Tag Archives: divine guidance

Being selfish.

I have conceded again, that anything I have desired involving other people is pointless, because invariably they have their own hot mess that I can’t solve.

I can’t make anyone do anything, and now I know that I can pull up when their actions sting, even when there are layers and layers of sting.

I can only help myself be a better person, no matter what.

I can only help myself feel better, no matter what.

I know I can do anything that I choose to do.

I know I am very capable of a wide array of skilled activities.

I know I am skilled enough to learn anything I don’t already know. I am skilled enough to do many great things.

I have been responsible for many people and over many years. I have done everything I was supposed to do, be it based on parental or societal dictations. I’ve even learned how to best care for myself.

I am capable. I am intelligent. I am strong. I am good at everything I choose to do.

I have even learned to controll my emotions. It takes me less time, every time I do it. I know how to find happy, and it’s getting quicker and quicker.

I am enough.

I like feeling good. I appreciate this healing. My whole family deserves the same healing.

I have been fully responsible.

Now what?

I don’t know.

I see the fallacy of my childhood dreams, my idea of perfection is nearly impossible because it would require attempting to control others. The magic lies in letting the divine orchestrate the details.

My problem now lies in that; letting go of my dreams completely carries an emptiness of my own role, I don’t need to orchestrate my Atira, in just such a way. I have accomplished an ability to find peace and happiness no matter what. I have accomplished an ability to see all of the unconditional elements I desired, in my current place of now. Knowing I can work myself towards feeling better, feeling good, and seeing all of the basic desires manifested, leaves me feeling goal-less.

There is nothing I yearn for. There is nothing I desire. There is nothing that I feel is missing or needing accomplished. I can’t even label anything that I really want anymore.

There are some silly things like places to travel to, or things to do, but there is nothing I really desperately want. Pretty much everything has lost its draw.

I am okay with whatever. The Divine can decide for me, no matter what that means. I finally feel like I’ve detached from everything. Nothing is necessary, nothing is vital, and nothing even stands out as a major interest. I am open to anything or nothing, whichever God and Goddess dictate. Death does not scare me, and I’m already living in a crazy stupid world, full of chaos and negativity, so I obviously can handle that. Perhaps there is some other option, if so I’m open to it. Whatever the divine chooses for me.

May you find your peace. May you find full healing. May you see your loved ones healed as well. May you know that everything you need already is here. May you see everything you want and desire in your current reality. May you sense the empty expansion of letting the divine take over and decide for you. May you feel your infinite self and know that God loves and supports you in all that you do. May you trust the divine and allow it to decide for you, even if that might mean death is imminent. May you know that God knows more than you possibly can and will choose the best way for you.

Be still
And know that
I
am
God

First do no harm
So mote it be

Om Shanti

Where’s the magic? Revisited.

I thought about the end of the new reboot of She-Ra. I won’t spoil it except for noting that her reason to stay, to fight, was the magic of love. It was enough to conquer overwhelming odds.

Yet, just two posts ago, I wrote of the magic of our world and how it is missing (and in some cases being manipulated).

There is the magic of focused thought and the magic of love. Both can move mountains and change the world. Both are obviously absent in the majority of the masses.

Fast forward to this evening. I had a long winding thought journey to get away from external influences. I knew I was being triggered by others again, and was pretty sure of the sources. I’m not going to rehash to journey because I made it through. I cleared the vibration and found my alignment.

My results are, that like She-Ra, I am willing to stay and use all of the magic for good if the magic of love is evident. I know I can overcome fairly overwhelming odds already, I have done it for myself and my family many times over.

Now, I acknowledge that I am deserving of better. I am deserving of those in my world honoring and respecting my being, fully and completely. I am deserving of love shown and focused magical thought from those around me. I am deserving of people that have worked on healing themselves as diligently as I have worked on myself (eliminating addictions and excuses). I am deserving of being surrounded by authentic people who are fully honest with me about who they are and what they feel (I have always been able to tell when someone is lying and there’s some serious truth serum needed in my experience). I am deserving of an accepting environment, where everyone is safe to be themselves and grow on their own journey. I am deserving of a space where people unable to meet those qualities, simply don’t involve themselves, we simply no longer connect and attachments dissolve.

I am so deserving of better things/people in my experience for myself, that I am willing to fully and completely let go. I can stay, or I can go. Whatever God’s guidance dictates. If my current experience can deliver the goods, so to speak, then I will stay and wait for the reveal. If my current experience is unable to deliver, then I will do whatever God’s choice is, including exit life willingly.

Sometimes in our journey we collect so much junk, straight up crap, from sloppy thinking, that the good would be more easily found via exit from current life experiences. I believe my father is there, and honestly keep praying that he relax enough to get that and facilitate that. I believe that is also why, despite efforts to keep elderly alive during Covid restrictions, they are all still checking out (en masse without catching the virus). The more walls on their path, the easier it is to see the only option really is OUT. At that point they just relax enough and it’s done.

I know I have collected a lot of junk over my 37 years of doing and living for others and by others rules and obligations. So, I am honestly not sure where my solution lies. I’m still waiting for the next step answer.

What I do know is that in many aspects in my life, I am certain that I no longer owe anyone anything, nor do they- I.

I have helped many people in many ways, and a large group of them got to take the lazy route because I took responsibility for the load at that moment.

Now it’s my turn.

I deserve better and I have never really been a lazy person, so I think I deserve a taste of what lazy looks like. I deserve enough resources and support to see what lazy is really like. I deserve to see more of the good in this world, here where I already am and everywhere. I deserve more love expressed, from more than just my husband, and if it’s impossible with my current junk, I accept exit.

I leave the decision up to my higher self and God. I love me no matter what the answer.


May you know 100%, your deservedness and your love for self. May you know what you desire. May you be honored and loved in multiple visible ways. May you get to experience all the moments you desire. May you know that you owe nothing to no one, and no one owes you anything either. May you feel your connection to the divine and your positive vibrational alignment. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Stream of consciousness- part 2

When I had the stream of consciousness experience (that produced the statements in bold italics below), I felt like I was having a conversation with my higher-self but masculine side. I had thought responses in the moment that did not initially get typed up. This is my attempt to put words to my immediate thought responses.

The matrix is being redesigned. What do you want it to look like?

I want both. Not necessarily simultaneously, but in conjunction. I want my Atira to grow, my family to grow, and real full life to resume in my universe.

Atira was supposed to be more, and bigger and include more chosen family. I want a closer version of my dreams of Atira. I know it’s already in my vortex, there’s an entire binder written on the details of that desire. I just want more of those pieces to manifest and become evident.

Even more I want society to regain balance. Just like in She-Ra, I want to help restore that balance and encourage positive changes. I want the whole truth about vaccines to be common knowledge, and I apologize in advance if that requires even more people to get hurt for the truth to come out in the open. I want the corruption and greed to be put back in it’s place and mitigated to minimize damages. I want Western medicine to return to “First Do No Harm” and helping people genuinely fully heal. I want symptom management to be replace by disease elimination, bodily healing, and to enable full health for all. I want to be able to see people’s faces, their expressions, and especially smiles again. I want for normal life function to resume acknowledging that we all are taking risks to do that, but that the risks are worth it. I want the relief to our economy to be evident immediately.

I want equality for all, and those against equality to simply fade into oblivion. They can have their opinions quietly in the background, as long as we all have the ability to live our lives as we choose. I also want the war machine to become obsolete and all of the ex warriors to have enough healing to treat everyone as equals. #BLM and #AllLivesMatter, because all lives do matter, but can’t happen when factions wish to keep attacking one another. Peacefulness and co-creative joy amongst all. That’s my desire.

I want to work, but less. I want to help others find healing, but also create beautiful things. I want to have time with my kids and my husband, but also with new friends and a new significant other or two.

I still want to honor my body and give it the exercise and nutrition it desires, but I also want to enjoy what I eat and have ease in choosing foods, and also the time to do other more fun things.

I want time management to be easy and have enough time for all of the elements to fit together correctly and seamlessly.

Above all I want for my own body to fully heal to even make any of those desires possible. To stay on the leading edge I need more energy, less weight, more stamina, and for life to fill every cell in my body. I want negativity, fears, viruses and all other worries to die, and be replaced with healthy fully functional cells, organs, and body parts. I want to feel spectacular so that keeping up with the leading edge is easy. I want to fully understand my gifts like Adora learning She-Ra’s weapon and energy. I want a fullness of experience, and joy and health. I want to ride the best parts of the leading edge for as long as humanly possible.


Are you someone who wants me to stay down with you?
Or are you someone who wants to try and keep up with the changes like I do?

I’m sorry if you want to stay down, I can’t stay with you.
If you want to keep up, we’ll do better if we work with each other.

I want to work together, show me how, tell me how.

I want to keep up with the changes and heal. I want to work together and help bring balance back to my own body and to society.

Help me heal first so that the negatives are easy to spot and solve. Help my brain to find positive healing, rewire and function more optimally on a continual basis.

Help guide me to the right actions and tasks. I feel like I’m already doing so much, and that I am enough, but that perhaps it’s just minor adjustments and your help figuring that out would be another huge blessing.

I am doing my best to allow the healing energy to flow as much as possible, and as strong as possible. If that flow could increase and stay on all the time, I think it would help in more ways than I can fathom. Please help me to accomplish that. I want the healing energy to flow to my own body, cells, organs and tissues because I love myself and I know I deserve the healing. I also want the healing energy to flow to anyone in my experience that is open to receiving it. I want it to powerfully help bring balance in all of my direct experiences and create a ripple that will enable positive healing for a much broader perspective. I want to help God bring light to the darkness we are entrenched in.

Om Shanti and Siva Hir Su

May you all have productive conversations with God. May you know for certain that your inner being fully supports you if you will let it. May you know exactly how to let it.

Om Shanti