Tag Archives: divine

Next!

A continuation of previous inquiries.

  • I wonder if men are afraid that they will be treated by women the way they as a whole gender have treated women for so long?
  • Do the men that fear retribution not see there are ways to safely return balance, and that their own actions matter?
  • And the layered wrongness of assuming a woman did sexual favors to get into any position of power…. Should we also assume that men do sexual favors for each other to get into those positions? We already know there is a fair amount of human trafficking of women for those men, but maybe they are also just giving each other head to climb ladders. Or isn’t it just vile that we have to make any of those assumptions, when did being at the top loose any meaning of knowledge, skill, fortitude, or accomplishments?
  • I was once told it is wrong to think or wish anyone dead no matter how disrespectful or disgraceful they were as a human being. It is truth because wishing death on anyone for any negative reason is harmful to oneself because you are focusing on a negative because of a negative. Those patterns only beget more of the same, but when the thoughts are internal they often trigger the same pattern internally and lead to ill health. However, should we also not see and find solutions for the fact that vile people lead our country and medical systems? Should we not acknowledge that it’s simply not okay for those people to be in power and to be causing us harm on multiple levels including gender inequality and stripping away of rights and freedoms?
  • And, are you contemplating their death from a cruel, vindictive, or good riddance standpoint; or more from a compassionate view for them or those they are affecting? The how’s and why’s of death’s contemplation is what makes it negative or not. I have prayed for the peace and soothing release that someone desperately needs through death, far more frequently than for a death of a ‘healthy’ individual. Even at that, the ‘healthy’ individual is a relative statement, because most of those individuals were causing harm and hardships for many, which one could argue is not healthy for them, but definitely not healthy for the masses, and my requests are always generated from the relief for the most standpoint.
  • My own personal goal is to not do anything I am not willing to accept as my own consequence. If I loose my mind enough to bring harm to millions of people, I honestly would hope that someone would stop me at any cost. I am perfectly fine with that consequence, but I aim to not be that person to begin with.
  • I guess what I’m getting to is: acknowleding the levels upon levels that one has to evaluate before making any firm statement. I think we all need to do that in regards to many things and many contexts. Do any of us really use that level of responsible judgement before making sweeping broad statements in a very opinionated way? And does God hold every single one of those blazé statements against us, or does God realize that it is yet another flaw of our humanness?
  • Does God already understand that our emotions sometimes get the better of us and we say things that we really don’t mean, just like parents with children? Does God have a way to tell what we really mean beyond human words, and solve the problem anyway? Does God ever know that we are expressing frustration over problems experienced, and see the layers of the whole picture and the whole onion of tears before reaching for a solution for us?
  • I like to believe that God really is greater and understands all of that and so much more that I’m not even able to communicate fully.
  • I like to believe God understands more than words, that God feels the emotions and the vibrations and sees the bigger alignment of all of it, and is able to see the best solution possible.
  • I like to believe that I am capable of trusting God and the divine in general, and that one day I’ll have a better understanding of why I needed so damn much patience to get through certain moments and periods of my life.
  • I like to believe that all my struggles and learning lessons along the way really did matter for a better experience, and that I will get to enjoy that experience for as long as I’d like, that I’ll really get to know what easier feels like in a prolonged way, and that it might lead to even greater ease.
  • I like to believe that the carrot is real and at some point I’ll get to enjoy the carrot cake in a wonderful way, and that the longer I wait maybe there will be even more and even better choices of cake. In a certain context, I took the best thing I’d seen the first try, and it didn’t pan out well- the dominoes didn’t fall as expected, maybe I didn’t wait long enough, or maybe that was a giant learning lesson to guide all my learning lessons. Again, only the divine knows the real answer. So I’m trusting and waiting patiently. Waiting for the feeling of knowing and certainty.
  • I am ready to be ready for improvement, and the divine will tell me how to get there one step at a time, and I can only ever accurately levie judgement upon myself, and even then after much contemplation.
  • I spend my days doing my best to be mindful, release stress, improve myself, and reach for better. On the occasion when another “gets my goat” I do my best to release it in whatever way I’m able (sometimes writing it out) and then forgive myself for falling for it, and forgive them for being the role of a trigger in my experience.
  • I wish everyone had that awareness, and we were all working that direction. I want us all to be happy and fulfilled and living easier lives: friends, family, neighbors, the whole of humanity. I genuinely want a better world in all the ways.
  • I’m doing my best to let go of my fears. It is entirely possible that I could make another choice that goes entirely opposite of my desires. I’m also afraid of hurting someone else because of my choices, as I’ve done plenty of that as well. Yet I am doing my best to maintain faith and trust in divine processes, and trust that if I listen well enough things will get better. I continue to reach for better.

