Tag Archives: business woman

And so it begins…

HAL has begun sending me things to reinforce my last post. One of which is the following:

How to Move On: What It Really Means to Let Go: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-move-on-from-the-past-what-it-really-means-to-let-go/

I guess I will never understand fully because letting go and focusing on love seem to be the bigger message. I still wish I had some understanding.

Anyways, in moving on, I had a really good time today with 2 different co-workers during downtime.

I took a walk with the office manager and we had a really great conversation, with some much needed emotional release for both of us. Plus it helped me reach my step goals today. I was very appreciative of that time all around.

I also got to play a couple of games of “Magic the Gathering” with the one chiropractor. It’s a game I used to play with the brother that’s closest to me in age. It has been …. let’s see…. since early 2003 that I’ve played. That’s 16, almost 17, years. Wow!

I still have my cards from back then, but so much has changed that the new decks are much better, so he has been encouraging me to use his. I feel like I’m starting from scratch and completely relearning everything. It’s so fun though. I totally lost big time- on both games, but still enjoyed every bit of it.

I am so out of practice that the strategy feels over my head yet, but I get the concept. The layering of steps and which cards work better in what order can be very complex. I literally had a card in my hand that I’d been holding for several turns, but forgot to leave myself enough mana(land) to use it and it cost me the one game.

I enjoy learning so much though, and it is definitely a fun kind of learning, so it literally made me giddy at one point. I felt like I got silly hyper with the fun. That was a very much needed distraction from my previous focus.

As for learning: I’m still working on hindi and telegu in my spare time, but since I have no idea why God nudged me to do so (especially since I’m letting go of that person) , it’s at a very relaxed pace. I’m getting to where in hindi I can pick out letters and sound out words even though I know very few translations. Telegu I know more translations, but have fewer of the characters memorized. It’s merely a symptom of the different apps and how they teach languages. I like Duolingo and Drops, which both offer hindi, but neither offer telegu. The telegu apps are much less sophisticated, but still get the job done.

I’ve also begun the slow tedious process of becoming an approved continuing education provider for massage therapy. Essentially, the easy part is proving my qualifications to teach a handful of courses by documenting I have so many years working using said techniques, I also have a bachelor’s degree, which though they would prefer it to be related (a BS), it doesn’t hurt. Once I do that easy step, I literally have to follow rules and write my own curriculum which can be no more than 30% cited source material. Finally, once I’ve written everything, I can apply by submitting my CV and courses for approval; of course paying the appropriate exorbitant fees. They really try to dissuade people from becoming providers: can’t have too many teachers and too few students you know!

I’m not intimidated by the process in the least. Their basic calculation is 1200 words equals a credit unit. That’s a blog post for me, so I’m guessing I’ll have more trouble pairing down or figuring out how to subdivide my topics for multiple related courses. However, after having written the operations manual for my previous position, I’m certain I’m up to the task. It’s more about convincing myself to do the free work knowing that eventually I’ll recoup the benefit in paid courses with students in multiplicity.

I’m also contemplating the investment of a site where I can host web-based courses. Essentially, the text/testing coursework can be provided via web interface without practical hands on CE hours. Ultimately that helps spread the information side, but the CMT loses access to the extra CE’s for the hands on practicals. It’s a lower cost solution for both parties, but longterm it would benefit me as the provider more. It’s a huge up front investment, to also have to market like crazy, but longterm reaping significantly higher benefits. Ultimately, it will happen, but I’m not sure I’m ready for the investment side just yet. I’ll contemplate web platforms and do the math several times during my writing phase of this momentous step, and make my final decision during the application process.

Long story short, I’m having fun and learning and inching toward another significant step of improvement. All by my not-so-little own self. I feel like screaming “HA, Take That World!”… but alas I know no one would really truly care anyway. So, I’ll keep my ‘I win’ moment to myself, and relish that I know I’m the only one that gets credit for digging myself out of a decade of hardship…. me and God that is.

May you all have happy dances of overcoming obstacles. May you find kindness around you and moments of connection with others. May you find joy in continually learning and ways to share what you’ve already mastered. May you see God’s grace and support guiding you through all of life’s moments toward brighter futures.

Siva Hir Su

Caring too much.

I’ve been running long & hard for weeks.

This week I struggle with caring too much on several topics.

There’s what used to be my favorite building, failing to pay me for months and months and when I finally was done asking nicely they literally looked for reasons to weasel out of payment. I had to involve corporate which not only ate hours of my sleep compiling everything from my side for the corporate office, but also irritated me and made me anxious. I hate having to get pushy and vocal with people, but I will when necessary. It emotionally sucked because this was a building that was my longest standing contract of nearly 5 years, having been my favorite for 3 of those. I even recommended the building to a client at another decent building, and kicked myself later when things changed for the worse. 

