Tag Archives: confusing

Undecided

I’m feeling the need to write one single solitary post that is a lie. I never lie about anything in a serious lengthy sort of way, even white lies have been trained out of me mostly (by work and my mom).

It is partly because of the whole law of attraction thing and it is something I would like to happen. But more it is my intuition saying it is needed.

It has to do with the whole Divine Masculine thing that I have been trying to sort out for myself for ages. It also has to do with family dynamics and something that came up for me in proximity to my Connecticut trip. It’s still confusing to me and so I’ve pushed this thought away several times.

I told Nathan and he knows me so well that he was cornering me with “Are you sure? That’s not really something that you do.”

I told him I’m not sure and that’s why I haven’t done it yet. But, if it helps, I’m all for something that helps. It’s one of those moments where I’ve been trained so well not to lie that it seems wrong, but usually intuition moments for me are completely accurate. The two are not syncing up properly.

Obviously because of the message behind this moment, I’m not going to discuss what root topic is needing this lie post. Can’t spoil the potential results by giving it away ahead of time. And I’m not sure if it will even work. I’m also not sure when or if, I’ll be able to bring myself to complete such task. I’ve already put this off for several months, it may be a couple of more before I manage it.

It’s quite the conundrum.

What would you do if you felt like you were being asked by the other side to lie about something near to your heart?

May you have easy moments of intuition. May you always know exactly what to do and how to do it and why it is requested of you. May you always be comfortable with messages based on your intuition. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Dream Déjà Vu

Watch “Anson Seabra – Can You Hear Me (Official Animated Video)” on YouTube:


I woke this morning from a really strange dream. I was back at the job I had just after college where I was an administrative assistant. It was a firm that was growing by bringing Indians with multiple degrees over to the US to fulfill high tech engineering and IT jobs. The owner was kinda shiesty, but he did help people get their green-cards for a sizeable fee. His company was worth 5 million when I worked for him and it was continuing to grow. Mostly because he took 40-60% of each salary that he placed someone in (I was responsible for prepping payroll). That was almost 15 years ago and to my knowledge they are still functioning and growing.

Anyway in the dream I found myself and Nathan sitting at a desk in their new bigger shiny office. The room I was in was just for the big heads. The owner’s and VP’s desk were in opposite corners and there was a conference table with 3 right-hand-man types at it. The big wall between the owner’s and VP’s desks had logos of all their prized contracts. The companies that they placed people with the most. I recognized the ones that I was familiar with from when I worked with them. What caught me off guard was the logo for my first actual credit card was on the wall.

In the dream I looked at Nathan and said “what the hell are we doing here”. He replied with “I’m not sure, I guess we’ll find out eventually.” I looked at the owner: Raj, and he looked just as I remembered, portly, balding, and stern. Then I looked at the VP: Praveen, his body looked the same, especially with his super shiny suit as usual, but he had this rediculous sandy-brown wig on that was covering most of his face. The conference table of the three guys was very similar to my memory, but they were different guys. When I worked for them it was Rajesh, Suraj, and the other guy went by Rocky.

At that point in the dream I was so perplexed I started flipping through stock listings. Nathan asked what I was doing. I replied “I have no idea what I’m supposed to do, so I might as well try to figure out what the best option is for purchasing stock to try and capitalize on this recession. You know buy something that when the economy bounces back they will really increase in value.” I went back to looking at stocks and reading about each company.

That was when Nathan woke me up because I had overslept my alarms again.

……

Praveen looking extra rediculous was probably my imagination having fun with his already rediculous nature, where he always seemed to try and outdo himself. Beyond that, my dream was likely something to do with my sentiment the other day about any decision I make would just be more of the same in guise of something different.

But it was so vivid I know it means something. Those dreams always do.

Upon waking, I had a knee jerk reaction about the credit card logo. I would not put it past one of those really smart people to be “helpful” in getting me on a path to better credit, to later call in the favor. That credit card was literally the first offer for a credit card that I had received. The interest rate sucked but I chalked it up to my poor credit and knew if I was careful it wouldn’t be an issue and eventually I could get them to lower it. I took the offer because I knew it would help rebuild. Then to see it in this dream, I now wonder if there was a helping IT hand in that process.

Unfortunately, the reason I quit working for that company was because my honesty scruples butted up against my intelligent knowing of how they were skirting rules and manipulating money to their benefit. There were many little things they did that we’re slap on the wrist offenses, but that netted them big benefits in untaxed dollars. I didn’t like their way of doing business, even if it did make them successful faster.

Beyond that, the people that I would suspect of helping me no longer work for that company, at least that I’m aware.

What confused me more was Nathan’s presence in the dream. He never worked for the company and at the time he was working for someone else, so he never even dropped in for lunch or any of the other things he does now. The only thing I can think of is Nathan made the dream have 7 people in it. When I worked for the company it was the 5 and me in the office every day- 6 total, but I’m now aware that 7 is significant for me because of my birth family.

So WTF, what does it mean? I have no real idea. If one of them did help me rebuild my credit then I am ever grateful, but have no idea how I could ever repay their kindness. I also thought about my mystery person and that it might be a message about them, it’s a stretch but plausible. I simply don’t know.

I often wish that divine messages were more easily understood before things happened. I find myself too frequently exclaiming, well after the fact: “Oh, that’s what that dream meant!”

Oh well, time will tell. I am grateful that I get these messages, even if I’m too dense to understand.

May you have good, vivid dreams. May you always understand the message the divine is trying to convey to you. May you know you are supported. May you feel your connection to God. May you know everything is going to be okay.

Siva Hir Su