Tag Archives: divine guidance

Intuition + Intelligence = Positive Results

I wanted to write about two examples of how my intuition mechanisms work. First, I also need to make an additional note.

I’m struggling right now. I’m weary but managing to cling to functionality. There is not enough of me to handle everything that I am solely responsible for these days. The teen is working to help financially so that she can drive, because I can’t afford full-coverage on a teen on our van for her to drive, it would double our current already-costly adult full-coverage. Yet it means that there is less of her helping at home. I’m doing my level best to navigate dirt, grime, and clutter when my OCD tendencies want to fix it all. Mess literally affects me psychologically. Yet then there’s my body that is doing all the things and not getting but a tiny fraction of assistance in return. If it weren’t for my friend the acupuncturist, a couple of massage trades, and two mats in my body-work tool kit I would be completely dysfunctional. I have aches and pains no one knows about because why bother, especially when there isn’t enough time or resources to truly fix them. I keep hitting walls where my patience runs out and I crash and burn, taking everyone near down with me. My compassion is wearing thin and my body is taking the hit, but there isn’t any way to solve it that I’ve figured out yet. The reason I am including this, is because it’s beginning to impact my intuition, and messages are making less sense, that is when I even get them. It’s a concern, but one I am unable to handle alone, and for whatever reason I am still waiting for divine answers on this. I have been good and done everything I was supposed to my entire adult life, always reaching for how to do those things in a way best befitting my inner self. I have done my level best always. Where is the divine answers I need, the help to navigate this part of my life? No one has an answer for me, I know because I have done my best to ask for help and let answers in, and mostly they seem to complicate or confuse more than solve. I’m doing my best to hold on, but feel like I’m loosing my grip with each moment that passes. Depression has won more than I admit, and my life is once again on the line. When I conceed defeat and make friends with the idea of this being my life for the next decade, it feels like settling for being the looser. I deserve better than that. There has to be something somehow some way to improve this lot. I’m doing my best not to run knowing that running won’t really solve anything either. So in the end I continue as best as I can, praying for better.


For now, I’ll give my examples of how my intuition works when I am in a better state of being.


Example: Horseshoe crab to Copper supplement.

On my trip to Connecticut in May, just after Nathan’s kidneys mandated dialysis, I made it a point to go to the beach. I went on my last day there and saw a horseshoe crab on the beach. I’m pretty sure I wrote about it before, and how I tried to save it a little too late. (My pictures from CT trip are included below.)

The dead crab set off my Spidey senses and I knew somehow there was a reason I came across this creature about to be seagull lunch. So being in the tech age we are, I pulled out my phone and started looking it up right on the beach while walking.

First, I had to make sure I had the correct crab, so I simply typed “horseshoe crab” into Google and looked at images. Correct.

I noticed a picture I thought was someone grilling them, so then I asked Google if they were edible, and found wikipedia information and more about how to cook them.

In that search Google suggested I read about why their blood is special, and I took the nibble. I provided the current Google screenshot of that search in the pictures, because it now includes an article from NatGeo where it might be Covid applicable.

At the original event I simply learned they were studying them in regards to disease and searched further asking Google why scientists were studying their blood. That led me to read this: https://www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/horseshoe-crab-blood-miracle-vaccine-ingredient.html                         and this: https://myfwc.com/research/saltwater/crustaceans/horseshoe-crabs/facts/https://myfwc.com/research/saltwater/crustaceans/horseshoe-crabs/facts/                    along with a few other related articles.

Then I became interested in the copper/LAL connection and the how copper might function in the human body. I asked Google with “copper human body” and got the second screenshot info.

I was hearing the winner buzzer go off in my head. Higher copper levels help many body processes function better, and if your organs are functional your body can regulate to keep levels from getting too high (it’s not one of those risky fat soluble nutrients). Major functions for copper as a nutrient are immune response and metabolism, both of which have been concerns for me. I couldn’t say no. I literally ordered a bottle of a brand I trust from Amazon before boarding my plane flight home.

Once I got home and my bottle arrived I began taking it. At first, my stomach didn’t like it and I learned I had to take it when I was going to eat soon (much like many antibiotics). I also quickly learned that Copper and VitaminC do not absorb well if taken too close together, and that too much VitaminC can deplete Cooper levels in your body. I adjusted accordingly, reducing my VitaminC intake and making sure to take them at different times of the day. After a couple of weeks I noticed a pattern where I would take it for a few days (5 to 6) and then I would feel like absolute shit and not want to take anything into my body, always causing a day of fasting. I decided that I must be experiencing a detox from the die-off of microbes. Once I acknowledged that cycle, I just stuck with it long enough to do it’s job. I’m still taking it for as many days as I can tolerate and giving my body the day or two of rest that is needed to recuperate, but now I’m able to go longer periods before I hit that detox day. I feel like it is slowly helping me to win against my known disease battles.

