I may have a really messed up sense of enjoyment these days.
I spent my holiday finishing a project started last fall- the front patio. After pulling the few plants that managed to make it through the summer of 2020, we managed to not get back to it.
*Can’t figure out why (dripping in sarcasm)*
Anyway, I decided this final day of my 12 days off should be invested in finishing that, it was my last chance to get caught up for who knows how long. It could be a month or a year, so I took advantage of my chance.
My holiday celebration began at about 10:00am with a trip to my favorite hardware store: Menards. First trip was 16 bags of sand to level the area in question. After quickly dispersing the sand, I returned for second load: 83 pavers.
I ran home and with Nathan’s help quickly placed the pavers. He hoisted pavers until he over exerted reaching to try and pull 2 at once, he said it tugged too much at the lower incision. Then he became my photographer.
I needed just a few bricks or cobble stones to fill gaps too small for the 1 ft square pavers. So I returned to Menards one last time for those.
I have a bag of locking sand mix, but being that it was raining lightly all day, I couldn’t put that down yet. So, it’s essentially one easy step from being done.
I’m very happy. After moving pots closer to where their final spots will be (they’ll be on the charcoal pavers after being locked down). I then placed the boyscout plants we ordered 2 months ago, they came in 3 weeks ago, but I’m just getting to plant them now. The result is the final view pictures below, after the gaggle of progress shots (plus there’s a couple cute moments with kids from after hammock time at the end of the day).
I was super happy! I told Nathan I was really happy because I finally had a decent house, and now it has both a pretty front patio and a wonderfully comfortable back porch with all the fun stuff and practical gardens.
We’re going to put up a singular pole to remount our white led string for front patio mood lighting, it’ll be like a canopy of twinkle lights over the front patio.
Then when I get done dissecting the tree we’ll have a patio set with lots of character to go on the patio. I decided between our neighborhood having occasional theft concerns, and also because of needing to use up the tree, that a rough hewn set was the perfect idea. A few chainsaw cuts from the large end of the tree and a bunch of assembly is all that is needed. I’m kinda excited to do that project. It may be slated for next Sunday, weather permitting, we’ll see.
Anyway, I really was happy with my results and I have enjoyed the inspiration it stirred as well. It even kept my mind of of other concerns all day, in fact right up until I wrote this sentence I had completely put everything out of my mind. That is immensely comforting. It is relief through hard but creative labor.
Now as I write this post dinner is being made, and I’ve already had an hour out in the hammock. So, I layed a new patio in roughly 7 hours, mostly by my own hands and driving. That’s spectacular considering I’m not a professional and have no specialty equipment. I really appreciate that Nathan helped as much as he could and I look forward to days where he’s more back to his normal self. That will be a good day for certain.
This was a good day.
May you have good days full of inspiration, accomplishments, and loving support. May you have your health always and find that you easily push worries from your mind. May your productive moments also bring you great joy and satisfaction. May you find that you can relax knowing it all, is a symptom of improvement. May you know that the divine and your higher-self loves and supports you in all that you do.
Today I walked for my errands and even further. I needed the fresh air, the movement, and the break fromy usual 3D experience.
About 3,000 steps in I found myself savouring the breeze which was just right in strength. I savored the temperature which also was nearly perfect for me. I savored the fact that the rain had subsided. I was really enjoying those elements and said to myself “The only way this could get better is more sun and like 50% more blue sky. I really love blue skies and sunshine. I’m definitely a sun worshipper because sunshine helps me feel ME.”
By about 5,000 steps in I found myself with this view:
I couldn’t help but try to fit what I saw into the image. In front of me was a nearly perfect cloud to blue-sky Yin-Yang. It’s a symbol I’m very familiar with having gravitated to Eastern philosophy at an early age and then learning the basics of Traditional Chinese Medicine as part of my massage education.
It is a geometric pattern that symbolizes universal balance, and how darkness converts to light at it’s darkest point, and vice versa. Yet at the same time, one is never present without the other, the darkest moments have a spot of light and the lightest moments can show a dark side too. It was awe inspiring.
I was immensely aware of what my simple request had manifested in my 3D experience, and that it had done so in record timing for me.
I proceeded to relish every moment of sunshine and utilize the amazingly good cloud day. I milked it for all I could. I stopped several times to bask in sunshine for long moments.
I was listening to MC Yogi through one earbud so that I could also hear birds chirping and have an awareness of the space around me. One song came on in the midst of a pause in sunshine: “Dancing in the Sun” (listen here).
I began walking again because of the lyrics stirring a desire to move. As I walked under a tree, the song stopped. I came out from under the tree and took several steps before realizing the song had stopped. I looked up to see the sun had also stopped, a cloud was blocking it. I laughed and put the song back on and decided to dance the sun back out. I’m pretty sure the jogger and the other lady walking in the park thought I was crazy, but after about half of the song gracing my ‘dance’ the sun decided to come back out and join me again. It was divine happiness.
I was feeling so good that I started taking pictures and looking at cloud shapes. Several times I saw a heart in the clouds and tried to catch it. … Was I successful?:
This morning’s walk was definitely a big leap towards righting my path. It felt so good, helped both my mind and my mood, and bonus I have 7603 steps by 11am.
May you have excellent creation moments. May you easily find yourself always, but especially when you need it most. May you feel balance and have an acceptance of the concepts represented by Yin-Yang. May you know everything is truly okay and the moment is now. May your now moment be filled with strong awareness, you are here and now to have the experience, enjoy as much of it as possible. Above all may you know you are loved and supported in all that you do.
Yesterday was my weekly day off. I had a list of things to do, but as is often the case with a family, my list did not go as planned. Families are rarely well oiled machines like jobs. It is what it is.
What I did manage to accomplish was my poster for kids to learn Abraham Hicks’ emotional scale.
My goal was to take these two found images:
Then add graphics for my kids to understand.
My first blush was smilies like on phones/tablets, they seem to be a major factor in communication these days and kids are supposedly born “cable ready” so to speak. My 6 year old navigates a tablet amazingly well for someone that can’t really read the language he speaks. So if I’m trying to help him, I pretty much have to utilize what he knows.
So I built smilies from scratch in CorelDraw. I added them to a 20×30 inch document, the desired size for printing. I made my own version of a rainbow mirrored tornado/vortex. Then I added all the words that are in the original emotional scale, and a couple extra simple ones my kids frequently use. I placed smilies and hearts and stars, but stopped short of adding a tombstone at the bottom of the negatives.
My first attempt at printing was met with disaster because Walgreens print software tells it to fill the page and eliminate any white space, which caused the top and bottom to be chopped off. I actually had intended to have the white space for more focus. But, since their software did that, I had to add a background for it to print properly. I chose bubbles to match the shape of the smiley faces.
An hour later I had a poster to hang on the wall to help teach my children. This is the final image.
Anyway, it is now hung in the hallway between rooms so that my whole family can see it frequently.
I was happy I finally got to it, and accomplished a creative helpful tool for my kids to learn. It’s a quadruple accomplishment in my book. That puts me right at the top of that emotional scale 🤪🤩!
Then today, I worked and did clerical and front desk at the clinic. I was the ‘head cheeze’ on this day. It wasn’t too bad, I only got frustrated a couple of times when something wasn’t processing correctly. But I was constantly fighting off the negatives of that darn scale, on the invisible mental spectrum.
Some were definitely mine, related to my feelings about things in my 3D experience. Some felt external though, old familiar sensations in my body activating with them, telling me whom they might apply to.
Either way I’m pretty sure I climbed that emotional scale over a dozen times today, and only really lost twice. Once just before leaving work, I was sitting quietly waiting, and the emotions hit so hard I started crying and tossed my mask at the computer. The other was after getting home. I’ve managed to climb back up from both, which is good.
In-between, after climbing up from mask-toss, I was greeted by rainbows on my way home. They were beautiful. I managed to get pictures, pulling over 3 times to snap phone shots.
I wanted to share, because I acknowledged that I love the sun, and I love rainbows, and you can’t have rainbows without both the sun and the rain. There will always be a little of something you don’t love, even when it’s mostly something you do love.
