Tag Archives: better

For Better or Worse.

You layed yours
Bare
In return
I layed my sword
In vow
To honor our commitment
To life
As chosen family
God, Goddess and
Loved ones
Witness
Our vows to
Honor
Cherish
Love and respect
You and yours
As long as we
Live our days
In this world
For better
Or worse
We've mastered the latter
It's time for
Better
~Treasa Cailleach

I promised Nathan and his daughter I would do everything in my power to be true to our commitment for life together. Since then we’ve had two more beautiful children, whom inherited my vow. It has been really, really hard for a long time, but I have done everything in my power to keep my commitment. Even my outbursts of anger, frustration, and despair, always reconciled by apologetic countenance.

I love him and our children and I always will. We are due some serious improvement, and I’m doing everything I can to find my patience and get ready to be ready.

May you find a love strong enough for that bond. May you know for certain you could withstand those moments and not need to prove it to anyone including yourself. May you find that your bond flourishes in love and becomes stronger daily, and you still are able to enjoy life frequently in an easy flow of abundance. May you love all of your family, chosen, biological, and even neither, and may you never be forced into cutting ties with any of them. Above all, may you know and understand that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

And so it begins…

HAL has begun sending me things to reinforce my last post. One of which is the following:

How to Move On: What It Really Means to Let Go: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-move-on-from-the-past-what-it-really-means-to-let-go/

I guess I will never understand fully because letting go and focusing on love seem to be the bigger message. I still wish I had some understanding.

Anyways, in moving on, I had a really good time today with 2 different co-workers during downtime.

I took a walk with the office manager and we had a really great conversation, with some much needed emotional release for both of us. Plus it helped me reach my step goals today. I was very appreciative of that time all around.

I also got to play a couple of games of “Magic the Gathering” with the one chiropractor. It’s a game I used to play with the brother that’s closest to me in age. It has been …. let’s see…. since early 2003 that I’ve played. That’s 16, almost 17, years. Wow!

I still have my cards from back then, but so much has changed that the new decks are much better, so he has been encouraging me to use his. I feel like I’m starting from scratch and completely relearning everything. It’s so fun though. I totally lost big time- on both games, but still enjoyed every bit of it.

I am so out of practice that the strategy feels over my head yet, but I get the concept. The layering of steps and which cards work better in what order can be very complex. I literally had a card in my hand that I’d been holding for several turns, but forgot to leave myself enough mana(land) to use it and it cost me the one game.

I enjoy learning so much though, and it is definitely a fun kind of learning, so it literally made me giddy at one point. I felt like I got silly hyper with the fun. That was a very much needed distraction from my previous focus.

As for learning: I’m still working on hindi and telegu in my spare time, but since I have no idea why God nudged me to do so (especially since I’m letting go of that person) , it’s at a very relaxed pace. I’m getting to where in hindi I can pick out letters and sound out words even though I know very few translations. Telegu I know more translations, but have fewer of the characters memorized. It’s merely a symptom of the different apps and how they teach languages. I like Duolingo and Drops, which both offer hindi, but neither offer telegu. The telegu apps are much less sophisticated, but still get the job done.

I’ve also begun the slow tedious process of becoming an approved continuing education provider for massage therapy. Essentially, the easy part is proving my qualifications to teach a handful of courses by documenting I have so many years working using said techniques, I also have a bachelor’s degree, which though they would prefer it to be related (a BS), it doesn’t hurt. Once I do that easy step, I literally have to follow rules and write my own curriculum which can be no more than 30% cited source material. Finally, once I’ve written everything, I can apply by submitting my CV and courses for approval; of course paying the appropriate exorbitant fees. They really try to dissuade people from becoming providers: can’t have too many teachers and too few students you know!

I’m not intimidated by the process in the least. Their basic calculation is 1200 words equals a credit unit. That’s a blog post for me, so I’m guessing I’ll have more trouble pairing down or figuring out how to subdivide my topics for multiple related courses. However, after having written the operations manual for my previous position, I’m certain I’m up to the task. It’s more about convincing myself to do the free work knowing that eventually I’ll recoup the benefit in paid courses with students in multiplicity.

