Tag Archives: connections

You’re here.

You're here
In me
Warm and comforting
A fire within
Exciting
Cells buzzing with sensations
Fantom
Touch
Kiss
Caress
Lover's passion
Builds
Writhing
In silent
Solitary
Expectation
Your ghost
Haunts
In most beautiful ways
Senses
In overdrive
Knowing divine
Influences
Connects
Two
No more
Souls
United
A world apart
When spirit
Bridges
Space and time
Yours and mine
A union
Beyond
Union
Physically Absent
Perpetually present
Divine partnering
Accepting of all of me
My curves and edges
uniqueness
An extra sense
Beyond usual perception
Unusual openness
Oneness with others too
We're all connected
And acceptance enables
Amplified awareness
Loves' limitlessness
Beautifully complicated
Worthwhile
Infinite possibilities
Family beyond imagine
My heart feels
Your masculine right
Your feminine left
And just below
Someone
So similar to me
Anxiously Finding way
Through a blend of both
My
ET
5D
The parts of a whole
Group
My current 3D
Center stage
Excitement
As I just know
All are welcome
All would get along
With half a chance
And a bit of positive focus
I will have what I feel
And
I
Feel great
Divine
Love
Making
Stirs
Life
As I feel
Spirit into words
Owls Confer
Validation calls
I know
Soon
My bodily sensations
Will become
Physical
Manifestations
Results
Desires propulsion
It must be so
You're already here
In me now
I love you

May you sense your spiritual partners. May you be wholley accepting of divinely guided partners, even when they are fused with others beyond you (siblings, children, spouses, extended biological family, etc). May we all learn why God wants us to truly know and understand oneness and love for all. May you love freely and deeply regardless of labels or man-made constraints. May you know there is a reason for everything and a place for everyone. May you know you are here to experience this world for the divine, experience the divine for this world, and that your enjoyment of any moment bridges the gap between physical and spiritual. May you know that God loves you so much that you are supported in whatever you desire, especially loving relationships.

Siva Hir Su

It takes Guts

I woke this morning at 5:30am my time, feeling a burning in my chest and arms. A very familiar sensation of the past five years. The image that immediately came to mind was not as I expected, an image of someone I’d only ever seen via Nathan’s searching for answers. It was the person that by logical deduction I had placed on the left of my heart, assuming I had correctly labeled the person that held the right side. Yet this morning the sensation was all over. Why was the sensation all over when I most definitely had two people causing halves to activate in tandem as previously? And why did I get a mental image of just the one person? I don’t have the answers.

I had already written both off and started to move on. If the universe wanted me to do anything different, then timing is pretty lousy from my perspective. I don’t have my higher-self view or understanding of this at the moment. Nothing. Thin air.

With that being said I had to stop and take a moment to evaluate this person in relation to my now. If either one or both of them wish to come back into my life there would have to be much truth telling and rebuilding of trust. I would be very hesitant to relax into anything.

That being said this damned connection is so strong, and so persistent, even 5 years later, that I have to acknowledge the divine does seem to see value in maintaining this connection for some reason. I am not one to discount anything the divine sets in motion.

So frustrations and distrust aside, I would probably be willing to attempt to start over. My guts in this scenario would be stepping back enough to allow them the space to come clean and make things right. Yet, I would then have to continually remind myself I’m giving them a second chance. At least until that feeling place could guide me like it did early on, when I first felt the lies versus truth in energy. That will take great restraint on my part to not have knee jerk reactions. Just listening with an open heart after being hurt would take a massive amount of patience for me.

As much as I want to, I’m not sure I’m up to it. Though sometimes it just would depend on the day.

As I write this I then sit wishing that Republicans would find that same space. (I’ll keep this aside short since I prefer not to talk politics). I sorely wish for those good, honorable, respectable, intelligent Republicans to stand up and proclaim the Injustice that Trump has brought to their party. I know they exist and for the life of me I can’t understand why they are letting others ruin their party.

I’m not a republican, but I have never before hated the party as I do now. It’s all because of one man’s lies, manipulations, and espionage, and the rest of the party towing the line blindly or crookedly (depending on their actions). Where are the Ronald Regan’s of the party. It seems we have a whole party playing Tricky Dick-ery, except this time they failed to have the sense to keep it on American soil.

Lastly, if I hear constitutional crisis one more time I’m likely to punch the person that says it. There was no constitutional crisis when Billy Bob was being held accountable of abuse of power and lies over getting a blowjob. There was not constitutional crisis when Richard Nixon abused power and manipulated that election. Neither is there here. Trump has sorely abused his power and put our country in jeopardy involving foreign governments. He needs impeached and removed from office along with everyone that helped.

Republicans find your balls, have some guts, do the right effing thing.

That’s all I’ll write on that for now.

May you all find your guts to do the right thing, have an open mind, and work through obstacles of any kind. May you let love overcome fears. May you see God’s influence and understand connections. May you have a happy, blessed and fulfilling life. May you trust those around you and your gouvernent. May you see things working out for the highest good. May you feel safe and loved.

