Tag Archives: extended family

Poly want treats.

I’m drawn to write a little about polyamory again tonight. It’s not my first post on the subject, but it’s been a while.

I really was doing a little heartwarming fireside daydreaming, it’s what instigated this post.

If I have to choose, I choose my husband Nathan, hands down, every time. I KNOW that our love withstands the test of time because we have withstood every challenge that the universe has thrown at us. I’m merely waiting for the flip side of the coin and the rewards for our journey together.

He’s a beautiful person and kind soul, and wonderful father and husband. I couldn’t ask for a better person in my life. His addictions are minimal and well moderated, and he has a relatively even temper. He’s patient and understanding. He’s creative and interesting. A little scatter brained at times, and messier than my preferences, but there’s a ton of people that fit that part of the description. The only thing I would improve is his health.

But yes, being bisexual and Pagan, my paradigm wants to allow for so much more. I want to allow an equally strong relationship (or 2?/3?) with someone that’s different. No competition, just different.

I always default to food descriptions here because it’s what I know, it’s my addiction. That being said, I love food, all of it. Just because I want pizza for this dinner doesn’t mean I only want that ever, and couldn’t stick to it or I would suffer nutritionally. I love pizza and I also love lots of other foods, healthy, unhealthy, sweet, savory, crisp, crunchy, gooey, baked, raw. You name it, I probably like it. These days my biggest challenge is making some of my loved foods in the healthiest manner to give all of myself the best possible options. I am doing my best to honor my body and still enjoy tasty healthy foods occasionally.

And polyamory is the vehicle for reaching my goal of doing that with my heart and spirit. I want both. Abraham swears any desire is okay and you can’t take back true desires, you can’t just change your mind if your inner-being agrees.

I want the best, tastiest, healthiest, options to nourish myself with love and lift my spirit. I know it is possible, and it makes me feel good so I know my inner-being agrees.

I am reminding myself of poly families that worked. I’m reminding myself of the lady that I met with two husbands, a poly family of 20+ years. I know another triad of a man with a wife and significant other and they have something like 5 kids between the three of them. I’m reminding myself of others that I have met that withstood the tests of time.

I’m also reminded that several of those stories had bumpy starts. I’m hoping my bumpy start is just taking longer than expected.

For now I keep going over the many many details that Nathan and I have discussed over our years together. Our rules, our hopes and desires, our expectations on behavior and communication, our needs for community and parental duties. I’m focusing on which ones are must haves and which ones are flexible.

When I think of allowing another person to fill those roles it makes me very happy. I am doing my best to stay focused on the qualities I know make a person of good character. I’m doing my best to stay aligned with the person or people that would meet our desires in a highest-good way.

Different is good, variety is great, and there is a way to have both. Anything is possible. I intend to find/allow my both.

For anyone new to the concept of polyamory, the following are good resources. And you can always check out my original post on the subject from May of 2017. BTW I have met Morning Glory and Oberon Zell, they were open well before a time of any level of acceptance. They are beautiful people and may Morning Glory rest in peace.

https://polyamory.dating/recommended-websites-about-polyamory/

http://www.lovemore.com/

http://www.polyinfo.org/ http://polyweekly.com/

May you find all the love you desire. May your life be filled with loving supportive people. May you find a way to allow for your ideal family to manifest. May you be open and accepting of others. May your desires be met and may you know others accept you just as you are. Above all may you know that God loves and supports you.

Om Shanti

Not settling, just paused.

My dad was never supposed to be part of Atira. His leech-like energy-sucking is counter productive to my healing and forward momentum. Yet, I have processed a ton, emotionally speaking, since taking his situation on. So this is merely a seguƩ in my progression forward.

I am not my father, and I am striving to be better and do better than him in most every way. My father is so very not God, and I forgive myself for having made that confusion as a baby. I have seen clearly, as an adult, that trying to please him is (and always was) futility and will never result in the feelings of love that I felt as a baby.

Additionally, this experience has definitely given me a very tangible lesson on how it is okay to let the old, infirm, and unhealthy die. The level of negativity he exudes daily is oppressive; it makes it difficult for my sensitive family to function, and bogs me down in unimaginable ways. So I am definitely ready to release that immediately. I am okay with his passing, knowing that all of that heavy negativity will stop and his spirit will be free of an infinitely oppressive weight. His passing would actually help his own spirit and the world quite significantly.

