Tag Archives: centering

“I f-ing hate enlightenment.”

That was the phrase I said to Nathan this morning that made him double over in laughter asking me to write this post.

The reason I said it was because I checked my fasting sugar and it was again at 160. I commented it was probably the chocolates I ate last night because they were cheap ones. I said “I love chocolate, there I said it, I love chocolate, and aren’t we supposed to be loving things!”

Then immediately my brain replayed the last chakra section of the following clip from “The Last Airbender”.

Watch “How To Open Your 7 Chakras As Explained In a Children’s Show” on YouTube

I had played the clip for Ian last night to see if it would help him understand things. And I had followed the clip as a meditation in the process, so I knew exactly what was being conveyed.

It is good to love things, but not so intensely that we cannot let them go for fear of the loss.

And that is precisely what I’m doing with chocolate.

Chocolate is my last food pleasure. It is the only thing left in my ‘I really enjoy this food’ list. I am afraid to lose chocolate and never have any enjoyable food in my experience.

Knowing that, and accomplishing the letting go are two separate and distinct moments. Practice makes perfect, right?!

This one is going to be hard for me. Merh.

A Brief Exposé

Preface:

I’m going to intention to be somewhat vague here. I’ve noticed overlapping patterns in my manifestations and resulting interactions with others. I intend for this post to apply to as many of those overlapping situations as possible.

First and foremost:

“Don’t think about all those things you fear, just be glad to be here.” ~ “Hayling” by FC Kahuna

I have come to rest for the moment in a place of acceptance of myself as I stand. I’m seeing my power and abilities and yet evaluating whether I wish to push the envelope or just allow myself to be for a bit.

I woke hurting this morning, a combination of allergic reactions from Anya’s birthday celebration, and physical fatigue from having done a dozen very-deep tissues this week. Yet I managed to push through and find genuine gratitude that at least I’m feeling it.

There are people living in this world that are unable to feel their arms and legs and would appreciate the discomfort of my aches this morning.

That acknowledgement in combination with something that crossed my path yesterday led me to a realization that I had attracted myself an onslaught of people unwilling to express their gratitude for me in any meaningful way. I literally saw how several people in my recent history (last 5 years) probably did care on some level, but convinced themselves for whatever reasons that they could not align with the action or resources which they knew would convey that most effectively. As a result I’ve parted and chosen to move on the best way I can, but lingering hurts cross my mind on occasion.

So here I sit feeling confident in my current endeavors and abilities, a new fuller knowing of myself, but slightly hesitating. Knowing that as I move forward I wish to attract people and experiences that honor myself better.

That means I must start by honoring myself better.

You see, the Law of Attraction is just that.

Like attracts like.

I could not have attracted those people and experiences if I had not held myself in that particular alignment.

Extrapolation:

“Some of them want to use you, some of them want to be used by you. Some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused.” ~ “Sweet Dreams” by Eurythmics

I have been abused in my lifetime. Repeatedly in fact, and in multiple ways: physically, mentally, and emotionally. In turn my abused mind and body, unable to handle the hurts, reflected them back at those in my experience. I became the abuser. Not as severe as my abusers were, but abuse I delivered none-the-less. I knew in my heart I could not let that continue and prayed for help to change myself. I prayed that I might be forgiven for my indescrections. My least desire of anything in this world is to be abuser or abused.

I have been used in less abusive ways. Simply being an employee is, in a way, being used. However, because of my history with abuse, many of my being-used situations reflect a similar negative consequence. I see that my dream of Atira would in a way require that I use others. However, it is my prayer that I find a balance where I can utilize others in the best way possible, and while honoring their gifts as best as I am able. I want my having to experience the flip side to be full of as many positive consequences as possible. That means if I am to have employees I wish to compensate them properly. That means if I’m to utilize volunteers I wish to honor them fully and treat them accordingly. I want to teach people that honoring each other and ourselves is a way of honoring God.

Despite being one of my favorite songs, what “Sweet Dreams” fails to sing about is all of the other options.

I wish to love and be loved.

I wish to honor and be honored.

I wish to serve and be served in the name of God.

I wish to respect and be respected.

I wish to care and be cared for.

I wish to share and be shared with.

I wish for intellectual and emotional equals to experience this give take world with as partners and companions. Where we can all reach for better.

Full-Circle:

“I wished for you too.” ~ Practical Magic

I attracted you, with my attention to my desires and my sloppy habits stemming from hurt. My mixed bag brought you into my experience.

Yet, you must admit that you are equally responsible. You aligned in the exact same manner. You focused on your desires, but missed your sloppiness from your past.

You see we are equals, carrying the same level of blame.

I suspect you felt that you were better than I. That you could manifest things better, or that you were smarter than I, more connected, more esteemed or somehow more gifted. In your hubris you aligned yourself with idiocy and in a way became the abuser.

