Tag Archives: doing my part

New day, new week.

“Everything’s gonna be all right.” -Bob Marley

Yesterday, I did some art, spent time with my family, and had a fairly relaxing good day, mostly at home. It was nice.

The art was nothing spectacular, just a little coloring to make friends with my new space. But I do have an idea for a charcoal drawing I may start working on.

The time with family was mostly ok to good, but Ian is still struggling with misbehaving. We discovered that he poked holes in the head of our djembe drum that Nathan was gifted over a decade ago. After ordering a new head and refreshing my memory of how to re-head the drum, I had a discussion with Ian.

He told me that a certain someone we used to live with was in his head telling him to keep causing trouble. I explained that that particular person was very manipulative and found satisfaction in causing chaos in other people’s lives, and that was why I chose to disconnect and move on from them. I told him he had to make that choice on his own, but that consequences would increase for him if he chose to keep listening to that person. I explained that just because he could hear them, didn’t mean he had to do anything that they said. That they choose to use their abilities for negative reasons, but that he could learn to use his for good. I also stressed that I would think he would choose to do the things that we request, especially since we genuinely love him and have his best interests at heart.

It was at that point that I understood why I kept being told that Archangel Michael was around me. I sent several prayers throughout all of yesterday requesting that the Angels protect all of us, and help my children remove energetic connections to those people. I also sent prayers that they help me forget that person and enable me to forgive the damage done so that my cords would permanently dissolve.

My decision on that person is: I don’t believe they have it in them to heal, I know they are so addicted to several things, including the drama of creating chaos, that they don’t even see their own patterns. We all have things like that, but this is just an extreme case. Regardless, even if they did try to change I don’t think it would stick and thus I don’t foresee ever being able to spend any significant time around them again. So, I do wish and pray for compete disconnection for myself and my family, I do want that to become a series of unfortunate events that I ultimately learn to forgive myself for enabling, and them for continuing to create.

Regardless, I went on to tell Ian that I love him, and that Nathan and I are doing our best to give him tools to control his thoughts and behaviors to improve things for himself. We want him to do well and he just needs to practice the things we’ve been teaching him. I compared it to his writing practice and explained the more he does the meditations and other tricks we’ve given him, the more they will work and things will get easier and easier for him. I gave him 2 days to work on resetting and focusing on practicing those tools. Essentially 2 days free pass, as long as Nathan and I see him putting effort into doing better. I pray that those 2 days, and the near future afterward, the Angels will protect him from intrusive thoughts and mirror anything like that back to the sender. My child needs that fresh start.

Nathan rounded out the day taking Ian to a huge new playground on my way to work. He had a blast discovering the new fun things to be had.

I give thanks that Archangel Michael is protecting me and my family and thanks that each new day brings greater clarity and resources to improve our lives.

May our improvements keep compounding for exponential growth.

Bonus our family vacation is approaching quickly. My mom has agreed to go with us, so there will be a slight detour to Iowa to pick her up and drop her off, but then we’ll have 7 solid days in Great Pond Maine and Acadia National Park the last part of July and first couple days of August. As the time draws nearer I’m finding myself increasingly more excited. I am so looking forward to the distance, fun, exploration, R&R, and possibilities of the trip. I give thanks for everything that has aligned to enable this experience, including house and pet sitters, and finances. Thank you God.

Morals or societal pressures?

Yesterday I pulled into a fueling station near the YMCA. My intent to merely get a snack so that I didn’t fall over from hunger during my workout. 

As I sat enjoying my salad I  noticed a man seemingly homeless take a seat on the ground.  I knew I didn’t have any cash,  and I realized he was watching me as much as I was him.

I walked over,  and had a short conversation. 

He admitted he’d just gotten out of the hospital,  and they’d given him a one way bus ticket so he could get anywhere in the city he wanted. He mentioned that he had been treated for alcohol abuse and dehydration, but said he also had cancer and only one kidney.  He was a veteran that had been discharged dishonorably, but didn’t elaborate as to why.

I told him I had no cash,  and not much for resources,  but I offered to get him something from inside so he would at least have a full belly. 

His request was 2 corndogs & a beer.  I said I’d do what I could. 

As I entered  the store,  my knee-jerk-reaction was skip the beer. I bought him the corndogs,  a bag of chips, a candy bar,  and a tea. 

I justified not getting the beer because he’d been in  the hospital because of alcohol; besides society insists that alcohol is the reason that homeless people are homeless (though I have more than a few doubts about the accuracy of that simply based on my own life experience).

As I took him the drink and bag of goodies,  I could see the disappointment over the beer.  As I stood there apologizing for my choice, 2 other people walked up and gave him change.  I was glad my action triggered generosity and said he probably now had enough to get his cold beer should one of the ones in the store meet his liking. I told him good luck and that I needed to be going. 

As I headed down to the Y, my decision over the beer haunted me. 

On one hand he’d been in the hospital,  the last thing he needed was something to trigger another trip there.  Or was it?

He said he had cancer and one kidney.  He confessed to not eating  much ever.  The hospital was probably the first real meal and shower he’d had in months, most likely the most fluids he’d imbibed in months as well. 

Beyond that,  I,  nor anyone there that day, was in a position to do him any lasting good.  He knew his fate was to return to his destitute wanderings, until one day he would just sit or lie down and never get up again.  There is no cancer treatment for the homeless, even when they’ve been diagnosed through an ER trip.

I had to stop and think.  If I’d been in his shoes,  I’d have probably really wanted a stiff drink myself, hell, I’d have wanted lots of stiff drinks.  Let’s face it, I’ve drank much more than one drink over much less in the hardships department. 

I simply can’t imagine knowing that I was going  to die alone destitute on the streets. It was heartbreaking for me. That is exactly the person I want to be able to create real change for. To at least give  them a fighting chance. 

I prayed to the divine.  I asked forgiveness for failing to meet his only request.  I begged that someone else would overcome societal pressures, the stigma of homeless and alcohol, so that he’d get his temporary reprieve. I then prayed that he might find more continuous relief,  or simply a peaceful quiet transition with minimal suffering. I prayed that our society let go of judgements, assumptions,  and stigmas surrounding the homeless.  I prayed that people open their minds and hearts to find lasting  solutions for people like him.

 I think if only I could build Atira and give him and many others a fighting chance, a reason to live,  I could make a huge impact on the world and our society. I prayed that God  might grant me the ability to do that, or at least someone soon. It doesn’t really have to be me, as long as someone starts putting our own citizens,  our own veterans, our own lost-&-forgotten, first. I prayed that a way be made, to accomplish that, and offered my hand in the process, in whatever way the divine sees fit.

My challenge to those reading this,  is evaluate: 

What assumptions have  you made?

What beliefs do you hold that may not be so accurate,  & where did you learn them? Can those beliefs be overwritten in your brain?  

What could you do differently in the future? 

None of us are super-human, but what else could you be doing to help, not only our society as a whole,  but individuals like that man?

Be the change you wish to see.
– Ghandi


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