Tag Archives: divine influence

A birth through seaweed.

Not literal.

I was asking God how to solve the slowness of my desire to birth a new me. I acknowledged everything I have done and asked if a miracle was possible. I heard a yes. I simply asked how and listened for my response. This is what God’s answer was for me.

The birth:

I am coming up on 9 months since I re-cleaned up my act and went strict. 9 months since I upped my anty and added things I previously hadn’t utilized. I’m ready for a birth. A birth of a new healed and thin me.

Like birth, this experience apparently needs to be uncomfortable for me for a short period. The kind of uncomfortable that makes you really, really appreciate the end results. The kind of uncomfortable that walks right up to worst case scenario without actually taking you there. The kind of uncomfortable that shows you what you can handle without actually breaking you.

I was reminded that humans don’t actually have to eat every day. I was reminded of Ghandi’s  21 day fast, and that he began it much thinner than I currently am. I was reminded of Siddhartha’s journey into asceticism. I was reminded of biblical fasts: forced- both by captures or environmental causes, and chosen- through devoutness. God pointed out that though it is uncomfortable to our experience of life, it is possible and does force our body to release anything that is not vital to our existence, including all of the hidden pieces trapped within (toxins in cells, and the energetic junk trapped in muscles and fat cells- bad muscle memories). The longer the fast the more is released. Once satisfaction is reached, someone in my position can simply choose to resume eating as normal, knowing the goal has been met and healing is complete.

The seaweed:

God reminded me of the story from the Bible where Israelites escape the pharaoh’s army in the Book of Exodus to survive on Mana/God’s bread rained from heaven. This Mana is described in multiple places in the Bible and many people and scientists have speculated on it’s actual substance from moss to spirulina to a variety of seaweeds.

God then reminded me of the Tibetan monk that is claimed to have lived for 300 years on a moss found in his cave, and he had so much Chi/Qi (energy) that he was able to leave his handprint on the cave walls.

Then I saw my seaweed in my mind. I have already acknowledged that when I eat seaweed I feel satisfied and have plenty of energy. I was told my seaweed is the monks moss, it is the Mana of God for me.

The answer:

I have already done juice fasts several times in the past, one running almost 2 months. I am no stranger to fasting. They don’t kill me, and this is just a new variation inspired by God as my answer to birthing a new me more quickly. I am up for trying it. It is time for the baby of myself to be born. I am ready.

I fully understand that this is not a requirement. I do not have to fast. I do not have to be uncomfortable. However, my desire for a new me is so strong that waiting for months and months and months causes very resistant thought. I am ready to leap the momentum hurdle and make the final sprint to the finish line. I am actually okay with the thought of this fast. I does feel less resistant than waiting longer and longer. I am okay discovering my limits. I am okay learning how much I can handle. I am ready to let God heal me and teach my body how to live fully. I am ready for this birth to be in this way. Seaweed will help me birth a new me and that is okay.

I am ready to be ready to be ready. -Abraham Hicks

May you be ready to be ready. May you have your inspired answers. May you know God is trying to help you. May you birth the healing you have been fostering. May you clear momentum hurdles easily. May you have success in all your endeavors. May you have plenty of energy and feel great in your body. May you feel God’s love and guidance. May you know you are safe regardless of what you choose. May you always find the least resistant answer and thought.

Siva Hir Su

Astounding Relief

The short and long of it.

First the short…

Last night I got into a proverbial knock down, drag out argument with my father. I yelled A LOT. My dad yelled some but would not budge, apologize, or relinquish that his beliefs were hurtful. He barely acknowledged things I expected more from him on, especially when I told him of the molestation as a child.

Apparently God wanted this moment to happen. It was triggered while my inhibitions were laxed and I responded with all of my being. In the midst of all of it I kept feeling guidance on what to say and how to point things out. Towards the end of it, before I gave up and went to bed I heard God loud and clear. “That is why he is dieig, he refuses to budge and refuses to reach for better.” I had just responded to dad’s “I can’t change who I am”, with an emphatic “you are making that choice”. Then after God’s input I told him what God said and went to bed.

The argument covered all of his hurtful behaviors and actions. He justified it all with those are just things we disagree on. Everything from his racist behavior, to Trump support, to gender and sexual descrimination. At one point I spoke of his desire to keep women from having abortions. I pointed out that if I had been only a few years older when I was molested it could have produced a child. I pointed out Katherine’s conception when things were so bad and I had no solutions. I said if you want to revoke the right to abortion, then how on Earth do you solve those problems. He had no answer and didn’t care to find one, only make an excuse for his steadfastness.

Once I gave up and went to bed, Nathan took over trying to reason with him, the unreasonable. I sat and listened to a message notification that fit precisely and was God congratulating me. Then I meditated to my liquid mind Pandora station.