It is an example of how something seemingly coincidental in my experience, led me to learn helpful information, which then in turn helped me to help myself. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll eventually win because of this intuition driven learning moment.


Example: vaccinated client looses sense of taste/smell to Zinc supplement.

This second example is very similar: I had a day where multiple clients cancelled due to Covid symptoms. I appreciated that they spared me additional exposure, but acknowledged that a couple of them had been vaccinated. My one client is an opthalmologist and he had been very proud of having been one of the first people in the county to receive his vaccine. When he called he indicated he had lost sense of taste and smell, and would not reschedule until he was feeling better.

Once I got over being bummed about losing income that day, I found my Spidey senses causing the question of “Why does it cause people to loose their sense of taste and smell?” I asked Google that question in regards to Covid directly, and was unable to find a clear cut answer.

So I went digging for why someone would loose taste or smell in general.

Via Yale I learned it is called Anosmia. https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/smell-and-taste-disordershttps://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/smell-and-taste-disorders

The Yale article was very helpful because it also gave me a whole list of things that cause it. At the bottom of the list was my BIG clue (thanks Blue). See screenshot below. I knew I had to look further.

So I typed “zinc anosmia” into Google. BAM!!! I found: https://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/Zinc-Health%20Professional/

Zinc is another essential nutrient and one that is not stored in the body at all. Yet, it is a key factor in both immune function and the processes of smell and taste.

So, essentially any disease can deplete zinc levels enough to cause anosmia, and that is why Yale’s list of causes is so long. The upside I discovered is that your senses return as soon as your zinc levels are replenished and maintained.

I immediately remembered having consumed many bags of zinc lozenges in highschool and college after it was touted for it’s immune support. I also remembered that at some point in college I had started taking the individual supplement, and strayed from it when I had been taking a particular expensive multivitamin that had adequate amounts. The multivitamin had been sold by the clinic attached to my massage school and when I finished school I no longer had easy access to it (or the discount price) and switched away from using that particular vitamin, but didn’t re-add zinc as a stand alone.

So just like copper, I have reinstated zinc into my regimen and it does seem to be helping. I am hopeful that both of these intuitive leads will result in great levels of improvement. Only time will tell.


One last moment I want to point out here: Why, if both of these essential nutrients are helpful in battling disease, and at least zinc is known to depleted by Covid, aren’t all doctors (especially TV personalities) reminding people to get adequate amounts of both frequently during these times? The answer is the same answer for most anything medical related. They make more money off of medications and people being sick. They don’t want us to stay well or fight off Covid well because it would limit their profits. Medicine is sick care not well care.


May you have strong intuitive moments that guide you to the information you need. May you know for certain that you have been guided to helpful tools. May you understand intuitive messages always. May you see how information gleaned can be helpful to many. May you always have the support you need and maintain yourself enough to benefit from your intuition. May your intuition based choices benefit you in grand ways and make the challenges worth while. May you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Self-study

Right now I’m taking a short break to wash sheets at the clinic. My brain hurts.

I decided that even though I can’t afford med-school, especially knowing I would argue with teachers frequently, it doesn’t mean I can’t learn what I need to learn, to help Nathan.

He’s struggling again, and needs answers, and I’m determined to make it happen one way or another. So I started with texting his nurse and reading textbooks at my easy access.

At work I have a whole library of medical compendiums at my access thanks to 3 chiropractors, 2 current and one retired.  I started there with “Grey’s Anatomy”, not the stupid show. I’m now on to reading all applicable areas of “Medical Physiology”.

I’m certain I stirred up a rats’-nest with the DaVatia clinic, but the first doctor to get a clue and do their job right is spared if evidence does point to any applicable malpractice moments. Hopefully the DaVita doctor will be that saving grace, she seems nice enough.

I have plenty of books to read (see below) and if all else fails I can go down to UMKC and browse their medical library. I will find out what I need to know, one way or another. It’s too bad that I’m having to play Susan Saradon’s part in ‘Lorenzo’s Oil’. That movie was made in 1992 based on a true story from prior, yet here in 2021 there are still moments where the family cares more than the doctors.

So this is the library at work:

If I don’t find my answers there I will navigate UMKC. Somehow I will find answers. I just hope it it on time to prevent worse trouble for Nathan.

May you never have to battle for proper care. May doctors always do their best to help you. May you know that you are being cared for properly. May you have all the resources you need and find a way to make things right. May you fully understand every challenge in front of you and find solutions easily. May you always be heard and understood. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

My view of Covid

I have been told by Nathan to write about the symptom view of Covid because he swears I have given him a better understanding of how to fight it off and get better. This is that post, and it might end up being long, so I apologize for that.

