Tag Archives: black and white

Overcome Toxic

This is intended as a short post.

First:

Toxic is toxic, regardless of gender or sexual identity. I had the playlist (screenshot below) come across my notifications and I started to listen, giving up quickly. The second song was simply just too toxic for me. It’s from the viewpoint of ‘you shouldn’t date her because she’s _____’. It made my skin crawl.

My response if someone said that to me would likely be along the lines of shock and dismay. You can experience jealousy without tearing down the innocent bystander, I know because I have before. I internalized my jealousy, being that I was already struggling with depression, but the thought never occurred to me to attack another. Now with my history and my own journey, I’m to a point where I know better. If someone chooses another over me it’s just fine because I probably deserve better than they can offer me. I find I’m more sad for the last person that hurt me than for the loss of them. I wish better for them and growth for themselves.

Beyond shock and dismay there are several phrases that come to mind as good responses. “Well aren’t you high and mighty!”… “Your definition of beauty is awfully shallow!”… “Who are you to judge them?”… “You might be right, maybe I shouldn’t date them, but not for the reasons you gave, and it’s obvious I shouldn’t date you either.” …

Then I’d play Godsmack’s “Whatever” as loudly as possible: ” I’m doing the best I ever did, I’m doing the best that I can, now fucking go away!”

Lastly:

I worked on the Herky dog drawing some more and wanted to share. So far I have about 6 hours in, and it’s staying true to the time I invested in other high detailed work. I’m happy with the progress so far. First 3 shots are from before. The other 2 are this week’s progress.

May you know your worth and that you never need to attack another. May you have only blessing for our fellow human beings. May you find your way out of toxic behaviors and beliefs. May your growth benefit all those you encounter and our whole world. May you know your are loved and accepted as you are. May you help lift this world up. May you find wonderful creative outlets to produce beautiful things for this world. May we all know we are loved and supported by the divine; fully accepted as the human beings we are.

Om Shanti

Update: I just got home and Nathan showed me his labwork received at today’s monthly dialysis check-up. He’s doing much better. His Kt/V is much improved, but still has a ways to go, otherwise most of his numbers were much better and even had smiley faces next to them. It is validation of relief I have begun to notice, slow progress is still progress.

Today’s progress

I worked on the Herky dog picture every chance I got. This is the progress so far.

I did want to add that I’m using graphite, ebony pencil, charcoal pencil, white chalk pencil, and will potentially add color with either prismacolor pencils or chalk pastel+blending stump. I’m waiting on whether the recipient prefers black and white or color.

This drawing is being done on cotton-linter paper I made in college, can’t buy it anywhere.

The original image I’m working from is:

Thank you gift complete.

One of my clients gave me a wonderful Christmas gift, and she’s a good woman going through a lot of challenges. I didn’t expect anything from her, let alone everything she gave.

So, I asked her to text me a picture of her pooch. She had talked about him before, especially mentioning he was getting old enough he can’t handle walks anymore. I thought it would be a great thank you to draw a picture of him. So this is just me posting start to finish of the drawing.

The image she sent:

My drawing progression:

Final Image:

I just have to trim it down to the frame I have, and then the gift is complete. It was done on 9×12 paper, and my frame is 8×10, that’s why it’s off-set.

Specs: charcoal, graphite, and white pastel pencil on 9×12 Strathmore Bristol paper.

May you have good creative moments to end a crazy year and start a new one. May you find peace in your experience.