Tag Archives: energetic influences

Evaluating Health

So I’m in the midst of a ride that is being documented by doctors in one way, and being ignored by those doctors in another.

The ride looks like: Mostly I feel good and look better than I ever have. Occasionally I have a really shitty day that takes everything I’ve got to just get through, and a few days of in-between just-mediocre mixed in. The doctors acknowledge that my blood-work looks great except for sugar levels and thyroid function, and that pesky EBV infection they can’t solve (really choose not to, because I don’t have thousands to drop on an uncovered potential solution that many of them don’t seem to even know about).

Up until 3 months ago the those were mostly in check, and then I ran out of resources and thyroid meds. My thyroid took a nose dive and now that I’m aiming for being back on track, I just can’t seem to get everything to balance again. I still look great and most days feel a ton better than my history.

I am doing my level best and the accupincturist took a look at what I’m doing and suggested a few edits. It’s a “try it and see what happens” game that I am really used to, even though it still frustrates the daylights out of me.

What gets ignored by everyone, except my husband and the accupincturist, is the energetic level that I constantly deal with. I’m Sensitive enough that sometimes I genuinely wonder if those shitty days of derailment are other people. Yesterday was one such day because of particular “symptoms” I was experiencing. I generally felt emotionally drained, exhausted, and like I was dieing. I kept experiencing the thought that I was dieing and it was okay, that even death was perfectly fine. If it weren’t for 8 doses of free and easy wanderer, I would have been on the floor in a fetal position and unable to work.

Here’s the deal. I know my father is working on making his way out of this life. For him death is probably the easiest way to solve his woes. For me that is not the case. Though death is always okay from the other side’s perspective, I’m not really ready. It’s not my time to go yet. I only get confused because of those few symptoms that shouldn’t be. I’m doing everything right.

The kicker is the same disease (EBV) that caused my hiccups with thyroid and blood sugars, is likely what caused those same problems in my mom, dad and brother. We literally have followed the same trajectory of disease, but I and my brother 30 years younger than parents. All starting somewhere between 1988-1992. I am the only one to put serious effort into trying to heal it, and so on the outside I look drastically different. Even as far as labs and meds go, I’m still doing 10 times better than the other 3 are.

But this last round really has me scratching my head. I’m doing everything perfect and my body is finally beginning to look great. I am physically more capable than any of those 3 family members, even on a bad day. So, is it possible that those remaining symptoms I am having a hell of a time killing, are because I am tapped into their energetics? That is a possibility for me that western medicine won’t even acknowledge as a possibility.

As I write this sentence, I am 1.64 miles into my treadmill workout. I know that my father is sitting in Arizona, probably asleep. So, why do I keep yawning, when I’ve done 3 hours of massage and had my big cup of green tea. It’s obvious that my body isn’t tired, and if I can treadmill and type at the same time, my brain isn’t either. Yet those yawns come like a reflex.

It leaves me saying “I’m not my father, I’m not my family, I’m better than this stupidity.” It also makes me want to eliminate every shred of their genetics from my body. It makes me want to kill whatever is inside of me that keeps perpetuating their diseases.

And from my experience, the best way to accomplish that is to focus on the opposite. So now I define what the opposite is.

Health is:

  • Feeling good all the time.
  • No feeling great mostly.
  • Able to exist without any aids (herbal or prescription).
  • Able to kick butt on exercise and carry out everyday tasks with ease.
  • Having a body at a healthy weight without an excess or physical activity. (Like if I do 5 hours of massage, I shouldn’t also have to do another hour of exercise like I do now.)
  • Being able to eat relatively normally. For my body and metabolism to be normal, I should be able to consume a 1,000 calorie diet without allergies or excessive exercise. I’d be happy to follow the diet I was on for my first pregnancy, and I’d have significantly more leaway with that many calories, compared to my now.
  • Inflammation, what inflammation? That is a stress response in the body. Normal activity levels and normal work loads shouldn’t cause any inflammation.
  • An immune system that knocks any virus or bacteria down, and leaves my own cells alone.
  • Supplements should only be nutrition, I don’t need the giant puzzle of “this is good for that”, and so on. Again, few to no aids for healthy existence.
  • There are some foods that are generally bad for the entire populous regardless as to whether medicine acknowledges that. So, outside of those foods, and the few that have plagued my family for generations, I should be able to eat anything. Again, that 1st pregnancy diet would be wonderful.
  • Going from my current to healthy includes organ function resuming full normal capacity. It doesn’t matter thyroid, pancreas, liver, etc. They should all function at full normal capacity as evaluated by any blood-work or testing.
  • The things that are already documented as good to great should remain or even improve slightly.

Now, of course is the heavy lifting metaphorically. I must meditate on the feeling place of this, repeatedly. That is how one goes from point A to point B in the focused thought path. The hardest part is consistency and really feeling the difference mentally. I have done so much, that I know I can do this. Of course it would be significantly easier if I quit picking up on my father’s junk too. Energetic disconnect, please.

May you have a knowing of your genuine health. May you see your progress. May you know you can win. May you have confidence in your thought-creation abilities. May you know you are on the right track, even when others or symptoms might seem otherwise. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do especially when you face challenges.

Om Shanti

Put up or shut up.

I still have energetic junk plaguing my family and my home in a quite cyclical fashion. I suspect I know which partie(s) are causing it, but I’m not 100% certain.

I have however, gotten really good at shutting it down and blocking it after the fact though. What I can’t seem to block, Nathan can and does repeatedly.

Yesterday I had scream fest over it, alone in the van, on the way to work. I was blasting the source with a message of “if you’re not going to help then leave me the eff alone, I’m already doing it on my own, and you’re just making it harder.”

On one hand, good for me, makes me even stronger every single time I win. On the other hand it’s keeping me from the easy route which at this point I have more than earned, a dozen times over.

It amazes me that a couple/few individuals so insecure in themselves, can be hung up on me, allowing jealousy or whatever-stupid-reason to be fodder for regular energetic fixation in the most negative of ways.

I am getting stronger. I am getting more confident. I am able to keep my vibration higher most of the time, and even these energetic attacks only distract me briefly at this point. I am healing and growing and learning.

She-Ra was excellent inspiration, and I’m glad I revisited the show of my youth. It has only helped me with the here and now. I can’t begin to explain the number of ways I have put that inspiration to good use, and I am energetically kicking ass these days. (Which in all honesty I wasn’t doing half bad before.)

Beyond that, I’m not really the vengeful sort, but I am very aware of all of the energetic ways to ensure this non-sense ends. If push comes to shove I will invoke any means necessary to end this stupid game of theirs. I know God would both understand, and accept my request for forgiveness, to ensure my family is safe and secure.

So let this be fair warning to them. If they continue to cause problems and distractions, they will be bound energetically. That would make their lives extra difficult and possibly even emotionally painful, and I would hate to see it come to that.

God supports me and knows that it is time for the negativity to end completely, by whatever means are necessary. I count myself blessed that I understand how to do that without ever laying a finger on anyone or anything, except maybe some clay and a candle.

Of course, there are easier ways. They couldĀ  simply tell the truth and come clean. Or… They could completely let go of me, whatever they think of me, what they think I should do or not, their desires centered around me, etc. It’s obvious that something about me is causing another person or people grief, anger, frustration, etc., and they are looping something fierce. They really should just address their brain needing to loop onto the topic of me. With the millions of things to think about, just let go of me.

Hell, my older brother used to turn water on to drip just to drive me nuts. I learned quick how to ignore it, but in this moment maybe dripping water could help them ignore me. Or clouds in the sky, or cars on the road, or music. There is literally an infinite array of options anyone can use to distract themselves. If all else fails, there’s even mantras you can say or think repeatedly. ‘Om Shanti’ means “All that is be peace” – use the sanskrit or English version, either one will get your brain off of me and onto peace.

Of course, I recommend everyone repeat that mantra as much as possible. Regardless of language used, it definitely does help bring world peace. The more people chanting with focused mental stillness, the higher our planetary vibration becomes and the better we all get to experience. I would love to see more of that.

