Tag Archives: cleansing

My Sea

The shift is real whether you believe it or not.

I know that current events are a symptom of it. I’m just saying that if 2 aren’t working enough to have to resort to our best manual measures again, then why pressure for a third. Third time’s a charm doesn’t work in chemistry, it either works or it doesn’t. Repeating the same thing will not produce different results. That is the definition of insanity.

For me personally, today the shift felt real. My experience of it is tactile and perceptual.

The darkness did it’s best to drag me under, and all my 6 senses were overwhelmed. The Energetics triggered several trigger points to lock up on me. I had a long day, but it was far from being my most difficult. The Energetics started amidst my second session, and the trigger points were noticably severe by my third appointment. It triggered an emotional breakdown where I quietly cried the rest of my workday, doing my best to hide my tears behind my mask. I resorted to all the tools, including asking my twitchy weak husband to help at bedtime.

Ultimately, my biggest relief was creating my own tiny Sea of Gallalee in my tub using 4 pounds of Epsom salts. I proceeded to treat myself to an extended soak with jets running and completely submerged myself several times in cleansing self-baptism.

I have written about the many benefits of Epsom salt baths before, but the one thing I haven’t expounded upon is the ability to energetically cleanse the body and soul. Salt is the best purifier on the planet in that respect, and my salt bath this evening was wonderfully beneficial. I can feel the negatives being sucked out of me with the built up toxins, and I exited feeling a thousand pounds lighter and the bonus was that I was much less sore than before. I firmly believe that there must be some remnants of sea life genetics left in me from millennia past, simply because I benefit from nearly every way humans can consume or partake in the benefits of the sea. Iodine, seaweed, seafoods, and especially salts.

Anyway, the darkness was thick, causing hideous lies to traverse my brain, and my Epsom soak/baptism banished it enough to call in Great Spirit to begin flowing healing again.

So, I will leave you with a prayer likely older than Christ (even though I did ask his help on this evening too). It is from this great land I walk daily. It is a Lakota prayer to the Great Spirit, and it doesn’t matter if I listen, sing, say, or read it, it definitely opens me up to the goodness of the divine and enables healing energy to flow. I do not know the full translation, but the energy is what matters anyways, and the audio is my favorite rendition I’ve found of it.

Wakan tanka, hunkaschila
Wohitika oyate
Nagi tanka, tunkasila
Akicita, oyate
Wiyan wakan, hanhepi-wi
Nakacijin, oyate
Heyyy, ayy, hee, ooh!

Wakan tanka, hunkaschila
Wohitika, oyate
Niyaha, le mita cola
Kiksuyapi, oyate
Wicoti, mitawa wichasha
Wakan mitakuye, oyasin
Oyate!
He, ayy, hee, ooh!

The following is my prayer that I repeated whilst soaking in salts.

Great spirit is healing the darkness.
Great spirit is healing me.
Great spirit is healing all of us.
Darkness has no right here.
I'm sorry I accidentally invited it in, please forgive me, thank you great spirit I love you.
I'm healing, I flow healing to all those around me.
I'm healing inside and out, top to bottom, every cell, every organ, every tissue, every nerve, every molecule, every atom.
Great spirit is flowing healing everywhere it is needed and for everyone that is open to receiving it.
Healing is love, I am loved, I am a beautiful person deserving of better than this, better than the darkness.
My world and my experience are healing too.
I am loved and supported in all that I do.
Great spirit is healing me and everything that is part of me and my experience.

May you know that you are loved and supported. May you know that you have access to healing. May you know the tools necessary to overcome the darkness and aide our world during these times. May you fare well in this shift we are experiencing. Above all may you know that you are loved and supported in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Drawing some sanity. 

After the Saturday concert (the group I played Oboe for), I way over glutened with the cookie reception. I payed for it (see my funny blog from a few days ago) & was hurting fierce.  I tried a new to me medicine & it actually made matters worse. Insta inflammation.  I won’t do that again.

By yesterday I was miserable & taking it out on everyone.  I fell in the hole hard. Nathan didn’t realize what was happening til it was too late & I’d sent a bad text to someone else.  Well damn, hope they forgive me.

I didn’t realize until this morning,  and I’ve spent all day attempting to return to normal.  I’m maybe 80% there.

Of my efforts today.  Detox & drawing were the most time consuming, though I did the drawing mostly from the swing- basking in  the sun naked. It brought me the most piece of mind of all my efforts. 

I still have swollen feet and achy joints,  but my mood is greatly improved. 

So here’s the drawing start to finish. 

The paper:

 Initial sketch:

Starting to fill in: 

Some blending:

Adding more details:

Done: 

Hint: the 2 white characters superimposed on the domes are Telugu script.  A sigil if you will.

Burn, Fire Burn

I have struggled of late.  A lot. My friends know this & have given me as much support as they are able. Mostly emotional,  but then there’s Nate’s hands on support, Ashley’s childcare,  Jennifer’s transportation and brainstorming and financial support, and my dear Nathan’s everything. I have to say a huge thank you to them. I’m alive & functioning because of them.

Yet, I still find myself thinking seriously about burning literally everything & making myself disappear- not even knowing how to actually accomplish that, and at least as far as burning goes:  we have no insurance, so bad idea. 