Covid has all of the physiological symptoms that the news has discussed. However, there is one major symptom that no one has addressed, yet I have watched it in my clients, my friends, my family and myself. It is the main factor that makes me believe it is a chronic infection like my Epstein-Barr battle, essentially becoming a low grade background issue until it wins enough to flare again. It is also the main reason I distrust the system to produce any real results, because if this is happening to those I am connected to, and myself, it is also happening to all medical professionals that caught it early on. It makes it hard to survive let alone fix the problem in a permanent way.

What the hell am I talking about?

Covid has a mental health effect, which seems energetic until it is already winning.

That darkness that I have referenced lately is a part of the disease. It is why I have gotten so focused on prayer and all the positives I know exist. It is also why even though I need to let out the negatives to be able to move past them, I am wary of going into detail knowing my brain is playing tricks on me. I want to be wrong about anything negative, I honestly hope every negative ‘premonition’ I’ve had is false.

Keep in mind any disease wants to live as much as you do. It doesn’t really want to kill you because it knows if the host dies it also does. However, if you get too well, it will also die. It wants you somewhere in the middle: alive but miserable. That is where it flourishes.

So to that end Covid copies your inner thoughts and dialogue enough to confuse you and cause you to distrust your own thoughts and intuition. It causes fear. It leads you to do whatever contributes to enabling disease. It makes you tired and makes you want to sleep as much as possible. It makes you want to eat unhealthy foods. It makes you want to not exercise. It makes you think you are too weak to do otherwise. It makes you want to do all the wrong things and convinces you that the good and fun things are too much effort. It maximizes every weakness that you have and uses them against you. It scares you, angers you, frustrates you and leaves you feeling like anything good or enjoyable isn’t worth the effort.

My mom was raised military, and fortunately raised me to have the awareness that sometimes you just have to. Sometimes, if you know it’s the right thing to do, you just have to make yourself do it. That sentiment has literally saved me battling this disease.

I’m going to give multiple examples from my viewpoint as well as Nathan’s and a few of my clients. (Sorry for the lengthiness.) I’ll mark the beginning of each with an asterisk to denote one example from another, in case the description takes multiple paragraphs.

*I was in the middle of a massage last week, trucking along great and feeling good. Suddenly I felt weak and tired, seemingly out of nowhere. I started repeating “I’m stronger than this, I have plenty of energy” after a few minutes of that the weakness subsided and I was back to full functioning.

* I knew I needed to get back into my exercise routine and forced myself to go. All the while my brain was trying to tell me I didn’t have time, I should be at home catching up chores, or making dinner. Then once I got to the gym, it was like the weakness returned. I felt like my body weighed tons and it was so much effort to just move. Again I kept repeating “I am stronger than this, I have more energy than this, this is not mine, I have endurance and I am healthy.” Eventually I felt the effects of the exercise kick in and the negatives stopped, my strength and endurance returned almost immediately at that point.

*When I had the negatives come up about someone I care for and suspecting suicide, I acknowledged it could be the same thing. That maybe it was creating a scenario to confuse me and cause fear. It was just close enough to my inner dialogue, and of dialogue when I do get genuine psychic messages, that I wasn’t sure. I literally began sending prayers of healing and it began to loose impact. Then I started repeating “Bring the light to the source of the darkness. Heal the darkness.” While visualizing a candle banishing a dark cloud like a scene from the show ‘Supernatural’. That combination enabled me to clear the other side and find my stability again.

*I had a moment where I knew I needed to do things to support the household but I just wanted to lay around. I had to convince myself to do the things that needed done and in gaps between things I chose to cuddle with my kids watching their shows, instead of sleeping the day away. I made myself find the compromise and keep moving and doing and it worked.

*I have had moments where I get super tired out of nowhere, or I’m tired when I first wake up. Those moments it simply doesn’t make sense at all and I know something is off. Every time that I recognize it, I’m able to talk myself back to feeling energized and we’ll rested.

If I don’t recognize those moments they snowball very fast and lead to crash moments where my emotions get the better of me. If I crash emotionally then almost every time I also begin to feel unwell. Fortunately once the sensations of being unwell kick in I know I missed an early battle and I fight twice as hard in every way (thoughts, foods, supplements, activities) to pull out of it.

* I have had massive cravings for things that were my last items to be eliminated due to addiction or denial. I crave chocolate and sweets and breads and all the carbs. I know that I am healthier without them, and feel much better without them. When I loose the battle and consume something like that, I notice in a big way that the negative loop gets even stronger and even harder to fight. Yet when I manage to talk myself out of them I feel great. When I go several days without them I feel so much clearer and more focused and like I am able to stay in front of the symptoms better.