So here are my beautiful rainbow pictures:
I hope you have an easy time climbing the emotional scale. May you make peace with the undesired, especially when something desired is your object of attention. May you find quadruple accomplishments. May you enjoy your days mostly and find emotional stability when you need it most. May you know that God loves and supports you in everything that you do.
Beyond muscles, I thought it was appropriate terminology for linking together multiple elements of which one finds support, stabilization and overall functionality. That is why I chose to start my blog with that name today.
I have found myself pondering many things this week, and their link is me. They are all elements of my life that I string together into one functional cohesive whole, moving together for a greater good. They give me support through learning lessons and being able to see my own skills and progress. Without any one of them my metaphorical spinal column would collapse.
There was the strep throat, which once I got the PA to pull her head out of fraidy-cat and do her job, quickly began subsiding. It’s amazing how an antibiotic and Prednisone script when utilized properly for the appropriate disease works wonders. I went from not being able to eat or drink hardly at all for 2 solid days; to now I have a tiny tickle that makes me cough occasionally, and a couple rough patches in my throat that haven’t fully healed. I was less concerned about the lack of eating as I have already been eating minimally for a while. But the dehydration began to set in fast and by the time I actually saw the PA I’d already gotten chapped lips and my skin on my hands was cracking and peeling. If I’d have gone another day without enough water I’d have been wasting a hospital bed just because of lack of fluids. I’m just glad I got through to her and managed to get a proper solution.
During my short strep journey my mom visited. In fact it really was nearly the same 5 day stretch. She was not really concerned about catching what I had since we’d both had strep before. I love my mom. We had long talks about a lot of things. I really appreciate all the good things I gained from her. I realized that she has had a hard time fighting her own demons and that has left her feeling like she didn’t do right by me. I did my best to explain that there wasn’t anything she could have done differently and that though there are some things I’m still trying to change about myself- mostly from dad, and I truly appreciate all the good qualities I gleaned from her. She’s my mom and I love her.
While she was here she cuddled with kitties which I know made her miss her departed Rusty and Fuzzy. I miss those cats too sometimes. She also made friends with Zen. It was adorable.
She also spent many hours sitting on our porch swing watching birds and butterflies in our yard. I have a few thistles we let blossom to dry for tea, and the goldfinches, hummingbirds and butterflies simply love them.
Kansas City is still not normal functionality for many things and my mom loves gardens. So my solution, for being under par myself and not being able to do normal things, was to do a driving tour of the city with stops at a couple of the gardens. We went to Jacob Loose park for their beautiful rose gardens and then to Kaufman Gardens, both of which are free and open year round, though prettiest in May to early July. Anya climbed trees and tried to encourage Ian to try as well. It was good fun. We all had a good time and everyone benefitted from some calm fun in the sun.
After our day of sunshine and flowers, I drove mom home to Iowa. I was sad to have to let her go, and I sincerely hope it is not the last time I see her. I know she feels like she has lived a full life and she tells me over and over that she is ready to go home. She says her body hurts frequently and she’s just looking forward to seeing her divine family. We have a genetic heinze-57 mix in our family, but heavy on Irish, Scottish and English. However, mom talks about her dreams of her Irish family and her true love she never found in this life, even having dreams of her horse. I told her I can sympathize and told her of my dreams where I was Quan Yin and Shiva (that brought up a whole discussion of beliefs in reincarnation and how sometimes I feel like I get judged unfairly for cultural strip mining.) Regardless, I appreciate our long conversations and hope there will be more of them. There are some things I still don’t tell my mom, because I simply just know she wouldn’t understand. Her relationship history has not been good, and elements of it leave me knowing she would not understand polyamory. I don’t think she would be mad or upset, just that she is in the state of misunderstanding where you can’t believe that someone would willingly want to do something. So I don’t talk about it, but we do find plenty of other things to talk about. It made for the almost 300 miles back to her home in Iowa much less painful.
On the drive though I was sad to see how much damage the derocho did as it passed through Iowa. The entire I-80 corridor had major damage and it stretched for miles and miles both north and south of 80. Mom was saying that originally they estimated a third of the crops were devastated, but as the damaged plants have dried, they are now suspecting half of the crops are lost. Harvest will begin early to glean how badly everything was damaged. I’m finding myself glad over the fact that I have not consumed corn or soy for a long while now, and that even my meat consumption is lower. The 4 states that were devastated by the storms are all in the top 10 of corn and soybean producers. That means that next year the hogs and cows will have less feed and the myriad of products made from corn and soy will all be much more costly and possibly more scarce. Something I simply will not need to worry about. It does concern me for the rest of the country though.
