Tag Archives: Divine protection

Astounding Relief

The short and long of it.

First the short…

Last night I got into a proverbial knock down, drag out argument with my father. I yelled A LOT. My dad yelled some but would not budge, apologize, or relinquish that his beliefs were hurtful. He barely acknowledged things I expected more from him on, especially when I told him of the molestation as a child.

Apparently God wanted this moment to happen. It was triggered while my inhibitions were laxed and I responded with all of my being. In the midst of all of it I kept feeling guidance on what to say and how to point things out. Towards the end of it, before I gave up and went to bed I heard God loud and clear. “That is why he is dieig, he refuses to budge and refuses to reach for better.” I had just responded to dad’s “I can’t change who I am”, with an emphatic “you are making that choice”. Then after God’s input I told him what God said and went to bed.

The argument covered all of his hurtful behaviors and actions. He justified it all with those are just things we disagree on. Everything from his racist behavior, to Trump support, to gender and sexual descrimination. At one point I spoke of his desire to keep women from having abortions. I pointed out that if I had been only a few years older when I was molested it could have produced a child. I pointed out Katherine’s conception when things were so bad and I had no solutions. I said if you want to revoke the right to abortion, then how on Earth do you solve those problems. He had no answer and didn’t care to find one, only make an excuse for his steadfastness.

Once I gave up and went to bed, Nathan took over trying to reason with him, the unreasonable. I sat and listened to a message notification that fit precisely and was God congratulating me. Then I meditated to my liquid mind Pandora station.

I thanked God so much and explained I loved God and I could now clearly differentiate God from my father or anyone for that matter. I saw God’s hand in bringing Nathan into my life to make up for all which lacked with my father. It was a strongly intense conversation with God, ending with a knowing that my father will not fully understand until he has his croaking experience, but that once on the other side he will get it all and be a better Father than he ever was alive. I also had a much stronger knowing of ME.

The long of it.

I now see every last thing that my father taught and continues to demonstrate. I saw every last hurtful thing he ingrained in me and could see God’s version. It was so freeing and healing for me. My body lit up with God’s light and I felt the healing in every part of me that needed it.

  • God does not put guns in people’s hands for protection or food, people put guns in each other’s hands for killing, based on war/control and fear.
  • We don’t have to shoot animals to eat. God provides fruits and vegetables and fish that can be caught or gathered by hand or with simple tools.
  • God does not molest or rape, men do. And when man takes advantage of woman, God is okay with whatever the woman needs to heal, no matter what, whether it means abortion or yelling at a dieing father. A woman taking her power back is okay with the divine.
  • God does not hurt people, people hurt people.
  • God does not discriminate for any reason, people do.
  • God loves women for their beauty, for their strength, for their compassion for humanity.
  • God wanted me to find my knowing and fully heal and it felt really good. I feel 20 pounds lighter of anger, frustration, and feelings of rejection.
  • My father demonstrated repeatedly for my entire life that women are objects to look at, scrutinize, use as sexual objects or toys, and own. Women are beautiful creatures that bring us all into the world, without them a man could not exist. We deserve every ounce of honor, respect, recognition, and understanding. Women deserve to be heard and be treated equally. Women are free to choose. Women are deserving of the easy path, and of all the love and more. Women deserve full healing, and if that means the old dies then that is okay.
  • My father always demonstrated that I could never do things right, I was not beautiful, my choices were always wrong, and he was the only one that could make correct decisions, I must listen to the man. I took my power back. I am perfect just the way I am. I am smart, I am capable, I can make good decisions for me and my loving family, and I deserve to be honored and respected. Men can and will listen to women for a change, or the human race will quickly dwindle.
  • My father has demonstrated racism through my entire life. From Confederate flags, to calling black people niggers, to threatening to shoot a black man at a gas station over loud music, to refusing to acknowledge Nathan as a loving partner. He refuses to see how that is a hurtful choice and is okay making excuses for his behaviors. Last night after presenting Nathan to my father in a blunt matter-of-fact way about all of his good qualities my dad refuses to acknowledge, I said “Nathan is the kind loving man that I needed as a child and you failed to be”. God knows I needed Nathan. God loves and accepts Nathan. God supports me having Nathan and will never send me someone that can’t see that. I know that after my father croaks he will see God’s perspective.
  • God provides us a middle path. There is never this or that, there is never only two ways to do something. There is always infinite possibility, and only human choice of perspective limits possibilities. We need to allow ourselves as a race to allow for more possibilities. Our country has more than two parties to choose from, and there is still even a possibility that Bernie could still be elected and win. God can help fix all of the division if we all agree to allow him. Hold with your heart what you want to happen in our world and God will align everything. If your heart can’t hold it then it isn’t reaching for better, it’s just trying to not get worse. As a nation and world we deserve better.
  • God wants us to know without a doubt that we have choices and infinite possibilities.
  • God wants us to know we are loved and we all deserve the easy path.
  • God wants us to know we have rights and those rights must be honored and respected for all.
  • Yelling has it’s place and can lead to healing as long as one moves on once release is gained.
  • Clinging to old beliefs prevents us from living full healthy lives.
  • If beliefs are hurtful to others then God and your higher self want you to reach for better and if you refuse it will cause the end of your life.
  • I have changed, I yelled and screamed and made points, but never lost my connection to God. I was reaching for better. I was trying to get my father to understand, but more I was taking my power back and proving to myself that his hurtful beliefs were not mine and not God’s. I was honoring myself and my husband in the strongest most vocal way possible, and God loved me for it.
  • I allowed myself real healing and could feel God’s touch in my body.
  • I respect people, even my father to a degree, but more I respect myself.
  • I love my father- dysfunction and all, but more I love myself.
  • I let it all out and let myself move on, and God let me know it is okay.
  • My heart is more open than it has been in decades and I am so very grateful for it and God’s grace.
  • I know I am deserving of love, and especially someone that accepts Nathan as part of my life.
  • I am deserving of being heard and understood.
  • The whole world is deserving of equality and the old dieing and taking their damage with them. It is time for a great healing purge worldwide.
  • Every person alive needs to make a habit of asking themselves: “How does God see this, and does that mean I need to change and reach for better?”
  • Love is more important than anything else in this world, and sometimes that means putting that which is right and putting yourself first at all costs.