*Long periods of rain have been a trigger for these thoughts and a general feeling of unwell. This year has been particularly rainy for the Kansas City area, having had well over 20 inches of rainfall. I noticed every time it rained for more than 3 days I would be fighting harder and longer to kick the negatives and mildly sick feelings. Initially I thought it was my mold allergy, and chalked it up as such for quite a while. Yet the last time we had such a rainy streak the mold count had dropped due to prior heat and I was still facing symptoms. I now sincerely feel like it is the negative loop of Covid preying on my dislike of prolonged rainy weather, especially since it doesn’t happen when it is short lived rain. I have no dislike for intermittent rain storms because I know they help plants grow. Short periods of rain are not a weakness for me.

* I have had many moments where in a gap of available time, I was faced with the reality that I needed to do one of several things and indecision hit me. In those moments I would acknowledge that the indecision was going to mean I didn’t accomplish any of them. Once I realized that, I would pick the easiest thing to do, and especially if it would accomplish a moment of self-care for me. Once I started the activity of choice I would begin to feel relief in more ways than just what that activity accomplished normally.

* I explained this a week or two ago, but when Nathan was sick and sleeping every day away, I hit a moment with him where I kinda verbally kicked him in the ass. I told him that if he didn’t start making himself do things and eat that he would just waste away and die. My conversation with him was the nudge he needed and he began to slowly improve. He made himself do what I said and it worked.

* Nathan has admitted that photography, his love and joy that started in highschool, has been a challenge because his brain has been trying to convince him it isn’t worth the time and effort. He can expound on that himself, but I’ve noticed it isn’t just the photography, is all the things he once enjoyed.

* Nathan has talked about his walks and how on one hand he knows it will help and that he has regained enough strength to do so, but on the other hand he feels weak and powerless. He says he has to talk himself through every step, and push himself just a bit more each time. Yet they are beginning to enable him to get back to normal and they are even helping his blood pressure normalize.

*My one client that has really bad long-haulers because he had Covid before and after being vaccinated, has told me similar things about wanting to sleep all the time and having to talk himself into getting up and doing things. He has also commented that everything seems futile and like he doesn’t know why he is here still. He had a minor work injury recently and commented that his brain tried to turn it into something much worse, he literally had to convince himself to take care of the bruises and get care for himself. It was a challenge to just function and process the incident. He has also commented on a lack of desire to even go to work, but knows he has to, so he talks himself into that daily as well.

*Another client that has had Covid is nearing retirement and she has to convince herself daily to keep doing her job and stay on the plan she laid out for herself several years ago. She fights a desire to just sell her house early and run away to some distant place to retire and lay around doing nothing. She says that isn’t her, even once she retires she had a huge plan to travel and see places she’s never been. She still wants that, but every day seems to be more and more challenging to stay on track. She’s constant having to work at making it okay.

So because of all of those examples, which really is the top of a huge iceberg of things I’ve noted and discussed with people, I have come to my understanding which makes the law of attraction push and Abraham’s constant nudging make sense.

I generally feel like every time I have a moment of my own weakness or my own dislike of something, Covid uses it as launching ground to regain a foothold on my mental health. If I don’t compensate quick enough and do something right and good and/or enjoyable then Covid tries to regain strength and reflare. That being said I have only had one instance of true full reflare with the Delta variant that didn’t show on testing, and it only managed to give me that 2 week sinus infection. I feel like I have mostly managed to keep it at bay and keep control of it, but my goal is to eliminate it all together. I am perfectly okay with pulling up high enough that it dies. To that end I simply know I must think my way out of every weakness I carry. I must logic myself out of fear, anger, frustration and every other negative that impacts me as frequently as possible. I must connect to my inner being and feel the difference between my inner knowing and that darkness of untruth as much as possible. That is how I stay ahead of it and it is how I feel better and find healing. It was the path before COVID-19, but now it is imperative to stick to it every moment of every day, because it is the battle ground where Covid easily overtakes your mind and creates more dis-ease and disease.

Abraham and others have been harping on that concept for years now, and it all makes sense now. The other side saw this coming and tried to warn us and give us the tools. If you know the tools then you better be using them, it’s your chance at survival and your chance to thrive. If you don’t know the tools, then you better learn them quick. Anyone that doesn’t keep up will eventually perish, this is a wicked disease that will eat you from the inside out because of your weaknesses and negative patterns. You must heal yourself, medicine cannot do it for you when this mental space is the driving force.

May you know your weaknesses and overcome them. May you understand the patterns of disease. May you see exactly how to heal yourself for certain. May you have evidence that you are on the right track and winning the war. May you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti