always in the right place at the right time, but sometimes you’re looking at it in the wrong way”.

First on my list of loves is every single thing in that song.

Then:

I love hugs and cuddles from those I love, and giving them as well.

I love my children and my kitties, especially because they unconditionally love me.

I love playing with my kids.

I love art: drawing, coloring, painting, all kinds of making art, and most kinds for looking at.

I love music: listening or playing, and most genres, especially all 64GB I have.

I love massages, mostly receiving because it’s so darn helpful and feels good, but giving helps people so I like that too.

I love getting things that help me feel better: exercise, sun, healthy foods, sleep, and fun activities.

I love comfy quiet spaces.

I love starting my day with a hot shower, they are so refreshing and relaxing and help me start my day in the best frame of mind.

I love waking up refreshed and on time to start my day easily and smoothly.

I love things to do, being balanced with time to just be.

I like nice cars in tip top shape, well oiled machines so to speak, including good tires & brakes, and would love a new electric vehicle.

I love it when people communicate effectively, and when they talk to each other consistently.

I love when people talk to me about their interests and desires, and things they like and enjoy.

(conditional ones… oopsie)

I love feeling really supported and cared for. (that’s more unconditional, maybe Abraham can help me find some more words here…)

I love feeling love for others and receiving love.

I love feeling appreciated.

I love feeling happy and having fun.

I love feeling content.

I love feeling comfortable in my body (though it could be way more often).

I love peace and peacefulness.

I love being inspired and feeling accomplishment when my inspired actions pan out positively (I’d love to do that much more often also).

I love the feeling of wholeness and completeness.

I love feeling abundance and prosperity.

I love knowing that the universe supports me and is working on a solution to pay for all of my needs (including the birth costs).

I love knowing that the universe can flow money to me many, many more ways than I can even begin to think of, and love knowing all I need is alignment to allow it.

I love feeling relaxed and centered.

I love the feeling of balance in all respects.

I love the feeling of freedom.

I enjoy feeling welcomed.

I enjoy the feeling of belonging.

I love that my children are loving and doing their best to find their way in this world. I look forward to mastering my guidance system to show them how to do the same. Because I also know actions do teach better than words.

I love the feeling of friendship.

I love the feelings of having good conversations and really connecting with someone.

I love the feeling of stability and homecoming that a close knit family home brings.

I love feeling calm and centered and knowing that things are progressing smoothly and easily in perfect timing (that could totally happen a lot more).

I love knowing that others around me function well in chaos, because it makes up for what I’m unable to handle.

I love knowing that I can distract myself from that same chaos by retreating into my mind or simply watching funny videos, or even walk through it and recenter alone.

I love knowing that others around me are also doing their best. That they have the best intentions when they offer things to me or make suggestions, and that they really are doing their best to support me.

I love knowing that “IT” never gets done, so if someone promises me something and forgets or is unable to fulfill their promise, another way will show itself.

I love knowing that God ‘has my back’ and will make up for those dropped moments/promises. I just have to allow it.

I love the feeling of well-being, of naturalness and of normalcy. I love knowing that those feelings are a good symptoms of my body and brain functioning in tip top shape, perfect alignment. I look forward to feeling like that everyday.

I love feeling prepared for whatever is in progress.

I love being excited for good things coming.

I love being on time, even early, for everything, and I love the feeling of knowing I always have plenty of time (no rush).

I enjoy feeling that I’m in the right place at the right time.

I love feeling safe and knowing that my family is safe. I love knowing that my family strives to be in alignment so they can do lots of fun things safely.

I love being able to say yes, go for it, it’s OK.

I love feeling passion, and being passionate, about people, places, and activities.

I love knowing that I’m a vibrational being.

I love the feeling of alignment with that inner being.

I love knowing that my inner me/vibrational-being loves everything. (I’m always in the right place, but sometimes looking at it from the wrong physical viewpoint.)

I love knowing the universe will give me wonderful things when I find alignment with that inner me.

I especially love that I’m starting to get better at catching myself. I’m starting to recognize those misalignments faster and thus start correcting faster. I realize that I am still letting some of those moments snowball too much and build much negative momentum, but acknowledging that, every single time it happens, helps me inch towards catching it sooner with less momentum to correct for. I look forward to when I catch all of my negative misalignments in their infancy before they have any significant momentum at all. I love knowing I will eventually get there, and it just takes practice (maybe a lot, but that’s OK too).

And with that I leave you all with blessings of fast alignment recovery in any contrast situation.