Tag Archives: distrust

Everyone finally cares.

I have been focusing very intently to pull up lately, and have had to resort to various herbal aids. So this will be the first of several posts that were inspired in that process. This was the result of the lower vibrations, feeling some futility and anger. Subsequently as my vibration climbed I thought of other topics to write about. I started each topic as the thought occurred, so I’ll get them done and up as quickly as I’m able to.

My thyroid is bouncing all over despite taking my Armour doses. My blood sugars are uncontrollable and inflammation is rampant, despite doing all the things that used to work. I have been doing EVERYTHING right, and I’m taking all of my supplements plus several new ones, especially for the sugar battle. I’m still strictly AIP, and mostly seaweed and celery, I’ve even managed to cut back on frequency of lapses/oopses. I’ve had a super-humanly-clean 6 months. Additionally, I don’t feel very stressed, so it all points to my body’s still, or again, trying to fight something, or several somethings, off.

I suspect it’s a combination of that chronic Epstein-Barr-Virus battle (undiagnosed for 20+ years) and Covid. I’m not active Covid, but ever since catching mystery virus (testing wasn’t available here when I was told I had an unknown virus), I’ve had more trouble in general this past 12 months.

It doesn’t help that my awareness includes Covid living casualties.

One of my clients is what is being deemed a Long-Hauler, being he tests negative but still has multiple symptoms that are nagging him almost two months later. Some of his symptoms overlap with my thyroid woes and the extra anomalies I have faced this year. I also have an acquaintance/friend that has reported similar long-term problems from her known Covid case.

Beyond that my whole family is struggling long-term with spaciness, sluggishness, and brain fog. My son who faired the worst with mystery virus infection, has now begun having more significant lapses. Essentially, he has been having functional blackouts. One almost caused him harm. He was caught by Nathan entering our neighbors backyard in socked feet with their dogs barking at him. He didn’t realize where he was or how he had gotten there. It’s very disheartening and concerning.

Chronic viral infections wasn’t a concern on anyone’s radar until Covid, and I still have no idea why.

Even for AIDS and Hep B we have expensive cocktails to manage symptoms and reduce viral load, but no true fix. And I’ve been saying the entire Covid journey, that it boggled my mind how people were so upset about a new disease when we’ve done nothing for existing viral diseases. I’ve said the entire time that vaccines only pretend to protect people from some diseases. Between vaccine fails of a wide variety, and the fact that a vaccine is impossible to produce until much after a disease has already begun to spread, they simply don’t truly protect us. Also, there are numerous diseases that vaccines have never been created for, Epstein-Barr being just one, and bonus we now know it is very hazardous long-term for many.

I am beginning to think that Covid is the new Epstein-Barr. I shudder to think how many people will endure long-term woes for years before true solutions are developed, especially since western medicine is still full of greedy bastards enjoying making money off of our fears and symptoms. As long as the system allows them to make so much money off of treating symptoms alone, they will have no incentive to create real lasting solutions.

When we can solve computer viruses better than human viruses, there’s a major problem. See the incentive there was we had begun to rely on our computers for everything, and if they had gone down we’d all have been screwed. Even computer manufacturers relied on their own devices, and would have been mamed if solutions for electronic viruses had not been developed.

Yet, after approximately 100 years of study on biological viri, we still have no real true permanent solution for human viruses, which means there is no incentive for pharma to solve it.

Perhaps if Covid is really behaving like Epstein-Barr, then maybe everyone will begin to understand that it is imperative to find a kill switch for viral infections. I would have thought AIDS and Hep B would have done that, but apparently not enough people caught those diseases.

Or maybe it’s not the quantity of people, but who. Maybe it needs to become an issue for all of the elite, all of the CEOs and upper management of pharma. Maybe then we’ll actually see change and real solutions.

We need real treatment(s) to help find actual health and kill chronic disease. It’s not a new problem, but perhaps enough people, or the right people, will finally get it and work towards finding the real solutions.

Finally, I want to add my two cents on progress vs failure. Western medicine will finally produce more true healing options for all diseases, or it will fail. People have begun to distrust doctors to do their jobs, clinics to help when they don’t feel right/well, and pharma to make anything that actually works permanently. Western medicine knows they’re loosing too many. People no longer trust them to do what’s right. The masses have begun to notice the greed machine pasting temporary bandages on symptoms, knowing the bandage will only last so long before it will need replaced by the next best option.

People now know their options are limited. I myself have come to the point that if all I’m doing is managing symptoms, what does it matter if it’s herbs or prescription drugs. Either way it’s not going to fix anything and I might as well give in completely, at least that way I can enjoy what life I do have. The manage symptoms game is not only futile, requiring constant adjustments, it’s ultimately it’s a shit ton of work to get nowhere and thus pointless.

Anyway, if there are any other long term major failures, then Western Medicine will have lost trust with too many people. People will simply start walking away from the expensive useless symptom management game. Allopathic medicine is balancing on a ledge that could easily lead to systemic bankruptcy. The only way for the system to be salvaged is for the parts to work as a whole and actually produce long-term solutions beyond symptom management. But that’s just my observation.


For now I choose to focus on the positives. I focus on the fact that my physical size is smaller. My skin is shrinking, so even though it still sags from weight loss, it’s no where near as floppy as when I initially lost weight. I no longer have allergy bumps in odd places. I no longer have the red ruddy cheeks I grew up with. My muscles are stronger than ever, and in many ways my visible appearance is improving significantly. I still have beautiful soft hair, and my thyroid is managed well enough that I’m no longer loosing my hair. I can handle full time massage therapy work with a manageable amount of discomfort. In general I usually feel better than in my past. I’m able to workout most days and that helps me feel even better. In fact, I’ve exercised all but 6 of the last 30 days. I am doing EVERYTHING right, and that has to count for something, so I’ll ignore what’s not in alignment yet, with the assumption that it’ll get there eventually, one way or another.

May you have better luck and more trust in Western Medicine than I do. May you find, and be able to afford, options that can solve your problems for real. May you have reachable, life affirming, choices within reach. May you know you are healthy in every way possible. May you know you have many days left to live and have all the reasons to keep living. May you know that your love and magic can conquer all. May you know that more than anything, God loves and supports you in all that you do, and regardless of your ability to get your body in full vibrational alignment.

Om Shanti

Spiritual peekaboo.

It seems I’m having difficulty trusting myself.

It’s not that I don’t ever, but it fluctuates, and with interpersonal relationship hiccups it seems I’m floating in the distrust spectrum. Working on that, but definitely hesitant because of my failures in recent history.

Yet today one of my residents with MS, whom has a very plain-Jane super common American name, told me that her middle name was Reghandi (I’m spelling that based on the sound and my vocabulary awareness). I suspected it was another instance of a resident picking up on a message for me, so I asked staff what her middle name really was. The only problem is that none of them knew her real middle name, or at least that they would relinquish to me. So now I’m not sure.

All I do know is that the last 5 years I thought I was getting better at translating energetic information. Yet nearly every time I say something to someone about what I’m getting, I’m essentially told that I’m completely wrong. For a while I only said things if I was feeling very certain and like I was getting pushed into saying something. Now I can’t even bring myself to do that.

The last few times stung too badly, and I’m gun-shy.

I tell myself that they are either in denial, or that I freaked them out, or that I was scary accurate about something they’d rather hide. It helps to not completely hate on myself, but the doubt is there nonetheless.

So now with things like my lady’s random off the wall comment about her middle name, I’m not sure whether it means anything for real or not.

I now feel like my intuition is a bunch of B-S and I spend all day apologizing to myself and trying to ignore all of my twinges. I have very much withdrawn in a lot of ways, and it’s starting to affect my mood. Of course, not having taken any significant time for me in the last 2 months isn’t helping either. Merh, what can you do?

Finally, I have completely given up on relationships for now. I’ve decided that my heart already gives love to so many people, who could care less, that I’d rather not add any more to that. There’s options for me to do so, but I’m coming to terms with loving things/people that I can’t seem to align with, despite my best efforts. I’d rather just have the ones that are already in my heart, so I’m doing my best to figure out how to release the faulty programming/beliefs that led to this connundrum to begin with. Maybe I can fix the alignment issue and not have to start over. I just don’t know, doubts cloud that as well.

May you all trust your intuition even when you’re told otherwise. May you know what’s good for you and understand energetic input. May you know what to say and how to act with all of it. May you find the alignment you seek. May you feel accepted as yourself. May you feel the love in regards to both yourself and others. May you feel supported.

Siva Hir Su

Follow Up on yesterday’s post.

I believe you’ll find this interesting. I know I did. Sadly it was included as part of one of my CEU classes. If we’re teaching that this is an issue, why is the medical industry so slow to change? My hypothesis- profit, milking the american people (or anyone believing western medicine).