I thanked God so much and explained I loved God and I could now clearly differentiate God from my father or anyone for that matter. I saw God’s hand in bringing Nathan into my life to make up for all which lacked with my father. It was a strongly intense conversation with God, ending with a knowing that my father will not fully understand until he has his croaking experience, but that once on the other side he will get it all and be a better Father than he ever was alive. I also had a much stronger knowing of ME.

The long of it.

I now see every last thing that my father taught and continues to demonstrate. I saw every last hurtful thing he ingrained in me and could see God’s version. It was so freeing and healing for me. My body lit up with God’s light and I felt the healing in every part of me that needed it.

  • God does not put guns in people’s hands for protection or food, people put guns in each other’s hands for killing, based on war/control and fear.
  • We don’t have to shoot animals to eat. God provides fruits and vegetables and fish that can be caught or gathered by hand or with simple tools.
  • God does not molest or rape, men do. And when man takes advantage of woman, God is okay with whatever the woman needs to heal, no matter what, whether it means abortion or yelling at a dieing father. A woman taking her power back is okay with the divine.
  • God does not hurt people, people hurt people.
  • God does not discriminate for any reason, people do.
  • God loves women for their beauty, for their strength, for their compassion for humanity.
  • God wanted me to find my knowing and fully heal and it felt really good. I feel 20 pounds lighter of anger, frustration, and feelings of rejection.
  • My father demonstrated repeatedly for my entire life that women are objects to look at, scrutinize, use as sexual objects or toys, and own. Women are beautiful creatures that bring us all into the world, without them a man could not exist. We deserve every ounce of honor, respect, recognition, and understanding. Women deserve to be heard and be treated equally. Women are free to choose. Women are deserving of the easy path, and of all the love and more. Women deserve full healing, and if that means the old dies then that is okay.
  • My father always demonstrated that I could never do things right, I was not beautiful, my choices were always wrong, and he was the only one that could make correct decisions, I must listen to the man. I took my power back. I am perfect just the way I am. I am smart, I am capable, I can make good decisions for me and my loving family, and I deserve to be honored and respected. Men can and will listen to women for a change, or the human race will quickly dwindle.
  • My father has demonstrated racism through my entire life. From Confederate flags, to calling black people niggers, to threatening to shoot a black man at a gas station over loud music, to refusing to acknowledge Nathan as a loving partner. He refuses to see how that is a hurtful choice and is okay making excuses for his behaviors. Last night after presenting Nathan to my father in a blunt matter-of-fact way about all of his good qualities my dad refuses to acknowledge, I said “Nathan is the kind loving man that I needed as a child and you failed to be”. God knows I needed Nathan. God loves and accepts Nathan. God supports me having Nathan and will never send me someone that can’t see that. I know that after my father croaks he will see God’s perspective.
  • God provides us a middle path. There is never this or that, there is never only two ways to do something. There is always infinite possibility, and only human choice of perspective limits possibilities. We need to allow ourselves as a race to allow for more possibilities. Our country has more than two parties to choose from, and there is still even a possibility that Bernie could still be elected and win. God can help fix all of the division if we all agree to allow him. Hold with your heart what you want to happen in our world and God will align everything. If your heart can’t hold it then it isn’t reaching for better, it’s just trying to not get worse. As a nation and world we deserve better.
  • God wants us to know without a doubt that we have choices and infinite possibilities.
  • God wants us to know we are loved and we all deserve the easy path.
  • God wants us to know we have rights and those rights must be honored and respected for all.
  • Yelling has it’s place and can lead to healing as long as one moves on once release is gained.
  • Clinging to old beliefs prevents us from living full healthy lives.
  • If beliefs are hurtful to others then God and your higher self want you to reach for better and if you refuse it will cause the end of your life.
  • I have changed, I yelled and screamed and made points, but never lost my connection to God. I was reaching for better. I was trying to get my father to understand, but more I was taking my power back and proving to myself that his hurtful beliefs were not mine and not God’s. I was honoring myself and my husband in the strongest most vocal way possible, and God loved me for it.
  • I allowed myself real healing and could feel God’s touch in my body.
  • I respect people, even my father to a degree, but more I respect myself.
  • I love my father- dysfunction and all, but more I love myself.
  • I let it all out and let myself move on, and God let me know it is okay.
  • My heart is more open than it has been in decades and I am so very grateful for it and God’s grace.
  • I know I am deserving of love, and especially someone that accepts Nathan as part of my life.
  • I am deserving of being heard and understood.
  • The whole world is deserving of equality and the old dieing and taking their damage with them. It is time for a great healing purge worldwide.
  • Every person alive needs to make a habit of asking themselves: “How does God see this, and does that mean I need to change and reach for better?”
  • Love is more important than anything else in this world, and sometimes that means putting that which is right and putting yourself first at all costs.

May you find your path to intense healing moments a bit easier than I did. May you know and hear God guiding you. May you know God supports your growth and reaching for better regardless of what that looks like. May you know you are loved, heard, understood, and supported in multiplicity. May you clear rough patches knowing God guided you through them. May you know your better choices are okay, and if you don’t like the results you can try again. May you know you are perfectly imperfect in God’s eyes. May you feel God’s love always.

