Tag Archives: connect with God

Being selfish.

I have conceded again, that anything I have desired involving other people is pointless, because invariably they have their own hot mess that I can’t solve.

I can’t make anyone do anything, and now I know that I can pull up when their actions sting, even when there are layers and layers of sting.

I can only help myself be a better person, no matter what.

I can only help myself feel better, no matter what.

I know I can do anything that I choose to do.

I know I am very capable of a wide array of skilled activities.

I know I am skilled enough to learn anything I don’t already know. I am skilled enough to do many great things.

I have been responsible for many people and over many years. I have done everything I was supposed to do, be it based on parental or societal dictations. I’ve even learned how to best care for myself.

I am capable. I am intelligent. I am strong. I am good at everything I choose to do.

I have even learned to controll my emotions. It takes me less time, every time I do it. I know how to find happy, and it’s getting quicker and quicker.

I am enough.

I like feeling good. I appreciate this healing. My whole family deserves the same healing.

I have been fully responsible.

Now what?

I don’t know.

I see the fallacy of my childhood dreams, my idea of perfection is nearly impossible because it would require attempting to control others. The magic lies in letting the divine orchestrate the details.

My problem now lies in that; letting go of my dreams completely carries an emptiness of my own role, I don’t need to orchestrate my Atira, in just such a way. I have accomplished an ability to find peace and happiness no matter what. I have accomplished an ability to see all of the unconditional elements I desired, in my current place of now. Knowing I can work myself towards feeling better, feeling good, and seeing all of the basic desires manifested, leaves me feeling goal-less.

There is nothing I yearn for. There is nothing I desire. There is nothing that I feel is missing or needing accomplished. I can’t even label anything that I really want anymore.

There are some silly things like places to travel to, or things to do, but there is nothing I really desperately want. Pretty much everything has lost its draw.

I am okay with whatever. The Divine can decide for me, no matter what that means. I finally feel like I’ve detached from everything. Nothing is necessary, nothing is vital, and nothing even stands out as a major interest. I am open to anything or nothing, whichever God and Goddess dictate. Death does not scare me, and I’m already living in a crazy stupid world, full of chaos and negativity, so I obviously can handle that. Perhaps there is some other option, if so I’m open to it. Whatever the divine chooses for me.

May you find your peace. May you find full healing. May you see your loved ones healed as well. May you know that everything you need already is here. May you see everything you want and desire in your current reality. May you sense the empty expansion of letting the divine take over and decide for you. May you feel your infinite self and know that God loves and supports you in all that you do. May you trust the divine and allow it to decide for you, even if that might mean death is imminent. May you know that God knows more than you possibly can and will choose the best way for you.

Be still
And know that
I
am
God

First do no harm
So mote it be

Om Shanti

Where’s the magic? Revisited.

I thought about the end of the new reboot of She-Ra. I won’t spoil it except for noting that her reason to stay, to fight, was the magic of love. It was enough to conquer overwhelming odds.

Yet, just two posts ago, I wrote of the magic of our world and how it is missing (and in some cases being manipulated).

There is the magic of focused thought and the magic of love. Both can move mountains and change the world. Both are obviously absent in the majority of the masses.

Fast forward to this evening. I had a long winding thought journey to get away from external influences. I knew I was being triggered by others again, and was pretty sure of the sources. I’m not going to rehash to journey because I made it through. I cleared the vibration and found my alignment.

My results are, that like She-Ra, I am willing to stay and use all of the magic for good if the magic of love is evident. I know I can overcome fairly overwhelming odds already, I have done it for myself and my family many times over.

Now, I acknowledge that I am deserving of better. I am deserving of those in my world honoring and respecting my being, fully and completely. I am deserving of love shown and focused magical thought from those around me. I am deserving of people that have worked on healing themselves as diligently as I have worked on myself (eliminating addictions and excuses). I am deserving of being surrounded by authentic people who are fully honest with me about who they are and what they feel (I have always been able to tell when someone is lying and there’s some serious truth serum needed in my experience). I am deserving of an accepting environment, where everyone is safe to be themselves and grow on their own journey. I am deserving of a space where people unable to meet those qualities, simply don’t involve themselves, we simply no longer connect and attachments dissolve.

I am so deserving of better things/people in my experience for myself, that I am willing to fully and completely let go. I can stay, or I can go. Whatever God’s guidance dictates. If my current experience can deliver the goods, so to speak, then I will stay and wait for the reveal. If my current experience is unable to deliver, then I will do whatever God’s choice is, including exit life willingly.

Sometimes in our journey we collect so much junk, straight up crap, from sloppy thinking, that the good would be more easily found via exit from current life experiences. I believe my father is there, and honestly keep praying that he relax enough to get that and facilitate that. I believe that is also why, despite efforts to keep elderly alive during Covid restrictions, they are all still checking out (en masse without catching the virus). The more walls on their path, the easier it is to see the only option really is OUT. At that point they just relax enough and it’s done.

I know I have collected a lot of junk over my 37 years of doing and living for others and by others rules and obligations. So, I am honestly not sure where my solution lies. I’m still waiting for the next step answer.

What I do know is that in many aspects in my life, I am certain that I no longer owe anyone anything, nor do they- I.