I do have a responsibility and a duty to do what doctors deemed necessary. I see that what little is being done, is enough to slow the death process, but not enough to eliminate it, so it is only a matter of time. Only God knows how to override that medical process and give my father the quick painless exit he prefers. So I have and will continue to send prayers that his preferred result comes sooner than later.

At the same time, all of the parts of me that carry his weight of oppression can also die. All of the cells and processes damaged by having learned from him can also die. Even brain cells can be transformed to release his patterns. I am okay letting every nano-ounce of his junk go. I even support my body allowing God to turn junk DNA off and more helpful DNA on. I am okay letting the old, infirm, unhealthy parts of myself die and for healing to take their place.

I deserve the wholly beautiful self, inside and out, that my divine half wants me to be. I deserve to have a more stable emotional set point. I deserve to be very even tempered. I deserve to have plenty of patience, and I also deserve to have fewer things test my patience. I deserve to have my understanding acknowledged, because I am more understanding of others than my father will ever attempt to be.

I know I am more compassionate than my father. I know I am more loving than my father. I know I am more caring than my father. I know I am WAY more open minded than my father. I am more accepting than him. I am more thoughtful, courteous, and respectful than him.

So, my Vortex self is all of those good qualities, and letting the old die will enable the Vortex version to manifest more easily. That is a very good thing.

Abraham talks about ignoring what you don’t want and focusing on what you do want. So I am putting a concerted effort into ignoring all of the old dieing parts and focusing intently on the end result.

I’m focusing on: my DNA being flipped, my tummy being small, my skin being toned, my metabolism being high, my emotions stabilizing on a high vibration set point, my temper disappearing, my brain rewiring, and all of my good qualities being honored by others. Those are the elements of me that have been trying to manifest for 30 years, held down by unhelpful beliefs and genetic karma passed to me by my parents. Those are the elements of me I chose to allow to come forth knowing none of the past is worth hanging on to. I am worth more than repeating my parents sad and negative story.

So focusing will continue as long as necessary. This is just another manifestation goal, and one I am certain I’ll achieve in time. My current determination being what it is, it may be much sooner than other manifestations have taken. I don’t like the feeling that my father produces, it makes it really obvious that he has disconnected me from my own source. I think I know how to fix it short term, and every minute of everyday I am able, I will focus on the desired vortex version and allow it to manifest quickly.

I will find a way to allow better.

My Atira is not for the infirm to drag the world down, it is for the healthy to lift the world up.

May you all have very clarifying experiences. May you see exactly what needs to happen to allow better things in your world. May you trust the divine process. May you understand when negativity threatens your mood that it is because you lost sight of your own vortex. May you always find a way to focus on your vortex, even when darkness threatens your life. May you always win the good fight and find alignment with your source. May you know your divine half is always routing for you and that God loves and supports you.

Siva Hir Su

Juicy 5D

I watched this Abraham video, and got excited. I don’t know how long it will stay up, sometimes they get yanked pretty quick.

Anyway, I got excited about my 5D vortex family. It has everything and everyone I love about my now family and life and more. What does it feel like?

We all get along well. We love each other. We all find our unconditional mostly. It is comfortable and inviting. We ARE home. Abundance flows. I and my current family are honored and respected, and love flows all ways.

My Partners, diversely exciting. Each one unique and beautiful in their own way. A spectrum of reasons for appreciation. A spectrum of goodness, to love, to touch, to have juicy moments in a variety of ways.

Feminine softness. Curves and warmth. Silky and full of caresses. Comforting and gentle. Snuggles and passion. Firm and strong and capable.

Masculine strength and protection. Firey passion and playfulness. Energetic and charming. Willpower and direction.

Everyone intelligent in their own right and in their chosen path. All having a sense of independence. Good business sense. Aligned and inspired to keep things moving in positive directions as a joined family.

It feels close. It feels like togetherness. It feels fun and exciting and joyful. It feels safe and supportive. It feels like a really really good time. It feels loving and like a grand adventure. It feels wonderfully unique. It feels blessed by God.

Probably a bit complicated at times, but in the good-challenging but hugely-rewarding sort of way. After all the biggest rewards are found through challenges. At the same time there are plenty of moments of feeling at ease, being a good fit and things just go right, smoothly and wonderfully well most if the time.

It feels successful in both emotional and financial ways. It feels like compassion and understanding. It feels like community willing to compromise to support each other and better our world. With common interests and common goals it feels like amazing progress. It feels like doing good for us and for humanity.

It feels like being surrounded by people that care, and who love you. It feels like living in a buffet of life choices all of which are mostly good.

I like the idea of my poly-family. I look forward to my family growing and coming together.

May you all find the feeling place of the things you desire. May you sense your loving partners into manifestation. May you be guided through inspired action, and know if things don’t work out, it is because something even better is on its way. May you enjoy reaching for the feelings of the things and people you desire. May you know you are already loved and supported regardless. May you sense and understand that your forward progress and momentum not only helps you and those in your life, but it also helps humanity as a whole.

Siva Hir Su

PS… The picture is from the pexels library, and is the closest I could find to the feeling. Would rather it had more diversity in race and gender identity, because I want my family to be diverse in those ways.

Joyous celebrating.

Today I had another forced fasting, and probably tomorrow as well. Hangover induced from wedding celebrations. Man I pissed my liver off!

The wedding was wonderful, I was able to help my little brother setup and tear down a beautiful celebration. It was not expected by him, as they had planned everything as meticulously as I would have. However, I showed up with gusto and my ready, willing, and able attitude. So he allowed me to assemble their archway and help setup chairs. I was more than happy to oblige both.

The night before, and during the day of the wedding, my mom and eldest brother thought it great to get everyone schnooked. I can only speak to myself and my observations. I know I was fully inebriated at least 4 times, and it seemed to me I wasn’t alone. During the reception when speeches started, mom looked around our family table and asked: is anyone sober enough to give a congratulatory speech to them. My eldest brother having years of military drinking under his belt conceded that he was likely best able even when drunk. It was a too funny moment, but his speech was as wonderful as any.

I was very glad to see my youngest brother have a wonderful wedding and glad to see the family together. I wished him well many times over and gave him as many hugs as I could inflict on him. (My family is not exactly touchy feely and Nathan and I usually push those boundaries a bit.) It’s worth it though. I got very mushy several times over.

The only one not present was dad, and we all knew why. I was slightly sad because my dad really has no clue why most of the family ignores him. My eldest brother and I are really the only ones that keep in contact with him and do our best to keep track of him. We’ve both come to our own understanding that though his methods were least desired by us children, he was merely doing what he knew how, what he thought he was supposed to do. He really didn’t know any other way, and we really could have fared far worse, he’s on the shallow end of the spectrum of abusiveness. I have forgiven most of my traumatic moments in an effort to retrain myself to a better way. One by one I forgive, and work on rewiring my brain to reach for better choices in my equivalent moments; which I’ve addressed many times over as being an ongoing process with many failures on my part. It’s not too late for me, but it seems by situation and ongoing choices, it may be so for dad. I know he will see and understand when he rejoins our maker.

Anyway, tangent aside, there were good conversations and time shared as family. That was very welcomed. Also, the many jokes and good natured jabs at each other was good relief for the emotional system. Katherine stole the show a couple of times simply being an adorable toddler dancing to music and trying to figure out the guitar the bride’s nephew played. It was simply a good time all around.

However, I did get far too much alcohol, gluten, and dairy, and thus my system is ultra angry and working on serious detoxing. Today was a good start, being I consumed 1 Lara bar, spread over the whole day, and 1 bowl of very light veggie soup at dinner, with as many ounces of water as I could stomach throughout the day. The queasy angry liver was by far the biggest deterrent to consuming anything in any significant quantity. By this point most of the queasy feeling has subsided, so I’m hopeful I’ll be able to hydrate better tomorrow. I’m not worried about consuming calories yet, mainly because I ate in 3 days what I would normally spread over a week, and as I previously mentioned pretty much all my major allergens were consumed, which spiked my sugar horribly. I have probably an extra 200 calories just floating around in my blood stream šŸ¤£.

