So I’m in the midst of a ride that is being documented by doctors in one way, and being ignored by those doctors in another.
The ride looks like: Mostly I feel good and look better than I ever have. Occasionally I have a really shitty day that takes everything I’ve got to just get through, and a few days of in-between just-mediocre mixed in. The doctors acknowledge that my blood-work looks great except for sugar levels and thyroid function, and that pesky EBV infection they can’t solve (really choose not to, because I don’t have thousands to drop on an uncovered potential solution that many of them don’t seem to even know about).
Up until 3 months ago the those were mostly in check, and then I ran out of resources and thyroid meds. My thyroid took a nose dive and now that I’m aiming for being back on track, I just can’t seem to get everything to balance again. I still look great and most days feel a ton better than my history.
I am doing my level best and the accupincturist took a look at what I’m doing and suggested a few edits. It’s a “try it and see what happens” game that I am really used to, even though it still frustrates the daylights out of me.
What gets ignored by everyone, except my husband and the accupincturist, is the energetic level that I constantly deal with. I’m Sensitive enough that sometimes I genuinely wonder if those shitty days of derailment are other people. Yesterday was one such day because of particular “symptoms” I was experiencing. I generally felt emotionally drained, exhausted, and like I was dieing. I kept experiencing the thought that I was dieing and it was okay, that even death was perfectly fine. If it weren’t for 8 doses of free and easy wanderer, I would have been on the floor in a fetal position and unable to work.
Here’s the deal. I know my father is working on making his way out of this life. For him death is probably the easiest way to solve his woes. For me that is not the case. Though death is always okay from the other side’s perspective, I’m not really ready. It’s not my time to go yet. I only get confused because of those few symptoms that shouldn’t be. I’m doing everything right.
The kicker is the same disease (EBV) that caused my hiccups with thyroid and blood sugars, is likely what caused those same problems in my mom, dad and brother. We literally have followed the same trajectory of disease, but I and my brother 30 years younger than parents. All starting somewhere between 1988-1992. I am the only one to put serious effort into trying to heal it, and so on the outside I look drastically different. Even as far as labs and meds go, I’m still doing 10 times better than the other 3 are.
But this last round really has me scratching my head. I’m doing everything perfect and my body is finally beginning to look great. I am physically more capable than any of those 3 family members, even on a bad day. So, is it possible that those remaining symptoms I am having a hell of a time killing, are because I am tapped into their energetics? That is a possibility for me that western medicine won’t even acknowledge as a possibility.
As I write this sentence, I am 1.64 miles into my treadmill workout. I know that my father is sitting in Arizona, probably asleep. So, why do I keep yawning, when I’ve done 3 hours of massage and had my big cup of green tea. It’s obvious that my body isn’t tired, and if I can treadmill and type at the same time, my brain isn’t either. Yet those yawns come like a reflex.
It leaves me saying “I’m not my father, I’m not my family, I’m better than this stupidity.” It also makes me want to eliminate every shred of their genetics from my body. It makes me want to kill whatever is inside of me that keeps perpetuating their diseases.
And from my experience, the best way to accomplish that is to focus on the opposite. So now I define what the opposite is.
- Feeling good all the time.
- No feeling great mostly.
- Able to exist without any aids (herbal or prescription).
- Able to kick butt on exercise and carry out everyday tasks with ease.
- Having a body at a healthy weight without an excess or physical activity. (Like if I do 5 hours of massage, I shouldn’t also have to do another hour of exercise like I do now.)
- Being able to eat relatively normally. For my body and metabolism to be normal, I should be able to consume a 1,000 calorie diet without allergies or excessive exercise. I’d be happy to follow the diet I was on for my first pregnancy, and I’d have significantly more leaway with that many calories, compared to my now.
- Inflammation, what inflammation? That is a stress response in the body. Normal activity levels and normal work loads shouldn’t cause any inflammation.
- An immune system that knocks any virus or bacteria down, and leaves my own cells alone.
- Supplements should only be nutrition, I don’t need the giant puzzle of “this is good for that”, and so on. Again, few to no aids for healthy existence.
- There are some foods that are generally bad for the entire populous regardless as to whether medicine acknowledges that. So, outside of those foods, and the few that have plagued my family for generations, I should be able to eat anything. Again, that 1st pregnancy diet would be wonderful.
- Going from my current to healthy includes organ function resuming full normal capacity. It doesn’t matter thyroid, pancreas, liver, etc. They should all function at full normal capacity as evaluated by any blood-work or testing.
- The things that are already documented as good to great should remain or even improve slightly.
Now, of course is the heavy lifting metaphorically. I must meditate on the feeling place of this, repeatedly. That is how one goes from point A to point B in the focused thought path. The hardest part is consistency and really feeling the difference mentally. I have done so much, that I know I can do this. Of course it would be significantly easier if I quit picking up on my father’s junk too. Energetic disconnect, please.
May you have a knowing of your genuine health. May you see your progress. May you know you can win. May you have confidence in your thought-creation abilities. May you know you are on the right track, even when others or symptoms might seem otherwise. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do especially when you face challenges.