Anyway, some of the devastation was so intense I just had to try and snap picture as we passed. It may be hard for the untrained eye, so I’ll give you a couple internet images of healthy fields and trees first. The first two are just what a healthy corn crop looks like from the side, 3rd is those healthy fields on a tree line, and last is a healthy soy crop.
Next are the images I managed to snap from the car- sorry for the window glare. What you’ll see: Entire lines of trees with their leaves ripped off, entirely or much more sparse than usual. Corn fields flattened directionally, corn fields with few stalks standing and those are ripped bare; soy fields with huge swaths of brown damaged plants; trees fallen by the thousands many still being cut into usable wood for alternate purposes.
What I didn’t catch was all the businesses and homes with major damage. There simply was too much for me to document properly on my short drive. It is a bit sad for me because I know a much different Iowa and it will take years for the trees to fully recover. Businesses and homes will be rebuilt quickly, a matter of weeks to months and insurance will do its job. Crops will be harvested to the best of their abilities, and there will be an impact, but Iowa farmers have always done good to utilize as much as possible, so if they can salvage they will. What they can’t salvage insurance will cover in the short term and long term people will adjust as needed. We will get through this as much as any disaster.
What it all did do was give me something to shift my focus to gratitude and to see what I do have. Ultimately I spent the rest of my drive back to my home focusing on the good things and seeing that my Atira really is here. It’s not as I have dreamed all these years, but it is here and it’s close enough. I had a solid knowing that I am good enough and my dreams did matter.
My big shiney Atira dome home, for a big poly family, well it’s me and Nathan, kids and pets, in a 3 bedroom ranch in Kansas City. But there is hope for more, and always room to grow.
My mom isn’t in a little dome on the back 40, no she’s in a little brick quad-plex in rural Iowa. But she wouldn’t have had upkeep either way, and she has the peace and quiet in nature that I always wanted to give her. She is mostly content, and though I can’t walk to see her, it’s not really that long or painful of a drive.
My grumpy ass dad that wasn’t even supposed to be at Atira still got to visit and see that all his demeaning behaviors made me a better person than he. Plus he’s being cared for by my sister whom, even without any experience, is probably the better candidate to meet his desires and outdated beliefs.
My business park is really just the clinic; and my significant-other business partners, well they’re not-so-significant-others. Despite having thought the one chiropractor had lots of potential with the energetic connection, I’ve come to terms that it probably won’t go anywhere. And the office manager is a kind hearted woman like my mom, that wants to understand and be helpful, but sometimes just needs others to be understanding for her and her concerns. The both have my heart in much different ways than my dreams of Atira had implied. No less significant though.
My temple is my basement and no gatherings have been accomplished because of Covid. This too will pass.
My affordable, very capable, mechanic that can fix anything is a good man in Merriam.
My stores are scattered all over the metro area.
My Atira community is really another companies’ retirement home that has wonderful people working and living in it. I’m glad that my skills are still of service to them.
My festival grounds are our old stomping grounds out at Camp Gaea, and those too have been put on hold due to Covid. You know if it’s clothing optional, that masks won’t be worn either.
My studio space is a corner of our bedroom, and Nathan’s darkroom is the spare small room in the basement. Our gallery is still manifesting.
And Nathan. He is my everything. He wasn’t supposed to be, there were supposed to be others to share the load. But Nathan does his best. He’s my love, my children’s father, my parent on duty, my home educator, my house husband, my resident photographer, my high priest, my magician, and would-be Gardner. He does everything I ask, mostly in appropriate timing and with little to no complaint. He even finally figured out how to help with income and for that I’m so very grateful. I am mostly amazingly grateful for him in my life, especially since the challenges have begun to subside.
