Tag Archives: choices

Expect the unexpected. A warning.

So, my Dad will be coming to stay with me and my family Thursday. Hopefully very short term since he’d rather be with my sister in Arizona.

The phone call to tell him was uncomfortable and I had to be just like him (again), to get him to hear me. At one point I reminded him that over a year ago I tried to suggest legal documents and processes to avoid this situation. His argument was that millions of people die without legal documents in place.

I reminded him that none of those people participate in western medicine before their death. Either they are too isolated or have something sneak up out of nowhere, like a deadly massive heart attack or traumatic accident.

In his case neither applies.

So this leads me to my fair warning for all Americans that have participated in western medicine and don’t wish to be controlled by the medical establishment.

If you have even a remote inkling that your health may one day lead to situations you don’t enjoy the idea of, then you must act preemptively. If you don’t the medical establishment will take over for you.

Please understand: the rules of Western Medicine is currently in the framework of keep someone alive at all costs. My firm opinion is because it makes them a lot of money. This is because at one point in time it was “first do no harm” and patient rights regardless of their decision.

Currently, if you acknowledge your health is failing and the result is that you wish to go off meds and quit eating, allopathic medicine will label you as psychiatric risk and deem you unfit to make your own medical decisions.

That is essentially what my father has created, and it is compounded by evidence of moderate memory loss. They have decided that because of the beginnings of dementia he must not be thinking clearly. Yet I know my father promised me two years ago, that when he was no longer able to care for himself he would take himself out, without a big mess to clean up. I believe he saw the writing on the wall and decided he had reached that time. Only, he failed at his mission and landed in a hospital due to his pastor’s intervention. Having no legal protections in place, he is now only able to exit the hospital under familial care. Hence me going to get him Thursday.

What he would have needed was a DNR (do not resuscitate) order and living will. They would have needed to be hung at/in the entry point of his small RV home, it would have also helped if he wore the medical bracelet with DNR on it. The documents should also be filed with his primary care provider (MD) and anyone listed as power of attorney. If that had been in place the EMT’s would have taken the documents with him in transport to the hospital and he would have been put on short term hospice until his body gave up.

Legal documents are the only way to ensure someone in the medical system retains all of their preferences no matter what.

The living will is where you can break down all of the things you are okay with or not. For example we’re all familiar with the idea that you can refuse life support in coma situations. However, you can get even more detailed than that. In my father’s case he could have stipulated a do not resuscitate order, but with clarification that if dementia was known or suspected that he did not want any medical interventions including medicines. This would have been a good idea because his sister and mother both died with/because of Alzheimer’s.

You can take it even further and stipulate pain relievers only. You can deem ahead of time all of the many limitations to care which might prolong life. Essentially it ties medicine’s hands for keeping you alive when your body is evidently declining. You can declare no blood pressure medications, no diuretics or fluid corrective medications. You can declare no maintenance medications of any kind. You can even declare refusal of feeding tubes or IV treatments.

These would all ensure a quicker decline and exit of this life.

You do have that right, but only if you stipulate it well in advance, in the presence of legal representation and while in certainty of clear and sound mind.

You must draw up legal documents spelling out in very clear certain terms what is ok, what is not okay, how you define decline, and where you personally draw lines. If you want those choices no matter what, then that is the only way to ensure such, in America at the present time.

As far as my dad is concerned, the social worker did say that his memory loss was mild enough that if he had already started legal documents they could be completed. Otherwise at this point he was able to safely set up a power of attorney and deem who was capable of making medical decisions for him. I’m hoping that he did start documents like he says, because a phone call and signature could potentially finish them. If he didn’t, then it will take a bit more effort, and we may be limited as to what can be done. Regardless, as a family we now have a very narrow window to be able to complete any documents that would save us more costly expenses later.

I genuinely want my dad to have the end of life experience he desires, even though it seems like it would be hard.

This is because I have seen too frequently the medicine version, and it is really no less painful. There are so many problems with the keep alive paradigm, that I can see neither option is stellar. I have seen people propped up on a plethora of medications for a wide array of symptoms. It keeps them alive, but often they can not walk, lose the ability to feed themselves, in dementia they quit talking, and many become bed bound. If it were for days or weeks I could see maybe it was better, but it is not. Western Medicine is great at keeping people alive for years past when their body originally aimed at an exit. I have now worked with a dozen residents that were bed bound for over 2 years. That is not living, that is being alive.