Your lack of humility, your inability to reach for better took us out of alignment.

You see, I seek those willing to admit we’re all equals here on this Earth stumbling through and learning how to reach for better and improve ourselves. Those willing to move mankind toward a brighter future. Those willing to take responsibility for their actions, offer apologies when necessary, and reach for honoring themselves and others better. I acknowledge that none are perfect, yet in our imperfection lies our greatest gifts.

I know you saw my intelligence, my strength, my reserve, my determination, my extra large size, as well as my extra large energy. You saw my fortitude, my resolve, my ability to endure and persevere. You saw my gifts and talents and my inner beauty.

Yet, your sloppy habits brought to your attention my strangeness, my unique views and my very unorthodox beliefs and unconventional ways. I pushed your comfort zone and set a high bar. I challenged you in ways you obviously were unable to handle, which took us further out of alignment.

So now I can revise what I want, need, and desire.

I seek someone with equal intelligence, strength, reserve, determination, and energy. Someone with fortitude, resolve, ability to endure and persevere. Someone with gifts and talents and inner beauty. Yet someone humble enough to acknowledge that all of that exists in me and many others as well. Someone open minded enough to handle my strangeness, my unique views and my very unorthodox beliefs and unconventional ways. Someone willing to allow themselves to grow through experiencing me fully. Someone able to have constructive conversations even when beliefs diverge. Someone able to convey their preferences while still exploring the unknown or perceived contrasting experiences. I seek someone willing to love and be loved. Someone to honor and be honored. Someone willing to serve and be served in the name of God. Someone willing and able to respect everyone and in turn be respected, to care and be cared for. Someone able to share and be shared with.

I need for those someones to be able to take responsibility and share their gifts to commit to not just my family, but to building Atira. You see, I don’t just need money for Atira, I need people, hands, help, specific knowledge that I would rather utilize in others than begin to learn myself. Atira will fare far better, actually become a success, if there is a group, a poly family, willing to share the work load. I seek those people.

I have thought about each person that had previously aligned and subsequently misaligned with me. If further alignment was genuine, accompanied by equally genuine apologies, and foreseeably maintainable, then I could potentially welcome them back.

At the moment I have no evidence to the possibility of that, and suggestions, mere hearsay, to the contrary. Yet, I’m going to leave room that it might be possible. However, I’m not going to hold my breath, because I know the universe will provide what I desire regardless. It has so far, I was just sloppy about maintaining my alignment, and THAT is where I know I can and will do better.

May all of my readers take this to heart and find and maintain their alignment. May you all have those in your life that honor, respect and love you for being you. May you heal your hurts and move on successfully. May you find a way to make your dreams happen.

Hogwash & fiddlesticks, I want to feel good.

So my last post was pure livid anger, and for good reason. But as I’m learning, that Shit is how I spent 20+ years stuck in a depression loop. So damn it, I want to feel good.

That means I must look for what I like, for things I want, for improvement, for solutions, and for love.

It’s hard to do that when you’re so pissed off.

I’m discovering it’s even hard when you’re simply in constant motion. I’m essentially back to work 7 days a week, and when I get confirmation on hours from the building I do activities for, I’ll probably have a total of 3 days off in September. I make it work, and make the best of it, but transition has been difficult for my mental puzzle again. The result has been that I was gifted 2 illnesses (1 digestive, 1 head cold) from my family, since my vibration has been all over the place. I swear I’ve been sick more since thanksgiving than I had been the previous 5 years, and the only thing that’s changed is my intense desire and efforts to produce more income and higher vibration.

It leaves me acknowledging that my negative lapses are manifesting fairly immediately, and being that they’re small and manageable is a fairly good sign. It means that my positive efforts are building steam, which I already knew from the increase in hours and income, but I suppose validation from both sides of the equation is a good thing, a helpful measure so to speak.

So, my 2 ended train is finally moving in the direction I want, albeit slowly. But if I have learned well enough, it means I just need to keep at it to get some good momentum going.

More practice; practice makes perfect.

That’s a sentiment I’ve proven to myself many times over, especially with music and art.

So, since I’m already tired, super draggy, and stuffy headed, having trouble focusing, I thought I better write since it forces me to focus.

This week (or 2?) started with good validations. At one point I had an epiphany (very personal about my childhood “imaginary” friend) I simply asked mentally that if my thoughts were accurate to show me a green & purple dragon (thinking of the puff the magic dragon song). The next day at work there was a bouquet of green and purple flowers that were placed such as to remind me of a scaly dragon head. They were in a residents’ room and she was reading a “song of Solomon” about where someone’s love had gone. I knew it was my validation instantly and nearly cried telling her she was my message from god. Yet since that day I’ve seen nearly a dozen more green and purple dragons.

One of the last ones: I was drawn to stop at a favorite store of mine, but didn’t know why, seeing as I didn’t have any extra cash available for spending fun. While there I thanked the owner for support she gave years ago when Nathan was ill, she said she needed that, and I knew that was part of my visit, but something else was nagging me. I browsed a bit and ultimately discovered my message:

A Shiva statue priced with my birth year, and my dragon request on a singular box of incense. Next to 2 other incense boxes that were one of a kind. I know because it was such an intense set that I looked through the whole wall of incense to see if someone had just misplaced them. No, no matches were to be found, they were the last ones available.

I simply could not resist and bought the incense, knowing I’ll ultimately have to go back for the statue at some point soon. Resistance is futile. You don’t say no to the universe, but it’ll have to wait until payday.

The point of all of this is, I’m definitely getting messages, and they all feel really good. I like that. I love being validated and feeling supported. My only hiccup is in understanding. As in, I only asked for one dragon, and the first was good enough for me. So why then, give me a dozen more, one of which was the exact thought I had- a green & purple- puff the magic dragon?

Does the quantity and repetition equal someone screaming “yes!” from the other side? And if so, I’d think it would start manifesting, like now. I’m going to tell myself that’s the case and see how things unfold.

I have been feeling intense anticipation for some while now, but have difficulty maintaining focus on just that. It makes me all jittery, and ultimately I end up getting distracted by daily interactions. Yet, I suppose that’s the practice makes perfect element.

So, I think about what I want, and possible ways it could happen, and I do my best to make sense of other messages I see. Like I still want to end up in Colorado with a big dome full of people that love me enough to commit to being family. I know who I’d like that to include, but right now I still don’t have any idea how, and I’m doing my best to ignore roadblocks and deadlines in the way of that. I keep reminding myself that the divine can ultimately solve everything in proper timing, even if 60 days seems like a tight squeeze to me, and there’s probably a dozen options I can’t even fathom.

I think of all the other close calls I’ve had and how everything always worked out. God has my back and always keeps me safe. Usually I’m the one that gets in my own way of that, and this time I intend to be a cooperative element helping things flow smoothly.

To that end I even let myself go down a small ego-trip road with how lucky I am to have multiple people that care about me. People that care and help more than my own blood realitives (exception being my parents). It helps me see my good. I thought about my strengths and good qualities, and admitted that even my weaknesses could be worse. I appreciated myself a bit and acknowledged there’s a reason others care. I like knowing that, it helps me see how to love myself. I am a good person and I will get to do great things for this world yet. Of that I’m certain. I know that I must hang in and keep practicing this, and even if I have a few more muggle based action steps to enable myself to practice allowing, at some point soon I will get good at manifesting exactly what I want.

When I do- watch out, because I could end up being the next Oprah/Ellen. Not saying I want to be on TV, I really don’t, I just like how they inspire others and help so many people. Yeah, I want that part, and can totally skip the being on TV.

So this ended up being rambly and all over the place, probably due to that being sick difficulty focusing thing. I apologize for that, but I’m glad you hung in there with me. If I can climb out of decades of depression, and overcome livid anger in a few days, you can too. May we all make a better world by starting with ourselves. A single drop creates ripples in the whole lake.

Beautiful things…

Like the song by Annie Lennox “A Thousand Beautiful Things”:

” Every day I write the list

Of reasons why I still believe they do exist

(A Thousand Beautiful Things)

And even though it’s hard to see

The glass is full and not half empty

(A Thousand Beautiful Things)

So light me up like the sun…”

I write my list today to remind myself of things I love. Things I miss when they’re gone. Things I want to see more of. Things I relish and enjoy every last bit of. Things that brighten my day and my life. AND I apologize to everyone for having gone negative for a while again. Suffice it to say no-one enjoys being negative and in the hole, and let my negative posts be validation of my efforts to heal myself, as when you’re down you always want to get up again. This is my effort to do so. This is my effort to start to turn things around regardless of my physical experience. I’m doing as Abraham says “Shift away from the what-is-ness and toward the what can be.” Shifting yet again and taking to heart “you’re always in the right place at the right time, but sometimes you’re looking at it in the wrong way”.

First on my list of loves is every single thing in that song.

Then:

I love hugs and cuddles from those I love, and giving them as well.

I love my children and my kitties, especially because they unconditionally love me.

I love playing with my kids.

I love art: drawing, coloring, painting, all kinds of making art, and most kinds for looking at.

I love music: listening or playing, and most genres, especially all 64GB I have.

I love massages, mostly receiving because it’s so darn helpful and feels good, but giving helps people so I like that too.

I love getting things that help me feel better: exercise, sun, healthy foods, sleep, and fun activities.

I love comfy quiet spaces.

I love starting my day with a hot shower, they are so refreshing and relaxing and help me start my day in the best frame of mind.

I love waking up refreshed and on time to start my day easily and smoothly.

