Tag Archives: Divine protection

Clarity with shorter refractory periods.

First, thank you Lord Siva, it seemes you keep saving my arse over and over again. The Diwali Temple Meditation time helped more than I knew in that awkward-outsider moment. I’m still not sure why I am called to experience the divine through this path, but I’m grateful that you still speak to me.

Nathan was right, despite all eyes being on me/us, in my heart, you welcomed us both fully in that moment. Thank you God and I’m sorry I felt so awkward.

“MC YOGI – SHIVA (Supreme Soul) – (Official Stream)” on YouTube is my uplifting moment of celebration for you today.

Listen here: https://youtu.be/FXD52U6g76M

Also thank you God:

My climb up from exhausted and allergy reaction has become much shorter. Between knowing the precise set of actions to take to unbury from the physical response, and taking moments of calming and centering meditation, my climb has gone from taking weeks (sometimes months) a few years ago, to mere hours now. For that knowing I’m utterly grateful.

I’m also really truly starting to understand the practical application of Abraham’s teachings on the emotionality of the law of attraction.

For instance yesterday I wrote:

After trying to apologise to one person and having that leave me feeling like a stupid naive fool living in a double standard, I’m feeling like words are not helping- hence all the emoji’s.

What I’ve been able to apply here is that I felt so damn crappy because I was so far off the mark of my inner truth.

  • I’m intelligent, smart, and give most everything plenty of forethought.
  • I’m far from naive, in fact I am usually the first to contemplate anything in my past or awareness, as a means to discern how a current situation (person, place, or thing) applies to my now. I.E.: Am I about to let myself get hurt again or be taken advantage of, or is this genuine and divinely guided, sometimes even a mix of the two?
  • I’m also very informed on a wide array of topics, many of which I never speak about in public due to their taboo nature. I don’t even write about them in any sort of public way. They are just an element of my awareness.
  • I’m anything but a fool. I may have moments where I allow events to unfold hoping that those around me will find their inner being and grow to do the right things, but I’m usually very aware of flaws, faults, and the potential worst case scenario. If I perceive that I’m likely to get hurt, I usually try to brace for impact or back out slowly and cautiously. That hasn’t always worked well, but at least I saw it coming (looking at you, September 2018).
  • What I perceived as a double standard is my own doing. I called someone out for actions that pushed my boundaries, and then got sloppy in considering theirs. That’s not a double standard, just a careless mistake, which I did apologise for. My embarrassment only caused me to fail to see that initially.

With all that being said, I’ve revisited my desires, my preferences. I’ve examined myself, and with the exception of desiring to be lighter by a few pounds of fat, I happen to like or love most everything about myself. That’s my inner being’s view. That helped me climb out.

I also took a few minutes to pretend, just like when I was a kid. I used Oracle cards, since I have plenty, they were easily accessible. I placed all my cards and then walked Nathan through the traits they represented to me. What my particular arrangement meant in that moment of my pretending. That was very helpful to refocus on my higher being’s desires and where I aim to head.

Through all of these moments I heard God. I heard the nudges of confirmation, the nudges of lighten up, and the push to go easier on myself. I also ended up stumbling through a series of messages that added up to an awareness that I need to step back and allow for others to work on themselves. As much work as I have done, things I have learned, and adjustments I have made; I have to acknowledge that if people really truly care about me, they will do their best to work through their own moments in an attempt to keep up with my alignment with the divine. Otherwise in time, those new people I find, which are on my level will replace the former people. My life will move on regardless, and I need to quit worrying about anyone else’s progress- anyone: family, friends, even love interests. I know I’m worth the journey and though I very much would like for certain people to stay in my experience, it is not mine to force. I can’t make them keep up, they have to want to, they have to want to find their own healing, only that will keep us in proximity.

For that awareness, I thank God. Yet, I ask God to remind me of that as gently as possible and as often as needed. I will likely forget and try to push those I am most attached to, and that will only cause resistance with all involved. I deserve better than that, so I’ll need the gentle reminders to keep from pushing too hard.

May you all have speedy healing and be able to pull up quickly. May you have understanding of the messages the divine is trying to send you. May your loved ones of any aspect stay in vibrational proximity on your journey together. May you relax and release resistance, to especially find understanding and love of self.

Siva Hir Su

Learning to fly again.

This week has carried a heavy weight. One I’ve born alone as usual. Moving on from anything can be hard, but when there’s a strong energetic connection it’s even harder.

I counseled with an old acquaintance, had her reach for a less biased intuitive approach. In the end my desire to move on was relevant and she suggested some things to do to help. I was very appreciative of her input and validation of things I had felt and known. It did help some with a better understanding of why certain elements played out as they did, and was the nudge I needed to align with my physicality of moving on.