May you find your path to intense healing moments a bit easier than I did. May you know and hear God guiding you. May you know God supports your growth and reaching for better regardless of what that looks like. May you know you are loved, heard, understood, and supported in multiplicity. May you clear rough patches knowing God guided you through them. May you know your better choices are okay, and if you don’t like the results you can try again. May you know you are perfectly imperfect in God’s eyes. May you feel God’s love always.

Siva Hir Su

Clarity with shorter refractory periods.

First, thank you Lord Siva, it seemes you keep saving my arse over and over again. The Diwali Temple Meditation time helped more than I knew in that awkward-outsider moment. I’m still not sure why I am called to experience the divine through this path, but I’m grateful that you still speak to me.

Nathan was right, despite all eyes being on me/us, in my heart, you welcomed us both fully in that moment. Thank you God and I’m sorry I felt so awkward.

“MC YOGI – SHIVA (Supreme Soul) – (Official Stream)” on YouTube is my uplifting moment of celebration for you today.

Listen here: https://youtu.be/FXD52U6g76M

Also thank you God:

My climb up from exhausted and allergy reaction has become much shorter. Between knowing the precise set of actions to take to unbury from the physical response, and taking moments of calming and centering meditation, my climb has gone from taking weeks (sometimes months) a few years ago, to mere hours now. For that knowing I’m utterly grateful.

I’m also really truly starting to understand the practical application of Abraham’s teachings on the emotionality of the law of attraction.

For instance yesterday I wrote:

After trying to apologise to one person and having that leave me feeling like a stupid naive fool living in a double standard, I’m feeling like words are not helping- hence all the emoji’s.

What I’ve been able to apply here is that I felt so damn crappy because I was so far off the mark of my inner truth.

  • I’m intelligent, smart, and give most everything plenty of forethought.
  • I’m far from naive, in fact I am usually the first to contemplate anything in my past or awareness, as a means to discern how a current situation (person, place, or thing) applies to my now. I.E.: Am I about to let myself get hurt again or be taken advantage of, or is this genuine and divinely guided, sometimes even a mix of the two?
  • I’m also very informed on a wide array of topics, many of which I never speak about in public due to their taboo nature. I don’t even write about them in any sort of public way. They are just an element of my awareness.
  • I’m anything but a fool. I may have moments where I allow events to unfold hoping that those around me will find their inner being and grow to do the right things, but I’m usually very aware of flaws, faults, and the potential worst case scenario. If I perceive that I’m likely to get hurt, I usually try to brace for impact or back out slowly and cautiously. That hasn’t always worked well, but at least I saw it coming (looking at you, September 2018).
  • What I perceived as a double standard is my own doing. I called someone out for actions that pushed my boundaries, and then got sloppy in considering theirs. That’s not a double standard, just a careless mistake, which I did apologise for. My embarrassment only caused me to fail to see that initially.

