Tag Archives: centering

Release a Big Negative

I realized that I need to process and release something I’ve been avoiding for a short bit. I need to let it go so that it doesn’t get bigger.

1st- name the fear and give genuine apology for the fear:

What is it?

Why have I been focusing so much on love and relationships when my husband is right in front of me?

The answer: I’m scared as all hell that I might loose him. I’m petrified that his state of being might not ever improve. I’m scared shitless that he might die long before I’m ready.

I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

I have seen him go from stable of 11 years to not so stable the last 2 months, and I’m really worried.

I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

I’m concerned that sooner than later, I’ll have to work all day and go home to greiving children. The teen will disappear because she’s overwhelmed and needs her space to grieve, so I’ll be left to cook and clean and do all the things Nathan would have done. I’ll have to function through grief while doing twice the work I am now. It really scares me. It scares me most because I won’t have the time or space to help my own children through the loss, and there would be no one to help me.

I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

I’m sorry for even the aspects I couldn’t put words to here. Please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

2nd- let the fear go:

Like Ang in “Avatar, the Last Air Bender”. To heal anything, to heal everything, attachments must be released. Fear only holds us back. You have to completely let go and begin to see the truth.

3rd- find the deeper truth of inner spirit:

Nathan himself is a divine creator with a connection to his source. He knows how to find his own alignment and has been great at it at times. Nathan has the ability to heal as much as anyone. Being afraid that he might die is preventing focus fromm being on his ability to heal. He has free will and can choose anything he wants, but I know he loves me and wants to be there for me. I want to encourage him and help him to find himself.

Regardless of worst case scenario, Nathan is an eternal being and will always be with me if I chose. Also, I am a divine creator and I give my power away when I create negative situations like that. I have always found a way through every challenge that has come at me and this would be no different. I am strong, my kids are strong and we would make it through.

I like feeling my inner being and the knowing that comes with it. There is always a solution. My focus on love and relationships is a good thing because it helps to attract what I really want. I love the idea of Nathan healing and getting better. I love the idea of having additional life partners. I love the idea that we have a safety net and a easy way through every challenge. I like knowing that regardless of anything the divine loves and supports me. God protects me and keeps me safe if I let the positive flow in.

I love healing energy and I love being able to flow enough healing energy to help myself and all those around me whom I love. I know I will have all the support I need if the time should ever come to need it. I am hopeful that everything will turn around and heal into a bright wonderful future.

4th- blessings abound and bring more:

May you never have fears sneak up on you. May you find a way to release every fear. May you know that you are doing your best and that eventually it will lead to better and better, faster and faster. May you know that you can overcome anything that might be holding you back. May your healing energy flow strongly always, and benefit yourself and everyone around you. May you begin to see the miracles that life can bring all around you. May you find a way to eliminate all of the negatives in your awareness, so your focus is solely on the positives. Above all may you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Finding me AGAIN.

Today I walked for my errands and even further. I needed the fresh air, the movement, and the break fromy usual 3D experience.

About 3,000 steps in I found myself savouring the breeze which was just right in strength. I savored the temperature which also was nearly perfect for me. I savored the fact that the rain had subsided. I was really enjoying those elements and said to myself “The only way this could get better is more sun and like 50% more blue sky. I really love blue skies and sunshine. I’m definitely a sun worshipper because sunshine helps me feel ME.”

By about 5,000 steps in I found myself with this view:

I couldn’t help but try to fit what I saw into the image. In front of me was a nearly perfect cloud to blue-sky Yin-Yang. It’s a symbol I’m very familiar with having gravitated to Eastern philosophy at an early age and then learning the basics of Traditional Chinese Medicine as part of my massage education.

It is a geometric pattern that symbolizes universal balance, and how darkness converts to light at it’s darkest point, and vice versa. Yet at the same time, one is never present without the other, the darkest moments have a spot of light and the lightest moments can show a dark side too. It was awe inspiring.

I was immensely aware of what my simple request had manifested in my 3D experience, and that it had done so in record timing for me.

I proceeded to relish every moment of sunshine and utilize the amazingly good cloud day. I milked it for all I could. I stopped several times to bask in sunshine for long moments.

I was listening to MC Yogi through one earbud so that I could also hear birds chirping and have an awareness of the space around me. One song came on in the midst of a pause in sunshine: “Dancing in the Sun” (listen here).

I began walking again because of the lyrics stirring a desire to move. As I walked under a tree, the song stopped. I came out from under the tree and took several steps before realizing the song had stopped. I looked up to see the sun had also stopped, a cloud was blocking it. I laughed and put the song back on and decided to dance the sun back out. I’m pretty sure the jogger and the other lady walking in the park thought I was crazy, but after about half of the song gracing my ‘dance’ the sun decided to come back out and join me again. It was divine happiness.

I was feeling so good that I started taking pictures and looking at cloud shapes. Several times I saw a heart in the clouds and tried to catch it. … Was I successful?:

This morning’s walk was definitely a big leap towards righting my path. It felt so good, helped both my mind and my mood, and bonus I have 7603 steps by 11am.

May you have excellent creation moments. May you easily find yourself always, but especially when you need it most. May you feel balance and have an acceptance of the concepts represented by Yin-Yang. May you know everything is truly okay and the moment is now. May your now moment be filled with strong awareness, you are here and now to have the experience, enjoy as much of it as possible. Above all may you know you are loved and supported in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Uplifting moments

I spent several days working on pulling up emotionally. And wanted to share some of them.

My massage is due to start in about 10min. Much needed relief, and bonus he’s coming to my home office. I won’t even have to drive afterwards. Yea!

May you have plenty of uplifting moments. May you enjoy your life as much as possible. May you health always cooperate with you. May you find ways to ground and center as frequently as possible.

Om Shanti