My Atira is here. It’s not perfect and doesn’t match my dreams of many years passed, or designs exactly, but most of it has a current usable manifestation. I am grateful for seeing it come together. I am grateful to see that I do have mad skills and I am enough. I have created a world that I am mostly okay with and I am finally beginning to enjoy. One day maybe I’ll have a more accurate version in comparison to my dream scape, but for now I will enjoy the version I do have. I will continue to help others as I am able, but I now have a sense of things having shifted. I no longer owe anything to anyone. I have done my duties and met all requirements imposed upon me. I am free to be me and enjoy my life in whatever way I choose. Now I get to figure out that means. What is fun for me and how do I want that to play out. Can my spread out sprawling Atira Jr become the compact concise community of my dreams over time. That would be really nice. For now I just get to focus on the fun parts. There are so many fun things I want to do that shouldn’t be too hard.
May you see your journey and all of it’s manifestations. May you understand your place in it all. May you know all the elements of your desires are within reach and that sometimes you just need to widen your gaze. May you see those you care for as being important, regardless of how the relationship manifests. May you know that you have done all you need to do, you are whole and complete and more than enough. You are worthy in God’s eyes. May you know that you have cleared your debts and met imposed expectations. May you understand deeper meanings and reasons for everything in your experience. May you feel your way to greater understanding. May you know your own worth, strength, and knowledge. May you see how your actions benefit this world and help it to continue to function. May you find joy mostly and enjoy the ride called life.
See previous posts, wrote 2 in the last week on this mess. Listen to this song too. BTW all red text in my posts is external links to related data.
Death is inevitable, you can not avoid it when it is your time to go. There are millions of causes of death, and even the flu supposedly kills 3% of those that catch it. Every so often, whether it be “survival of the fittest” or “God’s plan”, regardless of what you call it, something happens worldwide that kills many people. There have been natural disasters (earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tsunamis, hurricanes, F5 tornadoes), planes flying into buildings, wars, The Holocaust, The Soviet Famine (Holocaust senior), bombs, car accidents, train accidents, and many many diseases. If it’s your time, it’s your time. If it’s not, then being sick for a week or two isn’t the end of the world.
And suffering is all self-contrived to begin with. I can’t count the number of old people I have worked with that hold on for no apparent reason even when their body has shut down and it hurts more to be alive than to let go. I always end up having “the conversation” where I essentially ask them why are they holding on. Regardless of their excuse, if they can even speak, inevitably that conversation seems to be the permission to let go and they always let go and let themselves exit the misery. It was their choice all along.
Additionally, what goes around comes around with suffering. I find it interesting that one of my 94 year olds told me over the phone: “They won’t let you come give me my massage, they won’t even let my kids in…. I worked on a kids polio unit all those many years ago. My unit was in the basement of the hospital in rural Iowa. Kids were dieing of polio and their parents had to stand outside of tiny basement windows to try and see their kids. The kids would cry for their parents. Now I know how they felt.” Polio killed many people, but not everyone. I have a dozen people that I know over the age of 80 that survived polio. Two lost use of their legs, others look fine but have residual leg problems, others had no lasting effects. All of them have lived generally good happy lives.
So far, numbers that I have seen and heard do not make this virus any worse than previous pandemics. Yet the world has gone insane.
Keeping people home and unemployed does not prevent the spread of the disease altogether, as should be obvious by now, yet somehow more and more government agencies seem to think it’s helping and are following suit. More of our society lives in whole families than live alone. So just because Bob couldn’t go to work and Bob’s kids had to stay home from school, doesn’t mean his wife got out of work, and many families live with extended relatives: aunt’s, uncles, grandparents, etc. So 80% of your family is sequestered but 20% comes into contact with the rest of society doing their job. They catch it and bring it home to the people that were forced to stay home, little good that sequestering process did. Someone proposed that we require staff to stay at their jobs. For how long, and where, would you make people sleep at their desks, and has anyone thought of the strain that would put on families and small children missing their parents?
This idea that we’ll just shut everything down to slow the spread is rediculous and unsustainable. It may be effective at slowing the disease, but it draws out suffering for everyone.
