Tag Archives: divine interaction

I know I’ve said it before.

I told Nathan I was sorry that I’m not able to manage the grand dream of Atira, but that I’d do my best to get a tiny plain Jane version going with our new home. I reiterated that I sincerely love him and always have.

I’m moving in into accepting that it’s just me and Nathan… And God’s help.

I saw a license plate that said ‘I setld’; in full English that’s “I settled”. I probably am doing that, I am giving up on reaching for my big dream. I tried and got my heart broken several times over. I’m deciding that I don’t think I can handle anymore of that and I’d rather go small and find some results, than go big and end up feeling alone and heart-broken again. Dreams can remain dreams. I’ll live in my fantasy inside my thoughts, like when I was a schoolgirl being scolded for daydreaming too much. It’s my easy way of finding creativity, at least when I’m not too busy functioning in daily life.

This Yule I am going to love me for my endurance and intelligence. I’m going to love me for still caring even after everything I’ve been through. I love me for putting family first. I love me for supporting those I love: Nathan, Anya, Ian, Katherine, and pets (even those people that left). I love me for continuing to work so hard and diligently. I love me for continuing to reach for another slightly better step.

This Yule evening, I lit candles and incense on the altars for Lord Shiva. I said a prayer essentially apologizing for being so dense, but thanking the divine presence for attempting to help me anyway. I acknowledged that I knew I was slowing the flow, but can’t seem to heal my brain enough to fix that, and my puzzle is just too complex to maintain perfectly every waking moment. I just want the divine to know I’ve tried and I honor and respect all the divine help I’ve been blessed with.

To celebrate, we decorated with live trees I can plant later in our new yard. We adorned them in LED lights and a few ornaments. And set the table with my decopage plates from last year’s craft activity.

Anya’s gift to us was a homemade meal of pomegranate citrus salmon with roasted brussel sprouts and honey carrots. And we had a toast of sparkling cider.

In the morning Pagan Santa (the original-a jolly elf king) will deliver a very few toys and clothes to my little ones, and a card-game and treat-giftcard to Anya. I found new bras and undies for myself (another first in over a decade), and Nathan couldn’t find anything he really wanted, swearing he feels blessed regardless.

It is a small impromptu Yule to compensate for changes in plans outside of our control.

May you have solid plans with happy family celebrations to bring all your loved ones close for the holidays. May you feel support and love all around you. May you find your healing and allow the flow of God and good to be abundant always. May your home feel like home and may you always find your holidays comfortable. May you have joyous holidays this year and always.

Happy Yule, Joyous Solstice, Blessed Kwanzaa, Happy Hanakha, and Merry Christmas, etc.!

Blessings and much love. Siva Hir Su

BZ

That’s short for busy. Seems I have so much on my plate the humor of abbreviated text speak for busy is quite appropriate.

First, I’m still working 6 to 7 days a week. I’m still processing paperwork and prepping for finally getting a home of our own after 14 years of hard times. Still working toward my business goals, complex as they are; especially now that I’ll have a home which will accommodate more possibilities. Also I’m still aiming for getting a second vehicle again, though that will likely be accomplished next tax season, over 4 months away- *sigh*, it’s okay.

Now add to that I’ve been reading a book on loan from the Chiropractor: “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”. It has gotten me very excited. It’s a book that teaches basic financial literacy, and is validating that I’m on the right track. I have a very, very long ways to go before I accomplish any goals that the book references, but they were already on my horizon. Knowing I’m aiming correctly is great, now I need lots of diligence, and probably several years before I start to see any real results. It’s definitely a very long range goal structure, but one I’m confident I’ll eventually master, and all on my own.

As for that ‘all on my own’ bit: I had a small argument with God this week. I was shown (hard to explain, but kinda like a daydream) that my diverse array of abilities and my strength, my uniqueness, even elements of my appearance, make me attractive to others. Essentially, the message was I could totally be a female ‘player’.

I told God and Nathan, that’s not the point, it was never the point. Nathan replied simply with “I know”.

As much as it feels good to acknowledge that I am attractive to others, and more than one person at that, I know my desires are for more than that. Polyamory was never about being a ‘player’. Polyamory is about love, emotional support, the physicality of daily living with loving life-partners: significant others. And yes, I would like to not have to choose one gender. I would love to honor all of myself by having life partners that honor all the different parts of me, and I can reciprocate with the same for them.

My biggest glitch in acknowledging that I’m attractive to others is that those I intuitively know are attracted to me, are still quite silent on the matter, and I’m not sure I can do or say anything to change that. I don’t know why they choose silence. Perhaps it’s because of how we met, or their perceptions of my marriage to Nathan, or lack of understanding of polyamory in my life, or simply the intimidation thing I seem to carry into infinity. I don’t know. I can’t fix it, so it just is.

One day someone attracted to me will admit it and ask me lots of questions. When that day comes I’ll do a happy dance for their courage, but especially that they even attempted to get to know me as a person. More than anything, I love the feeling of connecting with someone on a deep level, knowing we are enjoying learning about each other. I love the feeling of being appreciated and cared about. That: “someone actually cares enough, to genuinely want to know all of who I am” in an unconditional accepting way.

Nathan has always been that for me, I just wish there were others too. One day perhaps, for now I continue on my own with Shiva’s/God’s help. I told God I’m very appreciative, super thankful, for having the divine connection and all the non-physical help that it has brought. Yet, my ideal would be both. To have that connection with God and also feel the next closest thing to it in people in my life. I have moments like that with Nathan, and it makes me think how wonderful it would be if there were others willing to be in my life that I felt that intensity with on a regular basis…. In daily living. *Sigh*

Anyway, tangent aside, I am looking forward mostly. I continue to do everything I can to improve my life and life for my family.

Nathan mostly took care of my computer glitch, and I finished it off, to then accomplish 2 designs for others.

I also finally spent a while fine tuning my dome designs. Making sure proportions were accurate, I then started placing interior elements and correcting line weights/alignments. It’s a very slow process mainly because I’m super meticulous, but also because I’m literally fine-tuning decisions we’ve talked about and thought about thousands of times.

I’ll end with 2 sections of the plans that saw significant changes. Aahhhh, it’s so nice to dream big sometimes, especially when I can do something about it and make it visible.

May you all be happily busy. May you feel the loving connections in your life daily. May you have things to look forward to and goals to aim for. May you see the validation you seek, and may your dreams be big, but still reachable.

Siva Hir Su

Clarity with shorter refractory periods.

First, thank you Lord Siva, it seemes you keep saving my arse over and over again. The Diwali Temple Meditation time helped more than I knew in that awkward-outsider moment. I’m still not sure why I am called to experience the divine through this path, but I’m grateful that you still speak to me.

Nathan was right, despite all eyes being on me/us, in my heart, you welcomed us both fully in that moment. Thank you God and I’m sorry I felt so awkward.

“MC YOGI – SHIVA (Supreme Soul) – (Official Stream)” on YouTube is my uplifting moment of celebration for you today.

Listen here: https://youtu.be/FXD52U6g76M

Also thank you God:

My climb up from exhausted and allergy reaction has become much shorter. Between knowing the precise set of actions to take to unbury from the physical response, and taking moments of calming and centering meditation, my climb has gone from taking weeks (sometimes months) a few years ago, to mere hours now. For that knowing I’m utterly grateful.

I’m also really truly starting to understand the practical application of Abraham’s teachings on the emotionality of the law of attraction.

For instance yesterday I wrote:

After trying to apologise to one person and having that leave me feeling like a stupid naive fool living in a double standard, I’m feeling like words are not helping- hence all the emoji’s.

What I’ve been able to apply here is that I felt so damn crappy because I was so far off the mark of my inner truth.

  • I’m intelligent, smart, and give most everything plenty of forethought.
  • I’m far from naive, in fact I am usually the first to contemplate anything in my past or awareness, as a means to discern how a current situation (person, place, or thing) applies to my now. I.E.: Am I about to let myself get hurt again or be taken advantage of, or is this genuine and divinely guided, sometimes even a mix of the two?
  • I’m also very informed on a wide array of topics, many of which I never speak about in public due to their taboo nature. I don’t even write about them in any sort of public way. They are just an element of my awareness.
  • I’m anything but a fool. I may have moments where I allow events to unfold hoping that those around me will find their inner being and grow to do the right things, but I’m usually very aware of flaws, faults, and the potential worst case scenario. If I perceive that I’m likely to get hurt, I usually try to brace for impact or back out slowly and cautiously. That hasn’t always worked well, but at least I saw it coming (looking at you, September 2018).
  • What I perceived as a double standard is my own doing. I called someone out for actions that pushed my boundaries, and then got sloppy in considering theirs. That’s not a double standard, just a careless mistake, which I did apologise for. My embarrassment only caused me to fail to see that initially.

With all that being said, I’ve revisited my desires, my preferences. I’ve examined myself, and with the exception of desiring to be lighter by a few pounds of fat, I happen to like or love most everything about myself. That’s my inner being’s view. That helped me climb out.

I also took a few minutes to pretend, just like when I was a kid. I used Oracle cards, since I have plenty, they were easily accessible. I placed all my cards and then walked Nathan through the traits they represented to me. What my particular arrangement meant in that moment of my pretending. That was very helpful to refocus on my higher being’s desires and where I aim to head.

Through all of these moments I heard God. I heard the nudges of confirmation, the nudges of lighten up, and the push to go easier on myself. I also ended up stumbling through a series of messages that added up to an awareness that I need to step back and allow for others to work on themselves. As much work as I have done, things I have learned, and adjustments I have made; I have to acknowledge that if people really truly care about me, they will do their best to work through their own moments in an attempt to keep up with my alignment with the divine. Otherwise in time, those new people I find, which are on my level will replace the former people. My life will move on regardless, and I need to quit worrying about anyone else’s progress- anyone: family, friends, even love interests. I know I’m worth the journey and though I very much would like for certain people to stay in my experience, it is not mine to force. I can’t make them keep up, they have to want to, they have to want to find their own healing, only that will keep us in proximity.

For that awareness, I thank God. Yet, I ask God to remind me of that as gently as possible and as often as needed. I will likely forget and try to push those I am most attached to, and that will only cause resistance with all involved. I deserve better than that, so I’ll need the gentle reminders to keep from pushing too hard.

May you all have speedy healing and be able to pull up quickly. May you have understanding of the messages the divine is trying to send you. May your loved ones of any aspect stay in vibrational proximity on your journey together. May you relax and release resistance, to especially find understanding and love of self.

Siva Hir Su

Keep an open mind.

HAL sent me this video today. I do not subscribe to her channel.

Regardless of your beliefs on channeling, the video below has a very good and very needed message. It’s directed towards women and the message is very true for women right now. However, I feel like if you’re that man struggling to find your way, I think it could help you too.

Be well and we all need to love ourselves and others. May you find and feel the love.

Siva Hir Su

Watch “Divine Masculine has something to say to you DF! ❤️Channeling the Divine Masculine ❤️” on YouTube

Letting it be.

As “Let It Be” by the Beatles followed a couple of Crystal Method tracks on my shuffle list, I couldn’t help but acknowledge I needed to let it be and stop second guessing myself.

I may have gotten the wrong person, or maybe not. That I still don’t know. However, I have picked yesterday afternoon apart from the Law of Attraction and emotional response standpoint.

Feeling like an idiot, feeling like I said the wrong thing, feeling like I had everything wrong… those all carry negative emotions. Negative emotions are indicative of incorrect thoughts, thoughts misaligning with the vibrational truth, God’s truth.

So my feelings of myself yesterday afternoon were telling me that what I got was somehow accurate. Perhaps I put them to the wrong person, or my timing was off, but what I felt was very much accurate. When I acknowledge that, I feel much better.

So what did I feel then?

At the moment it hit, I was sitting at the front desk giving the concierge a break. I had just been socializing with a resident about the chief’s game moments earlier and thus had sent texts to a friend about the game. They had lost and though I’m no sports fan, I thought it appropriate to offer up an ‘I noticed’ sentiment to the friend that is into sports.

The wave that hit was as follows:

  • Root chakra flare up like arousal.
  • Slight apprehension or fear, some kind of resistant hesitation.
  • My 3rd eye and whole forehead lit up, which for me always feels like an intense tingly heat sensation that starts between my eyes and spreads.
  • I flushed/blushed all the way out to my ears and down to my chest.
  • My right shoulder felt pressure in the front and the vibration I used to associate with my Indian person.
  • I felt a slight heaviness on top of my shoulders… somewhat like when you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.
  • My right upper abdomen felt tingly like a gentle touch just below my breast.
  • There was excitement like getting good news.
  • Then I felt more apprehension, this time stronger.

At that point, being where I was and doing what I was, I literally began repeatedly saying ‘what the fuck’ mentally as an reaction to not knowing what to do with this wave hitting me.

That was when I started seeing the one person’s face mentally and thinking it must be about them I texted asking.

As they asked me what I was taking about, and I began to explain, I got a very similar second wave.

The second wave did not include the arousal, but had way more of the anxious/fear/aprehension sensations. The second wave was so intense, I literally muttered “what the fuck” a couple of times under my breath.

Despite these things being part of who I am, and fairly regular occurrences, when they are really intense and hit at inopportune moments, I simply get overwhelmed with how to handle it. It’s not like I can go hug a tree or pick up a rock to help ground it out, and the phisoloigical effects do cause embarrassment when I’m in a very obvious position like manning a front desk.

The what the fuck moment is usually because I’d like to be hiding, but I’m anything but that.

So then pile on top of that, the denial, and my resulting self-doubt and self-berating and you get a fairly crappy emotional spiral.

It has literally taken all night and all morning to pull up. Dozens of prayers to help disconnect from whatever those waves were, and literally having to pick it apart from the Abraham Hicks view-point.

At this point I’m certain that what I got and my feeling description is accurate. I’m not sure if the who was accurate, and at the very least my biggest faux pax was probably in timing. As in: if the who is accurate, then saying something about it right then was bad timing and freaked them out because they weren’t ready to hear it. As shitty as the result was, coming to this conclusion has helped me reconcile things.

However, it also reinforces that I’m going to reserve such information for myself only, that is unless I get intensely nagged by the other side. I really don’t need unnecessary rejections, and already know that most people can’t handle the full truth of me. No need to make that worse.

May you know your truth and find the deeper meaning behind emotional knee jerk reactions. May others accept you fully, and may you appreciate yourself. May your intuitive information pan out to always be helpful.

Siva Hir Su

When gifts are hard to handle.

I’m listening to “Wave Wet Sand” by Ace of Base… really it’s the first track I played to start their “Bridge” album… it’s somehow fitting for the afternoon I’ve had.

I feel like God’s love is sometimes the elusive thing that song is about.

I had an empathic moment that I was fairly certain I understood, but upon asking the person I thought it connected to, I was told I was wrong. I felt horrible afterwards, especially like I was an idiot to say anything. I thought they would understand, but I ended up feeling like a freak of nature. I’m still not sure if I was right and they were freaked out by my bringing it up, or if I was wrong in my interpretation to begin with.

Empathic energy is not an exact science at the best of times, but I get things right enough of the time that it bodes very well in my massage work. I just usually don’t tell people. All they know is they leave the massage feeling tons better than they went in. The woman I referenced a couple posts ago is a rare exception.

After several apologies for screwing up, I told the person it’s why I don’t have any great friends and few mediocre ones. They said yeah, it seems like it would be a blessing and a curse.

It really is.

When I’m right and in a position to help, I’m able to use Reiki and massage to release all kinds of things and help people feel so much better.

Other times, like with the Indian person, I feel such a intense things, and in that instance they ran. I still don’t know if it caused fear, or if they thought I was crazy, or if it was just simply too much for them to handle. Regardless, I gave my heart to them and had it tossed away like garbage. That hurts.

I want to believe I had things right and the love was real, but because of how that journey ended I simply don’t know. Furthermore, I’m now gun-shy. This afternoon felt too much like a repeat. I can’t fight another battle like that again. I won’t fight for anything at this point and I’m likely to just keep everything to myself from now on.

I told Nathan, on the way home from work, thank you for being able to handle me and not being afraid of me. I told him how much I appreciate that he understands all of me and is able to help me so often.

I will do my best to keep doing God’s work, but from here on out I’ll do it quietly unless they really, really nag me otherwise. I may be strong in a lot of ways, but there’s no need to carry the extra burden of rejection unnecessarily.

May you understand your gifts from God fully. May you feel accepted and understood. May you know you’re doing good and feel loved. May your gifts from God be easy to carry and easy to fulfill.

Siva Hir Su

Addicted To Love

This evening with my children was good, great in fact. Once I figured out how to reel in my children’s scream reflex, it went much better.

I was able to sit with Ian and let him use the paint program on the computer. He did his auto-writing again, this time digitally. I understood that was happening, but not what the message was. I only noticed that I knew some of the characters that showed up in his scribbles. There was again hindi and telegu characters, and I am amazed that something I barely understand myself is showing up in his “writing”. Whomever he is connected to asked me very quietly, through his voice, what I was listening to. When I went to respond Ian came back fully and was very confused about what Kaleo was. I explained it was a band name and I didn’t name them, so I wasn’t sure why they were called that.

Later I put our Jason Mraz Pandora station on and danced with both Katherine and Ian. It was much needed connection time. I felt very blessed to be with my children, especially having figured out the magic mix of what they needed to ground and relax with mommy.

It has been a very feel-good mushy evening, and at this point both are working on bedtime rituals.

At one point I found myself thinking about my Indian person because an Ed Sheeran song played that I listened to when I was talking to them. I got an image of them being very angry, and directing it at me. I apologized profusely and started crying quietly. Yet, whomever I was connecting with said they really weren’t mad at me, they were mad at themselves for not being able to come forward and tell the truth. That made me even sadder. Nathan caught me with “the look” on my face, and buddy came running and gave me a head-butt. Nathan told me he always knew something was up when buddy did that, and asked me what was going on. I asked him why I love people so easily and why was he (Nathan) the only one willing to be as honest and affectionate as is humanly possible with me. Why was he the only one that could really show me the love I give so much.  I just don’t understand how 2 people so willing to build family and work toward common goals keep having train wrecks of one sided love. He replied with an I don’t know, but the story isn’t over and maybe they will at some point. He’s so damn optimistic, but sometimes at the least helpful times.

I had a moment where I thought about the divine and how the divine has saved my life with giving me the tools and information to fix my health on several occasions, especially in regards to my depression journey. I was expressing that sentiment to God, that I love God, as much as I love those people that don’t return the love to me. In reply I literally heard- Imagine that you are god and that response is nearly everyone on the planet. I love them all, but very few actually return that love to me.

That made me sad too.

It made me think. Perhaps we all have this love thing all effed up. Perhaps we’re all doing it wrong or have learned the wrong things as showing our love.

I know for me when I think about my love for the divine, I think about all those smaller moments that have accumulated in being able to say that god has saved my life. I think about how the divine literally moves through me when I am working on people in my office. I think about how I know that god force allowed into my body provides me very real healing moments. I think about all the warm fuzzy sensations in my body which I feel when the divine presence is in me. Simply thinking of these things makes me swell with gratitude and I literally feel more love. I naturally turn that love back to the source of it all, that divine presence. It is definitely a very addictive feeling place for me.

I openly admit that I occasionally get the divine flow confused with the mental connection I have with that person, because they both strengthened in my life during the same timeline, and at times can have a similar feeling. Because of that I do sometimes visualize the divine in the same way, to be able to provide a hug or kiss as a sign of my affection. Yet, I know that the feeling place is the most important aspect. That feeling place has no face, has no ability to truly hug or kiss.

It just is.

How does one show love to something that is all around you and within you?

How does one prove to God that your love is genuine?

For me, I tend to think of how I show my love to other people:

I try to notice things they have done. I try to show that I have noticed their effect on our shared environment or good interactions they have with others. I try to give love by giving gifts or giving of myself. I give affection, I support in any way I can. I try to notice the little things about them, their likes, their preferences, their interests. I do my best to be kind, supportive, loving, and forgiving.

What if that is really all God wants?

  • What if God just wants us to notice those people, places and things which the divine has influenced and/or created?
  • What if God wants us to think about the positive effects the divine has had on other people and things?
  • What if God just wants us to notice the positive interactions that people have with each other?
  • What if God wants us to give gifts to him by giving gifts to each other?
  • What if God wants us to give affection by giving affection to each other as often as possible?
  • What if God wants us to notice the little things that the divine accomplishes each and every day?
  • What if loving God really is as simple as being kind, supportive, loving, and forgiving as frequently as humanly possible, even when you are presented with ample excuses not to?

All of these things can be attempted continually, not just on Sundays or when begged by charitable organizations.

That makes me think of the client a week ago. She is one of the beautiful women I had noticed, and I happen to know we share an awful lot of the same challenges. I was simply thinking that she was such a beautiful person that I wished that she knew that, that she could see her beauty instead of all of the challenges. I know I wish that for myself quite frequently.

As I was thinking all of this, that voice I hear more and more often, quietly nagged me to be honest and tell her. I replied I can’t, I’m not supposed to. I was again told to say it, that she needed to hear it. So, I gave in, and in the gentlest way I said the following: “Please don’t take this the wrong way; I’m not sure if you’re having a tough spot, but I am being told you need to hear this. You are a beautiful woman and even though I know you share many challenges like I face, you are amazing and a wonderful person. You really are a beautiful person.” She had replied that she was having a rough spot and did really need to hear that. She thanked me and we both shed a couple of tears. After the massage she gave me a hug.

Something that technically inches toward encroaching on board ethics was exactly what the divine needed me to voice in that moment. I could have held to my excuse and avoided possible ramifications all-together. As it is, I took the gentlest route around it that I could, and she will never know that I briefly contemplated the physical attraction to her. I was able to look past the excuse in that moment and find the happy medium to help pass a message from the divine that she really needed to hear. Those are the moments that I cherish and look forward to. Those are the moments that I am extra grateful for, and honestly hope that God knows I am doing my best to oblige as frequently as possible.

I love knowing that I am helping God to heal and help people, I love feeling God’s presence, and I love being able to pass that feeling on to others. I love knowing that God loves me, even when I have had a life full of less than stellar moments. I am addicted to love, especially God’s love. One day perhaps that will manifest in the family I have so very much desired. Perhaps that one day will be after I die. Regardless, I will continue to do my best to give my love to the divine presence that saved my life and said I could call it Shiva.

Siva Hir Su

Get crackin’

So this week I had already had the inkling to resume learning Telegu, regardless of my person coming back or not. Then at dinner last night Nathan shared the following videos with me.

We had already been taking about things of an energetic nature. Then I realized how many things I’d come across lately in Hindi, and a few in Punjabi. I always have to put captions on or lookup translations.

So, I asked Nathan for his intuitive answer, regardless of what that was. Then asked: do I need to resume learning Telegu or start Hindi? His answer was “I think both”.

Then loud and clear I heard, “You better get crackin’ !”.

That was my divine masculine chiming in. I said “thanks smart ass”, and he started laughing. Nathan did too.

So I did. Before bed I did a little of both.

Then really early am I had a dream about a previous co-worker. I was concerned enough I texted him first thing this morning and he said there was a minor concern with what I dreamt about. I gave him a suggestion and wished him well, but the energetic portion of the exchange and what my divine masculine chimed in was far more intense. I was literally feeling like shaking a person and jumping up and down all at once. It was very intense and bizarre.

