Tag Archives: change

I figured it out

My daughter was talking about one of her best friends who goes by the name Lenny and prefers the pronoun “they”. I discovered that it made me feel uncomfortable. I have nothing against people choosing their descriptors but in the moment of the conversation it felt awkward, and I was trying to figure out why.

Finally, this morning I realized it is because of the ‘is/are‘ English rules which I learned in school. When I was taught English if you were talking about someone using he, she, their name, or saying “that person” you always used IS. Likewise, if you said they you had to use are, and most of the time ‘they are’ was a plural statement but last night my daughter was using it in the singular and it just felt off.

She had pointed out prior that they did get used in singular such as “they lost their wallet, I hope they come back to get it”. And I agreed, but my epiphany fits with this. The wallet statement is devoid of the is/are connundrum.

So, I’m going to give some examples of where I realized I was feeling the”wrongness” in the moment.

Like her wallet example, I’m used to: “They dropped their item, I hope they realize they lost it and come back for it.” And “Are they going to the show?”

But last night it was more: “They get scared easily; they are easily frightened by…; they came around the corner and screamed from being startled; they don’t really like scary things but we convinced them to do two haunted houses”

The phrases being said sounded plural, like she was talking about multiple people, but it was just the one friend. It really did feel off and somewhat confusing. I personally would have rather heard “Lenny” repeated throughout.

So after a good night’s sleep, I finally figured out the-how of my glitch with using “they” as a singular pronoun…. Now I just have to figure out how to make my brain okay with language rules learned in early elementary.

I’m certain it doesn’t help that being dyslexic. I struggled with learning language rules in a repeatable sort of way. It also doesn’t help that I learned to hate being wrong at an early age, getting things wrong meant bad grades and the wrath of my father screaming at me that I can do better. So I worked 3 times as hard to avoid that. It means once I understood something I really locked it away in a don’t-fuck-up sort-of-way. It’s extra hard to change something learned young in that manner.

Not impossible, just really really difficult.

I’ve fixed lots of things, this will eventually be another. Or maybe I’m not alone and someone is already working on an English-speaking-rules adjustment.

May you understand your hiccups with verbal speed bumps. May you see how to make things okay for yourself so they can be okay for others. May you find a way around every broken element of your psyche. May you fix your brain to fix your life. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

And today’s Abraham quote:

Every religion on the planet, and there are so many more than you are even aware of, has the potential of absolute thriving. But when you think that you must prove that you have the only one that is right—and you use your condemnation to push against the others—your condemnation separates you from your own Connection that, before your condemnation, you were finding in your own religion.

Excerpted from Boston, MA on 10/2/04

Our Love,
Esther
(and Abraham and Jerry)

Courage

I’m sharing this particular version of the music video for the lyric edits and the statement she is making with her costuming and stage presence. It resonated with me strongly, but I also love the more common version used in movie/theatrical productions.

The reason I am sharing it is weird and complex.

Yesterday, after having listened to it dozens of times, I heard the notes from my childhood. Those keyboard notes I played for my mom over and over again asking her if she knew what song they came from. I just knew I had heard them before. My mom would get sick of hearing them and send me to my room so that the sound was more muffled. She could ignore me easier.

Now I have heard them again from another source. They are the notes of the line: “you’re not alone in all this, you’re not alone I promise”.

I’m not a music historian and I never did figure out where I had heard those notes, so I have no idea if they appear in other music with a slightly different rhythm or anything. But now I have heard them from SIA.

Between the meaning of the lyrics, and the realization I may have ‘heard’ the song 34 years before it existed, I cried.

It doesn’t help that I keep playing the song to give myself strength.

My family is not well. The battle I have been working on, and picking apart, for myself for over 7 years (it started before I got pregnant with Ian and he’s going to turn 7 in 2 months) is taking a drastic toll on my family.

I mentioned before that I was certain, since I discovered the root cause, it was likely the reason all of us have struggled for decades: EBV- Epstein Barr Virus.