Anyway, the source of the negativity either needs to make good in reality with full truth, honesty and disclosure, or leave me the eff alone and let me slowly chip at making my world better with one less obstacle. If neither of those happens willingly from their end, I will shut them up energetically. I sense a binding coming on.


May you be energetically sovereign and mostly dwell in high vibrations. May your days go smoothly and have a steady flow of positive interactions both physically and energetically. May you know God supports you in all that you do. May you know you are healing and getting stronger. May you know you are learning all that you need to know. May everything bring you a sense of divine timing and God force guiding you to all you desire. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Intentionally Vague

Tired of stalkers that want to be all up in my business, think they are “helping”, but put their agenda and two cents worth in when I didn’t ask for it. And it’s actually mostly energetic. In fact several of these people have denied me over and over again in face to face interactions. Playing innocent or ignorant or even down right telling me off.

I am seeing the chaos and mayhem thread that runs through several individuals. They definitely have the wavelength of Shiva-God-of-destruction down pat. I suppose I should have quit praying to Shiva when I got out from the worst of my problems. But even that God archetype has a good side, so why the hell do I keep getting the worst side? You only have to destroy once and then spend the rest of the time creating beauty, so why didn’t I get the good creation side?

Anyway, the last few weeks many, many posts have been read from the entirety of my writing journey. I am suspicious of which individuals are rehashing my history, by which posts have been viewed. Dad is obviously one, big surprise- not.

I wouldn’t really care about them being hung up on me, if their fixation moments didn’t fling giant globs of energetic poo at me and my family. I don’t want what they think I want, and they can’t, for whatever reason, see that their efforts are not actually helping me. It’s because they are reaching for what they would want if ____ was said, not reaching for Treasa says she wants _____. I also suspect they are fixating on one aspect and details, instead of the general overall package and feel (Abraham tells us over and over that is how we fail so often anyways).

So then chaos ensues.

Good example. Dad hates my husband and barely acknowledges him as being in my life. I’m certain he’s sent prayers, and overly fixated on Nathan needing replaced, and he probably thinks it should be by someone like my poor little daddy-o. Because I keep ending up with more people in my life that are just like my father. Jealous, bitter, self-hating, addiction laden people that think they know what’s best for me. They want to tell me what I really want or shoot down every possibility, with things that could go wrong. When they aren’t telling me my desires are inappropriate or too complicated, they are busy challenging me, like I need to prove myself to them. Yet none of them work on themselves, no they only focus on: what are my abilities, what are my skills, can I handle this or that, how quickly can I grasp something?

Here’s the kicker, I have passed every such test with flying colors for several years running. Multiple individuals testing me for their own gain, and no serious failures in my part.

Yet not a damn one of them offered me the funding to start Atira. Not a damn one of them honored me and respected me in any lasting tangible ways. Not a damn one of them congratulated me publicly. Not a damn one of them offered me a job that was actually financial improvement for me. Not a damn one of them offered to help me through my next goals. Not a damn one of them gave me emotional support. Not a damn one of them helped me keep my depression puzzle together. None.

Two attempted to help with housing but at the cost of my hours and hours of tedious and difficult labor. Which, one helped negligebly and was busy distracting us with requests to help them with many things, and the other helped more, but cost me a small fortune and blamed me for the sky falling. Three half-heartedly helped with birth of children.

But my Nathan has done all of it. Nathan has never tested me. Nathan has publicly acknowledged and congratulated everything I have done and accomplished. Nathan has offered his finances to help with business goals. Nathan has done his level best to support me in all ways, including reaching goals, housing, births, and depression puzzle needs. And on top of it all Nathan loves me unconditionally and shows affection every time I need it and many many times that I don’t. He genuinely supports everything that I want from the ‘how can I help you get there’ view.

So if you are one of my stalkers that have played dumb to my face: get a fucking life. If you really truly cared you would say it to my face in kind manners and words. You would show love and affection like a good friend or loved family. The fact that you ruminate on my lack of giving you all the credit is proof that you never actually cared about me or my well-being. The fact that you can’t be fully kind and caring to me directly proves that I was never in your heart. Do you even have a heart, or are you all just uncaring calculating ass-hats out to get what you want? You think a little pretending will convince me you care enough to be able to manipulate me. It only got you a handful of inexpensive gifts, or my time, and I see right through you. It’s okay, I am no longer interested, I was waiting for you to get your shit together to try to give you a second chance. I believe everyone deserves extra chances, but none of you cared to see my intelligence or genuine caring, to even see that I was trying to help you and give you more chances. Your manipulative decisions have become a turn off. All seeing stalker eyes or not. None of you get it and won’t even see my new decisions coming.

I am beginning to wonder if anyone in this world knows or understands love, affection and kindness anymore.

Currently, there are three in my daily life that I believe are part of this vague rant, beyond my father and others from my past. All three are failing to deal with themselves, and all three have significant addictions (one food, one drug, and one body-chemistry/thought-drama), all three pretend they care and are interested. But none of them are really authentic, none are genuine with me, let alone anyone else. None of them follow through with anything I care about, none of them give of themselves unconditionally (all expecting tit-for-tat type exchanges).

Yet despite my best efforts to play tit-for-tat and still give of myself to them unconditionally, I still get waves of negative chaos in my experience.

Frequently, I can feel which person is responsible for the particular chaos wave I’m dealing with. See my gift gets more understood all the time. When the chaos hits, I now feel parts of my body that connect to certain individuals; be it just where the connection fell or they actually touched me there or somehow my body held a memory of them there due to ailments of theirs or whatnot. When the physical sensations arise I often get a paired thought of that spot that confirms the person. So most of the last few weeks I’ve known whom was fixating on my blog, thus on my not meeting their expectations, and creating negative chaos in my experience.

On one hand I am getting much better at kicking them out, my anger can be just as strong as Lord Shivas’. Potent anger directed at the source of chaos is an easy way to cause it to cease.

There’s also been lots of telling the archetype off. “Shiva go destroy yourself. Destroy your own anger, jealousy, greed, and chaos. Destroy yourself and your bullshit. Siva Hir Su. Siva Hir Su. Siva Hir Su.”

I mean it. I need no more destruction. I’m ready to throw in the towel like my father and walk away from this world, but I’m pretty sure I’ve hit my limit where it’ll stick this time because I know I beat depression. It’s easier to kill yourself when you know you’ve done everything you could, improved things as much as possible in every way, and your world is just plain not worth living in. Bonus I found a gun today, so I even have access to the proper tool this time.

Siva Hir Su

I need the loving, protective, creative, supportive side of God. I don’t need anymore kicks in the ass, I need acknowledgement, much greater financial support, less work (God seems to forget that I’ve spent over 3 years working 6 to 7 days a week), and more healing (the last round of EBV flare-up a couple months ago did a number on my pancreas and I have yet to recover).

I need the loving kindness of divine caring. I need healing on the deepest fullest level, the kind that makes your body tingle and every cell feels relief, near miracle. I need appreciation. I need rest but with every bit of my income plus some. I need my broad desires, the big picture, the whole package, to begin manifesting.

Because, it is pointless to walk away from this particular set of nonsense, you just get repeat. I’ll just end up with a similar but different set. I’ve done that several times.

No if things don’t genuinely improve for me, inside and out, I will choose death and rebirth willingly.

I have prayed enough for hosts of angels, all the divine in all is aspects, to help. Start showing it, and kill the chaos. Start helping me experience the better that the bible, koran, bhagavad gita, and other ancient texts talk about. I’ve had glimpses of the good things, but the chaos is so busy destroying my world that my glimpses are fleeting. I want the chaos to just end.

My new mantra:

“My vortex knows what I need. My vortex knows what I want. My Good God knows the quickest easiest route to get it to manifest in my life. I love myself and deserve more. Om gum ganpatiye. Om shanti.”

May you never have extreme chaos disrupt your world. May you enjoy your experience. May everyone around you be genuine and authentic. May you know that others genuinely care about you and love you. May you have ample reasons to keep living. May you enjoy your life.

Om Shanti