Siva Hir Su

My Polyamory

I have intentionally not written much on this topic because about a year ago I went and posted a bunch of links and good info from other sites. There are so many aspects to look at and perspectives to consider that it is all just too much for me to even attempt.

However, Nathan suggested that I write at least once on my experiences and opinions on the matter. So, I’m taking his advice.

First and foremost Polyamory is many loves, a plural relationship based in a foundation of love.

From the view of a successful balanced poly family, I’ve not had much luck, at least in maintaining such a plural commitment. However, I have had lots of fine tuning and reevaluating, which Abraham says is always a good thing. I’m going to agree.

Nathan and I used to be, what gets labeled “Unicorn Hunters” by more forceful poly opinions. We were ‘significant-others’ seeking a single bisexual female to balance my bisexuality. After several failed attempts to find our good fit, we relaxed into accepting that our perfect woman might come attached to another person. It might also happen that we find several people to meet both mine and Nathan’s needs and desires.

Our hesitation with accepting the concept of multiples, initially was brought on mainly by fearful thoughts of: how do you get multiple adults on the same page and keep them in agreement and in cooperation. Especially regarding children in the family, rules of behavior, setting expectations, and even logistics of cleaning and cooking. However, at this point in our marriage we have come to the conclusion that those are challenges any relationship faces regardless if there are 2 or 12 people. We also now have lots of experience dealing with each other and multiple attempts at significant-other additions. We’ve also come to conclusions that some things are easier if approached like companies handle staffing: creating schedules and assignments of tasks, which can always be adjusted and changed as needed.

So at this point we’re much more open to alternate options and arrangements for our family structure, and have a better grasp of the interpersonal needs that entails. Our main goal now is that a variety of needs and desires are met, and that all adults act like adults and remain considerate of the family as a whole when making significant decisions. If those decisions are likely to impact the family in a huge way (move, replace belongings, or decisions regarding educational or medical concerns) then the family should be consulted with a proposal before final decisions are made.

Informed consent is a mainstay of poly whether it’s in regards to sex, reproduction, or any familial life event. Furthermore, informed consent requires a certain level of communication skills. You may have a great idea, but if you can’t make your case well to those involved it’s likely to fall flat.

So those elements have become our biggest priorities.

Beyond that, previous relationships ended due to factors involving but not limited to: personality clashes, instability due to processing previous traumas, and a lack of commitment by one or multiple parties. So we have simplified our request to the Divine that: future partners have their own stuff figured out at least well enough to cause only more minor bumps, previous severe traumas have been healed likewise, and that all parties be willing to commit enough to work through remaining glitches. All relationships have bumps, bruises, and fights, but it’s the severity and willingness to work through them that enable the relationship to last. Everyone coming together to learn and grow and heal, leads to happy long lasting family.

Acceptance of our humanness, and unconditional love allows for infinite growth. To me that means that I might get mad or frustrated with someone, but as long as I can refocus and remember we’re all human and that I do love them, then I can work through the upset to find a solution. That is the place of understanding that I aim for everyone in my family to hold.

There are also factors like honesty, openness, truthfulness, cooperative attitudes, and open mindedness which would be very important.

Finally, I wish to add compromise. A mainstay of finding solutions is learning how to compromise. There is almost always an answer that everyone can live with. It may not be perfect in everyone’s opinion, but gets the job done. Finding those compromises is paramount to maintaining family cohesion, and adults wishing to be in my family need to demonstrate an ability to compromise.

In conclusion, my ideal of Polyamory has evolved over the last 15 years to be less about the fine details and more about overarching qualities that I wish for people to exhibit.

Not to be too cliche, but can’t we all just get along, and all you need is love, would be the more concise mentality.

May you all find your family based in love and acceptance, but which committedly works through compromise to ensure everyone just gets along.

With love, be well. Siva Hir Su.

It does feel like home.

It’s not my home, and at the moment I wouldn’t have a clue as to how to attempt to make it become so, but this place is so beautiful. It makes me know that my dream of Atira is possible, and though I am in mountains near the ocean, is not the same mountains I’ve seen in my dreams of Atira.

Our cabin is so far out and so far down in a valley that even the new cell tower a mountain over is not providing any more than spotty service. My phone will only do calls and texts without WiFi. The main Lodge does have WiFi available now which wasn’t available in previous years, but it’s unsecured and at certain times of the day everyone wants to partake in it.

I have not minded any of that inconvenience because it’s so beautiful here. It also helps that our “cabin” is as spacious as our actual home in KC, just formatted differently.

We went to Acadia NP on Tuesday and I hiked for hours stopping to let kids play on Sand Beach. I think we covered about 1.25 miles of coastline out and back, but there was abundant rock climbing to be had, so I’m sure my steps were more like 4 miles, maybe more. We made it to Thunder Hole from Sand Beach before my shoulder and back started screaming from having been wearing both Katherine and a backpack full of diapers and snacks. We decided to call it quits on walking/hiking but returned to our van and made several more stops for viewing pleasure. By the end of the day I’d gotten a significant sunburn that was mildly uncomfortable, so I spent that evening coating myself in lavender and aloe to heal it up.