Seriously though, laughing aside, I’ve decided weddings- though wonderfully joyous occasions- are not good for making healthy decisions. If anyone knows a solution there, I’m all ears- feel free to leave comments as such. That would be good to know even if there aren’t many weddings to anticipate in my family at the moment.

May you all have joyous celebrations which are easy on your system. May you all feel the love and find life partners to experience joy with. May you all have good times with family and experience a feeling of belonging. Finally, may you all have just what you need and enjoy yourself in ways gentle to your system.

Siva Hir Su

My Polyamory

I have intentionally not written much on this topic because about a year ago I went and posted a bunch of links and good info from other sites. There are so many aspects to look at and perspectives to consider that it is all just too much for me to even attempt.

However, Nathan suggested that I write at least once on my experiences and opinions on the matter. So, I’m taking his advice.

First and foremost Polyamory is many loves, a plural relationship based in a foundation of love.

From the view of a successful balanced poly family, I’ve not had much luck, at least in maintaining such a plural commitment. However, I have had lots of fine tuning and reevaluating, which Abraham says is always a good thing. I’m going to agree.

Nathan and I used to be, what gets labeled “Unicorn Hunters” by more forceful poly opinions. We were ‘significant-others’ seeking a single bisexual female to balance my bisexuality. After several failed attempts to find our good fit, we relaxed into accepting that our perfect woman might come attached to another person. It might also happen that we find several people to meet both mine and Nathan’s needs and desires.

Our hesitation with accepting the concept of multiples, initially was brought on mainly by fearful thoughts of: how do you get multiple adults on the same page and keep them in agreement and in cooperation. Especially regarding children in the family, rules of behavior, setting expectations, and even logistics of cleaning and cooking. However, at this point in our marriage we have come to the conclusion that those are challenges any relationship faces regardless if there are 2 or 12 people. We also now have lots of experience dealing with each other and multiple attempts at significant-other additions. We’ve also come to conclusions that some things are easier if approached like companies handle staffing: creating schedules and assignments of tasks, which can always be adjusted and changed as needed.

So at this point we’re much more open to alternate options and arrangements for our family structure, and have a better grasp of the interpersonal needs that entails. Our main goal now is that a variety of needs and desires are met, and that all adults act like adults and remain considerate of the family as a whole when making significant decisions. If those decisions are likely to impact the family in a huge way (move, replace belongings, or decisions regarding educational or medical concerns) then the family should be consulted with a proposal before final decisions are made.

Informed consent is a mainstay of poly whether it’s in regards to sex, reproduction, or any familial life event. Furthermore, informed consent requires a certain level of communication skills. You may have a great idea, but if you can’t make your case well to those involved it’s likely to fall flat.

So those elements have become our biggest priorities.

Beyond that, previous relationships ended due to factors involving but not limited to: personality clashes, instability due to processing previous traumas, and a lack of commitment by one or multiple parties. So we have simplified our request to the Divine that: future partners have their own stuff figured out at least well enough to cause only more minor bumps, previous severe traumas have been healed likewise, and that all parties be willing to commit enough to work through remaining glitches. All relationships have bumps, bruises, and fights, but it’s the severity and willingness to work through them that enable the relationship to last. Everyone coming together to learn and grow and heal, leads to happy long lasting family.

Acceptance of our humanness, and unconditional love allows for infinite growth. To me that means that I might get mad or frustrated with someone, but as long as I can refocus and remember we’re all human and that I do love them, then I can work through the upset to find a solution. That is the place of understanding that I aim for everyone in my family to hold.

There are also factors like honesty, openness, truthfulness, cooperative attitudes, and open mindedness which would be very important.

Finally, I wish to add compromise. A mainstay of finding solutions is learning how to compromise. There is almost always an answer that everyone can live with. It may not be perfect in everyone’s opinion, but gets the job done. Finding those compromises is paramount to maintaining family cohesion, and adults wishing to be in my family need to demonstrate an ability to compromise.

In conclusion, my ideal of Polyamory has evolved over the last 15 years to be less about the fine details and more about overarching qualities that I wish for people to exhibit.

Not to be too cliche, but can’t we all just get along, and all you need is love, would be the more concise mentality.

May you all find your family based in love and acceptance, but which committedly works through compromise to ensure everyone just gets along.

With love, be well. Siva Hir Su.