Tag Archives: community

A Brief Exposé

Preface:

I’m going to intention to be somewhat vague here. I’ve noticed overlapping patterns in my manifestations and resulting interactions with others. I intend for this post to apply to as many of those overlapping situations as possible.

First and foremost:

“Don’t think about all those things you fear, just be glad to be here.” ~ “Hayling” by FC Kahuna

I have come to rest for the moment in a place of acceptance of myself as I stand. I’m seeing my power and abilities and yet evaluating whether I wish to push the envelope or just allow myself to be for a bit.

I woke hurting this morning, a combination of allergic reactions from Anya’s birthday celebration, and physical fatigue from having done a dozen very-deep tissues this week. Yet I managed to push through and find genuine gratitude that at least I’m feeling it.

There are people living in this world that are unable to feel their arms and legs and would appreciate the discomfort of my aches this morning.

That acknowledgement in combination with something that crossed my path yesterday led me to a realization that I had attracted myself an onslaught of people unwilling to express their gratitude for me in any meaningful way. I literally saw how several people in my recent history (last 5 years) probably did care on some level, but convinced themselves for whatever reasons that they could not align with the action or resources which they knew would convey that most effectively. As a result I’ve parted and chosen to move on the best way I can, but lingering hurts cross my mind on occasion.

So here I sit feeling confident in my current endeavors and abilities, a new fuller knowing of myself, but slightly hesitating. Knowing that as I move forward I wish to attract people and experiences that honor myself better.

That means I must start by honoring myself better.

You see, the Law of Attraction is just that.

Like attracts like.

I could not have attracted those people and experiences if I had not held myself in that particular alignment.

Extrapolation:

“Some of them want to use you, some of them want to be used by you. Some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused.” ~ “Sweet Dreams” by Eurythmics

I have been abused in my lifetime. Repeatedly in fact, and in multiple ways: physically, mentally, and emotionally. In turn my abused mind and body, unable to handle the hurts, reflected them back at those in my experience. I became the abuser. Not as severe as my abusers were, but abuse I delivered none-the-less. I knew in my heart I could not let that continue and prayed for help to change myself. I prayed that I might be forgiven for my indescrections. My least desire of anything in this world is to be abuser or abused.

I have been used in less abusive ways. Simply being an employee is, in a way, being used. However, because of my history with abuse, many of my being-used situations reflect a similar negative consequence. I see that my dream of Atira would in a way require that I use others. However, it is my prayer that I find a balance where I can utilize others in the best way possible, and while honoring their gifts as best as I am able. I want my having to experience the flip side to be full of as many positive consequences as possible. That means if I am to have employees I wish to compensate them properly. That means if I’m to utilize volunteers I wish to honor them fully and treat them accordingly. I want to teach people that honoring each other and ourselves is a way of honoring God.

Despite being one of my favorite songs, what “Sweet Dreams” fails to sing about is all of the other options.

I wish to love and be loved.

I wish to honor and be honored.

I wish to serve and be served in the name of God.

I wish to respect and be respected.

I wish to care and be cared for.

I wish to share and be shared with.

I wish for intellectual and emotional equals to experience this give take world with as partners and companions. Where we can all reach for better.

Full-Circle:

“I wished for you too.” ~ Practical Magic

I attracted you, with my attention to my desires and my sloppy habits stemming from hurt. My mixed bag brought you into my experience.

Yet, you must admit that you are equally responsible. You aligned in the exact same manner. You focused on your desires, but missed your sloppiness from your past.

You see we are equals, carrying the same level of blame.

I suspect you felt that you were better than I. That you could manifest things better, or that you were smarter than I, more connected, more esteemed or somehow more gifted. In your hubris you aligned yourself with idiocy and in a way became the abuser.

Your lack of humility, your inability to reach for better took us out of alignment.

You see, I seek those willing to admit we’re all equals here on this Earth stumbling through and learning how to reach for better and improve ourselves. Those willing to move mankind toward a brighter future. Those willing to take responsibility for their actions, offer apologies when necessary, and reach for honoring themselves and others better. I acknowledge that none are perfect, yet in our imperfection lies our greatest gifts.

I know you saw my intelligence, my strength, my reserve, my determination, my extra large size, as well as my extra large energy. You saw my fortitude, my resolve, my ability to endure and persevere. You saw my gifts and talents and my inner beauty.

Yet, your sloppy habits brought to your attention my strangeness, my unique views and my very unorthodox beliefs and unconventional ways. I pushed your comfort zone and set a high bar. I challenged you in ways you obviously were unable to handle, which took us further out of alignment.

So now I can revise what I want, need, and desire.

I seek someone with equal intelligence, strength, reserve, determination, and energy. Someone with fortitude, resolve, ability to endure and persevere. Someone with gifts and talents and inner beauty. Yet someone humble enough to acknowledge that all of that exists in me and many others as well. Someone open minded enough to handle my strangeness, my unique views and my very unorthodox beliefs and unconventional ways. Someone willing to allow themselves to grow through experiencing me fully. Someone able to have constructive conversations even when beliefs diverge. Someone able to convey their preferences while still exploring the unknown or perceived contrasting experiences. I seek someone willing to love and be loved. Someone to honor and be honored. Someone willing to serve and be served in the name of God. Someone willing and able to respect everyone and in turn be respected, to care and be cared for. Someone able to share and be shared with.

I need for those someones to be able to take responsibility and share their gifts to commit to not just my family, but to building Atira. You see, I don’t just need money for Atira, I need people, hands, help, specific knowledge that I would rather utilize in others than begin to learn myself. Atira will fare far better, actually become a success, if there is a group, a poly family, willing to share the work load. I seek those people.

I have thought about each person that had previously aligned and subsequently misaligned with me. If further alignment was genuine, accompanied by equally genuine apologies, and foreseeably maintainable, then I could potentially welcome them back.

At the moment I have no evidence to the possibility of that, and suggestions, mere hearsay, to the contrary. Yet, I’m going to leave room that it might be possible. However, I’m not going to hold my breath, because I know the universe will provide what I desire regardless. It has so far, I was just sloppy about maintaining my alignment, and THAT is where I know I can and will do better.

May all of my readers take this to heart and find and maintain their alignment. May you all have those in your life that honor, respect and love you for being you. May you heal your hurts and move on successfully. May you find a way to make your dreams happen.

Installment 3

One of the many aspects that I’ve dreamt up with Atira Community is the ability to give friends jobs that they would actually enjoy doing.

If I ever did get to jump full force into building Atira,  it would require lots of hands on help.  There are many roles that I would have to rely on trained professionals for. I like gardening small scale,  but would definitely need assistance in planning and maintaining community sized greenhouses and crops. Additionally,  any business of that scale would need both legal and accounting staff. I would also need an engineer to help with planning and implementing the green infrastructure. If that engineer had diverse training,  they might also be able to provide basic IT needs,  but otherwise I’d need a separate person to handle telecommunications. I’d even need a general contractor to help lead construction. I also want to utilize the new found hemp and cannibis industry to ensure maximum profits,  between fibres (papers, clothes), foods (hemp milk, hemp hearts),  edibles, vapes/smokables, and CBD oils, it would literally be the cash crop (of course at this point in time that means relocating to a Cannibis friendly State).

However, none of those things fall in my skill set. I’m not an Accountant, Lawyer,  General Contractor,  Engineer,  IT Professional,  or Master Gardener, let alone would I have any idea how to create the cash hemp/cannibis crops. So, I would definitely need help. 

 I know the very basics for a single home and for just getting by, because that’s what I’ve had to do. I would not have the skills to oversee all of those things on a large scale. I would merely be able to oversee those that could do the rest and ensure that everything was organized and flowed smoothly- that everyone was on the same page, so to speak. 

To that end,  I do know people in all of those fields, mostly friends. 

  Through those friends, I’ve learned over the years that people working in corporate America get burned out quite quickly.  Almost every person I know went into their field because they were good at it, and it held desirable qualities.  Yet, almost every one of them currently is continuing in their field out of “what else am I going to do” or “it pays the bills”. They’ve all lost the enjoyment of their chosen field and wish they were doing more for the world. 

I could fix that if I had the ability to build Atira large scale in one fell swoop. 

I have dreamed of being able to house all of my friends and give them jobs that give back to them emotionally, and mentally, and that they know helps fulfill a good cause and do good for the world. What better way than offering them their job,  but with more scheduling flexibility,  a better work environment,  and the goal of helping as many people as we could create income to support. 

Most of them already have families and a certain expectation of what their home should be like.  So, my ideal situation would be to provide temporary housing for just them (extended stay hotel perhaps)  while construction and organization/planning of Atira started. In that initial planning,  each employee-friend would get to consult with monolithic domes to plan their individual home (conference calls to spouse included) and pick it’s location on  the property. Houses would be included in initial construction costs for the community ,  and the deal would require a work commitment of at least 5 years (paid at the average wages for their position at time of hire). If they chose to leave after 5 years,  I would supply a parting gift equal to the value of the home’s equity for them to purchase their next home. 

That way they would essentially have the same results as if they had chosen their job from anywhere in the country. I would also already have a home in place for the next employee.

Then they would just have to help ensure that Atira became a very lucrative business making enough money to keep us all paid,  fed, and to help do that for others indefinitely.

*sigh* The Dream makes me feel so good.  Maybe one day,  with help from the divine. 

Monster striving to be an Angel.

I often feel like the Beast in “Beauty and the Beast”. Having a kind and caring heart, but feeling like my harsh exterior (the depression and anger from my malfunctioning brain) is preventing my good from being seen. I try ever harder to overcompensate and often feel like my efforts are in vain, begetting more frustration. Can my few good moments really overcome all my negativity? I don’t have an answer, but I always hope that my efforts are seen by those that matter most: my family and the divine.

Lately my mind has been on this a lot as I’m working through “The Depression Cure”, I can see that I’m improving, but it is such a tedious arduous journey I sometimes wonder if I will ever completely clear the other side. I see that the patience thing snuck up on me again, as I feel like I want it solved now. Enough already… but then I know that doing the work will make the results that much more valuable. Patience.

Ultimately this is installment 2 of Atira Community.

Despite feeling like I am a monster, I am reaching for being the Angel. I grew up watching “Touched By An Angel” and though I knew I didn’t agree 100% with the strong Christian tones, I was touched emotionally by that show quite often. That Angels sometimes showed up as “Normal People” (really the angels were wearing that guise) doing wondrous things for those that needed it. It always made me wonder if that was really  what benefactors were- normal people filling Angels’ roles.  It has always tugged at my heart, and I have always wanted to do that. I simply want to help people and creatures improve their lives. So it’s really no wonder that when Nathan and I were dreaming up our  ideal community and what we wanted to do, that was the focus.

We discussed originally working with organizations that already do some of the things that we spoke of, and that is still very much a possibility. I acknowledge that being able to put the whole community together all at once as I’ve dreamed, is not only a huge undertaking that would require a lot of hands on deck, but it would also take vast amounts of money. I’ve hypothesized  that if I ever hit the jackpot for Powerball or MegaMillions that it would be very much in reach. But that brings me back to the Probability vs Possibility issue discussed in the ‘millions reasons’ blog I wrote (what seems like) ages ago.

I’ve also thought that if the right set of eyes saw my writings and plans and vision boards, maybe- just maybe- they would be that generous benefactor, Angel Investor, if you will to help make the dream a reality. I have so many figures that I look up to that could potentially be that. I told my husband that if I could have 3 people get really interested in my blog it would be Oprah, Bono, and Ellen, with Bernie Sanders being a close 4th. I really respect those people and would love for them to get on board.

But for now, I realize that it still falls under probability vs possibility. Anything is possible, but with the millions of bloggers and other people trying to vie for attention of famous people, I’m likely to be missed.

So, then I start thinking about what’s the backup…..

That’s where the rebuild comes in. We have to have a stable safe home on some kind of property- free and clear. The trailer is small, but by the time the rebuild is done, it will be enough for us at least. I could then get a couple of acres free and clear for a few thousand dollars (right now the area we’re contemplating  is $2500/acre). Then move the trailer and install well and septic. … My initial estimates to get to that point was about 5 years, we’re already significantly behind schedule, so maybe 10 years. *makes me frown* ….. The goal was then to fix the trailer we’re now living in to support the first people we help. Essentially giving them a home and food/utilities and helping them get their lives in order, in exchange for hands on efforts to continue the building and growing of the community.

Nathan is a photographer, I’m a massage therapist for work, and an artist and graphic designer on the side, we could teach those skill sets readily. However, being that the two of us put together have so many other skills, we could readily teach quite a bit, especially in and for  the literal building of the community. We could even help people get driving jobs since both of us have worked as ClassB drivers.

The biggest concern I’ve always had is that it’s a long process to go from no address, no identification, and/or no documentation, to having those things. Even under the best circumstances and with the best help, it’s still something that can take anywhere from a couple months to a year to complete- mainly because of all the bureaucratic red tape that is designed to prevent the process from happening. Our society definitely likes people staying homeless and poor. I don’t know why, for all the degrading we do to that faction of society, but the system is definitely set-up to keep the poor or homeless in their place.

Imagine if you had no money and no address: How would you request a copy of your birth certificate? How would you seek a copy of your social security card? How would you seek to get a sate ID or drivers license? All of those items take some money to obtain; even though not much, if you have as little as a homeless person, it’s probably unlikely you would choose to spend it on those items. Plus, at least in the state of Missouri all of those items would ultimately be mailed to you. If you live in a homeless shelter or some other provided shelter, that may not be so much an issue, but if you are truly homeless, you have no address. Yet all of those items are necessary to obtain a job and file paperwork to hold said job. Think of that the next time you hear someone telling a homeless person to go get a job!

Enough of my rant about that. Ultimately what that boils down to is there would very much need to be a shelter, some kind of basic home, to house anyone we helped. A basic starter kit for eating, functioning, bathing/hygiene, and sleeping.

We would also have to assist them in the process of obtaining the items listed above, which at least for Birth Certificate and Social Security card, you have to know several identifiers like parents birth-dates and birth-places. I don’t know about you; but I don’t know those off the top of my head right now, let alone thinking about the possibility of having lost the information years ago and having been in survival mode since loosing them. I simply can’t imagine trying to remember the necessary and vital information. So we would have to have someone that could essentially research that information based upon details we do know. I’m certain that that individual would be well served by having access to government resources, and that would take connections. Something I don’t currently have- despite having 2 brothers in law enforcement- I know the one brother hates me, and I think the other brother simply would not register it as an important cause to get on board with. It’s personally a bit sad to acknowledge that for me.

Once I had fed, housed, cleaned up, and dressed these individuals, I could complete their documentation process, while they do some hard labor to keep things progressing and running. At that point if they felt they had the skills, I would vouch for their time with me and get them employed. That would then necessitate assisting with transportation to said job until they had made enough to purchase a safe vehicle.  All the while I would need to enforce that they continue working for me on the side to compensate for all the assistance. AGAIN this is the back-up plan. Starting small. I wouldn’t be able to afford wages on top of housing, food, clothes, utilities, documentation, and transportation. I’ll be lucky to even pull this off for a handful of individuals after a decade of working hard to just lay the ground work.

I sincerely hope that I can. My heart wants to provide real lasting positive change for others. It seems a valid goal, and it seems like it’s possible, if only the Universe lays off of the set-backs and challenges for a while- a long while- it might even be probable! Finally, I ask that the Universe help to provide both more money and more time congruently and/or concurrently. My pattern thus far is: a little money ($5000 or less at a time), or a little time- no grand amount of either, and never both at the same time. *SIGH*  PLEASE!

OF Course I would willingly accept the less probable options of lottery or Angel Investor. I have so many ideas for making the perpetual giving machine also a quite lucrative business endeavor. I hope to one day be a small community functioning business wise like Newman’s Own does. That would be a day to celebrate and to proclaim Divine assistance, Atira Community is dedicated in honor of the Divine in all it’s archetypes, but especially those that have influenced me, as without divine help it will never come to be. Amen, Namaste, So Mote It Be.