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Everyone finally cares.

I have been focusing very intently to pull up lately, and have had to resort to various herbal aids. So this will be the first of several posts that were inspired in that process. This was the result of the lower vibrations, feeling some futility and anger. Subsequently as my vibration climbed I thought of other topics to write about. I started each topic as the thought occurred, so I’ll get them done and up as quickly as I’m able to.

My thyroid is bouncing all over despite taking my Armour doses. My blood sugars are uncontrollable and inflammation is rampant, despite doing all the things that used to work. I have been doing EVERYTHING right, and I’m taking all of my supplements plus several new ones, especially for the sugar battle. I’m still strictly AIP, and mostly seaweed and celery, I’ve even managed to cut back on frequency of lapses/oopses. I’ve had a super-humanly-clean 6 months. Additionally, I don’t feel very stressed, so it all points to my body’s still, or again, trying to fight something, or several somethings, off.

I suspect it’s a combination of that chronic Epstein-Barr-Virus battle (undiagnosed for 20+ years) and Covid. I’m not active Covid, but ever since catching mystery virus (testing wasn’t available here when I was told I had an unknown virus), I’ve had more trouble in general this past 12 months.

It doesn’t help that my awareness includes Covid living casualties.

One of my clients is what is being deemed a Long-Hauler, being he tests negative but still has multiple symptoms that are nagging him almost two months later. Some of his symptoms overlap with my thyroid woes and the extra anomalies I have faced this year. I also have an acquaintance/friend that has reported similar long-term problems from her known Covid case.

Beyond that my whole family is struggling long-term with spaciness, sluggishness, and brain fog. My son who faired the worst with mystery virus infection, has now begun having more significant lapses. Essentially, he has been having functional blackouts. One almost caused him harm. He was caught by Nathan entering our neighbors backyard in socked feet with their dogs barking at him. He didn’t realize where he was or how he had gotten there. It’s very disheartening and concerning.

Chronic viral infections wasn’t a concern on anyone’s radar until Covid, and I still have no idea why.

Even for AIDS and Hep B we have expensive cocktails to manage symptoms and reduce viral load, but no true fix. And I’ve been saying the entire Covid journey, that it boggled my mind how people were so upset about a new disease when we’ve done nothing for existing viral diseases. I’ve said the entire time that vaccines only pretend to protect people from some diseases. Between vaccine fails of a wide variety, and the fact that a vaccine is impossible to produce until much after a disease has already begun to spread, they simply don’t truly protect us. Also, there are numerous diseases that vaccines have never been created for, Epstein-Barr being just one, and bonus we now know it is very hazardous long-term for many.

I am beginning to think that Covid is the new Epstein-Barr. I shudder to think how many people will endure long-term woes for years before true solutions are developed, especially since western medicine is still full of greedy bastards enjoying making money off of our fears and symptoms. As long as the system allows them to make so much money off of treating symptoms alone, they will have no incentive to create real lasting solutions.

When we can solve computer viruses better than human viruses, there’s a major problem. See the incentive there was we had begun to rely on our computers for everything, and if they had gone down we’d all have been screwed. Even computer manufacturers relied on their own devices, and would have been mamed if solutions for electronic viruses had not been developed.

Yet, after approximately 100 years of study on biological viri, we still have no real true permanent solution for human viruses, which means there is no incentive for pharma to solve it.

Perhaps if Covid is really behaving like Epstein-Barr, then maybe everyone will begin to understand that it is imperative to find a kill switch for viral infections. I would have thought AIDS and Hep B would have done that, but apparently not enough people caught those diseases.

Or maybe it’s not the quantity of people, but who. Maybe it needs to become an issue for all of the elite, all of the CEOs and upper management of pharma. Maybe then we’ll actually see change and real solutions.

We need real treatment(s) to help find actual health and kill chronic disease. It’s not a new problem, but perhaps enough people, or the right people, will finally get it and work towards finding the real solutions.

Finally, I want to add my two cents on progress vs failure. Western medicine will finally produce more true healing options for all diseases, or it will fail. People have begun to distrust doctors to do their jobs, clinics to help when they don’t feel right/well, and pharma to make anything that actually works permanently. Western medicine knows they’re loosing too many. People no longer trust them to do what’s right. The masses have begun to notice the greed machine pasting temporary bandages on symptoms, knowing the bandage will only last so long before it will need replaced by the next best option.

People now know their options are limited. I myself have come to the point that if all I’m doing is managing symptoms, what does it matter if it’s herbs or prescription drugs. Either way it’s not going to fix anything and I might as well give in completely, at least that way I can enjoy what life I do have. The manage symptoms game is not only futile, requiring constant adjustments, it’s ultimately it’s a shit ton of work to get nowhere and thus pointless.

