Tag Archives: common ground

Work it off.

This is a short post because I need to go practice my presentation while I have the time.

Today was fairly normal and uneventful until I went to address email at work. A husband and wife couple had been turned away on Saturday because they refused to wear a mask in public areas. He later emailed, and though I can’t share his email due to identity protection, he basically stated he was offended that we wouldn’t treat them and wrote quite a bit about why he thought we should have. He also implied we would loose his business permanently.

The following was my reply (no names were used except mine, so I am confident it is safe to share).

Keep in mind, having had to wear a mask 6 to 7 days a week since the end of March last year, I’m totally over them myself. If governing bodies relaxed, I would quit wearing them in a heartbeat. They help, but they aren’t a perfect solution, so I have difficulty even convincing myself to wear them.

However, my job is to run my own portion of the business and in doing so, I also represent everyone else that works there. Ignoring mandates for whomever dislikes them is risky for all of us, and the massage board is known for assume guilt until the therapist proves otherwise. It would only take one complaint to put us all at risk.

Anyway, I did my best to soothe some very opinionated nerves, from a ‘consider both sides’ standpoint. It was a might bit stressful choosing my words because I was speaking for a collective, not just myself. If it had been just me at stake I might have been far less PC and just told him that’s fine just go eff off. I get much more formal when my words affect many.

Fortunately, once completed everyone in the office thanked me and said it was a job well done. Whew. I’m glad I could help.

Afterwards, my work wrapped up and I went across to the gym to work the stress of the email out of my body. I did an extra long workout with a full hour on the treadmill and some weight lifting after. It definitely helped the stress diassapate.

I started to take selfies to capture my progress, but the mirror is in no camera zone, and I ceased when I heard someone coming, so second half was from my standard bathroom mirror at home. Sadly, I don’t have access at the moment to any pictures that match, from before kids, at my largest. So, I’ll post a picture from after Ian was born, it was my lightest weight, but with far less muscle bulk (it’s the purple shirt picture). I’m now back to very similar body of that low weight, but far more muscle to show for it, so the scale still doesn’t agree. Regardless, I look far better than my maximum, and one day soon I’ll find good pics so you all can really see the difference.

All in all today was a good day, albeit a little stress inducing.

May you have good communication skills when you need them. May you find soothing diplomatic responses to even the most difficult quandaries. May you feel good about all of your progress. May you see your smaller healthier self. May you know that you are loved and supported by God in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Common ground.

I’ve been talking about finding common ground more frequently, especially in sessions where clients want to focus on current events. I feel it is vital and necessary for the unity our world needs to expand in positive ways.

I did the images for the friend as a thank you, but in my choice of imagery I was reaching for common ground. I aimed for topics of known common interest. I also aimed for a pick-me-up knowing that everyone needs that sometimes.

The trouble is we all have different needs in the details. What seems like a good idea might not always work for another person. In my specific example, I’m hoping my guess is received well, but it makes me think about my own self too.

Additionally, I’ve had a run of people reading old posts from when Katherine was conceived. It was a rough time, I wasn’t sure I would make it through. I could have used a pick-me-up from a friend. Instead I had only myself to rely on as usual. I went through an angry spell with a fair amount of depression and frustration, but then just decided to work it off. Quite literally I worked 7 days a week during the entire pregnancy, took 5 weeks off and jumped straight back into full time.

It distracted me from problems and helped to ensure that finances wouldn’t be a big problem. Yet, my pick-me-up ended up just being to make myself do mantras, even when I was doubting if they would actually do me any good. Almost 3 years later we are in a much different place, and I know things are gradually improving even more.

However, now I’m in a new set of conundrums and trying to figure out my new pick-me-up. The mantras still help, but there is more to life than mantras and I’m really enjoying the artwork I have been doing. Most of it is for myself to begin with. I think that is a huge factor.

At this point, I have ideas for images to tell the story of my guide, that divine influence that has been in and out of my life since very early childhood. I also have ideas for images that would help with my path to body improvement.

I took this picture yesterday, enjoying wearing an outfit on my day off, which hasn’t been worn since our last camping trip 6 years ago. I was much bigger then, but it’s not often I get to run around in a halter top and sarong.

Anyways, this picture stirred a desire to do digital mock-ups of my desired future self. I think that will help.

But what does that have to do with the original topic?

Just because I think I have found something that will work for me and hope that I guessed at something that might work for a friend, doesn’t mean either would work for others.

People find joy in many different things. Personally I wish more conversations centered around thing we find joy and happiness in.

Have you asked friends, co-workers, acquaintances what they enjoy or like doing? Do we ever take time to savor and share with others those things we like doing? Why isn’t more of our world attempting to find those things out? Why don’t we encourage each other to reach for fun more often? Why don’t we want to know what keeps our fellow humans going?

May you have good conversations finding common ground of joy and enjoyment. May you know what your friends like. May you help others successfully find pick-me-ups. May you know your own paths to buoyancy. May we all find the common ground of finding improvement and reaching for a better life.

Siva Hir Su

Throuple or Quadouple?

The lyrics above, I took a screenshot of: Alan Walker’s “Faded”, has been a reoccurring song reminder of my SJ. I do often wonder if that exchange is my own personal Atlantis, and still hope it’s not.

Regardless of that reminder appearing in my day, I had originally set out to write today to discuss a new, but not really new to me, concept.

I was introduced to the word-invention: Throuple.

I got very excited because the person that explained it was a woman I’m attracted to. I was psyched that she knew of polyamory topics enough to introduce a new word to my vocabulary.

So, the word itself I’d never heard before, yet the concept is one Nathan and I have discussed many times over. Essentially, based upon my new search, it’s a variation of the family of 3 concept, started by a somewhat famous/infamous triad of two men and one woman.

Once upon a time “ménage à trois” was the French phrase that many English speaking people used to describe a man with 2 women. Literally the French phrase can mean any family of three, even 2 parents and a child. However for whatever reason it often was innuendo for a triad of adults, usually 1 man and 2 women, being intimate.

Nathan and I were labeled unicorn hunters when we intended to seek that out. After many failures, we decided to redefine our acceptable arrangements and open ourselves to more options.

Fast forward a decade and I’m sitting having a conversation with a very attractive potential mate. She proceeded to describe a Throuple as really any 3 or 4 adults, but her ideal was one or two women and two men because women are more complex than many men. We connected intensely in that conversation.

I explained to her about having been labeled unicorn hunters, and that we opened ourselves up to more options. So, even though I’d never heard the word, we had discussed for many hours over many years, our preferences and okay concessions.

I agreed with this person on most everything and a few of her points made Nathan think more deeply. My current ideal is flexible in quantity, hence creating Quadouple, even quincouple (don’t want to get it confused with the babies’ quintuple). However, I do agree with women being complex enough to need more people to meet more complex needs. Plus there is always benefit to multiples in creating flexibility. The 4 or 5 concept can be subdivided multiple ways, and in varying combinations to create a seemingly unlimited way to experience each other. {A+B+C and D+E, or A+D and B+E with C being alone, and so on.} You get the idea, lots of ways to be together or separate as each individual prefers at any given moment, and it’s not restricted to intimacy, that can even been in mundane interactions.

So yes, I was very excited to have new vocabulary for existing concepts in our experience. I haven’t been able to get that conversation out of my head, and it’s been 3 days since our Valentine’s Day date. Perhaps this is a new leaf enabling more moving forward. I’m hesitant but excited.

Bonus, the date was at a Mexican restaurant that pushed literally every allergy button while getting drunk, but I took extra allergy meds, and came through the experience in relatively good condition. I did have a fair hangover with significant inflammation, but was able to manage the effects with Advil and more allergy medicine and a good amount of detox tea. I was a bit sore in joints the following day, but managed to stay out of the hole I used to fall into.

Beyond our exciting V-Day date, I had a half day off for my family to honor me with a small pleasant birthday celebration, and spent the rest of my weekend unpacking boxes that had been in storage for years. It enabled even more beautification of our new home. It was a good few days, and I look forward to more and more enjoyable days like that.

May you all find good reminders of your hopes and connections. May you find reasons to be excited moving forward. May you find exciting validation of your goals and preferences. May you find people you are attracted to, and whom are attracted to you as well- reciprocation. May you have good dates, fun holiday cerebrating, enjoyable birthdays, and good times with family. May you feel attractive, accepted, loved, and supported. May you fall in love more than out of it. May you know God is helping and guiding you. May you feel confident in everything working out for the best. May it all always be okay.

Siva Hir Su