Tag Archives: daydream

Sometimes Dreams are Just Dreams

That was my afternoon and I thought of the serenity prayer as a result.

I spent all of my working hours thinking about things that would be really nice to experience. Followed by, it’s okay though, I am alright regardless.

It felt good to just let dreams be dreams. To acknowledge that the likelihood of any of it was improbable, but that it would be amazing if it weren’t. I focused on all the good things I wanted to see and hear, things I’d love to have others do or say, places to go, things to do. Then acknowledged over and over again that regardless of any of it, I am okay and will be for a long time to come.

Sometimes dreams, especially daydreams, are just a tool to feel good.

I even acknowledged that maybe my childhood dreams of Atira were just that. It was me dreaming up things that made the world a better place, because my world didn’t feel that good. Atira was me wanting to feel loved, and feel supported. Atira was me wanting to feel like an important part of something, like I mattered, and like I could go and do fun things and help people. Atira was abundant and fun and friendly. Atira was safe strong homes compared to our trailer home. All of the things missing in my childhood were embodied in my dreams of Atira.

And so, I sat today and acknowledged the many elements that I have accomplished. I have a safe home. Thanks to the clinic, I do have more financial abundance, but I also help people daily. I work with friendly people both in staff and clients. I am more supported than ever. I could use a little more fun in my life, but it’s not exactly out of reach either, just some logistics and rearrangement needed. Many of the pieces I was reaching for in my dreaming of Atira are now a part of my life.

The pieces that aren’t might eventually come to fruition, but then again they might not, and that’s okay. My family and I are doing okay. Things could be better, but they could definitely be worse. I also spent a long time thinking of how things have been worse, and appreciating the good things I now get to experience.

I stopped at a store on the way home for a few items needed for dinner. I walked in, found them, paid and left. Quickly, easily, and without much thought (my brain was on these thoughts). It was a stark contrast to days spent buying meals with food-stamps trying to get the right item that would be covered and literally counting pennies, nickles and dimes for anything that wouldn’t be covered. Did you know that toilet paper isn’t covered by government assistance programs in Kansas City? I have to assume that applies to most or all of the U.S. Yet, now I don’t have to do that. I no longer have to count pocket change, and most of the time I buy what we need regardless of brand or cost, and there is no concern for rules regarding what is okay to purchase (a really good thing since I have all the food allergy concerns). I have purchase freedom, and most of the time enough abundance to get what is desired or needed. There’s no Tesela car yet, and clothes still mostly come from thrift stores, but at least I can keep everyone covered – did I mention I’m really good at finding the good stuff. I also live in the best home I’ve ever had, and though some might call it average, I think it’s beautiful. I have running water and we no longer need the 10 mile treck for a truckload of well water. We have central air and heat, and aren’t freezing around a wood stove because of poor insulation.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I really do appreciate what I have, and how far I’ve come. Every aspect of our lives is better than some of our worst periods, and for that I am truly grateful. I do see improvement in many ways, and even if my dream community never happens, I am okay. I know each day I live is a blessing and an opportunity to keep working on myself and keep aiming for better.

When I got back in our van to finish the drive home, God validated my afternoon. The 4 songs that played were as shown below. I am living the best version of my dream that is possible from where I stand. One day maybe I’ll see my Atira over the rainbow.

May you know that you are okay, and that sometimes dreams are just meant to help you feel better. May you see your own progress and appreciate how far you’ve come. May you know that you are doing better and that each day you live is a blessing and another opportunity to reach for better. May you see the things you wished for in your current experience. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

As I Am

The title is shared with Summer Osborne’s song:

This has been my song on repeat today. My own mantra if you will.

The thyroid storm has cleared but my heart still aches from the others. It still hurts because I listened to it and I was hurt by others actions and words. Now I want to listen, but only if I can avoid more hurts for a while.

Abraham reminded me of how it happened through these 2 emails:

You have more harmony points with every person on the planet than you have disharmony points, because there is much more of you that is in harmony with your Core than you realize or than most of you allow. The closer you come to being in harmony with your Source Energy, the more in harmony you are with each other. When you think about other people and what they think of you, do you understand that what they think of you has very little to do with what you are? It has mostly to do with the habits of thought that they have developed. It has more to do with them as thinkers than it does with you as the subject of their thought. If nothing is more important to you than that you feel good, you can form a fantasy about someone who is in your life and they will begin to modify to meet your fantasy, because Law of Attraction is a very powerful thing.

Excerpted from Asheville, NC, on 9/5/98

Our Love,
Esther
(and Abraham and Jerry)

A belief that the behavior of others must be controlled—so that your observation of that good behavior will make you feel good—leaves you feeling vulnerable to their behavior.

We would like to help you to understand that neither the good feeling you find when you observe wanted behavior, nor the bad feeling you find when you observe unwanted behavior, is actually the reason that you feel good or bad. The way you feel is only ever about your alignment, or misalignment, with the Source within you. It is only your relationship with the Source within you (with your own Inner Being) that is the reason for the emotions that you feel.

While it is nice to find things in your physical environment that enhance your good-feeling alignment with your Inner Being, your understanding of why you feel good will make it possible for you to feel good regardless of the behavior of others.

Understanding that the way you feel is really about your Vibrational relationship with your Inner Beingwith the Source within you, with the expanded version of you who resides inside your Vortex—gives you complete empowerment and absolute freedom.

Excerpted from Getting into the Vortex Guided Meditation CD and User Guide on 11/1/10

Our Love,
Esther
(and Abraham and Jerry)

It stinks, but all of that boils down to my heart felt their inner being and resonated, but I allowed their habits, their thinking, their behaviors to hurt me. I allowed more hurt.

I don’t hate them, my heart remembers the inner being connection. But I obviously haven’t gotten this shit down enough to avoid more hurt. So I’m stepping back for a bit. It’s me and Nathan and kids, and probably not much else for a while. I have to work, but I’m okay with a bit less of that too, as long as I can pay my bills, feed us, and have a smidgen left over to save.

I love my husband and kids, and they don’t deserve the darkness that I allowed to overshadow things for a while. I will find myself again, and this time perhaps with no-one in mind except myself. I don’t know, it’s so hard to play in my imagination without thinking of anyone else. Everything I enjoy about life involves other things and people. I’m sure going to try though.

I plan on spending every ounce of free time gardening the next couple of weeks because the weather people have said it’s going to stay nice, and the plants already in our yard are in agreement. So all of my seeds and bulbs are going to get planted this week. Because that doesn’t require a ton of thought to accomplish, I will spend the same time daydreaming of things I enjoy, doing my best to leave other people out of that equation. I am more than a good massage therapist or vagina/uterus, and if no-one else sees that then it’s because I haven’t spent enough time acknowledging it for myself.

So daydreams and gardens and allowing myself connection with my inner self. Generally feeling better, that’s my goal.

May you all have moments of feeling better. May you find a way to daydream where you know things can’t go wrong. May you allow yourself enjoyment and love and lack hurts. May you be well.

Siva Hir Su