I love things to do, being balanced with time to just be.

I like nice cars in tip top shape, well oiled machines so to speak, including good tires & brakes, and would love a new electric vehicle.

I love it when people communicate effectively, and when they talk to each other consistently.

I love when people talk to me about their interests and desires, and things they like and enjoy.

(conditional ones… oopsie)

I love feeling really supported and cared for. (that’s more unconditional, maybe Abraham can help me find some more words here…)

I love feeling love for others and receiving love.

I love feeling appreciated.

I love feeling happy and having fun.

I love feeling content.

I love feeling comfortable in my body (though it could be way more often).

I love peace and peacefulness.

I love being inspired and feeling accomplishment when my inspired actions pan out positively (I’d love to do that much more often also).

I love the feeling of wholeness and completeness.

I love feeling abundance and prosperity.

I love knowing that the universe supports me and is working on a solution to pay for all of my needs (including the birth costs).

I love knowing that the universe can flow money to me many, many more ways than I can even begin to think of, and love knowing all I need is alignment to allow it.

I love feeling relaxed and centered.

I love the feeling of balance in all respects.

I love the feeling of freedom.

I enjoy feeling welcomed.

I enjoy the feeling of belonging.

I love that my children are loving and doing their best to find their way in this world. I look forward to mastering my guidance system to show them how to do the same. Because I also know actions do teach better than words.

I love the feeling of friendship.

I love the feelings of having good conversations and really connecting with someone.

I love the feeling of stability and homecoming that a close knit family home brings.

I love feeling calm and centered and knowing that things are progressing smoothly and easily in perfect timing (that could totally happen a lot more).

I love knowing that others around me function well in chaos, because it makes up for what I’m unable to handle.

I love knowing that I can distract myself from that same chaos by retreating into my mind or simply watching funny videos, or even walk through it and recenter alone.

I love knowing that others around me are also doing their best. That they have the best intentions when they offer things to me or make suggestions, and that they really are doing their best to support me.

I love knowing that “IT” never gets done, so if someone promises me something and forgets or is unable to fulfill their promise, another way will show itself.

I love knowing that God ‘has my back’ and will make up for those dropped moments/promises. I just have to allow it.

I love the feeling of well-being, of naturalness and of normalcy. I love knowing that those feelings are a good symptoms of my body and brain functioning in tip top shape, perfect alignment. I look forward to feeling like that everyday.

I love feeling prepared for whatever is in progress.

I love being excited for good things coming.

I love being on time, even early, for everything, and I love the feeling of knowing I always have plenty of time (no rush).

I enjoy feeling that I’m in the right place at the right time.

I love feeling safe and knowing that my family is safe. I love knowing that my family strives to be in alignment so they can do lots of fun things safely.

I love being able to say yes, go for it, it’s OK.

I love feeling passion, and being passionate, about people, places, and activities.

I love knowing that I’m a vibrational being.

I love the feeling of alignment with that inner being.

I love knowing that my inner me/vibrational-being loves everything. (I’m always in the right place, but sometimes looking at it from the wrong physical viewpoint.)

I love knowing the universe will give me wonderful things when I find alignment with that inner me.

I especially love that I’m starting to get better at catching myself. I’m starting to recognize those misalignments faster and thus start correcting faster. I realize that I am still letting some of those moments snowball too much and build much negative momentum, but acknowledging that, every single time it happens, helps me inch towards catching it sooner with less momentum to correct for. I look forward to when I catch all of my negative misalignments in their infancy before they have any significant momentum at all. I love knowing I will eventually get there, and it just takes practice (maybe a lot, but that’s OK too).

And with that I leave you all with blessings of fast alignment recovery in any contrast situation.

Oscillating again.

I’m having a devil of a time attempting to stay buoyant these days. Between the discouraging lack of affordable decent housing, and being unable to let go of and move on from the boy, I keep finding myself in the hole. It doesn’t help that my depression puzzle pieces keep falling out of place, not all at the same time, but it seems I struggle to keep 3 or 4 of the six together at any given moment. It definitely contributes to my down-ness.

Anyway, this post is intended to get my mind on happy thoughts for as long as I can, so it might end up being long (apologies in advance).

 My goal is to show what I would love for the inside of my home to look like. Right now I’m really, really far from my desired look, and no one picture or item conveys the complexity of what I want. So I’m going to show as many elements as I can and describe what I like about them or why. 

My examples are pulled from online(google), and there’s a bunch of pictures, so I didn’t cite their sources. However, most of them, the screen shots caught the descriptions, so you’re welcome to get to them that way. I just want to clarify that these are all found images that I happen to appreciate, I take no credit for their existence.

So to start, I wanted to show furniture styles that I have always liked. I love furniture that looks clean and simple, but also is very functional. These pics are things that represent styles I’ve always liked. The qualifier here is I also like color, so even though these are muted colors, I’d rather have beautiful shades of reds and greens and blues. 