I mentioned after my trip to CT that I found out mom was ignoring significant symptoms, my brother had been diagnosed with thyroid cancer, and dad has been slowly dieing for almost a year now.

Well, a call from my mom recently, after my brother cleared surgery, filled me in. She explained he cleared surgery and they had removed 9 lymph nodes with his thyroid. All 9 tested positive for cancer, but he is optimistic and radiation starts in a month.

The knowing has been part of my struggle this week, and the reason I’m propping myself up with music.

I’m scared for my brother. I’m scared for myself. We are too young to deserve this.

And it’s because Western medicine blew off a virus for decades, almost a century, as not being worth their time to solve. Before or after they knew how much damage it could do, and people still regularly catch Mono.

I am literally fighting a loosing battle, that an institution with more resources than I can imagine, wrote off as unnecessary.

The anger in me is massive and I am doing everything in my power to shake it off and keep rising my vibration, it’s my only hope.

I will keep doing what I can and have been doing. Hopefully I will find success where my family didn’t, simply because their doctors never bothered to search for a root cause.

I will keep sending prayers for my brother and his family. For everyone I know that is struggling with their health. For the world, because we have a new EBV in Covid, medicine just wants to document and occasionally treat symptoms as needed. I sincerely hope that 80 years from now there is an entirely different outcome for Covid, but my inner gut feeling tells me otherwise. I believe we are all going to need prayers to get through the long-term ramifications of 2020. So prayers I send.

May you never know the fear of dieing before you are ready. May you always have a healthy and joyful life. May you enjoy your days to the fullest and have hope for your offspring. May you see the resources available and be able to utilize them for self-healing. May you find the health you seek and maintain your alignment with God. May you know your purpose here in this world and may you leave this world a better place. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Magic Hippies Inspiration

So today I was battling the intrusive negativity again, and in the process utilized a mental light-bulb moment.

I had the realization that the Hippies of the 60’s and 70’s really won. They spent all of their time thinking about and talking about free-love, oneness, and all things feeling good. Now 60 years later we have cannabis being legalized (soon to be federally legal), and even plural marriage is being legally recognized in Brazil and Massachusetts, with other governments contemplating it. I suspect that like LGBTQ marriage, it will only be a matter of time until all states willingly (or have to) recognize plural marriage, good for us Polyamory people (polygamists too I suppose).

Anyway, the thoughts of the good things to come from those wonderful hippies years ago helped me to fight off the negativity. I really just focused on the elements of the old negative paradigm that have already fallen, and the pieces that are currently in the progress of falling. It made me happy to focus on the progress that society has made, and that the old guard clinging so tightly to their unhelpful beliefs is gradually fading away (or dieing). It made me happy to acknowledge that their clinging to things that weren’t working, is ultimately what led to their demise, and that the progressive leading edge is where life thrives. That simple dichotomy was what was so relieving. It really solidified that all I need to do is stick to the leading edge feel good things, and I will thrive like everything else. It feels really good to acknowledge that.

It is the magic of the Law of Attraction or the thought revolution: to simply reach for what feels good knowing that it will eventually produce real life feel good tangible things. Again, that quote from Aleister Crowley plays in my mind: “Magic is the art and science of creating change in conformity with will”. We all have access to magic and it is our will, our ability to focus, that enables it to do wonderous things.

This has only been solidified by watching anime with my kids.

First we watched “Mary and The Witch’s Flower” a 2017 movie in the Studio Ghibli style, and now we are working on the NetFlix Original series “Little Witch Academia” also similar in animation to Studio Ghibli.

Both shows are obviously oriented towards Magic and the unseen world and the good things that it can do and accomplish. This theme is continued from our recent exploration of She-Ra, and I have to say I am beginning to see it’s influence in my life and my kids’ experience.

I had a conversation with my 6 year old where he was trying to harsh on the shows, by saying magic wasn’t real. I simply explained to him that it was his perspective that was making it seem like that.

I explained that real magic isn’t seen with our two eyes like it seems in the cartoons. I told him real magic is seen with the mind and our 3rd eye. I explained how our thoughts create things, (for like the millionth time!) and reiterated that the magic depicted in the cartoons is a portrayal of that process. I told him the cartoons just make it look flashier to make it even more exciting, but it’s really something everyone can learn to do and the better you get, the quicker things begin to show up. I said “I can’t make something appear instantly, but then again I haven’t spent my whole life trying to either”.

I also reminded him of my Reiki work and moving energy. I reminded him of how we have worked together for him to learn bending elemental energy like in Avatar, and that he is starting to get it. I explained that moving energy like that, be it for healing someone or doing good in your environment, is all a form of magic. I reminded him that he can barely feel the elemental energy right now, but it can still be felt. So even though it’s not big and flashy and obvious like in any of those cartoons, it is still very much his magical gift.

One step further, I acknowledged that many of the shows of my childhood, and now those shows I am watching with my kids, have all contributed to a better understanding of these unseen portions of our experience. There are now two, maybe three, generations with a better grasp of the energetic world. Now only do we sense it better, we are choosing to use it in helpful ways, having seen the effects of a handful of powerful white men utilizing it for their own personal gain and manipulating the masses. (1%’ers). Us younger generations are intent on creating positive change that benefits everyone, and the momentum is already gaining, thanks to those early hippies having done their good thought work. It is a wonderous blessed thing to be able to step back and see it all, and it makes me feel so good.

On an only slightly related tangent. I had a conversation that began over woodworking projects, and segued into my swords. Ultimately, the conversation was because I need to replace a damaged mount for the one sword and in the process I need to accommodate our others. I was talking with the one chiropractor about that and he offered that I might be able to use his wood-shop on a day off to do that.

How it related to magic, thought, and powerful will, was in the swords themselves.

I have always disliked guns because they do immense damage, and anyone with working hands can pick one up and fire it, often mortally wounding someone. It’s how we have so many idiots going on killing rampages, kids accidentally killing siblings, and bullets damaging houses and cars because of a sports win. I myself have only fired guns once in my life, at the age of 13, and I can say with certainty that I could kill someone if I had to use a gun.

Swords however, are like those magical thoughts. Swords have immense power and can bring a foe to the end of their life, but swords can also be wielded in more positive ways, and the handler is the one that can make that decision. Swords require skill and knowledge for their force to be managed properly. Swords require strong will, power, focus, and vast knowledge for their usefulness to be realized. They are also quite beautiful compared to any firearm. I personally think that is why swords are still utilized in cartoons where guns are not. She-Ra had mad skills with the sword even though she was trained by the Horde to use guns, and rarely did she strike someone with the sword directly, yet she always accomplished the goal.

The cartoons I have watched with my kids have really solidified for me that you need more than just raw power. You need a full understanding, control of your self, control of your thoughts, knowledge, skill, and willpower to utilize it all effectively. The sword is just a symbol of all of that for me.

So now my inspiration is two-fold.

  1. Make mounts to hang my swords again.
  2. I want to create an art piece that somehow reflects both the concept of the She-Ra Sword and the ‘Skiny Rod’ or ‘Claiomh Solais’ that Akko carries in “Little Witch Academia”
    • I have an idea started, but it needs some fine tuning before crafting it can begin. I still have so many other things on my massive to-do list that it may be quite some time before I even get to attempt the construction. We’ll see. As with all things I never say never. I may get to it sooner than I think

May you have good thought moments. May you see and understand what your magic is and how to utilize it fully. May you have a positive impact on this world, especially with your thoughts and will. May you have quality time and good learning lessons with your kids. May you have more than enough inspiring moments to draw from in your lifetime. May you find that you are riding the leading edge and full of life force because of it. May you know that above all else, God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti