Tag Archives: disrespect

I refuse.

I went off on my older house-call lady this afternoon and walked out afterwards saying I wouldn’t charge her, but I wouldn’t be back either.

First see here for a link to a blog from a while ago, but on a topic I’ve had too many discussions over in my adult life: women must have done something to attract rape (this is beyond victim energetics, which often starts very young because of an abuser in early childhood).

Here’s the problem, most rapes are carried out by men. The physicality of anatomy and physiology means that it is very difficult for a woman to truly rape a man the way that men regularly rape women. For the power-based forced-sex to happen, a woman literally has to drug a man to make sure he is incapacitated and still erect. So most female rape perps are age based, older woman has sex with a teenager type thing. We still see that as wrong and deserving of punishment, but does anyone ever blame the boy that is taken advantage of- NO!

Yet we regularly defend men in a rape allegation, as the woman must have done something to invite it. WRONG!!!!!!!!

How about instead of allowing men to keep perpetuating their shitty behaviour, maybe us women should just start going around slicing off peni and testicles. We could put them on ice and have test tube babies that never get damaged by inappropriate behavior from men. I doubt anyone would say that ‘maybe the man wore too tight of pants’, or that they are to blame because ‘they stayed out to late’.

Yet, if we women started a revenge rampage by slicking dicks off, you’d bet your last dollar that shit would change quick. Not only would the men never get accused of inviting such hideous crimes, but the search for the perps would be hard and fast.

So I ask you, why is rape against women not held to the same standard?

This week I’ve heard our front desk lady get called doll and missy. If I had been working the front desk I’m not sure what I would have done. It’s inappropriate to slap a paying customer, but that is what I would like to have done. She is a grown woman, not some little missy to talk down to. She is a grown woman not a doll for a toddler to play with. Get your fucking act together and treat us with respect damn it. How many decades do your wives, mothers, daughters, nieces, and aunts have to be battered, beaten, talked down to, taken advantage of, and treated as less than. Your fucking penis wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for a woman.

The men that are good men should be sticking up for women more loudly, and sometimes that means pull your head out of your ass and do the right thing. It means vote slime-balls out of office. It means vote for stricter punishment. It means turn someone into authorities when you know they did something wrong. It means protect women when you could walk away. It means correcting other men’s demeaning behaviors. And for God’s sake it means never, ever accuse a woman of anything when she has said someone raped or molested her.

And that brings me around to my old lady. She was all Trump supporting nonsense, and I tried to politely correct her. When she proceeded to argue and dig in, I lost it.

I went off on how Trump is a womanizing ass-hat with cronies that are even worse. I pointed out that he was recorded saying he had the right to grab a woman by the pussy. It was played on live television over and over again. I told her: “how did that not register in your brain anywhere, how can you let that slide for any reason”. It should have never happened, our children should have never been exposed to those words used in that way, let alone repeatedly on the news. I said “as a woman with a vagina how can you think a human that says words like that is even acceptable, let alone worth having as the leader of our country”. I explained that even if she ignored all of his other failures, that statements like that should be enough to say no.

It is simply not okay. Women are worth more than that, and no woman should ever be grabbed by her pussy, especially someone using it as a power play. How anyone in their right mind can accept a man that says horrible things like that is beyond me. And I simply can’t tolerate it anymore.

I’m half tempted to put a sign on my office saying Trump supporters not welcome, and willingly deal with the backlash.

If you as a man think you respect women, then you need to look at your behaviors. Do you let other men talk like that to women? Do you call women sweetie, or honey and they aren’t your spouse? Do you stop men when they are disrespectful to women? If Trump said he would grab your wife or sister or daughter or mother by the pussy, would you re-elect him?

This behavior must stop. NOW!!!!!

This is one woman that has to much respect for my own gender to continue to tolerate any of that behavior, and I’m seriously feeling a slice and dice rampage right at the moment.

If you can not respect that women have taken that abuse, and held down jobs, and given birth the the new generations, and raised their families, and kept homes in order, then you need not live any longer.

My own father was that womanizer. Calling women ugly, fat, looking at us like objects for his approval or disapproval, having extramarital affairs without consent of his wife, my mother. I remember when mom found out about the one. As an adult I learned mom knew for certain about 2, but suspected 2 more. See the problem with an affair is you disrespect your spouse by not giving them the respect of choice, you disrespect your spouse by lieing and hiding the secrets and it causes emotional damage because your spouse internalizes that they must be less than, or did something wrong. All the while it was your hiding, secrecy, and lies that were wrong. But that wasn’t good enough, every shopping outing was judgement of complete strangers. How they dressed, what they wore, how they did their hair, whether they met your definition of beautiful or not. Scrutiny of skin color and ethnicity. It was all there and all atrocious behavior.

