Tag Archives: bullshit

Out damn spot.

Like a darkness, an oily soiled evilness, ruining all it touches. Your ick spoils all, your vileness permeates everything and every one. You are the IT of “A Wrinkle In Time”. You are that which none wants, but all fight silently. You are the dis-ease we all fight, the remnants of poor choices past. Humanity, thinking beings, created you. All negative emotions, especially fear, feed you.

Your vileness is unwelcomed in my world.

Get out.

You threaten my thoughts, you threaten my emotions. You create worries and concern. You tell lies and show me death. Yet you are the lie, you are death. Your grim cloak is invisible. Your banshee screams are inaudible. Most pretend they don’t hear or see you, but the human experience is laden with you. Every turn, every moment of life, can cast your shadows.

It is our greatest biological weakness, an inability to escape your touch permanently.

How does humanity stop that which is undetectable, unmeasurable, invisible and silent?

You are worse than any disease because you are the root of disease. Humanity helped you by creating a new bigger, faster, unstoppable version; and we continue to help you by devoting our emotions to fear, only feeding you further.

I choose to ignore you as much as possible. I choose to use your lies to find my truth.

Kill everyone if you want, they will escape your touch in the afterlife. If humanity ends, then so too will the darkness that has gripped an entire planet in fear, crippling logic and stalling real solutions.

“In our darkest days lie our greatest strength.” ~ Master Jim, Troll Hunters a Netflix Original


I scolded my step-daughter this evening, after several events laden with chaos and mayhem. Nathan’s dialysis was one, a conversation about the failings of vaccines another. There were several others less notable.

My scolding was because I saw that fear was causing her to shut down and ignore the message that we were attempting to convey. She clings to the hope promised by the system, and is blinded to the emptiness of those promises. She desperately wants to believe that some pill or some shot will magically solve all her woes. She does not hear me when I tell her they don’t do that for anyone. Any one pill or any one shot, only gives you a chance at the singular thing which it is aimed. There is a myriad of things, and that is why there is a myriad of pills and shots. They are humanities’ feeble attempts at fixing what was broken ages before, and there is no one fix for all of it, except vibrational alignment, and humanity will likely never find alignment as a collective. We must do it as individuals for any chance of survival.

In the scolding, I pointed out to her, that her own mother died because that same system offered empty promises to her mother, cancer treatment failed miserably because she died after a 2 year battle where she couldn’t walk and suffered constantly. I pointed out the same system is currently failing her own father, and even when he is trying to explain something is wrong they ignore him. I pointed out that same system has hurt me repeatedly, and that my direct efforts have helped myself and her father more than anything else.

That is all 3 of her parents, whom have all been let down by the system over and over again.

But for whatever reason, all she sees is the hope laden propaganda, and she needs hope so desperately that it is all that matters.

I however, hope that same darkness referenced above, is the reason I feel like I’ve already lost her. I choose to cling to my own internal hope that she’ll grow a greater awareness and quickly. I choose to cling to my own internal knowing that she is smart enough to decifer real truth from hopeful propaganda. I choose to know that regardless of any of it, whether any of us survive this man made mess or not, that on the other side we will all find relief in a permanent way.

“Where there is a will there is a way.”

I choose to fight for Nathan and send prayers for all of us, knowing that this life might be a loosing battle, but one way or another good will overcome.

Regardless of whether we attracted this disease through poor choices and bad alignment, or actually created it in a lab as an attempt at warfare, either way we are responsible, and either way we still have yet to produce solid reliable permanent resolution for it. The vaccine was a solid attempt, but it’s stats are not holding up to standards set long ago. Continuing to put all of our resources in that basket is risking lives of generations, not just the here and now. The vaccine industry has put profits before lives, and it caused catastrophic failure, not just with covid (revisit effectiveness stats for the last several years of the flu vaccine). And I reiterate we can solve computer viruses easier than human viruses, there is no solidly effective anti-viral for any virus, and no resources are devoted to healing post infection for any disease. Our best bet is still simply to honor the miraculous nature of the human body and feed it well enough to do as it was designed.

We humans are failing ourselves, over and over and over and over and over again.

Right now the most successful survivors are those that have learned their own personal alignment- in all the ways that means. They have the least of the illness, and the least of the long-term ramifications. That is why it is my goal, that is why I devote so much of my time and resources to working on myself.

I choose to honor myself. I choose to respect myself. I choose to educate myself. I choose to arm myself with my own arsenal of awareness. I choose to acknowledge my strengths and work on building up my weaknesses. I choose to be the best me I can be and forgive myself for my lapses. I am human on the journey of life and sometimes it sucks. It’s what you do with that moving forward that counts.

