Tag Archives: busy

Throuple or Quadouple?

The lyrics above, I took a screenshot of: Alan Walker’s “Faded”, has been a reoccurring song reminder of my SJ. I do often wonder if that exchange is my own personal Atlantis, and still hope it’s not.

Regardless of that reminder appearing in my day, I had originally set out to write today to discuss a new, but not really new to me, concept.

I was introduced to the word-invention: Throuple.

I got very excited because the person that explained it was a woman I’m attracted to. I was psyched that she knew of polyamory topics enough to introduce a new word to my vocabulary.

So, the word itself I’d never heard before, yet the concept is one Nathan and I have discussed many times over. Essentially, based upon my new search, it’s a variation of the family of 3 concept, started by a somewhat famous/infamous triad of two men and one woman.

Once upon a time “ménage à trois” was the French phrase that many English speaking people used to describe a man with 2 women. Literally the French phrase can mean any family of three, even 2 parents and a child. However for whatever reason it often was innuendo for a triad of adults, usually 1 man and 2 women, being intimate.

Nathan and I were labeled unicorn hunters when we intended to seek that out. After many failures, we decided to redefine our acceptable arrangements and open ourselves to more options.

Fast forward a decade and I’m sitting having a conversation with a very attractive potential mate. She proceeded to describe a Throuple as really any 3 or 4 adults, but her ideal was one or two women and two men because women are more complex than many men. We connected intensely in that conversation.

I explained to her about having been labeled unicorn hunters, and that we opened ourselves up to more options. So, even though I’d never heard the word, we had discussed for many hours over many years, our preferences and okay concessions.

I agreed with this person on most everything and a few of her points made Nathan think more deeply. My current ideal is flexible in quantity, hence creating Quadouple, even quincouple (don’t want to get it confused with the babies’ quintuple). However, I do agree with women being complex enough to need more people to meet more complex needs. Plus there is always benefit to multiples in creating flexibility. The 4 or 5 concept can be subdivided multiple ways, and in varying combinations to create a seemingly unlimited way to experience each other. {A+B+C and D+E, or A+D and B+E with C being alone, and so on.} You get the idea, lots of ways to be together or separate as each individual prefers at any given moment, and it’s not restricted to intimacy, that can even been in mundane interactions.

So yes, I was very excited to have new vocabulary for existing concepts in our experience. I haven’t been able to get that conversation out of my head, and it’s been 3 days since our Valentine’s Day date. Perhaps this is a new leaf enabling more moving forward. I’m hesitant but excited.

Bonus, the date was at a Mexican restaurant that pushed literally every allergy button while getting drunk, but I took extra allergy meds, and came through the experience in relatively good condition. I did have a fair hangover with significant inflammation, but was able to manage the effects with Advil and more allergy medicine and a good amount of detox tea. I was a bit sore in joints the following day, but managed to stay out of the hole I used to fall into.

Beyond our exciting V-Day date, I had a half day off for my family to honor me with a small pleasant birthday celebration, and spent the rest of my weekend unpacking boxes that had been in storage for years. It enabled even more beautification of our new home. It was a good few days, and I look forward to more and more enjoyable days like that.

May you all find good reminders of your hopes and connections. May you find reasons to be excited moving forward. May you find exciting validation of your goals and preferences. May you find people you are attracted to, and whom are attracted to you as well- reciprocation. May you have good dates, fun holiday cerebrating, enjoyable birthdays, and good times with family. May you feel attractive, accepted, loved, and supported. May you fall in love more than out of it. May you know God is helping and guiding you. May you feel confident in everything working out for the best. May it all always be okay.

Siva Hir Su

8,745; 20,928; 17,416

That’s the number of steps I’ve incurred over the last 3 days. Almost all of them accomplished while also doing heavy lifting. … That’s 47,089 steps in 3 days along with hours and hours of hoisting belongings for our entire family.

We’re moving into our new home. Nathan and I doing it all alone as usual. Our Facebook friends were no help, no surprise there (have I mentioned there’s a reason I don’t do social media). The handful I direct texted or talked to in person were all predisposed. (Just once I’d love for one of the people we’ve helped to return the favor, and there’s quite a few of those.)

I could have hired movers, but that would have eaten money I could put towards finishing Anya’s bedroom, as that’s the room that was started in the previous owners’ house remodel, but not finished.

We all make choices, some are totally worth it, but still painful to get through. This would be one.

I love my family enough to ensure my dollars go toward more long-term oriented goals in making my choices. I’ll suffer the move to make sure my daughter’s bedroom is beautiful, and to her desiring, in the near future. It’ll also ensure windows get replaced sooner than later (as discussed before the offer was made). It also ensured I was able to get area rugs and a few pieces of furniture replaced that sorely needed it ages ago.

I am appreciating that I have the ability to even make these choices. I’m also appreciating that I find myself less worried about the dollars I’m spending. There is a knowing I’m making the best choices for my goals, and I have the finances to accommodate, even if it gets slightly tight at certain points in my monthly and yearly cycles. I’m still no millionaire, a long ways from that in fact, but I’m super appreciative that I’m no longer a few hours of work from food stamps. I’m ever so grateful that I’m much less worried about making my bills each month, and haven’t had to seek financial assistance from charities in several years. There could be more in my experience, but my gratitude for God’s help is immense because I have experienced far less for more years than I care to count.

Last night a church group was going door to door, passing pamphlets and preaching on repentance. She asked me if I was having fun moving and I just said no.