May you have moments of recognition and understanding. May you find compassion for others, and forgiveness for yourself and others for any transgressions. May you have enough glimpses of the bigger picture and enough messages from the divine to know everything will be alright. May you find your patience even when you feel like you’re wearing thin. May you know for certain that one day it will all be worth it.

Om Shanti

Return to My Self

My deepest desire
Simply to return
To my
Self
Before the toxic
Took hold
Before
Toxic masculine
Before
Generations of
Karmic debt
Laden
Dis-ease
Before virus
Swish-cheese organs
Before
Internal wars

To mesh with that
Self
In this
Time, age, place
Peaceful, Content,
Healthy and happy
To return
To my
Self
My beautiful Venus
Energy of divine
Feminine
Aeons of chaos
Discord and turbulence
Wars won
Generations of
Survivors
Strong and beautiful
Coursing through my veins
Bringing that
Strength
Light
Into my cells
Healing all
Helping improve
The outer
Manifestations
Eventually
Revealed
Time and space
Warped for
Miraculous
Healing
Making my
Self
My now
Experience
Abundant
Beauty and Strength
For all to
See
Know
Divine grace
Unfolded
Upon me
Revealing
What was already there
Hidden
As the treasure
It is
My beautiful
Loving
Goddess
Self

~Treasa Cailleach

May you love your inner being and allow it to flow enough for miraculous healing. May you love yourself as much as your Self does. May you feel your connection always. May you know you are where you need to be. May you know all of your experiences gave you wisdom to see more than meets the eye. May you cherish every bit of your self, your life, and your experiences.

Om Shanti

2nd round

A one hour gap led to my 2nd round of exercise for the day. I started early, with 35min of elliptical before work. Now I walk the park near work. Sunshine and 73° a stark contrast to the subzero temps of the week of my birthday, just 2 weeks ago.

This round I’m not listening to music, no I much prefer the sounds of birds chirping and singing. I would sing myself were it not likely to bother others.

I happily wear my scarf as a shawl, just enough coverage to adjust to the light breeze today. I’m so happy to be without a coat.

Today I have been kicking energetic butt.

I do not need a negative skunk of a divine masculine in any form. The divine masculine of this world has not stopped power, greed, or manipulation of the masses. DM has not produced actual healing for many diseases, and especially considering vaccines have not solved many detrimental diseases. Vaccines pretend to help only those never exposed to begin with, and only for certain chosen diseases, but their toxic chemicals do other damage in the process. And toxic chemicals are everywhere anyway, the DM has not stopped corporate greed ruining our food supply with any one of dozens of toxins.

No, I don’t give one shit about the divine masculine in human form or otherwise, because no form it is taking is doing any good for anyone, and there have been no miracles from God in large scale way.

Divine healing looks like miracles. It looks like safe foods and our bodies functioning properly, without more toxic ‘interventions’.

Divine healing is like this sunny day, living life the way it was intended, out in the open with smiles on faces. Divine healing is joy and enjoyment of many activities. Divine healing is businesses functioning and flourishing because they are genuinely helping people (not scaring the shit out of everyone). Divine is goodness in all forms.

This masculine bullshit we have been cowering from is just that- bullshit.

I embrace my feminine, that brings me joy. That has gotten me closer to healing than anyhing that any masculine has said or done. I embrace my inner being because that feels good, that feels like joy.

And my husband, he’s doing the same. I know inside my husband is a healed, radiant, smart, kind being, and I look forward to that showing more again. My husband is intelligent and we both have been doing everything in our power to heal. We both have been putting in more focus and more effort, than anyone wants to acknowledge. The fact that we are doing so much, and still coming up short, is because of all the damage that decades of rampant toxic masculinity enabled.

Toxic masculinity has ruined humanity and left us all zombies. Real zombies are the hordes cowering in fear. Real zombies are the hordes bickering with each other over problems instead of joining forces to find real lasting solutions. Real zombies are all the people giving their power away to greedy corporations because they say this injection will stop the disease. Real zombies are those that vote for the rich guy because he’s not a career politician forgetting he padded his own pockets in the process, but can’t see that the young politicians have people’s genuine concerns at heart because they signed up to try and fix the system.

If you can’t employ your brain to reach for better, see the fallacy of anything, and aim for solutions, then you are already a zombie.


As for me, I’m reaching for better.

I remind myself and my family regularly:

Mind your own self first.

Reach for better and focus on something that feels good.

If you can’t find a solution, then find a way to let go of it so someone else can.

If you’re not living life normally, then you’re not living, and you might as well let go of life itself.

Treat yourself with respect, dignity, and love. If you know that you are doing everything you can correctly, then you have to know that you are doing your best and the rest is up to the actual divine.

Love yourself and give yourself what you need, no matter what that is.


I used my walk and this post to let go of what was bothering me. I used my walk to find appreciation. I am focusing on what I need to feel better. I am honoring my divine self and reaching for better and believing that no matter what, everything is okay.

May you find a way to let go and reach for better. May you see solutions or at least release the need to fight over anything. May you show yourself much needed kindness. May you find things to experience joy and learn to truly live again. May we all see that everything is okay and the divine loves and supports us in all that we aim to do for a greater good. May humanity find peace and living again.

Om Shanti

Another conversation with God.

I have been asking God questions, but I can’t get them out of my head to be able to clear space for the answers. So I’m going to dictate my current conversation with God to hopefully allow the space for answers to come.


Hi God: Shiva/Avalokiteshvara/Quan-Yin,

I know you love me and I know Nathan loves me. I know I don’t really need anything or anyone else. So why on Earth do I still want those other people and feel like I must keep trying so hard?

I have gotten really good at loving people that don’t return love. I’m good at loving the man I do have, and decent at showing him my love (there is always room for improvement). So why is it so damn hard to love myself as much? Why do I feel like I want another? Why do I still put others first?

I have spent a lifetime trying to please others. I let myself walk right into several situations where people said the right things, used words to get into me/my life, and took advantage of me and then left me hanging. Some hurt deep to my core and still resurface even after much emotional work. Why do they still resurface? Why is it so hard to let that go and expect others to reciprocate? Why do I still try to do everything, knowing that no-one will do any of it for me? Why can’t I believe that things will be done for me? Why can’t I believe that others will give as much as I do?

I know that I am doing so much better than a decade ago. I know I am far healthier in my daily practices than most of America. I know that I have made huge strides towards fixing my health and being healthy. So why can’t I allow full healing? I want to allow full healing. Why do I feel like that means I need to look a certain way? Why am I so stuck on others being able to see my health? Why do I need validation from others? Why does western medicine get under my skin and bother me so much, and why do I let their tests and opinions matter?

I run circles around most people. I can consume 500-700 calories and still do 5 hours of deep tissue and a full workout and just be normal tired. So why does a doctor doing blood work and writing prescriptions even matter? Why do I want my blood work to be “normal” when I know they frequently change what they think normal is? I know I don’t care about living to 90 and being bedridden on a gaggle of drugs, so why do I care that they think I need any? Why do I feel like I need to be a skinny Minney or body-builder to be considered healthy? Why do I want for my skin to shrink so badly? Why do I care?

I know that I have done far more than many people, in regards to many things. Why do I have such a hard time believing I have done all that needs to be done? Why do I feel like I must have to do more? Why can’t I believe I am enough, I have done enough? I want to, and thought I had figured it out. Why does it keep coming back?

I am carrying enough stored calories to exist for at least 60 days without consuming anything but water. Also, I stay on top of vital nutrition with all my supplements, so I know it isn’t something I am lacking. Why do I still fight cravings? Why does hunger rule my body? Why can’t I just shut it off and stop eating until the stored calories and extra skin are consumed? Why is this process so damn hard?

I want to allow. I know sometimes I feel I am without a doubt. Other times I feel good and think I am allowing, but I still have all these moments, all these triggers that say otherwise. When will I have allowed enough that my change is visible? When will I have full health, and the things I do desire? How much allowing does it take to fix these things? Again, why can’t I see and believe I have already done enough?

I know that some of this will work out in time. The rest I hope I can allow your clarity and your answers. I do love you God and I really don’t want to be a whiney doubting nag. I just want to delete the old programming and allow the new me to be fully revealed and healthy inside and out. I’m doing my best and I’m trying to believe I am enough. I am so grateful for everything you have done for me already. I thank you everyday for all the good that has already manifested, and I am ever so grateful that I am able to help others through my connection to your light. I hope to be able to continue spreading your light and blessings for many years to come. I hope those that I may have hurt forgive me, and that any damage done is healed for everyone. I love you, God, more than anything or anyone else.


May you have good conversations with God. May you allow room for the answers you need. May you find you are able to listen for those answers. May you have ample things to find gratitude over. May you have joy and love in your life. May you be able to release old limiting beliefs. May you know that others care and reciprocate your affections and acts of service. May you know God loves you and supports you. Above all, may you find love for yourself and find ways to show yourself love daily.

Siva Hir Su

Dream Déjà Vu

Watch “Anson Seabra – Can You Hear Me (Official Animated Video)” on YouTube:


I woke this morning from a really strange dream. I was back at the job I had just after college where I was an administrative assistant. It was a firm that was growing by bringing Indians with multiple degrees over to the US to fulfill high tech engineering and IT jobs. The owner was kinda shiesty, but he did help people get their green-cards for a sizeable fee. His company was worth 5 million when I worked for him and it was continuing to grow. Mostly because he took 40-60% of each salary that he placed someone in (I was responsible for prepping payroll). That was almost 15 years ago and to my knowledge they are still functioning and growing.

Anyway in the dream I found myself and Nathan sitting at a desk in their new bigger shiny office. The room I was in was just for the big heads. The owner’s and VP’s desk were in opposite corners and there was a conference table with 3 right-hand-man types at it. The big wall between the owner’s and VP’s desks had logos of all their prized contracts. The companies that they placed people with the most. I recognized the ones that I was familiar with from when I worked with them. What caught me off guard was the logo for my first actual credit card was on the wall.

In the dream I looked at Nathan and said “what the hell are we doing here”. He replied with “I’m not sure, I guess we’ll find out eventually.” I looked at the owner: Raj, and he looked just as I remembered, portly, balding, and stern. Then I looked at the VP: Praveen, his body looked the same, especially with his super shiny suit as usual, but he had this rediculous sandy-brown wig on that was covering most of his face. The conference table of the three guys was very similar to my memory, but they were different guys. When I worked for them it was Rajesh, Suraj, and the other guy went by Rocky.

At that point in the dream I was so perplexed I started flipping through stock listings. Nathan asked what I was doing. I replied “I have no idea what I’m supposed to do, so I might as well try to figure out what the best option is for purchasing stock to try and capitalize on this recession. You know buy something that when the economy bounces back they will really increase in value.” I went back to looking at stocks and reading about each company.

That was when Nathan woke me up because I had overslept my alarms again.

……

Praveen looking extra rediculous was probably my imagination having fun with his already rediculous nature, where he always seemed to try and outdo himself. Beyond that, my dream was likely something to do with my sentiment the other day about any decision I make would just be more of the same in guise of something different.

But it was so vivid I know it means something. Those dreams always do.

Upon waking, I had a knee jerk reaction about the credit card logo. I would not put it past one of those really smart people to be “helpful” in getting me on a path to better credit, to later call in the favor. That credit card was literally the first offer for a credit card that I had received. The interest rate sucked but I chalked it up to my poor credit and knew if I was careful it wouldn’t be an issue and eventually I could get them to lower it. I took the offer because I knew it would help rebuild. Then to see it in this dream, I now wonder if there was a helping IT hand in that process.

Unfortunately, the reason I quit working for that company was because my honesty scruples butted up against my intelligent knowing of how they were skirting rules and manipulating money to their benefit. There were many little things they did that we’re slap on the wrist offenses, but that netted them big benefits in untaxed dollars. I didn’t like their way of doing business, even if it did make them successful faster.

Beyond that, the people that I would suspect of helping me no longer work for that company, at least that I’m aware.

What confused me more was Nathan’s presence in the dream. He never worked for the company and at the time he was working for someone else, so he never even dropped in for lunch or any of the other things he does now. The only thing I can think of is Nathan made the dream have 7 people in it. When I worked for the company it was the 5 and me in the office every day- 6 total, but I’m now aware that 7 is significant for me because of my birth family.

So WTF, what does it mean? I have no real idea. If one of them did help me rebuild my credit then I am ever grateful, but have no idea how I could ever repay their kindness. I also thought about my mystery person and that it might be a message about them, it’s a stretch but plausible. I simply don’t know.

I often wish that divine messages were more easily understood before things happened. I find myself too frequently exclaiming, well after the fact: “Oh, that’s what that dream meant!”

Oh well, time will tell. I am grateful that I get these messages, even if I’m too dense to understand.

May you have good, vivid dreams. May you always understand the message the divine is trying to convey to you. May you know you are supported. May you feel your connection to God. May you know everything is going to be okay.

Siva Hir Su