Anyway, if there are any other long term major failures, then Western Medicine will have lost trust with too many people. People will simply start walking away from the expensive useless symptom management game. Allopathic medicine is balancing on a ledge that could easily lead to systemic bankruptcy. The only way for the system to be salvaged is for the parts to work as a whole and actually produce long-term solutions beyond symptom management. But that’s just my observation.


For now I choose to focus on the positives. I focus on the fact that my physical size is smaller. My skin is shrinking, so even though it still sags from weight loss, it’s no where near as floppy as when I initially lost weight. I no longer have allergy bumps in odd places. I no longer have the red ruddy cheeks I grew up with. My muscles are stronger than ever, and in many ways my visible appearance is improving significantly. I still have beautiful soft hair, and my thyroid is managed well enough that I’m no longer loosing my hair. I can handle full time massage therapy work with a manageable amount of discomfort. In general I usually feel better than in my past. I’m able to workout most days and that helps me feel even better. In fact, I’ve exercised all but 6 of the last 30 days. I am doing EVERYTHING right, and that has to count for something, so I’ll ignore what’s not in alignment yet, with the assumption that it’ll get there eventually, one way or another.

May you have better luck and more trust in Western Medicine than I do. May you find, and be able to afford, options that can solve your problems for real. May you have reachable, life affirming, choices within reach. May you know you are healthy in every way possible. May you know you have many days left to live and have all the reasons to keep living. May you know that your love and magic can conquer all. May you know that more than anything, God loves and supports you in all that you do, and regardless of your ability to get your body in full vibrational alignment.

Om Shanti

Keeping my word: update 2

*image sourced from Pexels library, is not Atutmn*

My visit with Autumn in the hospital was very good and very needed. She is a beautiful woman that has been hurt many times in her life, and in horrible atrocious ways. I think more than anything that is her biggest hurdle to being well.

I took her a $15 orchid from Hy-Vee (midwestern grocery chain). She cried because they were beautiful and unexpected.

She cried several times, because she explained that she honestly had a wary reaction to our offer to help, along the lines of: ‘what do they want from me’.

It took me explaining my journey with mental health caused by thyroid disease (which I now know probably has it’s root cause in a chronic viral infection) and how much I have had to go through and deal with and figure out on my own. I explained that when I begged God to help me pull up and fix everything, that I had promised to return the favor to others, and she was simply my first encounter to fit the bill.

I also explained to her that for both mine and Nathan’s hospital stays 8 and 10 years ago, there was no one that helped us navigate those times. I simply said “everyone needs someone sometimes, and Nathan and I didn’t have that someone when we needed it, so when I realized she didn’t have anyone, I was determined to be there for her”. She cried again.

We connected on similar childhood journeys and the battle with depression, including many of the symptoms that leave a person feeling crazy and like no one understands. She was amazed when to her comment of “sometimes the world seems so flat and two dimensional”, my response was “like everything looks like cardboard cutouts, like paper dolls”. I explained that I now know that is a symptom of brain swelling combined with exhaustion, your brain literally compresses your view into a more easily processed flattened image, it helps conserve energy and enables processing when the physical structure of the brain is literally under pressure. I told her my last bout of that was when the virus flared 3 weeks ago, and it made driving home very difficult. She cried again, and I cried too.

She was so relieved that someone really truly understood what she was going through. That she wasn’t alone and that there was hope. I told her I’m not perfect, I still have bad days and fall downs, but I will take my occasional fails over the constant struggle of years and years past. I reassured her it isn’t the easiest fix, and can be really hard to maintain, but is totally worth it. She wanted to live to try, and that is huge.

She has had a much harder adult life than I have and that led to some of her current woes. The infection itself started when a drug dealer abducted her and forceably shaved her with a dirty razor. That was the precipitating event that was ended with a police standoff and her being admitted to hospital care. That was one of many horrendous stories she shared with me and Nathan. My heart goes out to her, no one ever deserves to be treated like that.

Regardless, I promised her that I knew several things we could try if she made it out of the hospital. Things that would help with her depression and possibly other health concerns that have been sidelined by trauma and the MRSA infection. Even some techniques that combined with her psychiatric care might help release some of the traumas’ damage. I will not replace the pros, merely supplement.

I also told her if I had known about her job loss, I could have helped with that too, but now we’ll have to wait for her to get better. See, like me she was working with an elderly woman doing home health. Where I go and come from several people, she had one lady that she worked with all the time and that lady had passed away causing her to lose her source of income. I told her that I am connected to the elder care network in this city so well, that if I had known I could have found her work quickly. She cried more.

She was simply overwhelmed that Nathan and I are so willing to help her in what seems to her as huge ways. She said “To think I went to a cafe so many years ago to read a book to escape my father’s abuse.” I told her “I know, sometimes you never know when you meet someone as to what it will mean later”.

Please do keep sending prayers. I may have given her just enough of a nudge of encouragement for her to pull through, but only time and God will tell.


On another note, a friend of ours from college, living in Iowa, is going through a rough journey as well. He could also use prayers. He has more of a support network, but he has small children like me and as you’ll see below and equally scary prognosis as Autumn.