I’m also contemplating the investment of a site where I can host web-based courses. Essentially, the text/testing coursework can be provided via web interface without practical hands on CE hours. Ultimately that helps spread the information side, but the CMT loses access to the extra CE’s for the hands on practicals. It’s a lower cost solution for both parties, but longterm it would benefit me as the provider more. It’s a huge up front investment, to also have to market like crazy, but longterm reaping significantly higher benefits. Ultimately, it will happen, but I’m not sure I’m ready for the investment side just yet. I’ll contemplate web platforms and do the math several times during my writing phase of this momentous step, and make my final decision during the application process.

Long story short, I’m having fun and learning and inching toward another significant step of improvement. All by my not-so-little own self. I feel like screaming “HA, Take That World!”… but alas I know no one would really truly care anyway. So, I’ll keep my ‘I win’ moment to myself, and relish that I know I’m the only one that gets credit for digging myself out of a decade of hardship…. me and God that is.

May you all have happy dances of overcoming obstacles. May you find kindness around you and moments of connection with others. May you find joy in continually learning and ways to share what you’ve already mastered. May you see God’s grace and support guiding you through all of life’s moments toward brighter futures.

Siva Hir Su

It does feel like home.

It’s not my home, and at the moment I wouldn’t have a clue as to how to attempt to make it become so, but this place is so beautiful. It makes me know that my dream of Atira is possible, and though I am in mountains near the ocean, is not the same mountains I’ve seen in my dreams of Atira.

Our cabin is so far out and so far down in a valley that even the new cell tower a mountain over is not providing any more than spotty service. My phone will only do calls and texts without WiFi. The main Lodge does have WiFi available now which wasn’t available in previous years, but it’s unsecured and at certain times of the day everyone wants to partake in it.

I have not minded any of that inconvenience because it’s so beautiful here. It also helps that our “cabin” is as spacious as our actual home in KC, just formatted differently.

We went to Acadia NP on Tuesday and I hiked for hours stopping to let kids play on Sand Beach. I think we covered about 1.25 miles of coastline out and back, but there was abundant rock climbing to be had, so I’m sure my steps were more like 4 miles, maybe more. We made it to Thunder Hole from Sand Beach before my shoulder and back started screaming from having been wearing both Katherine and a backpack full of diapers and snacks. We decided to call it quits on walking/hiking but returned to our van and made several more stops for viewing pleasure. By the end of the day I’d gotten a significant sunburn that was mildly uncomfortable, so I spent that evening coating myself in lavender and aloe to heal it up.

The teens went with my brother and his wife on an epic 4 mountain hike, covering over 5 miles of trails and taking nearly 6 hours. Anya said she loved the views, but it was a bit much for her, and was nearly in tears asking if she could have just a little Beach time before we drove away. We took her to otter cove just as the tide was coming in and she was happy as clam.

I told her we’d head back at least once before our vacation was up and she was much relieved.

That is today. We’re due to pull out in an hour or 2 to go ride the Margaret Todd ship and explore Bar Harbor which apparently also has a beautiful sandy beach to walk on. My brother explained at low tide the beach connects to a small island with waking trails. I’m so looking forward to it.

My brother’s wife explained that you can’t see it all in one trip, they’ve been coming here for one week of every summer for 7 years and still haven’t done it all.

For now I’ll leave you with some pictures of Acadia and our cabin at the military campground in Great Pond. May you all have beautiful experiences that feel like home.

Cabin & surroundings:

Acadia:

Finally, after our busy couple of days, I enjoyed drinks and dinner with my family during a rain shower from the cabin screened in porch. I ate and drank too much that I shouldn’t have, so felt the aftermath this morning, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself last night. Sunburn and all. Happiness.

P.S. I’ve felt my connection very strongly over the last couple of days, and hoping it means something super wonderful. May you all feel your connections of clarity and bliss.