I felt my recommendation was based on genuine good standing interactions and after the family moved the person there, everything changed and was not what I told the family. I apologized profusely to that family, explaining that I didn’t know the changes were coming, but the damage was done. He was dieing and they felt they couldn’t risk moving him again. I felt the changes that caused misgivings reflected poorly on me because I gave the family my word that it was a good facility. I am now wary of recommending any facility for fear of that happening again. Yet I’m most angry that I was put in that position, and they still don’t want to pay me for work I already did. I fulfilled my obligations in full, on time, and with extras I didn’t charge for. I didn’t even charge them interest or late fees for nonpayment. I took one for the team and they can’t even pay basic compensation. It’s really gotten under my skin.

Another thing I’m working through is how to process insults from residents. The residents are protected legally and staff have very strict and rigid ways we are allowed to interact. I think on some level the residents know this because they seem to frequently get verbally abusive of me, and really anything or anyone they don’t like. I’m not used, to not being the favorite person, like when I’m doing massage. Yet we’re supposed to treat them as if we are visitors in their home, but there are no protections for our treatment short of a resident being physically abusive to employees. In two and a half months I’ve been sworn at numerous times, and one resident in particular seems bent on insulting me as many ways as she can think of. I’m just supposed to smile and keep moving. Everything gets blamed on dementia, but I suspect that the one woman knows very well she’s insulting me, as she has very mild symptoms of the disease otherwise. Because of that knowledge there have been several times I’ve hid to cry, and several evenings I’ve left work hating the world to spend the rest of my waking hours convincing myself it’s not that bad.

It still doesn’t help that I’m not getting enough sunlight, and still frequently missing my exercise and sleep (especially with the payment battle). All of this as the holiday season is getting into full swing and we’re still not moved.

I find I am fighting the urge to beat up on myself about all these, yet more perceived failures. Fighting depression with everything I’ve got. Losing frequently when no-one is looking.

Today I resorted to playing a Louise Hay video on YouTube for daily devotional, more for myself than them, but I have to say I hoped it sunk into the one lady’s head even just a little. If you’d like a little pick-up, watch it here. I know it was a good reminder for me and I’m going to refocus some of my mental energy on her suggestions. I was already familiar with them, but have lapsed on my practice for quite some time. It can’t hurt, yet another tool for finding some happy in what sometimes seems like a very dismal world.

May you all be buoyant and find your happy this holiday season.

 I will be working on my holiday, Yule, but will have my parent’s (and much of America’s) holiday, Christmas, off.  Hopefully we’ll be moved with enough time to actually get some decorations up before either holiday. Pretty things always help me perk up some. Getting moved and finding some level of “normal” would help too.

Spinning like a top.

Tonight I write as I work on drifting to sleep. The goal to empty my head, to calm my mind, so that I can sleep.

I feel at the moment as though my head is spinning as fast as a dradel.

This month I’m on a ride, I think I dove straight into that fast spinning vortex Abraham talks so much about, and I’m definitely holding on for the ride to resume normal.

Quick recap of previous bumps: depression cycles, miscarriage, Anya succumbing to depression, losing my mind thrice over with manic in between, sinus infection taking me down a notch, and discovering I’m actually still pregnant with the other “twin” 8 weeks along.

Oh, but it gets better. After yesterday’s news, I asked my one building if they were still interested in having me in their team. They had given me a sort of impromptu walk in interview last week when I went to do my regularly scheduled chair massages. They responded that the position might have been filled and send my resume anyway.

I received the call at 9am that the position was mine if I wanted it, I gave a tentative yes. By 10am I’d filled Nathan in, and confirmed my acceptance to start on the 22nd.

 By noon I’d rescheduled most but not all of my massage work. I have 2 buildings left to permanently reschedule, and 2 individuals will likely get permanently dropped. Everything else I found homes for in my new schedule. And I still managed to complete most of today’s actual originally intended work.

The new schedule starting the 22nd will be full 10 hour work days Thursday through Monday. 1 half Tuesday per month, & Wednesday’s will likely end up filled, but only half for work (pm will still be family activities).

So I’ll essentially be working 6 long days a week. While pregnant, and yes the new job knows I’m expecting. They really, really wanted me.

It felt really nice to have a respectable employer want me that much. It validated my thoughts about my mad skills.