The teens went with my brother and his wife on an epic 4 mountain hike, covering over 5 miles of trails and taking nearly 6 hours. Anya said she loved the views, but it was a bit much for her, and was nearly in tears asking if she could have just a little Beach time before we drove away. We took her to otter cove just as the tide was coming in and she was happy as clam.

I told her we’d head back at least once before our vacation was up and she was much relieved.

That is today. We’re due to pull out in an hour or 2 to go ride the Margaret Todd ship and explore Bar Harbor which apparently also has a beautiful sandy beach to walk on. My brother explained at low tide the beach connects to a small island with waking trails. I’m so looking forward to it.

My brother’s wife explained that you can’t see it all in one trip, they’ve been coming here for one week of every summer for 7 years and still haven’t done it all.

For now I’ll leave you with some pictures of Acadia and our cabin at the military campground in Great Pond. May you all have beautiful experiences that feel like home.

Cabin & surroundings:

Acadia:

Finally, after our busy couple of days, I enjoyed drinks and dinner with my family during a rain shower from the cabin screened in porch. I ate and drank too much that I shouldn’t have, so felt the aftermath this morning, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself last night. Sunburn and all. Happiness.

P.S. I’ve felt my connection very strongly over the last couple of days, and hoping it means something super wonderful. May you all feel your connections of clarity and bliss.

Already on the bus.

So I’ve finished reading “The Energy Bus” and realize now that I’ve already gotten my bus going. It’s been a slow start, bumpy ride, with a few breakdowns already, but my bus is generally pointed the right direction and moving.

Really I’ve been driving my bus for a while, but just need more focus and helpful passengers

I have my committed passengers, in for the full ride- my family by marriage and by giving birth.

I have my semi-committed or part time riders, people in my daily and work life that are generally as helpful as they can be, but can’t necessarily stay for the whole ride. Sometimes they’re on and sometimes they’re busy on their own bus.

I have at least one passenger, maybe 2 or 3 that I’m hoping are like the character Michael. Where they removed themselves, but ultimately come around, and end up finding themselves wanting to make positive changes too, and join my bus again. That would be nice, not just for my bus, but for them- their state of being- and because it will validate messages I got what seems like forever ago. May we all master only feeding the good dog.

So far I’ve already ejected a few of what was termed “Energy Vampires” from my bus, and there’s one big one that needs to go yet. Fortunately, those from my biological family have mostly removed themselves from my life, so that’s one less hurdle.

With all that being said, this book leaves me acknowledging I have steps to go yet.

I have used this blog to write about Atira many times, but it’s scattered through multiple posts and partial posts, and I’m not sure I’ve ever reinforced the entirety of the complexity of that to those on board my bus, even if part time. I think it would help to get more concise with my desires, vision, and focus so that there is one document I can reference. Maybe even to give them copies.

I still have a ways to go to ensure I’m only feeding the good dog, and fueling my bus with positive energy. I have the basic idea, but have some practicing to do to maintain it, because I do let fear and stress get the better of me frequently.

Also, I totally spend too much time worrying about people that don’t get on my bus. I will get better at acknowledging maybe it’s too soon for them or they have other reasons for not joining my route. It’s not personal to me, it’s personal for them and their journey.

Additionally, I still have a ways to go on demonstrating my own enthusiasm and love. I already do both, but often allow myself to be easily deflated, especially when my efforts go unnoticed, unacknowledged, or unresponded to. Then once I’ve been deflated, I definitely still struggle to get back up and give another go.

I also need to find my purpose in everything better. It’s easy for me when what I’m doing is part of my vision for Atira, but much much harder when my task-at-hand is seemingly unrelated. That is evidence of not fully knowing that “everything happens for a reason”. I must trust more and find how everything relates. How does what I’m doing fit with my journey and fuel my bus.

Lastly, a huge must: start having more fun and enjoying the ride more. It’s not that I don’t at all, but I really succumb to stress easily. I’m latching onto the books’ phrase “you can’t feel stressed when you feel blessed”. That is my biggest new goal. To be “too blessed to be stressed”.

With that I wanted to share the list of rules the book went over:

And finally, I wanted to share an Abraham Lincoln quote (below) from the book that really resonated with me. My life journey fine-tuned to that direction after the online stranger woke my dreams up in me. I realized I may fail, I may never actually get there, but giving up all together- ignoring who I’ve become- is far worse than failing. I must remain true to who I am and where I’d like to go, if I’m to ever find consistent happiness and have any chance at all of possibly making it there. I want my light to shine bright from here until my dieing days.

Again, thank you for hanging in with me and joining at least the written part of my ride. I sincerely hope you benefit from my words in one way or another.