I can see the value in not having that end of life story, but without legal documents your chances of the quick exit dwindle drastically, especially if diabetes, heart disease or dementia is in the records. If one or more of those 3 diseases is your plight, then you are more likely to live 5 to 10 years propped up on medications declining at a snail’s pace and spending a vast amount of time wheelchair or bed bound. I don’t want that scenario any more than my father does, and completely understand his current anger and frustrations. I hope he sees I tried to give him a solution a long time ago, and that I am doing my best to get him a close second even now.

May you understand your health or lack thereof. May you set-up protections for yourself with plenty of time to spare and plenty of time to adjust if you change your mind. May you know how you wish to go and how to accomplish that. May we all be blessed with the quick out-of-nowhere exit from our current lives, but only when we’re ready to go. May any declines be speedy and painless. May our rights be respected even when others disagree with them. May we all know we are loved and supported as fully as our allowing enables. May we know that God is doing their best to give us exactly what we desire and need.

Siva Hir Su

On the surface I screwed up.

Side note: The hip/low back is not solved yet. Still in progress, but better. I will revisit it after my short shift this afternoon. For now I sit on ice.

The second topic for today is a mistake, which wasn’t a complete mistake.

On the surface I scared an older clinic client on accident. She came in nervous about the virus, and hesitant because she didn’t know me and usually saw one of the other therapists. I tried to soothe her nerves and it backfired. She got more agitated and decided to not do the massage.

So my mistake was in words intended to soothe but which failed to do so. But it caused the clinic to loose a paid appointment and the chiropractor to have an uncomfortable phone call the following day. For that I’m truly sorry, and have apologized profusely for it. I own it completely and would have done the call if it hadn’t been for the caller’s specific request.

Where it is not so much a mistake and important for me to acknowledge, is that I got what I wanted. I law of attractioned myself some fine tuning.

I realized later that all of my clients that I really enjoy working with are nearly the opposite. They are mostly healthy and always aiming for improvement, and none of them are afraid of much, let alone viral news. They are all confident in their being a part of a functioning society and life in general. I really appreciate that immensely.

Because I am so appreciative of those clients, I have attracted fewer and fewer of the opposite like the one I scared. I currently don’t have any of my nursing homes, my house calls are down to 3, and one of them spaced way further out than normal. And clinic clients that are scared generally aren’t scheduling with me to begin with, and really never did at all.

Yet at the same time I have had a gaggle of new clients that have all become regulars or at least repeat clients. A couple have admitted financial limitations, but promised they will reschedule as they are able.

So I had an uncomfortable moment with a perceived loss that ultimately helped me to acknowledge that I have stayed busy enough without any scardy cats scheduling. That feels good and like relief.

Please don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate anyone that has bought into the fear. In fact I feel rather sorry for them and wish I could help. But this failed appointment also reminded me that sometimes you can’t fix something for someone else even if you want to. We were so far apart in vibrational alignment that she simply could not hear me and find ease. She could not reach for a soothing place. Additionally, it would have taken me down and been very difficult on me to drop to her level. That is something I am beginning to see simply isn’t worth it. I like improvement enough that I would rather keep reaching for better, than drag myself down trying to help others find their version of better.

Lately, I even dislike conversations where people want me to commiserate with them. I find I either end up going silent, doing the “uh hmm’s”, or politely arguing with them. The latter being my least preferred response because I don’t benefit from upset clients. Sometimes though I know something so strongly to my core that I simply can’t tolerate someone trying to convince me otherwise, on the table or not. I just try to stay polite and keep it short and move on to other topics.

So all in all, my fine tuning means:

  • I’d prefer scared people to just not schedule with me at all. Same goes for people that want to commiserate or argue.
  • If they must schedule with me, then keeping their fears or arguments to themselves is important.
  • I’m perfectly okay with quiet and/or silent sessions.
  • I much prefer confident healthy people on my table.
  • I enjoy friendly people that have good conversations (I’ve had several lately over fitness, meditation, nutrition, and alternative healing choices, I like that a lot.)
  • I enjoy finding common ground with those on my table.
  • I like the relief of knowing I can help someone because we’re closer in vibrational alignment.
  • I like repeat clients a lot.
  • I like having a full schedule.
  • I really like people with stable enough finances that they tip well, and I repeat my many thank you’s for those I’ve already received.
  • I enjoy a good challenge in my work, just not so much of a challenge that it depletes me for other sessions.
  • I enjoy knowing that I am able to solve many muscular based concerns and that I know when clients need to seek additional help. I am also very grateful I have qualified chiropractors & acupuncturists to refer to in office, and other types of providers outside of the office. That is especially helpful when my skills are not enough to solve client concerns.
  • I am grateful that I have a steady flow of clients and income.
  • I am grateful for the relief I have felt this last year and look forward to more of that.
  • I am glad that I keep getting stronger and healthier to keep doing the work that I enjoy.
  • I also enjoy having the graphic design work on the side to help have more income without exhausting myself.
  • I have immensely enjoyed having time with my kids and husband and pets, and time in my garden is good too.
  • I am grateful for the knowing that I am mostly in the flow of that which is wanted and that the universe is supporting me.
  • I look forward to even more improvement.