I swear every day gets weirder and weirder for me. Just doing my best to go with the flow.

May you all find your answers and moments of helpfulness without feeling the need to jump up and down.

Siva Hir Su

ET is helping me water my seeds… part 1

Today I was thinking about how 2 years ago I watched ET with my residents and felt the person I was calling the boy. That started my sense of that spirit and referencing it as my ET, acknowledging that I was feeling that spirit even as a young child. Somehow I just know they are linked and I in my stupid human form just don’t fully understand.

To that end I thought maybe I could show the movie to Ian, that maybe it would help me bring some understanding to him and maybe additional clarity for myself.

In that thought I then remembered the scene where ET was sick from having eaten all the junk food that the boys had brought him, and knowing he needed to get home where he could heal. I’m torn because I feel like I’m so closely linked to my ET that I’m getting sick off of those things in my experience, but at the same time I feel like I have so many things to accomplish and do in this 3D Earth experience that I’m hardly ready to go home. So today, I’ve been calling my physical reaction ‘forced fasting’. I love to eat tasty foods, but my body is rejecting everything on this day. My liver is purging and every smell is far too intense. Things that normally cause me to say yum are making me wish to vomit.

I was in the midst of one such moment when one of the employees of the building decided she would pray for me. Her words were very Christian, but most definitely evoked my sense of that spirit I call my ET, that spirit that had told me I could call him Shiva, that was linked to the person I called the boy, my divine masculine.

I am beginning to understand how the archetypes overlap, and I’m really beginning to feel the knowledge I’ve held for years that we’re all one, and all religions are really different interpretations of the same thing.

That then made me think of the catholic last week that told me not to do Reiki because it went against her beliefs. I was a little slow on the uptake and thought later that I really wanted to ask her if she would have refused Jesus’ healing, because the formal structure of Catholicism didn’t exist for several hundred years after Jesus died.

A healer with God given abilities is still a healer with God given abilities- regardless of what culture they were raised and named in, regardless of what language they speak.

In my case my first experience of healing in this world, at birth, was by an OB with an Indian name and things of India have always and still do resonate. Yet when I went to my parent’s Christian churches as a child, I was tormented and traumatized. Is it any wonder that God tells me he’s Shiva?

Regardless, I’m grateful for that connection, I’m grateful for feeling the divine touch my body and my life. I’m grateful for the healing gifts I’ve been given; and as Shiva told me when I was working on the catholic: you can’t change who you are, you can be quiet about it or change the wording, but it’s still a part of you.

So then in explaining Reiki to a resident I told them it’s essentially prayers in a foreign language and my hands tell it where to go. I said Siva Hir Su is the one I use most, it was my gift, and translated into biblical terminology would most closely align with ‘the divine light of christ is here’. She was perfectly content to accept the healing and said it was so very helpful.

So my Shiva-Jesus blend is helping me get through my day and providing healing to myself and my clients and residents.

It’s also helping me see things in this world that are just like what I want for my Atira, so that will be part 2, maybe this evening or tomorrow.

May you all find your connection to God’s grace and understanding of its applications. May you feel the love and healing and find your own God given gifts. Most of all may you have understanding and compassion and acceptance when others wish to help you, regardless of what that looks or sounds like.

Blessings everyone.

Siva Hir Su

Ok fine, one more.

Sorry Shiva… thank you for replaying this song for me.

[I listened to the Disturbed remake from last post and even though I’ve had auto-play off since I replaced my phone, YouTube launched into Poets of the Fall… “Carnival of Rust”, “Where do We Draw the Line”, and “Children of the Sun”. I knew my Shiva was talking to me and I need to snap out of it.]

Poets of the Fall “Sweet Escape”

Et en Francé

May you have your moments where you feel appreciated and loved, even/especially if it is a spirit in non-physical. We are all loved, even when we’re down emotionally. Blessings and may we all feel better in the morning.

Siva Hir Su