I have helped many people in many ways, and a large group of them got to take the lazy route because I took responsibility for the load at that moment.

Now it’s my turn.

I deserve better and I have never really been a lazy person, so I think I deserve a taste of what lazy looks like. I deserve enough resources and support to see what lazy is really like. I deserve to see more of the good in this world, here where I already am and everywhere. I deserve more love expressed, from more than just my husband, and if it’s impossible with my current junk, I accept exit.

I leave the decision up to my higher self and God. I love me no matter what the answer.


May you know 100%, your deservedness and your love for self. May you know what you desire. May you be honored and loved in multiple visible ways. May you get to experience all the moments you desire. May you know that you owe nothing to no one, and no one owes you anything either. May you feel your connection to the divine and your positive vibrational alignment. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Where’s the magic?

Between watching She-Ra with my kids, and one too many news-feed induced conversations with people in my world, I’m left asking “Where is the magic?”

In the context of my now, the magic is the God force, mystical energies of everything. “All that is, all that was, and all that ever will be.” – Carl Sagan

Magic really always was for me, my mystical everything. As a teen I learned it wasn’t my secret. Allister Crowley defined magic as “The art of creating change in conformity with will.” I have known that definition for over 20 years now. Abraham Hicks, and many others in the thought revolution, discuss this with more straightforward terminology, and Hicks labeled this thought revolution “The Law of Attraction”. The concept is the same, focus and create change merely with thoughts. The law of Attraction may be science from Quantum Science’s perspective, but in the practical experience of reality, it really is magic.

Now watching She-Ra with my kids, my inspiration is renewed.

I see parallels between the Prime Horde and the Borg of Star Treck. They were both concerned with uniformity, conformity, sameness, enough to completely squelch the individual and connect them to hive mind. And I see the parallels in the now.

I don’t generally support conspiracy theories because they are just that: theories. Moreso, they tend to inflate fears that could be completely unfounded. However, I’ve noticed an overarching theme with media and people in general these days.

Two sides of a coin. You’re with us or against us mentality. You’re either conservative and tow that line, or you’re liberal. Both sides arguing the other is wrong, and neither allowing for individuals: unique, special, and allowing for more. Neither showing tolerance for individuality, neither showing appreciation of blended beliefs and preferences. Both sides are being the Horde, and the media today inflates and encourages this mentality.

It’s really very similar to the story line of She-Ra, in that the First Ones and the Horde were in a battle to claim the stake of being right and convincing everyone to follow their sameness. Unfortunately, in that story line, the Horde couldn’t control magic and it became their weakness (ultimately a good thing). The first ones however learned how to marry magic and technology and got greedy for the power gleaned, eventually causing their own demise.

I see the parallels between our division in the world today, and those two fictional factions.

We do have a greedy few that know and understand the Law of Attraction, and they are slowly working on their own demise, they may control their followers now and tell them what to believe, but like First Ones they will eventually fail and loose everything.

Yet there is this other side that just really pushes sameness, supposedly as being safer. They are very similar to the Horde, and our media today only encourages and inflates everything as related to that. I would argue that the medical industry is a large contributor to that side. Alas, just as the Horde could not control magic and ultimately lost, so too will sick-care and industry bent on everyone acting, doing, behaving, in a certain way, to be safe.

I personally want nothing from either side. I am that unique, middle ground, reaching for better.

I know about the magic. Sometimes I could definitely be better at using it, but at least I understand how. Yet, I really want to share it with everyone willing to learn how to use it responsibly. I do feel like She-Ra defending magic, and all uniqueness, as I’m still learning to wield it’s power myself.

She-Ra has inspired me to keep trying, and keep practicing, and keep reaching for better. It has revived my inspiration of Tessering from “Wrinkle in Time”. It has given me visuals to encourage my work as a healer, and the Reiki energy flows stronger and stronger every time I practice the new visuals. Between all of it, the inspiration is definitely launching me towards better.

I know I am getting better at using thought to create change. I’m just not certain that I will ever defeat the Horde(s) as She-Ra was able. I’d love to. I’d love to see a world full of uniqueness, so I’ll keep focusing to give it a fair shot. But either way, I know I will eventually create my Atira. My community at least, will be a safe haven for those of us willing to live in acceptance of the individual and mixed beliefs and preferences. My community will be open and loving and magical without greed. My community will help people to master magic responsibly. I look forward to that day.

For now I am enjoying a little magic using plastic eggs and toy cars. I built a little model as a focus tool. It takes a little imagination, but you can see the founder’s home (big yellow double dome), the temple and community services center (purple cluster), the business complex (blue green L shaped complex), and the community living area (small domes, yellow and purple). The blue blanket is to represent the pond/lake I hope to have at the center of my Atira, with hiking trails all around.

Now I’ll play with my kiddos to enact things that would happen at Atira. That’s the fun part!

May you have fun moments of magic in your life. May you know we are not alone, and that uniqueness is more precious than anything pushed as sameness or safety. May you know that the God force of magic is more healing than any medicine, vaccine, or sick-care treatment. May you know you are healthy and strong and capable of great things. May you know that God loves and supports you no matter what and in all things you do. May you know you are always whole, safe, and loved just as you are.

Om Shanti