May you all have your fine tuning moments of acknowledgement. May you see where you goofed and know how to attract corrections. May you appreciate your world and your place in it. May you continue to help move society forward. May you feel mostly good and have just the right clients continue to flow into your experience. May you have the help you need and the things you seek. May you have more fun in the process. May your skills be evident and acknowledged by others. May you feel loved and appreciated.

Siva Hir Su

Photo is not me, obviously if you’re a regular reader, but it was the closest stock image to a real massage. I dislike the images where clients are not on the table right, or it’s obviously a posed scene, it perpetuates rediculous sterotypes and misconceptions. Just FYI.

Throuple or Quadouple?

The lyrics above, I took a screenshot of: Alan Walker’s “Faded”, has been a reoccurring song reminder of my SJ. I do often wonder if that exchange is my own personal Atlantis, and still hope it’s not.

Regardless of that reminder appearing in my day, I had originally set out to write today to discuss a new, but not really new to me, concept.

I was introduced to the word-invention: Throuple.

I got very excited because the person that explained it was a woman I’m attracted to. I was psyched that she knew of polyamory topics enough to introduce a new word to my vocabulary.

So, the word itself I’d never heard before, yet the concept is one Nathan and I have discussed many times over. Essentially, based upon my new search, it’s a variation of the family of 3 concept, started by a somewhat famous/infamous triad of two men and one woman.

Once upon a time “ménage à trois” was the French phrase that many English speaking people used to describe a man with 2 women. Literally the French phrase can mean any family of three, even 2 parents and a child. However for whatever reason it often was innuendo for a triad of adults, usually 1 man and 2 women, being intimate.

Nathan and I were labeled unicorn hunters when we intended to seek that out. After many failures, we decided to redefine our acceptable arrangements and open ourselves to more options.

Fast forward a decade and I’m sitting having a conversation with a very attractive potential mate. She proceeded to describe a Throuple as really any 3 or 4 adults, but her ideal was one or two women and two men because women are more complex than many men. We connected intensely in that conversation.

I explained to her about having been labeled unicorn hunters, and that we opened ourselves up to more options. So, even though I’d never heard the word, we had discussed for many hours over many years, our preferences and okay concessions.

I agreed with this person on most everything and a few of her points made Nathan think more deeply. My current ideal is flexible in quantity, hence creating Quadouple, even quincouple (don’t want to get it confused with the babies’ quintuple). However, I do agree with women being complex enough to need more people to meet more complex needs. Plus there is always benefit to multiples in creating flexibility. The 4 or 5 concept can be subdivided multiple ways, and in varying combinations to create a seemingly unlimited way to experience each other. {A+B+C and D+E, or A+D and B+E with C being alone, and so on.} You get the idea, lots of ways to be together or separate as each individual prefers at any given moment, and it’s not restricted to intimacy, that can even been in mundane interactions.

So yes, I was very excited to have new vocabulary for existing concepts in our experience. I haven’t been able to get that conversation out of my head, and it’s been 3 days since our Valentine’s Day date. Perhaps this is a new leaf enabling more moving forward. I’m hesitant but excited.

Bonus, the date was at a Mexican restaurant that pushed literally every allergy button while getting drunk, but I took extra allergy meds, and came through the experience in relatively good condition. I did have a fair hangover with significant inflammation, but was able to manage the effects with Advil and more allergy medicine and a good amount of detox tea. I was a bit sore in joints the following day, but managed to stay out of the hole I used to fall into.

Beyond our exciting V-Day date, I had a half day off for my family to honor me with a small pleasant birthday celebration, and spent the rest of my weekend unpacking boxes that had been in storage for years. It enabled even more beautification of our new home. It was a good few days, and I look forward to more and more enjoyable days like that.

May you all find good reminders of your hopes and connections. May you find reasons to be excited moving forward. May you find exciting validation of your goals and preferences. May you find people you are attracted to, and whom are attracted to you as well- reciprocation. May you have good dates, fun holiday cerebrating, enjoyable birthdays, and good times with family. May you feel attractive, accepted, loved, and supported. May you fall in love more than out of it. May you know God is helping and guiding you. May you feel confident in everything working out for the best. May it all always be okay.

Siva Hir Su