The sofa I love because it’s not only a guest sleeper, but it has a huge storage compartment under the chaise, and it’s affordable.

Chairs: I still like clean lines and simple designs, but I much prefer high back chairs for good back and neck support.

Chaise: I don’t know why, but I’ve always wanted just one of these. Perhaps it’s because several of my favorite novels from years back had one in their story lines.

Bedroom happiness: more clean lines, more organization. Color, in the bedroom, for me, falls in linens, curtains, and wall colors, so I’m OK with neutral colored furniture. I usually prefer lighter neutral furniture, but I do think I’d like to try having the dark woods in my own bedroom for a change. The more easy storage the better, it helps reduce and eliminate clutter.

I’d love to have a huge closet with built in customized shelves and drawers, but the more realistic, regular life solution is the very affordable Ikea beauties I like below. Mmmm that  would be nice.

Finally the environment: I do love color. I have always loved color like you find in Mexico, Greece, India, and China. At one point I thought it would be amazing to have a room decorated with each feel in mind. I also thought it would be great to have color themed bedrooms like castles in England… ” you’ll be staying in the blue (or green, etc.) room, just down the hall, first door on the left”. I’m not sure I’d actually go that far, but it’s a nice idea. So, with that in mind, here are some color schemes I found that I like.

The first three images, I also love the open spaciousness and simplicity. I love that they look clean, and homey, but not filled with clutter. Just enough artwork to be  interesting, but not too much for the eyes to take in.

More themed color and great storage.

These last 3 I really love the colors, but they are a bit more busy and cluttered looking than I’d like.

So now, you have a good idea of what I’d love for my home to look like. I’m sure there’s more I could elaborate on, but this is definitely a good start, and spending the time looking for pics and writing about the results definitely got my mind in a better place. That much was a great success. Here’s to more up moments, and hopefully to a great birthday soon as well.

To float.

My moment now. 

I have contemplated taking a hiatus from my blog, from a lot really. I’ve been over thinking things I think, or at least over wording them.   

With all my oscillating I’ve spent a significant amount of time meditating and doing things to redirect and pull my vibration back up. It has caused some hermitage on my part.  My posts of late have been much shorter and to the point as a result. 

AND that’s okay. 

Today and yesterday have been mostly good for me,  but it seems that be it collective consciousness vibrations or actual astronomical effects,  there seems to be a special intensity happening.  It seems every time I get even the slightest negative it amplifies quickly and seems to cause nearly immediate not-so-good manifestations.  On the flip side when I stick to the positive, I’m still noticing the amplitude and quick manifestations as well.  So, I’ve done my level best to focus that way, and been mostly successful.

Today,  I started groggy & slow, stressed a bit about running a few minuets late.  Then my 1st lady was in the hospital and 2nd lady decided to skip today.  So I took 20 and readjusted my vibration.  The rest of the day went better, but I’m down 2 more residents,  so work ended up being short & sweet. I’ve refocused several times to acknowledge my work has always had ebbs and flows in quantity of residents & resulting appointments,  and there’s usually not really that much time in an ebb. It’ll all be okay.

I listened to Hicks on  a 20min “lunch” break,  and now that I’ve finished up at my building, I sit in contemplation in the beautiful weather. I know I have 1 more,  an apartment home visit,  but I’m am hour ahead of schedule,  so I’m taking half of it for me, which will still put me ahead of schedule. 

I currently feel very good.  Like anticipating hearing very good news,  though I have not a stitch of evidence to validate it. BUT that’s okay too.

I’m simply doing my best to stay with that feeling, and allow anticipation. I have short moments of anxiety because I don’t know what I’m anticipating,  and really I have no idea what I’m going to do next (in the grander game of life meaning).  I have moments of feeling lost and like I should be doing something.  Shouldn’t I be acting more?! My brain keeps nagging me with that.  Then I pause and refocus… just stay with the good feelings at all costs… anticipation is good,  happy is good… good feelings precipitate good things. That’s my ultimate goal, the good manifestations of my vortex,  already chaulk full of amazing requests, I’ve just got to allow it all in. AND that means feeling good at all costs. 

So,  10 min remaining of sunshine and breezes and mindfullness, before heading to my last appoinment. That is good…. and here comes Woofy, one of the resident’s dogs. 

Super friendly and always happy to receive a pet or two. Instant validation.  Stay happy. 

Finally,  my son is now 3 years old: that’s not only a really good reason to master this law of attraction thing to be a stellar example;  but also it’s a great thing to use to find more happy- a beautiful-smart-healthy 3-year-old boy has made it this far because of  me and Nathan & his big sister. Absolutely giddy making. Mmmm good. 

Just Be.

I am where I am, and it’s ok.

I am where I am and it’s alright,  it has to be because it’s all I’ve got. 