Not even the biggest powers that be have stopped this disease, so I must simply do my best knowing that if I fail it’s still okay. God is the only one capable of stopping this, and it seems that either he doesn’t want to, or is still working on it.

I choose to believe that I and my family will survive and heal fully. I choose to believe that we will find our alignment enough to continue on our journey of life. I choose to believe that God is rooting for me to win, and I’m waiting for my HA moment. In the meantime I will keep reaching for my own inner being because that alone is what has given me everything that has helped me over the years. My inner being has saved me more times than measurable, my inner being has guided me to everything I’ve ever needed to know. I trust my inner being more than anything else, and I always do my best to follow that guidance.

I pray for everyone that doesn’t even know what that feels like. Those are the people that need it the most right now.


May you see the darkness for what it is. May you bring light to all the shadows and find healing for yourself and those around you. May you know that no matter what it’s all okay, even if we all did die, we’d be free of this darkness. May you know that somewhere, somehow there is something more helpful than the failure vaccines. May you know that if we all reach for alignment it will help humanity in all the ways, but especially in finding a real solution for this and all diseases. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

I feel icky.

I had to cut my last appointment short this afternoon and spent several hours growling and stewing.

The man was developmentally delayed and had nervous ticks, which I initially thought was something akin to turret’s syndrome.

He had no concerns of note and had come for a relaxing massage. I work at a chiropractic clinic, those words are not common in that environment, but not unheard of either. Some of my female clients came to me initially because of a problem, but when said problem resolved they were hooked and now keep coming back even without major complaints. So just because someone asks for a relaxing massage, my spidey sense doesn’t necessarily activate. Bonus this man was new to me, but not the clinic, as far as I was aware.

I proceeded to complete my session as requested, and most often I start men face down, this was no different.

I never used to do that, as in Iowa it wasn’t a problem- ever- to start men face up. But once in the KC area, another therapist had recommended it at one point for helping men to chill out. Apparently, men down here have more trouble controlling themselves and relaxing into therapeutic sessions. Don’t ask me why geography causes that, I have no idea, and bonus it ticks me off.

Anyway as I worked he kept adjusting himself. Once I had him turn over, still under the sheets, he began fidgeting excessively. I stopped several times until he would settle.

Then he did the show stopping act of touching himself. The first time I thought I’d made it up in my head and paused. Second time was obvious. I stopped again and looked at the clock, I was 20 min from end of session. I looked back to see his hands moving and was done.

I thought what if this man is so damn delayed that he genuinely doesn’t know what he’s doing is wrong. Where I would normally punish that act on my table, this time I didn’t. I finished working on his shoulders, dropped the table to normal height and walked out without saying a word.

As soon as I cleared the hallway I informed both the chiropractor and the front desk that he was not allowed to schedule any further massages due to touching himself in session. I also required full payment for his shortened session as punishment, saying he needs to learn that lesson.

Later I found out that his card bounced and will have to be sent to collections. Not only was I subjected to icky, I may not get paid for my time. I seriously wanted to hunt him down.

As it is, I’ve stewed over it for several hours and it’s caused me to want to change one of my art images hanging on my wall.

I can’t say my art piece had anything to do with it, but I have gone nearly 2 years without such vulgarity and the only thing that changed was I hung an image I did almost a decade ago.

The image was a commentary on creation. It shows the silohuette of a cell, sperm, and embryo over a watercolor resembling a star nebula. I was trying to make a statement that conception is only part of creation. You must follow through by nourishing the growing embryo to even hope to birth anything. A star is not born overnight, it takes aeons to go from a colorful gaseous cloud to what we know of as a star. I was conveying that it doesn’t matter what birth you are aiming for, they all take time, nourishment and patience.

I think it is a beautiful image with a beautiful message was why I hung it in the first place. I thought it deserved for others to see it and no longer hide in my portfolio. So I hung it last week.

Now this icky man.

So I’m going to take down my beautiful image and replace it with one fitting of a chiropractic office. I have a drawing a few years older even the is of a whitetail deer sacrum from the proximal view. I suppose it is the better image for the environment and will hopefully keep any further icky out of my office.

I don’t know that I have either image accessible to post here, so I’ll post them when I do the exchange.

May you never have icky throw up on you at work. May you know for certain that you did nothing to attract such icky moments. May your creations be truly appreciated and see the light of day more frequently. May you know that the true meaning of your work is known and appreciated always, regardless of whether it is artwork, healing, or anything else you do. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti