One day I will learn the meaning of the fire in my heart. Today has been a good day.
I have made many thought progress steps. I know I could not have done anything to change my father’s actions when I was a child. I was there to love him and the rest of my family. The negative moments were not mine to alter or change, merely observe and do my best to do better. I have a tiny inkling that I know how God feels when we have big failures. God loves us and wants us to do better but can not help if we don’t allow it. We have to allow the help to come.
So now I sit with a strong fire in my heart. Somewhere mixed between anxiety, relief, love and burning desire. I know I feel the two halves at the same time again, like so many times from years past.
This time, I sit just feeling. Minuets to go before my next client. I trust that God knows and it is all okay. I will eventually understand. I know I am loved, and this too is a gift. I would not feel it if it wasn’t important somehow. There are far worse feelings, and in the mix is definitely love. That I cherish. It feels like a big hug from afar, but laced with a little unknown.
Unknowns never last, eventually everything in awareness becomes known. I look forward to that day.
May you feel others in your heart and know it is very okay, more a blessing. May you find an easy path to knowing. May you know God supports you. May you accept the journey and enjoy the ride. May you know you are safe. May you find forgiveness for the things you can not change, but rather would not have experienced. May you find a way to help your world be a better place. May you feel the love always.
Siva Hir Su