I have to admit to myself at this point there has to be something broken inside of me.   I’ve tried so many things to fix this emotional catastrophe – yet even the best things only help,  none have fixed it. I keep searching,  but the outcome looks pretty bleak at this point. As much as I love the idea of the law of attraction,  it hasn’t done it.  It helps short term,  but inevitably I reach a moment where the law of attraction falls flat on its proverbial face. 

But let me digress a little bit for now.  This weekend I  made a conscious decision to attempt to appease two contrasting parts of myself.  I want to watch it all burn in angry firey yet cleansing destruction. Yet that part of me that so desperately reaches for petty just wants to make the ugly trash pile disappear, it wants to make things better. So, in acknowledging those parts of myself,  I thought… why not make the giant trash pile burn.  I was literally going to just set it on fire & watch it burn. 

Nathan thought better and restrained me to only burning wood or paper trash from the pile. He cautioned me against chemical fumes that the plastics & other odds & ends might bring.  I thought,  well maybe they would help me get out of this hell faster, but went ahead and did what he said, meticulously sorting before burning.  The depressed part of me wants an end for myself but acknowledges that maybe others don’t,  so I always end up acting in the greater good.

It  made quite the fire once it got going,  & even though it looks close to the power pole here,  it’s really almost 15 feet away. 

So as I’m setting out to start firey doom to trash,  along come 2 black and white kittens.  On their own accord they have arrived with the intention of making our yard home. The boy is very friendly,  & the girl more skittish. I can’t help but wonder why after we’ve already adopted two kittens,  two more willingly arrive. Nathan thinks I attracted them.  I would argue everyone in our family loves kittens,  so it wasn’t just my doing. 

So then I wonder,  are we in this nasty mess because our family can’t accurately agree on one thing to attract it into our lives? Is it simply that everyone has their own idea of home & the jumbled disjointed conglomeration of thoughts is what attracted the mess that I have come to think of as a disaster rebuild?

Anyway, as I’m sitting watching the junk burn,  the kittens are making friends with me (those are our new to me windows in the background). They’re very cuddly,  purr nicely,  & love to be petted. I can’t help but think,  if only we had a nice roomy home,  they could come inside.  I tell the kittens, which I’ve now called buddy & missy enough times it’s stuck, if you two had only shown up a week earlier you could be inside kitties. But, you’re cute,  so I’ll make sure you’re fed and have a warm place for cold nights. 

I did by the way.  Took the top half of an old dog house and fixed it up using old carpet,  so that they have a kitten sized cozy home. 

All while watching junk burn…. I even put in the fencing for duck to have his own run, & moved the growing chicks (really more of small chickens now at about 12″ in length)  into the coop partition.

You know, if I could spend my life sitting by a fire with kittens purring on my lap,  I think I’d fix my mental defect. That simple moment brings me so much joy. As does music in any form, & art usually does too.

The problem is that you still have to put food  on the table and in your tummy, you still have to have a warm place to sleep,  and you still have to interact with other humans. And all of those subjects are currently sources of massive amounts of stress and distress.  All of which I have no easy solution for.

I wish I did. I keep thinking that enough money & I’d  just take the time off to finish the rebuild & move the trailer. 10 grand would cover the most important parts of the rebuild.  30 would cover everything. 

Then … law of attraction disaster – I realize that there are literally millions of people driving a car,  probably not the only one they own,  that costs more than I need to make a safe warm home for my family, and that’s not to mention their home or “big kid toys”.  That doesn’t lend to liking society, or being happy with life or the divine. 

So then I try to redirect (LoA),  I have always loved food. Let’s eat something for a distraction. 

Yet another hurdle. My sugars are already high,  between stress & some kind of hormone shift,  I can’t for the life of me bring them all the way down.  So now food is like a super strict version of the prego diet.  Lots of celery,  greens,  & lean protein. Nothing else.  Not much for happy making there, and try eating your 4th small salad in a row to have a 176 blood sugar afterward.  Rawr,  hating life even more now. 

So then I think I need to find some happy- badly. I need to do something to take my mind off everything.  …. thinking…. thinking… everything that comes to mind involves both money and time.  Neither of which I have an ample supply of.  They also tend to involve other humans,  and right now I’d rather hermit. So another Law of Attraction fail.

*Sigh*. I just can’t win. I can’t spend 24/7/365 cuddling with kittens by a fire,  but I can’t happily commit to other activities.  Literally everything I do has  some level of stress  & depression trigger. Where’s the law of attraction now.  I have to do these things to even just get by. I can’t get out of them,  but I can’t find even a shred of happy in them either. Believe you me I’ve tried! I’ve even done the “I’m alive and breathing to try again today”, but then I get pissed off,  because it’s  not really a life I want to keep trying.I’ve even tried “at least I can walk & use my hands”, but then I think about how much they hurt because of all the hard labor. Arrgh! *Sigh*

Anyway, in the end this weekend was productive, with serene moments.  I would not call the entire weekend happy, but I did my best. I did yell, & scream,  but I also smiled some too. And I made BIG FIRE with lots of trash… mwah ah ah ah ah… much less trash for us to haul now! 😉

The angry fires cleansing my little patch of Earth helped soothe my soul a little.  I hope that I can find more of that,  especially without setting us back in construction!