Give a man a fish He eats for a day Teach a man to fish He eats for a lifetime
So the bible reads Yet fishing is not difficult It's metaphor for Living life fully Supporting oneself Successfully
Why was he not fishing To begin with?
Did he fall ill? Was he somehow hurt? Did his previous fishing End in trauma?
Perhaps he was born Without hands Or lost a hand In an accident
Perhaps his only skill Was fishing But life took him Far from any water
Perhaps a mishap Almost took his life Left him feeling futility
Perhaps his Skills or tools Failed him Perhaps he did his best And still fell short
Perhaps he made mistakes Big or small Many or few That caused him to Loose everything All his tools taken from him Disheartened Given in and given up
Maybe he has lost faith In himself In God's guidance Or helpfulness Maybe he sees no reason To keep trying to fish Never quite experiencing The supposed benefits
It doesn't mean it's not Still important Maybe those are all Just hurdles He doesn't know How to overcome
Perhaps teaching The ability to fish Is more complex Than society acknowledges
Still a worthy goal Still better than just Giving the day's fish
Perhaps it's humanity's Responsibility To come together To solve the complexity Of teaching all men Not just how to fish
To teach them how to Overcome obstacles Everything preventing Their fishing success
Including finding Faith In oneself Where once it was lost
Including finding Reasons To believe To keep trying To keep doing
Finding the knowing Of his place His role in This vast eternal Universe
Finding the knowing God's guidance Has been trying to Get through to him All along
Finding God Loved him All along Even in the obstacles And disheartened Ignorance
We all fish Some have more Obstacles and challenges Than others
Our responsibility to Help another Around obstacles We learned to overcome
Community coming together Joined forces Helps everyone Learn to fish No matter the cause Of the need to learn
When I had the stream of consciousness experience (that produced the statements in bold italics below), I felt like I was having a conversation with my higher-self but masculine side. I had thought responses in the moment that did not initially get typed up. This is my attempt to put words to my immediate thought responses.
The matrix is being redesigned. What do you want it to look like?
I want both. Not necessarily simultaneously, but in conjunction. I want my Atira to grow, my family to grow, and real full life to resume in my universe.
Atira was supposed to be more, and bigger and include more chosen family. I want a closer version of my dreams of Atira. I know it’s already in my vortex, there’s an entire binder written on the details of that desire. I just want more of those pieces to manifest and become evident.
Even more I want society to regain balance. Just like in She-Ra, I want to help restore that balance and encourage positive changes. I want the whole truth about vaccines to be common knowledge, and I apologize in advance if that requires even more people to get hurt for the truth to come out in the open. I want the corruption and greed to be put back in it’s place and mitigated to minimize damages. I want Western medicine to return to “First Do No Harm” and helping people genuinely fully heal. I want symptom management to be replace by disease elimination, bodily healing, and to enable full health for all. I want to be able to see people’s faces, their expressions, and especially smiles again. I want for normal life function to resume acknowledging that we all are taking risks to do that, but that the risks are worth it. I want the relief to our economy to be evident immediately.
I want equality for all, and those against equality to simply fade into oblivion. They can have their opinions quietly in the background, as long as we all have the ability to live our lives as we choose. I also want the war machine to become obsolete and all of the ex warriors to have enough healing to treat everyone as equals. #BLM and #AllLivesMatter, because all lives do matter, but can’t happen when factions wish to keep attacking one another. Peacefulness and co-creative joy amongst all. That’s my desire.
I want to work, but less. I want to help others find healing, but also create beautiful things. I want to have time with my kids and my husband, but also with new friends and a new significant other or two.
I still want to honor my body and give it the exercise and nutrition it desires, but I also want to enjoy what I eat and have ease in choosing foods, and also the time to do other more fun things.
I want time management to be easy and have enough time for all of the elements to fit together correctly and seamlessly.
Above all I want for my own body to fully heal to even make any of those desires possible. To stay on the leading edge I need more energy, less weight, more stamina, and for life to fill every cell in my body. I want negativity, fears, viruses and all other worries to die, and be replaced with healthy fully functional cells, organs, and body parts. I want to feel spectacular so that keeping up with the leading edge is easy. I want to fully understand my gifts like Adora learning She-Ra’s weapon and energy. I want a fullness of experience, and joy and health. I want to ride the best parts of the leading edge for as long as humanly possible.
Are you someone who wants me to stay down with you? Or are you someone who wants to try and keep up with the changes like I do?
I’m sorry if you want to stay down, I can’t stay with you. If you want to keep up, we’ll do better if we work with each other.
I want to work together, show me how, tell me how.
I want to keep up with the changes and heal. I want to work together and help bring balance back to my own body and to society.
Help me heal first so that the negatives are easy to spot and solve. Help my brain to find positive healing, rewire and function more optimally on a continual basis.
Help guide me to the right actions and tasks. I feel like I’m already doing so much, and that I am enough, but that perhaps it’s just minor adjustments and your help figuring that out would be another huge blessing.
I am doing my best to allow the healing energy to flow as much as possible, and as strong as possible. If that flow could increase and stay on all the time, I think it would help in more ways than I can fathom. Please help me to accomplish that. I want the healing energy to flow to my own body, cells, organs and tissues because I love myself and I know I deserve the healing. I also want the healing energy to flow to anyone in my experience that is open to receiving it. I want it to powerfully help bring balance in all of my direct experiences and create a ripple that will enable positive healing for a much broader perspective. I want to help God bring light to the darkness we are entrenched in.
Om Shanti and Siva Hir Su
May you all have productive conversations with God. May you know for certain that your inner being fully supports you if you will let it. May you know exactly how to let it.
Watch another Abraham video. It’s titled: “Abraham Hicks NO ADS – How to Auto motivate When You Feel Lazy”. I can’t guarantee it’ll stay up long, sometimes links I post disappear pretty quick.
Anyway, it was a reminder that I am efforting a little too much. I kind of knew that, and it was why I said I wouldn’t make any hasty decisions.
I’m having difficulty, and doing my best to pull up. I’m doing all the things, but it is slower going than I want. I’m also having a heck of a time keeping my focus on the things that are going right. When Abraham said to chill out, take a nap, or meditate, my knee jerk reaction was “I AM!!!”. At least as much as possible.
Those moments do help and do work, in the moment. I’m just having difficulty sustaining them in between. For instance, when I worked out today I totally zoned out to the music pumping in my earbuds- so much, that when I went to check a notification on my watch I almost lost my balance doing 4.4 mph at a 4 incline on the treadmill (and yes the numbers were a conscious choice). It was almost really bad, but I caught myself just in time.
Despite my faux pas, I refocused and zoned back into my treadmill workout.
I’m frustrated with myself, with my lack of results, with things not being very close to my desires in many ways. I do feel like I am reaching for impossibilities, and that’s without comparing myself to others. It’s bogging me down.
Here’s the deal. No one chooses to be crazy. And I’m not really crazy, but I do still feel like my brain is not fully functional, because I do frequently have extreme difficulty controlling it. 7 years of practice with many actions to help proper function and encourage healing, and I still have these bouts, periods where making my brain cooperate is like pulling teeth.
It is very frustrating. Especially considering that I was born into imbalance and it got much much worse, long before it started to get better. Born an orange baby from jaundice due to high blood sugars during my mom’s pregnancy, and then dysfunctional family life early on, some of which continued all the way into adulthood. I have literally fought my entire life to stay alive trying to find healthy, trying to find balance, trying to find proper brain function, and trying to convince myself that I even want to live- that life can be enjoyable.
I have gotten this far by my efforts, and after reaching adulthood- with some support from my husband Nathan. No one else got me here. My family sure as hell didn’t, out of all of them there is only two that I feel like even put effort into mental health like I did, and ones of those is my younger brother. Bonus half the time I feel like God even forgot I was trying.
Mental health problems are a modern problem. They were present before the industrial revolution (some very interesting history on that), but they have become much more plentiful since. There are many reasons and also many hypothesis for that, but the acknowledgement of this being a modern era concern is just the same. We diagnose them more frequently and more accurately than once upon a time, and generally people seek treatment more frequently than in history. However, the numbers are still in a generally climbing curve. That implies that what we are doing as a populus is encouraging mental disease and disorders, not actually solving anything.
This really could be said for all disease, we have more diseases to label and diagnose, more symptoms to treat, more avenues to seek symptom treatment, but disease from allopathic medicine is rarely solution/healing oriented.
So sometimes I do get angry at God. I am doing the work. I am reaching for better. I am practicing techniques to allow as much healing as possible. I put forth as much non-resistant effort as I can find time for- all to get my brain to cooperate. Yet, 7 years and it is still a challenge more frequently than I like, and often more difficult than I can handle alone.
Where is my miraculous healing that meditation is supposed to enable?
So I ranted at my divine masculine today. Ultimately, I feel like having been left hanging by the divine has caused all my concerns to be greater, harder, and longer, and I often wonder what the hell I did to deserve it.
Yet I still reach for better as much as possible.
So I told my divine masculine:
If there really is no spoon, then why can’t you just stand here? Why can’t you just give me a hug and tell me it’ll be okay? Why can’t you just acknowledge all the things I desire and remind me that they are worthy goals? Why can’t you honestly tell me how you feel? Why can’t you be lovingly supportive like my husband and help me figure out solutions to make things go more smoothly? Why can’t you just heal my brain so it stops doing this to me? Why can’t you remind me of the moments of feel good knowing which I have had? Why can’t you tell me do this and you’ll get that thing you want? Why can’t you be strong and capable and still caring, gentle, compassionate, and loving? Why can’t you love on me, heal me, and kick anyone’s ass that gets in the way of that? Why can’t you give me helpful advice and do things with me to help speed my progress? Why can you help support me so I can work less and have more time for me and my healing needs? That’s what I want and need from my divine masculine.
It’s been hard long enough, and I’ve done so many things to help, that I feel like I’ve earned that. But maybe it’s just wishful thinking.
I just want to be the healthy beautiful venus with my poly family and my Atira community and businesses. I want love and connections and prosperity and a lighter work load and support from my loving poly family. I was supposed to have more than one partner in love and business- combined! I was supposed to have more, and I’ve worked a long time, practicing at aiming at that goal. I know these things are already in my vortex and in full detail and complexities clearly defined. They’re there. I want to allow them here.
It feels like too much to ask and nearly impossible, but I do keep reaching for examples that prove otherwise.
I reach for the Will Smith’s (the actor) of polyamory. I reach for the businesses owned and operated by spouses or significant others. I reach for the clinics that are closer to what I envisioned. I reach for the intentional communities, especially the high dollar complexes like I desire (like when I learned of the Cerner complex being built in Arkansas that has literally everything I want, but in standard modern construction instead of my domes). I reach for the proof of things not being impossible and remind myself as frequently as possible that I am enough. I reach for the knowing that I am strong enough. I am intelligent enough. I am capable enough. I am patient enough. I am kind enough. I am loving enough. I am beautiful enough. I am working hard enough (hell probably too much). I’m giving enough. I’m helpful enough.
I am enough in all the ways.
I know I can do all the pieces of the dream, and what I don’t know how to do myself I know how to learn or find someone that can. I’m just having a hell of a time getting them all together at once, and finding the funding to make it happen and keep it going.
So I’ll focus some more and do my best to stay on the positives. I’ll do all the things over and over again. I’ll make my brain cooperate, and meditate, and do as much as I can to allow. And I’ll keep allowing as much as possible so that my divine masculine actually can start filling in the gaps and hopefully provide my much desired healing so it’s not so hard. I’ve asked enough for 3 lifetimes, now I really do just need to shut the eff up and let it in. Somehow.
May you have stable mental health and clarity. May you be able to maintain focus on the feel good knowing of your inner being. May you allow all of your asking to manifest. May you find your progress to be great wonderful strides towards better and better. May you never plateau on your improvement, but still enjoy your life and your journey. May you know your are enough and can do it. May you fully and deeply, understand and believe, that nothing is impossible. May you believe in your ability to beat the odds. May you know your divine connection(s) love and support you and are doing the best possible to guide you to your desires. May you allow fully for that divine force to accomplish great things for you.
Om Gum Ganpatiye, Om Namo Narayanaya, Om Shanti
For those unfamiliar with mantras, my ending essentially translates as a salutation to the divine to break obstacles, allow for protective flow, and find peace. 3 prayers in one to 3 divine aspects.