The pay is lower than hoped, but Nathan pointed out I was interviewed on the spot before I submitted a resume, which generally speaks to how highly they regard me. In addition, they’ve already pointed out that within 6 months I could work toward increases equal to half again the base/starting rate, potentially reaching over 15 an hour. Plus it has benefits, and I could keep all of my massage work that I chose to.

It was just really, really easy and very convenient, with perfect timing. I couldn’t have asked for a better solution for the moment (exception being winning a lottery jackpot).

 I spent the rest of the day thanking the Lord/God/Shiva/Jesus & the divine in general.

I’ve already broached moving back to the city, or at least much much closer with Nathan. He understands my concerns especially with being pregnant and now working so much. He’s not fighting me, but we need to discuss and work out an agreement on details. I’m hoping that as we do that, something will show itself equally easily.

We’re suddenly in this space of knowing that every time we make a specific request it’s like we get a very direct, very easy response from the divine.

At this point I’m just doing my best to keep up, still needing to invoice, finish paperwork for Anya to see someone, and now tomorrow fill out new hire paperwork, plus a dozen odds and ends that we’d intended a while ago.

Oh, that was the other thing. I mentioned ages ago that I thought I was being nudged to get passports in order. I thought at that time Anya’s was in our fire box with her birth certificate. Apparently the grandma still had it from the trip to Brazil before her mom died. I had no idea. But the divine did and somehow solved the problem. Grandma literally gave us the expired passport with the money to renew it when she brought Anya back Tuesday. None of us asked, but poof, exactly what was needed.

See what I mean. Hang on for the ride and do your best to keep up. That’s all. Everything else is just falling into place. 

The only one I’m waiting for is my friend to show up, I keep seeing him looking out a plane window. I don’t know when, he hasn’t said anything to me, but I know it’s soon. It makes me happy to think of it.

And on that note, I’ll drift off to sleep thinking happy thoughts of new homes and cute boys showing up out of nowhere.

Belly laughs from a walking oxymoron. 

You grow up the day you have the first real laugh at yourself. – Ethel Barrymore

Ok, so today I saw it. I saw that fallacy of it.  I saw myself from the view of others in Johnson County Kansas. It was hilarious. I had a good belly laugh. 

Why?

I’m a walking oxymoron. Let me show you and explain: 

That’s me (again 😀 ). I had to take a selfie to demonstrate my point,  but it wasn’t a good snap so I had staff at the building do a quick full shot. 

Like my hippie outfit? Me too!

In fact I’ve had people comment that I dress well, but definitely have a hippie esque style.

The moment I had my belly laugh was sitting in traffic amongst BMW’s, Mercedes’ and Porsches. Wearing those clothes.  Sunroof ajar, windows cracked, A/C on full blast attempting to chase the heat  out of the car on my short 15min hop between buildings. I had some Electric Swing cranked way up on the stero & was dancing in the driver’s seat again.

I realized I’m a Hippie Raver Business Woman with a tattoo… driving a beater car, while fulfilling my work that I created over 4 years ago and have successfully maintained for said 4 years.

 For the area I’m working in,  it’s definitely an oxymoron.

 I’m certain that a vast majority of people in Johnson County would assume that I work some minimum wage job and probably don’t have an education. They would evidence the car I drive and the lack of formal business suits.

Yet I have proven time and time again to hold my own. Following: me and me alone. 

My fashion choices are not only MY choices, dictated solely by what I think looks good and fits good,  but they never cost me big dollars. Even when I did wear women’s suits, once upon a time, I purchased every one of them at a tiny fraction of their normal cost by shopping thrift stores. I shed the need for that years ago and now I love all of my wardrobe. 

Yet, I not only started a business,  but I’ve kept it alive for nearly 5 years now. I have no boss, no required schedule, no strict attendance or dress codes,  no one harping on me to get my work done.  Yet I do. 

I show up, on time most days, but I always show up unless I’ve prescheduled time off or I’m ginuinely very sick. I don’t need someone to nag me to keep doing my job.  I know my residents depend on me, my family depends on me, and that’s enough.  It’s all the motivation I need.

So yes,  I dress like a hippie.  Yes,  I listen to loud obnoxious music and bob hysterically in my seat having a grand old time in my commutes. Yes, I have one of those oh so unprofessional tattoos.  Yes,  I refuse to shave my God(s) given body hair. Yes, I  drive a dirty dusty beater car.  …

AND I’m still a successful business woman supporting  myself and my family by taking care of others. 

I can laugh at myself for shattering the mould, and it’s ok if others find me amusing too. Really, I’m also laughing at them,  because I know they’re trapped constantly trying to fit other’s expectations and trying to appease their corporate monster jobs, and they probably resent me for not having done either.  … Maybe that’s why my brother hates me!