Siva Hir Su

Lessons of unconditional

I woke this morning, having gotten to sleep in a little, and found my husband’s hand. I held his hand, still sleeping heavily he didn’t notice tears start to fall. They were tears of mixed emotions, both happy and sad.

I love my husband very much, and his greatest failure was that he loved deeply and had his heart hurt. The tears were because I was feeling the love for him and wanting to heal the hurts we both carry.

He loved several times over, and each one ended with him being in sorrow, because relationships ended in unpleasant ways. His already hurt heart, became broken when the mother of his first child left him and took their baby. The ensuing divorce and years of traveling just to see his little girl turned heartbreak into a damaged vessel. His physical heart bore the weight of the trauma in now physical ways.

When we married I tired to help him find healing, but western medicine and “disability” only seemed to make matters worse, especially financially. Yet they did keep him alive to keep trying and maybe find healing. I had hoped when his ex passed away from cancer, that full custody would help heal his wounds. It seemed to help, but his heart turned to focus on his inability to support.

Subsequent children were similar. Reasons to love and live, but more reasons to doubt himself and his abilities and role.

Now we both are seeing our own flaws and doing our best to heal internal emotional wounds. We have hope. God seems to be trying to guide us to real healing. We keep seeing how we are hindering ourselves and allowing ourselves to continue to carry hurts. Because of inspired interactions, following the rabbit hole, we are gaining understanding.

For me, I see his journey and its connection to my health concerns. I know they are linked, even more than appears on the surface. I know that I feel like I let him down further: I bore children for him out of love, and even though I didn’t leave; each pregnancy broke me emotionally, taxed my system too much, and caused similar traumas. Additionally, I want to love like he has, but I’m afraid of getting hurt. I want to experience polyamory in it’s fullness, but I’m afraid that I will lose sight of the unconditional aspect and allow myself further hurts. Our previous failed relationships have already hurt enough, I’m afraid to really allow what I want to arrive. I let doubt and fear and frustration over my own failures cloud the path to better. The fears obscure my solutions.

It is layers upon layers and I unravel one layer to have another appear. Ultimately I just want that full healing solution for us both.

I know part of that is I need to SEE us both healed.

I want to see him like when he was younger. Virile, strong, slender, passionate and healthy in many ways. He worked hard and did his best, but still had fun. That was the man I fell for, the one before the heartache, before his wife and girlfriend left.

At the same time I want to see myself as I’ve never been. Healthy, completely well, slender and strong. I want my skin to shrink, especially where I’ve lost weight, and be just like the firm beautiful skin that I have on my arms and back. The thoughts of those elements feels good, but I’m having trouble seeing it as a whole me.

I explained to Nathan and another friend, that I have two distinctly different mental images. In my mind I see the fat woman I have been for so long, since I was about 13. Then there is that mental image of Shiva. Slender, strong, but most definitely a man. That divine image/energy has helped me through many difficulties and helped me be strong when I thought I couldn’t. It helped me support a family on my own, and find masculine energy when it was needed. Yet it isn’t the slender woman I want to be. So I have this strange dichotomy. Two drastically different images, one doesn’t match my gender and the other doesn’t match my very slowly shrinking body.

Pile on top of that a sense I’ve had for decades that the real me is trapped inside this heavy body. I sometimes have a sense of tunnel vision like wearing a huge stuffed costum.

How does one see their loved one in the best light when there is a decade of less than desired memories? How does one see oneself as a slender very healthy looking woman when there are 3 decades of the opposite and two drastically different mental images?

I know it is a lesson of unconditional. Abraham has been doing their best to guide me and remind me frequently. I know I feel my vortex often and I want to allow the things I know are there. Again I find myself in the catch of not being a monk, someone with nothing but time to meditate.

I know there are loving partners in my vortex. I know at least one or two people of my previous energetic connections are likely to circle back around, either as their original selves or a God given substitute. I know that it is possible for both Nathan and I to find our ideal wholely healed selves. I know it is possible for us both to look and feel good. I know that we can have our both moments and all the things we desire.

It is my responsibility to find my unconditional loving self more frequently and find a way to SEE all of it. That alone is what is needed to allow all of my desires. I know I have done it before, and I know I can do it with this too. It may just take more practice on these subjects. I’m willing to give it my best, and I hope the divine will continue to help me reach for these things. I do look forward to figuring it out and seeing the manifestations match my thought forms. Hopefully I will master these elements more quickly than previously manifested aspects.

May you find a way to your unconditional self. May you love your potential and your already manifested progress. May you find a way to SEE what has previously been difficult. May you know you are in the right track. May you have the ability to focus only on the positives. May you enjoy life more than not. May you sense your vortex mostly and be unbothered by “reality”. My you understand bending reality and see there is no spoon. May you know God is doing their best to help you with all of it.

Siva Hir Su