Tag Archives: concerns

Keeping my word: update 2

*image sourced from Pexels library, is not Atutmn*

My visit with Autumn in the hospital was very good and very needed. She is a beautiful woman that has been hurt many times in her life, and in horrible atrocious ways. I think more than anything that is her biggest hurdle to being well.

I took her a $15 orchid from Hy-Vee (midwestern grocery chain). She cried because they were beautiful and unexpected.

She cried several times, because she explained that she honestly had a wary reaction to our offer to help, along the lines of: ‘what do they want from me’.

It took me explaining my journey with mental health caused by thyroid disease (which I now know probably has it’s root cause in a chronic viral infection) and how much I have had to go through and deal with and figure out on my own. I explained that when I begged God to help me pull up and fix everything, that I had promised to return the favor to others, and she was simply my first encounter to fit the bill.

I also explained to her that for both mine and Nathan’s hospital stays 8 and 10 years ago, there was no one that helped us navigate those times. I simply said “everyone needs someone sometimes, and Nathan and I didn’t have that someone when we needed it, so when I realized she didn’t have anyone, I was determined to be there for her”. She cried again.

We connected on similar childhood journeys and the battle with depression, including many of the symptoms that leave a person feeling crazy and like no one understands. She was amazed when to her comment of “sometimes the world seems so flat and two dimensional”, my response was “like everything looks like cardboard cutouts, like paper dolls”. I explained that I now know that is a symptom of brain swelling combined with exhaustion, your brain literally compresses your view into a more easily processed flattened image, it helps conserve energy and enables processing when the physical structure of the brain is literally under pressure. I told her my last bout of that was when the virus flared 3 weeks ago, and it made driving home very difficult. She cried again, and I cried too.

She was so relieved that someone really truly understood what she was going through. That she wasn’t alone and that there was hope. I told her I’m not perfect, I still have bad days and fall downs, but I will take my occasional fails over the constant struggle of years and years past. I reassured her it isn’t the easiest fix, and can be really hard to maintain, but is totally worth it. She wanted to live to try, and that is huge.

She has had a much harder adult life than I have and that led to some of her current woes. The infection itself started when a drug dealer abducted her and forceably shaved her with a dirty razor. That was the precipitating event that was ended with a police standoff and her being admitted to hospital care. That was one of many horrendous stories she shared with me and Nathan. My heart goes out to her, no one ever deserves to be treated like that.

Regardless, I promised her that I knew several things we could try if she made it out of the hospital. Things that would help with her depression and possibly other health concerns that have been sidelined by trauma and the MRSA infection. Even some techniques that combined with her psychiatric care might help release some of the traumas’ damage. I will not replace the pros, merely supplement.

I also told her if I had known about her job loss, I could have helped with that too, but now we’ll have to wait for her to get better. See, like me she was working with an elderly woman doing home health. Where I go and come from several people, she had one lady that she worked with all the time and that lady had passed away causing her to lose her source of income. I told her that I am connected to the elder care network in this city so well, that if I had known I could have found her work quickly. She cried more.

She was simply overwhelmed that Nathan and I are so willing to help her in what seems to her as huge ways. She said “To think I went to a cafe so many years ago to read a book to escape my father’s abuse.” I told her “I know, sometimes you never know when you meet someone as to what it will mean later”.

Please do keep sending prayers. I may have given her just enough of a nudge of encouragement for her to pull through, but only time and God will tell.


On another note, a friend of ours from college, living in Iowa, is going through a rough journey as well. He could also use prayers. He has more of a support network, but he has small children like me and as you’ll see below and equally scary prognosis as Autumn.

These are challenging times, and the virus of the news is really the least of the problems. The news still wants you to think it is the worst, but I really don’t think it is. I keep reminding people that if someone has health problems slowly taking their lives and corona polishes them off, then corona gets the sole blame. I will not be one bit surprised if at the end of the year, the heart disease, cancer, and other death stats are far lower than they typically trend. It’s how they are padding numbers to make the stats scary.

Beyond that, we are experiencing a global shift and the survivors will be the ones that take care of themselves, but also help humanity find oneness and healing.

If you get stuck in fear, anger, or divisiveness it will likely cause you much more immediate problems. The more time you spend in negative thought patterns, the more likely you will suffer and may not survive. I know this is my biggest challenge, but it really is for everyone, especially with the external input we have available at this time.

You must honor yourself and your needs as much as you are able. You must quiet the mind as much as you are able. You must look for your inner being as much as you are able. And when all else fails look for the flowers or cute kids or adorable animals to distract yourself and find moments of positivity. It is difficult, and I too struggle to do so at times, but coming together and aiming for positive solutions is the main solution for everything.

I half want to write a post expounding on why medicine is scared over this or any virus (the lack of post-contraction treatment beyond symptom relief); but I halfway don’t, because it would cause me to focus on things that piss me off and which I have no solution for personally. I want medicine to solve the problem, but acknowledge there are mechanisms far beyond my control preventing the corporate desire to want the ability to cure chronic viral infections.

I know focusing on that topic for too long would be detrimental to me. I may still work on that post a little at a time. It needs pointed out and expounded on, but if I am to do that I will have to do so in manageable ways that help maintain my own energetically-sovereign-self. We shall eventually see if I can do it or not.

May you find ways to maintain your energetically-sovereign-self and stay buoyant in these challenging times. May you take care of yourself enough to survive the shift. May you see ways to help others do the same. May we all reach for oneness and helping humanity progress for the better. May you see the value of acceptance of others and oneness, and thus enable humanity to improve and survive the shift as a collective. If you are certain it is your time to go, and none of this is possible for you, then may you have the easiest quickest gentlest transition possible. May we all know that God loves and supports all of us and wants all of humanity to grow in positive ways. May you see that God really wants us to genuinely care about those around us, regardless of blood ties or any other superficial ties. May you share the light that helps us all get through our days just a bit easier.

Siva Hir Su

Owning it.

I may have a potential doctor solution. I’ll find out for sure at some point this week. I left a message to schedule a telle-appointment. Once I have the telle-appointment I will know if that doctor can help me find solutions.

I have a backup that I’m less confident in because I had been to them in the past and know they have limited labwork possibilities, but I don’t know if they can refer elsewhere to accomplish what they aren’t able to do themselves. It’s the referral process that leaves me concerned on the financial side. It’s still better than nothing.

In the meantime I am wrapping my head around the fact that I created this problem accidentally. Law of attraction is very clear on that. The Bible and Bhagavad Gita are also in agreement. You do get what you think about and your alignment with the Divine enables or restricts helpfulness.

The alignment part is where I fall down the most. The current problem, is really just a ramped up result of having been focused on the initial thyroid concerns, which I have been doing my best to solve.

However, I have a hell of a time aligning enough to allow solutions to actually take place. Hence my comment last post. I always seem to get hung up on side problems, the details as Abraham would say. I have trouble believing that God will find a way around all of my hangups. On one hand I know it is possible, but on the other hand I know I suck at letting things in. If you knew the extent of things I have asked for in my vortex compared to what I have actually figured out the allowing of, you’d agree. That is why I doubt my ability to fix this, and that is what I intend to work on in the coming days and weeks because I do prefer the idea of living (as long as society regains sanity and relative normal- also my responsibility to believe and trust in).

Anyway, in an effort to aim for solutions I returned to Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life.” These were the affirmations that relate to my current dilemma.

I intend to work with these a lot in the coming days and work on my belief in improvement and healing. Perhaps I will find a way to enable results very quickly and efficiently.

May you know how your problems happened and find a way to solutions quickly. May you understand where your knowing is deficient. May you find a quick easy path to better health. May you know you are supported by the Divine. May you believe in your own ability to overcome challenges.

Siva Hir Su

Prayers Requested.

I’m so used to solving everything on my own, that this is always hard for me to ask. I am asking for anyone that reads this to send prayers.

It may be obvious to my regular readers that I have been contemplating my mortality for reasons other than the virus in the news. That is because I am.

I’ve been in denial about symptoms related to my thyroid concerns, and I feel I have hit a point which I must reach out for assistance.

I suspect I may have a thyroid tumor. I’m going to law of attraction assume that it is benign and that my delay from finances and do it yourself educated guessing and labs is a mere inconvenience to the solution.

My hives keep coming back over and over again , and they are triggered by things that used to be non-issues. This morning I woke with swollen eyelids from extra fluid having built up in my sleep. Plus, I have had to acknowledge continued hair loss, more than my normal amount. I’ve had other skin manifestations, and what used to be a mild occasional pressure in my throat, is now more noticeable and persistent.

I have also been having trouble with depression even though my T3/T4 levels are in a good range, only my TSH is at a bothersome level. It is affecting my desire to do anything as I have a nagging sensation that anything is futility. I also am plagued by thoughts that I know my vortex has all the solutions I seek, but a knowing that I pretty well suck at letting them manifest in my physical reality.

Though I am not really afraid of death itself, I am petrified of pain and suffering, especially because I feel I’ve had more than enough of that as life in general and had hoped for continued improvement. Regardless of the outcome, I know God will look after my family.

What I need (if you would please include in your prayers):

1) A doctor that will genuinely listen to me, everything I’ve done and know, and get straight to the point, but that will also work with me financially. I feel that is the tallest hurdle in this mess.

2) Finances to work out in support of the solution. Or insurance, I’m still uncovered.

3) The solution to be found that has the least impact in all ways. Financially yes, but more so in easy, short, and least amount of pain. If I’m alive I do wish to return to work relatively quickly.

4) To find and maintain the health that I have been seeking for so long.

Since I have already been attempting to solve this on my own for almost 4 months, I need the solution to become evident fairly quickly. Benign or not, 4 months means it’s had that much more time to grow and potentially lead to greater problems. So please also pray for minimal impact on my system.

For those that get better results from informed prayerwork: my name is Treasa Cailleach and I live in Kansas City. This is what I look like:

I will continue to do everything that I know helps, because I would like to live. I do want to be there for my kids and even just a few months ago I still had very big goals that I was determined to accomplish on my own. A large part of me still wants to do them, but it seems the futility is winning more and more.

It is a beautiful day where I sit in Overland Park, KS, I’m going to take some time to enjoy it before I go in to work.

May you find the health you seek. May you know it is not your time. May you know that the universe and God support you. May you have an easy time letting things manifest from your vortex.

Siva Hir Su