These are challenging times, and the virus of the news is really the least of the problems. The news still wants you to think it is the worst, but I really don’t think it is. I keep reminding people that if someone has health problems slowly taking their lives and corona polishes them off, then corona gets the sole blame. I will not be one bit surprised if at the end of the year, the heart disease, cancer, and other death stats are far lower than they typically trend. It’s how they are padding numbers to make the stats scary.

Beyond that, we are experiencing a global shift and the survivors will be the ones that take care of themselves, but also help humanity find oneness and healing.

If you get stuck in fear, anger, or divisiveness it will likely cause you much more immediate problems. The more time you spend in negative thought patterns, the more likely you will suffer and may not survive. I know this is my biggest challenge, but it really is for everyone, especially with the external input we have available at this time.

You must honor yourself and your needs as much as you are able. You must quiet the mind as much as you are able. You must look for your inner being as much as you are able. And when all else fails look for the flowers or cute kids or adorable animals to distract yourself and find moments of positivity. It is difficult, and I too struggle to do so at times, but coming together and aiming for positive solutions is the main solution for everything.

I half want to write a post expounding on why medicine is scared over this or any virus (the lack of post-contraction treatment beyond symptom relief); but I halfway don’t, because it would cause me to focus on things that piss me off and which I have no solution for personally. I want medicine to solve the problem, but acknowledge there are mechanisms far beyond my control preventing the corporate desire to want the ability to cure chronic viral infections.

I know focusing on that topic for too long would be detrimental to me. I may still work on that post a little at a time. It needs pointed out and expounded on, but if I am to do that I will have to do so in manageable ways that help maintain my own energetically-sovereign-self. We shall eventually see if I can do it or not.

May you find ways to maintain your energetically-sovereign-self and stay buoyant in these challenging times. May you take care of yourself enough to survive the shift. May you see ways to help others do the same. May we all reach for oneness and helping humanity progress for the better. May you see the value of acceptance of others and oneness, and thus enable humanity to improve and survive the shift as a collective. If you are certain it is your time to go, and none of this is possible for you, then may you have the easiest quickest gentlest transition possible. May we all know that God loves and supports all of us and wants all of humanity to grow in positive ways. May you see that God really wants us to genuinely care about those around us, regardless of blood ties or any other superficial ties. May you share the light that helps us all get through our days just a bit easier.

Siva Hir Su

Fuck you Trump, all your cronies, and FedEx too.

I was having a really really good day until just now. Now I’ve found out that a member of my chosen family has endured 5 years of surgeries, injections, and doctors visits after having had a FedEx truck slam into her vehicle, to be told today by a mediation judge that the best she’ll ever see is $275,000 because of Mr Trumps Windfall law (I tried to look up the part that pertains to settlements, but only kept finding how it affects retirements, but did find several petitions to end it, here’s one).

Here’s a fucking clue, that’s not even enough to cover her medical debt and pay the lawyer, let alone make up for having depended on government assistance for 5 years. Not only will she continue to have medical debt hanging over her head, but she will continue to live in poverty because of today’s verdict. And bonus she’s physically disabled and in chronic pain, so how’s she supposed to get a job? Then factor in deadbeat dad and 2 teens that live with her, but yeah making FedEx pay for their fuck up is a windfall.

I hope you burn, not in hell, now. I hope that our government pulls it’s head out of its ass and roasts you. Put you in prison with the worst offenders and let them ass-rape you. It should be obvious I’m pissed because even if this is repealed tomorrow it doesn’t fix anything for my friend or anyone that’s gone through the same thing since it started.

I want this story to go to every media outlet there is, but here’s the thing: She’s been so traumatized by this process and tearing her to pieces repeatedly that she doesn’t have the strength to talk about any of it any more. That’s the most wrong of all of it. What beasts have we let run or country that it’s OK to shred good human beings to pieces over and over again and then leave them holding the bag for someone else’s fuck up.

That should be you, you fucking asshole, that bought your way into our government. You and all your cronies need raped to pieces and get left holding the bag while standing in the broken ruins of your companies. BECAUSE that is what you are doing to good citizens of this country.

As it is I’d settle for the miracle my friend needs. To know she and her boys could have a home and without worrying about how they’d get food or pay bills. That she might be able to afford her probably never ending pain treatments.

Maybe Anonymous might be able to put their heads together and help come up with something. Or maybe FedEx out of desire to keep their “good name” (laughable) would write the settlement check (outside of legal orders) that they should have 5 years ago. Maybe, but highly doubtful, MrTrump might feel remorse and send his own check. Maybe media will help me pool money for her. Maybe benefactors will collect funds. I don’t know, but there has to be a way that the universe can set this right. Some way, somehow, and my anger as stated in the title has to merely be the launch point to search for the solutions. So I’ll stab some pictures of trumps face for a little bit and then turn my attention to helpful solutions for her.