As she left I muttered to God that she has no idea how many years of penance I’ve experienced and if she really cared for others in her neighborhood she’d offer to help instead of preaching when I’m working my ass off. On their second pass through she had the kids that were with her help us for a few minutes. I thanked her and then proceeded to thank God with every box I lifted. I knew he had heard my grumbles, and that’s what matters.

I know that I’m part of the reason that others never return the favor, but I’m just not certain how. I know I’ve come to expect it, as this situation has been a repeat experience, so law of attraction is probably as major factor. However, I’m not certain that’s the only reason. I wonder if I am just not warm or friendly enough, or if my long hours of work that has been so beneficial to unburying financially, caused others to give up on me. I just don’t know for sure why, even though I’ve done heavy lifting for others, I never see reciprocation. It just is what it is.

The one friend that I know, who has already done wonderful things for me -my massage therapist of 7 years- lives over an hour away now. So, I didn’t have the heart to beg her for help knowing she’d have to drive so far to be of assistance. One day I’ll have more valuable friends that reciprocate my actions.

Probably long before that day, I’ll have a beautifully landscaped yard, Anya’s room will be finished, windows will be replaced, and we’ll have painted our home in beautiful bright hues of the whole rainbow. I even want to do at least one mural, though I’m not sure where yet.

For now my focus continues to be work and home. Things I already have, which I’m very appreciative of and grateful for, that can be improved upon. Once we are fully moved and settled, I’ll refocus on those things I started a while ago, books I’m reading, CEU instructor certification, artwork, etc. There is plenty for me to do to fill a whole lifetime, and perhaps at some point in all that God will surprise and delight me further.

May you all be satisfied with your choices, even when the consequences are less than desired. May you see and acknowledge your improvement. May you see God’s guidance and support in your life. May you have an endless list of things to be grateful for and appreciative of. May you see plenty to focus on in the here and now. May you have things that you can improve upon without too much difficultly or resource consumption. May you know that God is listening and offering replies. May you know you are loved and supported.

Siva Hir Su

BZ

That’s short for busy. Seems I have so much on my plate the humor of abbreviated text speak for busy is quite appropriate.

First, I’m still working 6 to 7 days a week. I’m still processing paperwork and prepping for finally getting a home of our own after 14 years of hard times. Still working toward my business goals, complex as they are; especially now that I’ll have a home which will accommodate more possibilities. Also I’m still aiming for getting a second vehicle again, though that will likely be accomplished next tax season, over 4 months away- *sigh*, it’s okay.

Now add to that I’ve been reading a book on loan from the Chiropractor: “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”. It has gotten me very excited. It’s a book that teaches basic financial literacy, and is validating that I’m on the right track. I have a very, very long ways to go before I accomplish any goals that the book references, but they were already on my horizon. Knowing I’m aiming correctly is great, now I need lots of diligence, and probably several years before I start to see any real results. It’s definitely a very long range goal structure, but one I’m confident I’ll eventually master, and all on my own.

As for that ‘all on my own’ bit: I had a small argument with God this week. I was shown (hard to explain, but kinda like a daydream) that my diverse array of abilities and my strength, my uniqueness, even elements of my appearance, make me attractive to others. Essentially, the message was I could totally be a female ‘player’.

I told God and Nathan, that’s not the point, it was never the point. Nathan replied simply with “I know”.

As much as it feels good to acknowledge that I am attractive to others, and more than one person at that, I know my desires are for more than that. Polyamory was never about being a ‘player’. Polyamory is about love, emotional support, the physicality of daily living with loving life-partners: significant others. And yes, I would like to not have to choose one gender. I would love to honor all of myself by having life partners that honor all the different parts of me, and I can reciprocate with the same for them.

My biggest glitch in acknowledging that I’m attractive to others is that those I intuitively know are attracted to me, are still quite silent on the matter, and I’m not sure I can do or say anything to change that. I don’t know why they choose silence. Perhaps it’s because of how we met, or their perceptions of my marriage to Nathan, or lack of understanding of polyamory in my life, or simply the intimidation thing I seem to carry into infinity. I don’t know. I can’t fix it, so it just is.

One day someone attracted to me will admit it and ask me lots of questions. When that day comes I’ll do a happy dance for their courage, but especially that they even attempted to get to know me as a person. More than anything, I love the feeling of connecting with someone on a deep level, knowing we are enjoying learning about each other. I love the feeling of being appreciated and cared about. That: “someone actually cares enough, to genuinely want to know all of who I am” in an unconditional accepting way.

Nathan has always been that for me, I just wish there were others too. One day perhaps, for now I continue on my own with Shiva’s/God’s help. I told God I’m very appreciative, super thankful, for having the divine connection and all the non-physical help that it has brought. Yet, my ideal would be both. To have that connection with God and also feel the next closest thing to it in people in my life. I have moments like that with Nathan, and it makes me think how wonderful it would be if there were others willing to be in my life that I felt that intensity with on a regular basis…. In daily living. *Sigh*

Anyway, tangent aside, I am looking forward mostly. I continue to do everything I can to improve my life and life for my family.

Nathan mostly took care of my computer glitch, and I finished it off, to then accomplish 2 designs for others.

I also finally spent a while fine tuning my dome designs. Making sure proportions were accurate, I then started placing interior elements and correcting line weights/alignments. It’s a very slow process mainly because I’m super meticulous, but also because I’m literally fine-tuning decisions we’ve talked about and thought about thousands of times.

I’ll end with 2 sections of the plans that saw significant changes. Aahhhh, it’s so nice to dream big sometimes, especially when I can do something about it and make it visible.

May you all be happily busy. May you feel the loving connections in your life daily. May you have things to look forward to and goals to aim for. May you see the validation you seek, and may your dreams be big, but still reachable.

Siva Hir Su