With all that being said, I’ve revisited my desires, my preferences. I’ve examined myself, and with the exception of desiring to be lighter by a few pounds of fat, I happen to like or love most everything about myself. That’s my inner being’s view. That helped me climb out.

I also took a few minutes to pretend, just like when I was a kid. I used Oracle cards, since I have plenty, they were easily accessible. I placed all my cards and then walked Nathan through the traits they represented to me. What my particular arrangement meant in that moment of my pretending. That was very helpful to refocus on my higher being’s desires and where I aim to head.

Through all of these moments I heard God. I heard the nudges of confirmation, the nudges of lighten up, and the push to go easier on myself. I also ended up stumbling through a series of messages that added up to an awareness that I need to step back and allow for others to work on themselves. As much work as I have done, things I have learned, and adjustments I have made; I have to acknowledge that if people really truly care about me, they will do their best to work through their own moments in an attempt to keep up with my alignment with the divine. Otherwise in time, those new people I find, which are on my level will replace the former people. My life will move on regardless, and I need to quit worrying about anyone else’s progress- anyone: family, friends, even love interests. I know I’m worth the journey and though I very much would like for certain people to stay in my experience, it is not mine to force. I can’t make them keep up, they have to want to, they have to want to find their own healing, only that will keep us in proximity.

For that awareness, I thank God. Yet, I ask God to remind me of that as gently as possible and as often as needed. I will likely forget and try to push those I am most attached to, and that will only cause resistance with all involved. I deserve better than that, so I’ll need the gentle reminders to keep from pushing too hard.

May you all have speedy healing and be able to pull up quickly. May you have understanding of the messages the divine is trying to send you. May your loved ones of any aspect stay in vibrational proximity on your journey together. May you relax and release resistance, to especially find understanding and love of self.

Siva Hir Su

Learning to fly again.

This week has carried a heavy weight. One I’ve born alone as usual. Moving on from anything can be hard, but when there’s a strong energetic connection it’s even harder.

I counseled with an old acquaintance, had her reach for a less biased intuitive approach. In the end my desire to move on was relevant and she suggested some things to do to help. I was very appreciative of her input and validation of things I had felt and known. It did help some with a better understanding of why certain elements played out as they did, and was the nudge I needed to align with my physicality of moving on.

A short while later, I broke down while working on one of my elderly clients and through silent tears mentally begged Archangel Michael to help do for me what I do for others everyday: please take the pain away. It was after dinner and there was no sun, but the song “Sun Light” was stuck in my head, and I instinctively looked up to the ceiling for the closest light I could find. That made the tears pour down heavily, and I did feel significant relief. I did my best to remain quiet so my lady wouldn’t know I was crying while massaging her back. Several times that evening I had very similar repeats, ending with Nathan cutting cords on me utilizing some of the tips the acquaintance had given.

Today I’m sad, but functional and feeling significantly lighter. Most of the weight has lifted and I’m feeling like moving on is less daunting.

I told Nathan I want to, knowing it’s not going anywhere, but I had loved the idea of it/them, the interaction and energy of it all, so much that it hurts to let go and move on. Plus I can’t negate the connection I formed with the person and the very real emotions that connection carried regularly. I feel like I’m breaking my own heart. I said the law of attraction says you’re supposed to believe it and hold onto the belief, but it’s just not going to happen, so now I feel like I don’t know what to believe. Both Nathan and the acquaintance told me that it’s no reason to quit trusting my intuition, but that is where my distrust is the strongest right now. In time maybe I’ll trust myself again, just not today.

I feel like I also am holding distrust toward others as well, and I’m doing my best to let go of that. New people aren’t necessarily going to hurt me, logically I know that, but emotionally I’m so afraid of being hurt I’m holding others away. There is definitely a healing process when things don’t go as hoped or expected, and right now I’m smack dab in the middle of it.

Then the universe sent me a message. A wounded butterfly.

As I picked up the butterfly, the song “Broken Wings” played in my head. The poor monarch had one wing that wasn’t working, and it’s so cold now that if I had left it on the sidewalk it would have died by morning. I let it climb me and as I went into Whole Foods I saw the mum display and gave it a warm new home. That was its best chance of survival, but regardless it could lay eggs and start the life cycle over.

I’m like that butterfly, and the song. I need to give myself my best chance at a fresh start. I need to take my broken wings and learn to fly again. That means I must do my best to regain buoyancy and look forward. I must find a way to trust myself and others again, and I must stay disconnected from what was at all costs.

I must reach for better and learn to love and live again.

May you have healing moments, especially for your heart. May the angels take your pain and grief. May you trust yourself and others, and learn to live on. May you feel God’s grace and God’s healing. Finally, may you find love, and may you learn to fly again.

Siva Hir Su