It made us all hate him for his bad behavior, but no one told him directly. My mother only told him the one time that she knew he was having an affair, and said it better stop or there would be consequences. He stopped just long enough that she quit watching. None of us children were able to say anything, too young and the damage was already done. And not a single other person told him what he was doing was wrong that he was talking poorly of people and mistreating both his wife and his mistresses.

That is why I am so adamant for polyamory where everyone knows and is openly accepting and loving, where kids are safe and taught that love and respect is more important than quantity or rules. Where behaviors are kept in check and always respectful of the entire family. Where children learn how to respect women, especially their mothers, and mothers are supported by extra hands on deck which automatically teaches children not only that women deserve respect, but what the mechanics of respect look like. And no one deserves to be called pet names. Use their real fucking name for God’s sake, unless they request otherwise.

I’m done renting for now.

May you see the respect you deserve. May you know your are loved. May all women be treated with love and respect and given the rights and retribution they deserve. May women be supported and slime-balls ass-hats die (or at least not be re-elected). May women know they have their power back and God’s supports us.

Siva Hir Su

Drop Grandpa Off, he’ll figure it out eventually.

So when did this culture we live in decide that if you are feeble, weak, or ill (of any age), you should just be shoved into a care facility and be forgotten about? Better yet, why?

The group of people I work with are all feeble, weak, or ill. They however they are not necessarily incompetent to make decisions. Some of my dementia patients might not be qualified to make decisions regarding their care or medication, but even most of those could tell you what belongings they wanted to keep and which ones could have gone to their family. Because when I’m working with them, that is usually the topic of discussion. Why did they just leave me here with this stuff? They could have kept that china hutch, or that chair or gotten rid of my button up shirts, but I really wanted my books or my photo albums or my pull over shirts. I’ve had thousands of conversations like that over the last 4 years.

Why? Because our society has made it OK. When Grandma gets too old to cook for herself or keep her house clean, it’s now OK to just take her out for the day, while movers and/or other family pick and choose what gets moved into the nursing home. Then when the day is over Grandma gets taken to her new apartment to never leave again.

I know this to be true because I have witnessed it over and over again. In fact in over 4 years I can count on my hands, the number of people that have told me they willingly went and told their family what to move for them or what to do with what didn’t get moved. That’s out of 8 nursing homes and 4 years of service. Wow, just wow. It boggles my mind.

I have worked with people from 45 to 108, and almost all of them were dropped off without any consultation. They had no choice, no say in the matter. They didn’t get to choose what building, what services, what clothes to take, or what furniture to take.  I have had a very few that were able to persuade their families to make changes after the fact, but even that is rare, and usually related to facility concerns, not necessarily belongings.

Why? If someone is having trouble physically, but their mind is still mostly ok- WHY on earth, WHY doesn’t it get put into certain terms and laid out in a way that Grandma or Grandpa can provide their two cents worth. Is it really that hard, or is it that families just don’t care about their supposed loved ones anymore?

I simply don’t understand why children or grandchildren can’t just sit down and explain: “Look, you are having trouble, we want to help, but can’t do it ourselves. We’d (like for/insist that) you to move into a building that can help, and we want for you to help us decide where, and then what you wish to do with all of your belongings. Which ones to take and what to do with the rest.” Is that really so hard?

Beyond that, once the initial decisions are made, it becomes about the family makes all decisions, and never consults with what grandma wants. I believe that when someone crosses the bridge into managed care (of any level) a solid discussion about living and death should be discussed and documented into wills. I have told my husband already (I’m 33) that if I am ever in a state where I can’t feed myself, toilet myself, clean myself, or talk- that I want all medications except pain killers removed, and pain killers to be increase until there is no evidence of discomfort- at any cost or risk of side-effects. I have yet to document it in a formal living will, but I am set on doing so. Yet hundreds of thousands of elderly are in just that state and their families keep allowing enough blood thinners, heart meds, and psych/dementia drugs to keep them alive and in that state. I  sincerely believe that that is essentially pure evil disguised as ignorance and apathy.

Sadly, most of my people are elderly, however, there is a group of younger disabled people that are dealt with the same way.  IF their family believes their plight, they get shuttled away and ignored because they are simply too much to handle or deal with. At worst they are being selfish, or are simply labeled as hypochondriacs, which is even sadder because if I’m working with them, then that is so very far from the truth. It boggles my mind how families can now treat each other with such blatant disrespect. Children to parents, parents to children, brother and sisters. I just simply don’t understand it.

This topic probably bothers me so much right now, because my family has done so with me. They have written me off, either because I married an older black man, or because that man then had heart trouble that resulted in financial trouble and I didn’t leave him. Either way, it disgusts and utterly frustrates me. How can people be so heartless with their own family, their own flesh and blood? I simply just don’t understand.