Everyone that loses income or employment, stuffers hardship attempting to pay bills. It puts our healthy children behind in their education and contributes to illiteracy. It’s puts mental strain on everyone because of cabin-fever and the loss of the benefits of proper socialization (which I learned is a major key element to fighting clinical depression). It will literally drive people crazy with anxiety, worry, and stress. That chemical storm in the human body will make everyone more susceptible to every disease, even ones their immune system has already fought off at some point. This is all already documented, well accepted, verifiable information.
It is unsustainable. We already have multiple diseases yearly. If everything shuts down every time a virus spreads, we’d be shut down more than functional. Last year alone I watched two stains of the flu, 1 stain of pneumonia, and CDIFF spread through my work environments, to be followed by this covid19. If we had shut down for all of them: banks would not get paid for mortgages and loans, businesses would close, homes would be lost, unemployment and homelessness would skyrocket. This is not a sustainable solution.
Just because there is more technology that enables more people to work from home, does not mean we can sustain society on that alone. Trash/recycling would still need collected and processed, grocery stores would still need to function, drug stores would still be vital, hospitals/nursing centers would still need to function, chiropractors/acupuncturists/massage therapists are as vital as ever as they help lower stress levels. I can think of dozens of things that computers simply cannot replace.
I know that everyone thinks that AI is the great saviour that will solve all of this. We can have robots make the products. Robots package the products. Robots deliver the products. Robots could even eventually replace trash trucks. But would you want to eat a meal cooked by robots? And, how much of society can be replaced by robots before you run out of work for qualified citizens? There’s only so many positions that can be employed from a home computer. We always have had a portion of society that was unskiled menial labor; even if one hypothesizes that we could eliminate the jobs with Robots, you can’t eliminate the portion of humans that filled those roles. There is no way to ensure all of humanity is educated enough to carry out highly skilled positions. Would you start assassinating healthy upstanding citizens merely because their job was replace by a robot and they were not skilled enough to work from a computer?
I for one have seen the movies like Gataca, AI, etc. They were bad ideas in the movies and I don’t want to live in that world. That is what is trying to happen here. I don’t want to live in a world like this.
I want to live in the world of sanity, where people value each other and understand illness as part of life. Where we love each other and care for each other even when a new disease is spreading. Where we work on ourselves to overcome fears, worries, and anxiety so that we can stay as healthy as our bodies and God intended. I want to live in the world that takes normal, sustainable measures to slow the spread of diseases. I want to live in a world where the divinity of our amazing immune system is honored. I want to live in a world where people in power have half a brain and can step back and say: “ok, this crossed the line, we need to pull back a bit.” Where those in control use logic and reason and make positive forward-moving decisions based in practical reality. I want to live in a world where media channels fall and the contrived Hysteria comes to an end. I want to live in a world that mitigates the news to truly necessary informational updates and returns to only being informed occasionally as scheduled, not 24/7. The inundation is what breeds Hysteria. I want to live in a world where entertainment tells the good story, tells the good what if, tells of good things to look forward to. I want to live in a world where superheroes are the politicians and law enforcement officers that bring calm, sane, reassurance. I want to live in a world where people focus on living a happy life knowing they could die anytime from anything. I want those things for myself mostly, but for everyone. I am being selfish in these thoughts, but in a way that includes humanity as a whole. I want everyone to do that. Being selfish does not have to equal harming others or bringing humanity down. We are all in this together, bring the love and the light and lift each other up. Supporting each other helps us all get through life better. Supporting each other helps your own life feel better.
Here’s a question, with all the shut downs, what’s happened to soup kitchens? What’s going on with homeless shelters? Churches have shut down, how are food banks functioning? In fear of “I might get sick” we’re hurting ourselves all over the place in literally thousands of other ways. How is that okay?
May we all come to our senses. May we all make peace with the possibility of death and the minimal suffering of a nasty cold. May we see that what doesn’t kill us really does make us stronger. May we all see our general health. May we know our immune systems are God given kick ass virus destroying superheroes. May we love ourselves and be selfishly helpful of society as a whole. May we all have joyous happy lives full of healthy days of positive socialization and friendships. May we all earn a living doing things we love regardless of their ability to work from home on a computer. May we all be able to exist freely and happily day to day for our entire lives.
Many blessings to everyone, you’ll make it through this one way or another. It’ll all be okay. It is okay. We can return to normal if everyone makes it known that is preferred.