A short while later, I broke down while working on one of my elderly clients and through silent tears mentally begged Archangel Michael to help do for me what I do for others everyday: please take the pain away. It was after dinner and there was no sun, but the song “Sun Light” was stuck in my head, and I instinctively looked up to the ceiling for the closest light I could find. That made the tears pour down heavily, and I did feel significant relief. I did my best to remain quiet so my lady wouldn’t know I was crying while massaging her back. Several times that evening I had very similar repeats, ending with Nathan cutting cords on me utilizing some of the tips the acquaintance had given.

Today I’m sad, but functional and feeling significantly lighter. Most of the weight has lifted and I’m feeling like moving on is less daunting.

I told Nathan I want to, knowing it’s not going anywhere, but I had loved the idea of it/them, the interaction and energy of it all, so much that it hurts to let go and move on. Plus I can’t negate the connection I formed with the person and the very real emotions that connection carried regularly. I feel like I’m breaking my own heart. I said the law of attraction says you’re supposed to believe it and hold onto the belief, but it’s just not going to happen, so now I feel like I don’t know what to believe. Both Nathan and the acquaintance told me that it’s no reason to quit trusting my intuition, but that is where my distrust is the strongest right now. In time maybe I’ll trust myself again, just not today.

I feel like I also am holding distrust toward others as well, and I’m doing my best to let go of that. New people aren’t necessarily going to hurt me, logically I know that, but emotionally I’m so afraid of being hurt I’m holding others away. There is definitely a healing process when things don’t go as hoped or expected, and right now I’m smack dab in the middle of it.

Then the universe sent me a message. A wounded butterfly.

As I picked up the butterfly, the song “Broken Wings” played in my head. The poor monarch had one wing that wasn’t working, and it’s so cold now that if I had left it on the sidewalk it would have died by morning. I let it climb me and as I went into Whole Foods I saw the mum display and gave it a warm new home. That was its best chance of survival, but regardless it could lay eggs and start the life cycle over.

I’m like that butterfly, and the song. I need to give myself my best chance at a fresh start. I need to take my broken wings and learn to fly again. That means I must do my best to regain buoyancy and look forward. I must find a way to trust myself and others again, and I must stay disconnected from what was at all costs.

I must reach for better and learn to love and live again.

May you have healing moments, especially for your heart. May the angels take your pain and grief. May you trust yourself and others, and learn to live on. May you feel God’s grace and God’s healing. Finally, may you find love, and may you learn to fly again.

Siva Hir Su

Letting it be.

As “Let It Be” by the Beatles followed a couple of Crystal Method tracks on my shuffle list, I couldn’t help but acknowledge I needed to let it be and stop second guessing myself.

I may have gotten the wrong person, or maybe not. That I still don’t know. However, I have picked yesterday afternoon apart from the Law of Attraction and emotional response standpoint.

Feeling like an idiot, feeling like I said the wrong thing, feeling like I had everything wrong… those all carry negative emotions. Negative emotions are indicative of incorrect thoughts, thoughts misaligning with the vibrational truth, God’s truth.

So my feelings of myself yesterday afternoon were telling me that what I got was somehow accurate. Perhaps I put them to the wrong person, or my timing was off, but what I felt was very much accurate. When I acknowledge that, I feel much better.

So what did I feel then?

At the moment it hit, I was sitting at the front desk giving the concierge a break. I had just been socializing with a resident about the chief’s game moments earlier and thus had sent texts to a friend about the game. They had lost and though I’m no sports fan, I thought it appropriate to offer up an ‘I noticed’ sentiment to the friend that is into sports.

The wave that hit was as follows:

  • Root chakra flare up like arousal.
  • Slight apprehension or fear, some kind of resistant hesitation.
  • My 3rd eye and whole forehead lit up, which for me always feels like an intense tingly heat sensation that starts between my eyes and spreads.
  • I flushed/blushed all the way out to my ears and down to my chest.
  • My right shoulder felt pressure in the front and the vibration I used to associate with my Indian person.
  • I felt a slight heaviness on top of my shoulders… somewhat like when you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.
  • My right upper abdomen felt tingly like a gentle touch just below my breast.
  • There was excitement like getting good news.
  • Then I felt more apprehension, this time stronger.

At that point, being where I was and doing what I was, I literally began repeatedly saying ‘what the fuck’ mentally as an reaction to not knowing what to do with this wave hitting me.

That was when I started seeing the one person’s face mentally and thinking it must be about them I texted asking.

As they asked me what I was taking about, and I began to explain, I got a very similar second wave.

The second wave did not include the arousal, but had way more of the anxious/fear/aprehension sensations. The second wave was so intense, I literally muttered “what the fuck” a couple of times under my breath.

Despite these things being part of who I am, and fairly regular occurrences, when they are really intense and hit at inopportune moments, I simply get overwhelmed with how to handle it. It’s not like I can go hug a tree or pick up a rock to help ground it out, and the phisoloigical effects do cause embarrassment when I’m in a very obvious position like manning a front desk.

The what the fuck moment is usually because I’d like to be hiding, but I’m anything but that.

So then pile on top of that, the denial, and my resulting self-doubt and self-berating and you get a fairly crappy emotional spiral.

It has literally taken all night and all morning to pull up. Dozens of prayers to help disconnect from whatever those waves were, and literally having to pick it apart from the Abraham Hicks view-point.

At this point I’m certain that what I got and my feeling description is accurate. I’m not sure if the who was accurate, and at the very least my biggest faux pax was probably in timing. As in: if the who is accurate, then saying something about it right then was bad timing and freaked them out because they weren’t ready to hear it. As shitty as the result was, coming to this conclusion has helped me reconcile things.

However, it also reinforces that I’m going to reserve such information for myself only, that is unless I get intensely nagged by the other side. I really don’t need unnecessary rejections, and already know that most people can’t handle the full truth of me. No need to make that worse.

May you know your truth and find the deeper meaning behind emotional knee jerk reactions. May others accept you fully, and may you appreciate yourself. May your intuitive information pan out to always be helpful.

Siva Hir Su

ET is helping me water my seeds… part 1

Today I was thinking about how 2 years ago I watched ET with my residents and felt the person I was calling the boy. That started my sense of that spirit and referencing it as my ET, acknowledging that I was feeling that spirit even as a young child. Somehow I just know they are linked and I in my stupid human form just don’t fully understand.

To that end I thought maybe I could show the movie to Ian, that maybe it would help me bring some understanding to him and maybe additional clarity for myself.

In that thought I then remembered the scene where ET was sick from having eaten all the junk food that the boys had brought him, and knowing he needed to get home where he could heal. I’m torn because I feel like I’m so closely linked to my ET that I’m getting sick off of those things in my experience, but at the same time I feel like I have so many things to accomplish and do in this 3D Earth experience that I’m hardly ready to go home. So today, I’ve been calling my physical reaction ‘forced fasting’. I love to eat tasty foods, but my body is rejecting everything on this day. My liver is purging and every smell is far too intense. Things that normally cause me to say yum are making me wish to vomit.

I was in the midst of one such moment when one of the employees of the building decided she would pray for me. Her words were very Christian, but most definitely evoked my sense of that spirit I call my ET, that spirit that had told me I could call him Shiva, that was linked to the person I called the boy, my divine masculine.

I am beginning to understand how the archetypes overlap, and I’m really beginning to feel the knowledge I’ve held for years that we’re all one, and all religions are really different interpretations of the same thing.

That then made me think of the catholic last week that told me not to do Reiki because it went against her beliefs. I was a little slow on the uptake and thought later that I really wanted to ask her if she would have refused Jesus’ healing, because the formal structure of Catholicism didn’t exist for several hundred years after Jesus died.

A healer with God given abilities is still a healer with God given abilities- regardless of what culture they were raised and named in, regardless of what language they speak.

In my case my first experience of healing in this world, at birth, was by an OB with an Indian name and things of India have always and still do resonate. Yet when I went to my parent’s Christian churches as a child, I was tormented and traumatized. Is it any wonder that God tells me he’s Shiva?

Regardless, I’m grateful for that connection, I’m grateful for feeling the divine touch my body and my life. I’m grateful for the healing gifts I’ve been given; and as Shiva told me when I was working on the catholic: you can’t change who you are, you can be quiet about it or change the wording, but it’s still a part of you.

So then in explaining Reiki to a resident I told them it’s essentially prayers in a foreign language and my hands tell it where to go. I said Siva Hir Su is the one I use most, it was my gift, and translated into biblical terminology would most closely align with ‘the divine light of christ is here’. She was perfectly content to accept the healing and said it was so very helpful.

So my Shiva-Jesus blend is helping me get through my day and providing healing to myself and my clients and residents.

It’s also helping me see things in this world that are just like what I want for my Atira, so that will be part 2, maybe this evening or tomorrow.

May you all find your connection to God’s grace and understanding of its applications. May you feel the love and healing and find your own God given gifts. Most of all may you have understanding and compassion and acceptance when others wish to help you, regardless of what that looks or sounds like.

Blessings everyone.

Siva Hir Su

Ok fine, one more.

Sorry Shiva… thank you for replaying this song for me.

[I listened to the Disturbed remake from last post and even though I’ve had auto-play off since I replaced my phone, YouTube launched into Poets of the Fall… “Carnival of Rust”, “Where do We Draw the Line”, and “Children of the Sun”. I knew my Shiva was talking to me and I need to snap out of it.]

Poets of the Fall “Sweet Escape”

Et en Francé

May you have your moments where you feel appreciated and loved, even/especially if it is a spirit in non-physical. We are all loved, even when we’re down emotionally. Blessings and may we all feel better in the morning.

Siva Hir Su

Validation

Last night at about 10 PM I received a notification to watch this video, it kept me up late, but was much appreciated validation:

Watch “*DF Light Workers* IMPORTANT Mary Magdelene Call to Action, Light Activations & New Type of “Union”” on YouTube https://youtu.be/Xg896KEBC_s

It was after my 7:30 energy thing that has been happening. Last night at dinner I felt overwhelming grief. I attributed it to the purge of moving on from the boy, at least that particular 3D manifestation of my divine masculine. Nathan suggested I go lay down for a bit to clear the emotions, and shortly after I felt the same energy cycle that’s been happening nearly nightly for the last month. I asked the divine and Archangel Michael to help me flow the healing energy to the source of the pain, and especially to those still connected to my heart. It took a while, but I did clear the emotions and get to feeling better.

I got up, spent time with my kids, and then started watching little videos with Katharine. The usual animated cute videos and animal funnies, a few musically talented individuals too. Katherine, having had a mild sinus infection, really enjoyed the videos on my lap.

Then the notification popped up.

I started the video and when she got to the point where she was talking about spiders and hearing a new frequency, I had to pause the video.

She was literally describing things that had happened to both me and Nathan in the last week. Nathan had seen the blue lights and I had had a dream of spiders so vivid that I woke to see one on my pillow. You have to know: I hate spiders, but in an effort to not smack Katherine or Nathan in their sleep I grabbed my phone to provide enough light to kill the spider, and it had vanished. I turned on my flashlight and checked the whole bed and it was gone. It didn’t crawl away, I had seen a spider that wasn’t even there. Creepy, and it took me a while to get back to sleep that night. That was about 4 days ago. This lady had done her video 8/24-8/25.

*Someone cue the twilight zone theme song. *

I also acknowledged that I had been having a different sort of ringing in my ears than usual, and that fit with her description of a new frequency. So ok, Nathan and I continued listening. It meshed with many of the questions I’ve had recently.

I’m just not sure what to do with it all.

I know this process she’s taking about, has all of us which are feeling it, being led to be honestly, authentically, ourselves. So much so, that I went ahead and linked my blog to my LinkedIn, since it’s the closest thing to social media that I participate in.

After acknowledging that I’m not alone, I feel like I need to have guts enough to be one of the voices saying: I’m experiencing it too.

BECAUSE that was my first big relief when the divine shit hit the fan and got all over me. I had a WTF moment, followed by videos that explained I’m one of many. So, now I feel the need to share, yes I’m experiencing it too, so that others have the relief of “I’m not alone”.

Now what?

Only God knows that.

  • We’re all in agreement something is happening.
  • We’re all experiencing our particular gifts get stronger, and I’ve had tons of validation of that with clients both in the clinic and in elder facilities.
  • We’re all feeling called to forgive ourselves and others and find unconditional love as much as possible.
  • We’re all experiencing an increase in speed and accuracy of manifesting desires. (Or even sloppy thinking resulting in quick manifestations.)
  • An awful lot of us are hung up on child bearing, and as many or more of us have had relationships just like my online boy- which at this point may have been an Ai ruse. I suppose we’ll all eventually find out the reality of that or not.
  • Regardless of our ‘ghosting’ internet connections, all of us are experiencing love via our spirit half. Twin flame as many call it. Feeling, seeing, hearing- all with a someone not physically present, but brought on with the online relationship.
  • That love connection is pushing boundaries for many. Opening eyes and changing paradigms. – For me being bisexual, I have realized in many ways Nathan holds my divine feminine role, or at least part of it. I’ve experienced many of the things that are being lumped as divine feminine myself, but I’ve also felt like I was being referenced as divine masculine at times too (work-a-holic). And then there’s feeling and hearing these other 2 or 3 people, and having difficulty separating them into feminine and masculine. That’s all nothing in comparison to the paradigm pushing I’ve caused in others over polyamory. This wave is really just smashing the cultural box we’ve lived in for so long.
  • We’re acknowledging this is happening in mass, all over the world, and to people of all religions, but generally is seeming to impact younger generations in a greater way. The older generations are either not admitting to it, or not feeling it as strongly. There are few like my Nathan (56) that admit stuff is happening, but he even says his changes are minimal compared to what he’s witnessing me go through. He keeps saying he’s just trying to keep up with me and my needs, and I feel the same about keeping up with the divine.

There you have it, that’s what I’ve noticed so far. That’s the common threads I’m seeing, and the video has some additional commentary.

If you too are experiencing things, you’re not alone. We can just hang in, support each other, share the love, and do our best to keep up with the divine.

I know for me, I fall under the healer/medic she referenced in the video and on one hand it’s greatly helped my work, on the other I feel like one misstep could be disastrous. I’m being very careful to take care of me, even if it means it cuts something else short.

Every day I ask the divine to help me do my work for God in the best most efficient way possible. I honor my skills as being my gift from God and I’m grateful to be able to help mankind in this way. Just like my post from yesterday. I know we will get through, and there will eventually be clarity, but I just have to keep reminding myself of that and do my best to keep up with what is being asked of me.

May you know you’re not alone. May you feel loved and supported. May your paradigm shift be gentle, and your gifts great. May you know and believe you’re doing God’s work and you are supported. May you find the best outcomes in your manifestations, and feel your connection to your divine aspects.

Many blessings everyone. Be well.

Siva Hir Su

New day, new week.

“Everything’s gonna be all right.” -Bob Marley

Yesterday, I did some art, spent time with my family, and had a fairly relaxing good day, mostly at home. It was nice.

The art was nothing spectacular, just a little coloring to make friends with my new space. But I do have an idea for a charcoal drawing I may start working on.

The time with family was mostly ok to good, but Ian is still struggling with misbehaving. We discovered that he poked holes in the head of our djembe drum that Nathan was gifted over a decade ago. After ordering a new head and refreshing my memory of how to re-head the drum, I had a discussion with Ian.

He told me that a certain someone we used to live with was in his head telling him to keep causing trouble. I explained that that particular person was very manipulative and found satisfaction in causing chaos in other people’s lives, and that was why I chose to disconnect and move on from them. I told him he had to make that choice on his own, but that consequences would increase for him if he chose to keep listening to that person. I explained that just because he could hear them, didn’t mean he had to do anything that they said. That they choose to use their abilities for negative reasons, but that he could learn to use his for good. I also stressed that I would think he would choose to do the things that we request, especially since we genuinely love him and have his best interests at heart.

It was at that point that I understood why I kept being told that Archangel Michael was around me. I sent several prayers throughout all of yesterday requesting that the Angels protect all of us, and help my children remove energetic connections to those people. I also sent prayers that they help me forget that person and enable me to forgive the damage done so that my cords would permanently dissolve.

My decision on that person is: I don’t believe they have it in them to heal, I know they are so addicted to several things, including the drama of creating chaos, that they don’t even see their own patterns. We all have things like that, but this is just an extreme case. Regardless, even if they did try to change I don’t think it would stick and thus I don’t foresee ever being able to spend any significant time around them again. So, I do wish and pray for compete disconnection for myself and my family, I do want that to become a series of unfortunate events that I ultimately learn to forgive myself for enabling, and them for continuing to create.

Regardless, I went on to tell Ian that I love him, and that Nathan and I are doing our best to give him tools to control his thoughts and behaviors to improve things for himself. We want him to do well and he just needs to practice the things we’ve been teaching him. I compared it to his writing practice and explained the more he does the meditations and other tricks we’ve given him, the more they will work and things will get easier and easier for him. I gave him 2 days to work on resetting and focusing on practicing those tools. Essentially 2 days free pass, as long as Nathan and I see him putting effort into doing better. I pray that those 2 days, and the near future afterward, the Angels will protect him from intrusive thoughts and mirror anything like that back to the sender. My child needs that fresh start.

Nathan rounded out the day taking Ian to a huge new playground on my way to work. He had a blast discovering the new fun things to be had.

I give thanks that Archangel Michael is protecting me and my family and thanks that each new day brings greater clarity and resources to improve our lives.

May our improvements keep compounding for exponential growth.

Bonus our family vacation is approaching quickly. My mom has agreed to go with us, so there will be a slight detour to Iowa to pick her up and drop her off, but then we’ll have 7 solid days in Great Pond Maine and Acadia National Park the last part of July and first couple days of August. As the time draws nearer I’m finding myself increasingly more excited. I am so looking forward to the distance, fun, exploration, R&R, and possibilities of the trip. I give thanks for everything that has aligned to enable this experience, including house and pet sitters, and finances. Thank you God.