This a multi topic post that I’m not sure if it will wrap up concisely. I’m still following the rabbit hole myself. I apologise in advance if it is clear as mud.
Also, I am human and just because I reach for something doesn’t mean I actually accomplish it 100% of the time myself. I do my best, but as in all things, sometimes we humans fall short of our goals. We also often have ideals that can be hard to maintain consistently. Topics of this post could definitely fall in that category for me.
And so it begins.
Two conversations this morning caught my attention and started me down a rabbit hole of thought.
The first conversation included a comment about one party having passed something by their father. The second conversation included statements about work and enjoying being the low person on the totem pole even though their manager wanted to promote them to a managerial position. Both conversations triggered thoughts for me from my perspective and I know it somehow fits together. I’m attempting to type to that conclusion.
Conversation 1: An adult referenced running a deal by his father for input. He respects his father’s business sense and wanted to follow the father’s advice. In regards to the fullness of the conversation from my perspective, my intuition told me he was right, and in this situation listening to father’s advice was a good call.
What it stirred in me is really interesting though. My knee jerk reaction is usually: “Why would a younger adult pass something by their parents? There are so many places to look for successful input, but even more it’s an opportunity to use your own guidance system.”
This is due to many factors, one of which is that I have been surrounded by elders that were busy keeping up with the Joneses and playing corporate games to ultimately just be miserable. This was strongly evident in my parents, but also in friends’ parents. Most of the older generation from my perspective was busy chasing “good jobs” to make just enough to look like they were doing ok. Then they would spend hours of their lives making sure that they could keep up appearances and managing to keep bills paid. They were all miserable most of the time. I never wanted to be like that. I wanted more financial success- true, but more I wanted to be happier, more satisfied with my life.
Beyond that aspect, my father was an especially good example of what not to do, and most of my efforts have been directed at attempting to be the opposite of him. He was never happy, his good jobs- never were, and his bumping elbows always seemed excessive to me.
For instance, the things he told others, he never said directly to us. A good example was when I was in middle school learning flute and he would tell others how wonderful I was, but at home, if he said anything about it at all, it was to make sure my grades were still “up” and that I was doing what I was supposed to, practicing enough, etc. There was always an air of ‘you can do better’ no matter how good I was already doing.
My father was also extremely vocal about what he wanted us as kids to do, and our choices were never acceptable to him, or at least it seemed to me. I was well informed many times over that I should be an engineer and that art and music would never make me money. Well I proved I could make money off of art (still do), and I know I could off of music if I wanted to, but I chose another option out of other desires and wish for greater amounts of money to be made. I still never became his precious engineer.
Why? I just could never understand how someone that was so miserable could push so hard that someone else do what they did. I always just knew for certain that if I had any chance of finding success and being happy congruently, that I had to do a lot of things differently than my father. I saw that his system was failing him daily in many many ways, and I wanted better.
Sometimes I beat my head up against the things that he scolded into us on a regular basis. It’s hard to duck around something that was both proverbially and literally beaten into you, brainwashing is very real; but when I can see his patterns clearly as being separate from mine, I make every effort possible to do something different, aiming for better.
Mostly, I feel like I have been successful and I am far from being my father. I have moments of failure, but in general, I am definitely my own person. I can’t claim daily effortless happiness, but I’m far closer to that idea than he even considered. My financial success may not be greater yet, but I’m matching dollar for dollar but with more to show for it. That alone gives me hope for greater in the near future. So potentially I have improved in both financial and emotional happiness.
Personally, I just prefer reaching for better than my parents did because they set such good examples of what not to do. The conversation I heard this morning, really just pushed the acknowledgement within myself that I have good reasons to not look to my parents for guidance, but that others might find as many or more reasons to seek parental guidance. Really, most anyone seeks guidance from those that they trust on a given topic, and parents just happen to cover multiple topics for children.
But, that takes me one step further into seeking guidance from outside of one’s self to seeking guidance from inside one’s self.
Because I was so bent on trying to reach the opposite of my father, I had to examine all of my options closely and listen to my inner guidance system to try and choose. Sometimes I would feel like the truly-best-option was out of my reach, so I would then aim for the best I could. Regardless, I was always trying to decipher how I felt about my known available choices.
I also always knew when something dad was trying to convince me of didn’t mesh with my inner-being. Every time he told me I was wrong, I would have an internal reaction along the lines of “that’s what you think, wanna bet?!”. Specific examples that come to mind was when he tried to tell me seeking a liberal arts degree was suicide, or that marrying Nathan was a huge mistake. 2 kids and 2 careers later I still disagree with him. I am a better person because of both of them, and the challenges were worth every bit of effort.
My point is that whether or not you look to those you trust for guidance, the best guidance anyone could ever find is within themselves. If you ask others, you get their known choices and preferences, which can help you see more options- something very helpful if you feel uninformed. However, they can only give you what they know, and they might not know enough to give you a truly balanced set of choices. Even if you utilize others to expand your knowledge and choices, you still need to ask your inner-being what is best for you at this time. That is the only real way to know for certain what you should do in this moment with what is available to you. Our inner-being is always our best advocate.
Conversation 2: Someone was telling me about how their job wants them to be a next level manager because they are good at everything and know a lot about the products and processes. They were expressing a combination of appreciation over the acknowledgement, and frustration because they like their job just the way it is. They like not having so much responsibility and a bit less work.
This tied in with the other conversation for me because it was about weighing the pros and cons and doing what is right for you. You still have to listen to your inner-being.
Also, it made me realize that just because you are very appreciative of acknowledgement of your skills, does not mean you have to deviate from what you desire.
The conversation left me with a sense that she really just wanted to stay in the job she had, that it made her happy. I wanted to tell her to stick to her guns and do what made her happy, let them find someone else to promote. However, I stopped short of saying that because I know it is ultimately her choice, and in this moment she may be focused on the good reasons to stay, but that she may have vibrationally asked for things that the promotion would bring. I would have no way of knowing that. It is hard to be totally in someone else’s thought processes and know their vibrational balance.
I have had a similar mix myself on many occasions. I currently have a mix on current topics, and I’m doing my best to sort through it all emotionally, from where I am currently at. Sometimes we just need to say things out loud to another person to help solidify how we feel inside. Sometimes it helps to list all of the pros for both and look to see which option has more pros (I usually don’t involve the cons if I can help it, they muddle things to much, and everything has cons.) Regardless of how you get there, ultimately it’s a conversation between you and YOU. Your human self really just needs to check in with your higher-self to see what the best answer is right now. That is ultimately all we could ever hope for anyway.
It’s hard to do sometimes, with so much going on finding the quiet space to get that answer is a challenge. Also it often can be even harder to stick to, especially when others try to convince you otherwise. Yet if your inner-being says it is the best, then it is always the best thing for you. You inner-being never lies about that.
God doesn’t lie, humans do. Always trust God force over human input.
Finally, there was one other moment today that somehow fits.
Conversation 3: The accupincturist at the clinic was telling me how she always scolds women to “Stop It!” when they start apologizing for being sweaty, or dirty from work, or not having shaved. She explained men never apologize for such things and neither should women. I agree with her wholeheartedly. Women do tend to over apologise for things they need not care about. However, I would say that some men do as well.
The next time you feel the need to apologise for something relatively benign, ask yourself, is this a necessary apology? Ask yourself, if someone was presenting that to you, would you be offended? Ask yourself, would you want or need an apology in a reversed situation? Ask yourself how would you act if your gender was different?
Sometimes genders do over apologise, and sometimes genders under apologise because of the feeling that it’s just built in to your own gender. Be aware of those faux pas, and make amends to your level of apologetics regardless as to whether it is too much or not enough. It is always kind to apologise when you feel you are not at your best for a given situation. It is also kind to yourself to acknowledge that not every lapse must become a long apology. There is a happy medium we can do our best to reach for and our inner being will guide the way on that topic too.
May you sense your inner-being and it’s trustworthy guidance on all topics. May you find it easy to reach for the best option for you in any given moment or experience. May you be kind to yourself and others. May you find the right guidance in every respect. May you hear your inner-being easily. May you know that God loves and supports in every way through your connection with your higher-self.