(- Abraham Hicks)

 Just breathe.

It’ll all be ok. 

Abraham says: go with the flow and it’ll be over soon.  That’s good. That’s relief. 

Sigh.

Quiet, still. Just be.

Be me. Be with source. 

Be calm.  Patience is easier when I’m just being with my inner me.

Just breathe. 

Feel the difference.  That’s what matters: the feeling in my body.

Relax.

I like relaxed. It feels good.  Warm, fuzzy, light,  airy. 

Soothing, yet strangely energizing. 

I don’t have to solve anything right now. There is plenty of time for that.  Besides, I couldn’t solve anything right now anyway.  This moment isn’t for that. This moment is for me.

This moment for me is about feeling better,  feeling good in fact.  I like that. So I Will… be, just be.

Here we go; inbound.

Those words met my vision this morning right before a message dinged up on my phone reading “God Bless You”.

Very  synchronistic, no?

It’s definitely been another day of seeing the illusion and more immediate manifestations.

There was a short conversation about officers, and within 2 hours both Nathan & I experienced a “flow” of more officers in our awareness than usual.  Nothing bad, but I saw the vibrational cause & effect.

Nathan’s message was that we’re in pahase 2: expectation. Essentially, we’ve got the basics and we’re leveling up. Needing to work on positive expectation that things go easily and smoothly. I can do that, practice makes perfect.

So then I’m at work, and I started with “everything will go smoothly & I’ll be done by dinner time”.  Sure enough,  it’s 4pm & I’m done with hands on stuff.  Going to invoice a bit & head either to the gym or home (depending on the flow at the  end of invoicing).

I’m really feeling the “go with the flow”. It’s a little scary to me, because especially today that’s meant not much of the old paradigm (work=money). But somehow I strangely feel calm and peaceful that it’s perfectly ok,  and that’s what was supposed to happen. I reminded myself that I asked for divine help and guidance months ago,  and that listening and doing what I’m asked/shown to, is what is needed. If I expect to allow a miracle intervention,  I do indeed need to get out of the way and allow the flow of that- which apparently includes expecting good things regardless of the activities in front of me.

So, to invoice,  whilst I think thoughts of the universe supporting me and solving problems I didn’t even know I had, providing financial flow which is really good,  and maybe even increasing our savings. Mmmm good. 

I Had a Dream.

Or Did I?

[Side Note: Still in withdrawal from my phone. Trying to use a laptop for all communications just isn’t working too well. Some things just aren’t possible, so I’m feeling a bit disconnected today, and hoping this post will help.]

This is really a story from a few days ago ( a little over a week ago maybe).

I debated even blogging about it, as I have no proof, it could really just be my mind playing tricks.

It started as a dream; Nathan made some kind of noise as he was getting up to prep for his route, it woke me. I felt compelled to “Go back” and finish what was started, so I proceeded to meditate in the wee hours of the morning to get back to the “Dream” and follow through.

Sitting on the side of the bed I had an amazing experience that I just don’t know what to believe or do with it. So, after mulling over it for quite some time, I’m just going to share it here.


 

I felt like I was dreaming….

There was a dog barking, not unusual, but when it’s close and continuous I tend to want to investigate. I got to the kitchen window facing the driveway and I see a medium sized brown and white spaniel at the end of the driveway with something in it’s mouth. I think ok, it obviously wants me to come out, so I did.

When I get to the dog, it drops what looks like a newspaper in my hand, and I think: oh honey, I’ve got tons of those. I pet the dog on the head and proceed to turn around to head back inside. The weather is warm, but it’s getting dark so I don’t want to linger outside.

As I turn around I see a line of Animals. Left, close to the steps to the house: a black panther. To the right in order of lineup, the female Mountain Lion (from my real-life close run-in months ago), a male Lion, Tiger, and a Brown Bear. I literally think “oh my, it’s like the circus threw up in our yard”, at which point the animals seems to multiply and they start dancing. I just stand Awestruck for a moment.

I realize that something is approaching from my far left, so I turn my attention to that. It’s the black panther from a moment ago, and to the panther’s side is a woman carrying a young girl, they look related.

*That’s when Nathan made the noise and I woke up. I entered meditation and focused on the last image I had of the panther with the woman and child.*

The Panther guided the woman and child toward me. I stepped toward them. I could see the woman looked very concerned, verging on upset. The girl she was holding looked much like her. I could see the girl had lumps on her legs that were discolored like bruises. The girl was very thin, sickly thin, and looked like she was weak. She was maybe about 8 years old. I walked toward them so they were still in the grass when we met. I said to the lady “Don’t be afraid, when a beautiful creature such as this acts in this way, they are trying to help you…. Is this your daughter?”

She replied “Yes”. I asked for their names and  the lady replied “I’m Anna and this is Suzie.” She paused and said that something weird had happened earlier, a hawk had blown on Suzie’s eyes. I explained that any time a wild creature acts in a seemingly gentle manner as that, they are trying to help. I explained that hawks have very good eyesight and perhaps the hawk was trying to bestow some of that eyesight on Suzie.

I asked Suzie if it was OK that I hold her for a moment. She replied yes, and I gently took her from her mom. I noticed mom was still holding a teddy bear and I asked Suzie if she wished to hold her teddy. She said yes and reached for it, but reached the wrong direction. I knew at that moment something was preventing her from seeing correctly. I asked Suzie if she was cold and she said a little. I said OK, we’ll wrap you up in a soft blanket.

We sat down in the soft grass and I covered most of Suzie with a blanket. I was sitting cross legged and had Suzie rest her head in my lap. I had momma sit at her feet. I asked Suzie if she had ever grounded before, and she replied that she didn’t know what that was.

I explained that grounding is connecting to mother earth for stability and strength. I continued to explain that grounding is very helpful if we are struggling to maintain balance in our awake time, or if we feel confused or like we’re going to fall. I added that once we’re grounded we can connect to God and pull the two energies together in our belly in centering, and that it is a very good thing to do to heal our bodies, bring peace to our mind, and feel comforted. I told her it’s a good thing to do that process every day.  I immediately thought to myself: I know how to do this, why don’t I do it for myself very often!?  I refocused and began to walk Suzie through grounding. I told her to put her feet in the grass and feel the cool grass blades tickle her feet. I waited a moment and asked her if her feet felt tingly, she said yes, so I told her to slowly pull that tingly feeling up her legs by clenching her muscles. I described it like pulling on a tug of war rope, but with her leg muscles. Every few moments I would ask her if she felt the tingly sensation reaching a certain spot: ankles, calves, knees, thighs, hips,  belly button, tummy. Finally, I described where the solar plexus is, just below the rib cage in the middle of her belly, and asked if she could find the tingly sensation there. When she said yes, I replied good- hold onto that sensation.

I explained next that we were going to connect to God through our crown, or the top of our head. I said God’s energy feels very light and peaceful, like fluffy white clouds. When we stick our heads up in the clouds all our cares just seem to disappear. I asked her to do that and again gave her a few moments. I then walked her through the same process to pull that light airy sensation down her body into her: head, neck, shoulders, arms, elbows, forearms, wrists, hands, chest, ribs, and into the middle of her belly where she left the mother earth energy. When we got back to her solar plexus I asked her if she could feel the fluffy clouds mixing with the tingly earth, and she said yes it felt really good- warm and fuzzy all over. I said “Good, we’re ready to begin then. … I believe that the animals are here for you tonight. I love all of these animals, and they all have a space in my heart, but they rarely visit me, so they’ve come to help you, and they want me to explain.”

Panther walked up to the little girl and looked at her mom. I said “Panther is very strong and very patient, he’s very fast when he needs to be, but enjoys laying in the sun all day long. Panther is not afraid of anything in the world because he is the biggest and strongest in his world. Panther wants to give you some of that strength and patience, and is inviting you to bask in the sun every day like he does.” After I spoke the Panther sniffed the girl all over and licked her gently in several places, one of which was the leg area I’d noticed earlier. When Panther was finished washing her, he leaned over to her face and nuzzled on her cheek. He then turned to mom, and licked mom’s cheeks, touched his nose to her forehead and sat down in the grass to my left.

Next was Mountain Lion. I explained what I knew of this beautiful animal: “Mountain lion is much like panther in physical abilities and desires, but she is a very good momma. She will do anything to protect her babies and keep them safe. Her love for them is strong enough to defeat even the fiercest threat.  She likes to be alone at times, and is good at keeping an eye on everything from up high. She’s going to give you that love to protect you now.” The mountain lion then proceeded to do much like the Panther. She stopped over the girls heart, gently resting a paw on her chest and purring in the deepest most gentle big cat purr I’ve ever heard. While purring the mountain lion proceeded to rub cheek to cheek. After a minute she stepped back and sat next to Panther.

Next up was Lion. “Lion is the biggest and fiercest of all the cats, he is the king of his territory. Lion has little to no fear, and is a great leader. His strength radiates from him at all times, and everyone can feel that they must respect him. Lion is going to give you more strength and the ability to lead, so that one day when you are better you can do great things for this world. When you start thinking about what you want to do when you grow up, perhaps think about some type of leadership role that benefits animals.” The lion stepped  forth and with an open mouth proceeded to sniff and breathe on the girl. Lion gently touched her belly with his paw, and ended with a really big lick to her face. The girl giggled. Lion sat next to the others.

Tiger stepped forth. ” Tiger is also like Panther, but Tiger is very passionate, tiger always knows why she’s here and what her mission is. Tiger will stop at nothing to complete her mission and will overcome all adversity to do so. Beyond that Tiger has a great beauty, she knows her beauty and carries herself proudly. Tiger is going to help you know why you’re here, what to do, and how to show your beauty.” Tiger, purring the whole way, licked the little girl slowly from head to toe, and then proceeded to join the other big cats.

Finally, Bear stepped forward. I told her: “Bear is a whole different creature. She is a good mother protecting her babies at all costs as well. However, Bear knows when to rest, taking a very long rest each winter. Bear wants you to know that it’s OK to rest when you need it. Bear also knows that it is important to eat plenty of healthy foods: fish and berries and fruits and vegetables, bear will eat almost anything, but loves the bits that are both healthy and tasty. Her diet and her ability to rest are the things that give her such an intense strength enabling her to fight other bears and climb trees and swim long distances. She has much to teach you.” Bear came over and licked the girl several times in several locations. Then bear stood up and let out a fierce roar, very loud and very long. When bear was roaring she raised her paws in the air and at the end of the roar dropped down to earth hard and strong. It sent a beautiful light blue shock-wave of energy so strong that my actual body, sitting in my bedroom on my bed, felt the ripple. A ripple so intense I was nearly in tears. Bear nuzzled the girl and turned and nuzzled the mom, and returned to sit by all the big cats.

I took a long breath, taking in what had just happened. All of a sudden I just knew there was one more animal to visit with. I paused. Then I remembered the dog at the beginning of the dream. I looked around and didn’t see the dog, but could feel it. I waited a moment telling the girl that there was one more animal we were going to meet. When dog didn’t come forth I did the only thing that felt right, I howled like a wolf. Dog came trotting over happily and started licking the girl all over very excitedly. The girl started giggling and as the licking continued the girl started laughing out loud. I told them: “This is your dog, he has the heart of a wolf, fiercely loyal and a great protector, but the mind and body of dog and will be the most gentle and loving pet you’ve ever had.  He will be your sunshine when you can’t make it outside, and will cheer even the most down moments. He will give you a reason to get up every day and will take care of you with his every breathe. Every lick, every nuzzle, will carry healing energy. When this dog comes to you in real life know that he’s there for you and welcome him into your home.” I turn to momma and repeat that “When you see this dog in your experience, make sure he becomes a part of your family, it is very important you take him in when you see him. This dog will follow you both everywhere and will be a guiding force through even your toughest moments. His joy will keep you both afloat if you allow it.” The dog sat down next to the girl and rested his head on her tummy.

I began to wrap up. “I don’t know what the future holds for you two, but I know these animals felt strongly about helping you and providing some much needed and very intense healing energy. Every-time you find that you need a boost, you might be struggling or just plain tired, remember this  experience. It will bring all of those energies back into you for another bit of healing. Use the sensations you saw and felt here, to feel the energies from the animals. It will help you get through another day.”

I look directly into momma’s eyes: “Regardless of what happens, please know that you are being heard, that there is someone doing their best to help, and that even the animal kingdom did their best to provide healing to you and your daughter. You are loved and you are an amazing mom for putting your daughter first when she needed it most. I will continue to send prayers and healing energy for you both, and hold onto the dog. He will get you though everything.”

I paused to let everything sink in.

“I think it’s time you two return home. Panther will lead the way.” And sure enough Panther stood up and momma stood taking Suzie into her arms. The panther guided them off into the dark, and the dog followed at a slight distance.

I breathed a deep heavy sigh, and dropped my head saying a prayer that I hope I had done all the right things.



As I came out of the meditation I felt an overwhelming sense that I had communicated, so overwhelming I was in tears. I just knew that it wasn’t just a dream, and that I had done my best to do some good for someone out in this big wide world. I don’t know who Anna and Suzie are, or if that’s even their real names, but I do know that somewhere out there, there is a mom and daughter fighting a debilitating disease and I’m certain that they have prayed long and hard for healing. I hope that my experience made it through to them and that the animals really did provide healing. The only one I felt myself was bear, and that was because it was so vast and intense. Regardless, I felt like I communicated with animal spirits in a major combined effort to provide much needed healing. I have since sent Reiki to them many times, because every time I think about that experience it brings tears to my eyes.

I don’t know if the dog has shown up for them yet, but from having been at dog shows I knew it was a real breed. I looked up spaniels on Google and the one I saw in the experience was a Kooikerhondje (image courtesy of: DogBreedsPlus), which has a pleasant personality, great for a healing little girl. I really do hope that their dog comes to them, and that the healing form that experience is exactly what Suzie needed for total healing. Finally, I hope that momma reads this so that she knows it was real divine intervention. Sometimes we just need a little validation.

Many blessings to momma and daughter, and many thanks to all of the spirits that made the experience possible. I am willing and able to be your humbled mediator anytime. As Above So Below, So Mote It Be.