Tag Archives: extended family

Joyous celebrating.

Today I had another forced fasting, and probably tomorrow as well. Hangover induced from wedding celebrations. Man I pissed my liver off!

The wedding was wonderful, I was able to help my little brother setup and tear down a beautiful celebration. It was not expected by him, as they had planned everything as meticulously as I would have. However, I showed up with gusto and my ready, willing, and able attitude. So he allowed me to assemble their archway and help setup chairs. I was more than happy to oblige both.

The night before, and during the day of the wedding, my mom and eldest brother thought it great to get everyone schnooked. I can only speak to myself and my observations. I know I was fully inebriated at least 4 times, and it seemed to me I wasn’t alone. During the reception when speeches started, mom looked around our family table and asked: is anyone sober enough to give a congratulatory speech to them. My eldest brother having years of military drinking under his belt conceded that he was likely best able even when drunk. It was a too funny moment, but his speech was as wonderful as any.

I was very glad to see my youngest brother have a wonderful wedding and glad to see the family together. I wished him well many times over and gave him as many hugs as I could inflict on him. (My family is not exactly touchy feely and Nathan and I usually push those boundaries a bit.) It’s worth it though. I got very mushy several times over.

The only one not present was dad, and we all knew why. I was slightly sad because my dad really has no clue why most of the family ignores him. My eldest brother and I are really the only ones that keep in contact with him and do our best to keep track of him. We’ve both come to our own understanding that though his methods were least desired by us children, he was merely doing what he knew how, what he thought he was supposed to do. He really didn’t know any other way, and we really could have fared far worse, he’s on the shallow end of the spectrum of abusiveness. I have forgiven most of my traumatic moments in an effort to retrain myself to a better way. One by one I forgive, and work on rewiring my brain to reach for better choices in my equivalent moments; which I’ve addressed many times over as being an ongoing process with many failures on my part. It’s not too late for me, but it seems by situation and ongoing choices, it may be so for dad. I know he will see and understand when he rejoins our maker.

Anyway, tangent aside, there were good conversations and time shared as family. That was very welcomed. Also, the many jokes and good natured jabs at each other was good relief for the emotional system. Katherine stole the show a couple of times simply being an adorable toddler dancing to music and trying to figure out the guitar the bride’s nephew played. It was simply a good time all around.

However, I did get far too much alcohol, gluten, and dairy, and thus my system is ultra angry and working on serious detoxing. Today was a good start, being I consumed 1 Lara bar, spread over the whole day, and 1 bowl of very light veggie soup at dinner, with as many ounces of water as I could stomach throughout the day. The queasy angry liver was by far the biggest deterrent to consuming anything in any significant quantity. By this point most of the queasy feeling has subsided, so I’m hopeful I’ll be able to hydrate better tomorrow. I’m not worried about consuming calories yet, mainly because I ate in 3 days what I would normally spread over a week, and as I previously mentioned pretty much all my major allergens were consumed, which spiked my sugar horribly. I have probably an extra 200 calories just floating around in my blood stream ūü§£.

Seriously though, laughing aside, I’ve decided weddings- though wonderfully joyous occasions- are not good for making healthy decisions. If anyone knows a solution there, I’m all ears- feel free to leave comments as such. That would be good to know even if there aren’t many weddings to anticipate in my family at the moment.

May you all have joyous celebrations which are easy on your system. May you all feel the love and find life partners to experience joy with. May you all have good times with family and experience a feeling of belonging. Finally, may you all have just what you need and enjoy yourself in ways gentle to your system.

Siva Hir Su

My Polyamory

I have intentionally not written much on this topic because about a year ago I went and posted a bunch of links and good info from other sites. There are so many aspects to look at and perspectives to consider that it is all just too much for me to even attempt.

However, Nathan suggested that I write at least once on my experiences and opinions on the matter. So, I’m taking his advice.

First and foremost Polyamory is many loves, a plural relationship based in a foundation of love.

From the view of a successful balanced poly family, I’ve not had much luck, at least in maintaining such a plural commitment. However, I have had lots of fine tuning and reevaluating, which Abraham says is always a good thing. I’m going to agree.

Nathan and I used to be, what gets labeled “Unicorn Hunters” by more forceful poly opinions. We were ‘significant-others’ seeking a single bisexual female to balance my bisexuality. After several failed attempts to find our good fit, we relaxed into accepting that our perfect woman might come attached to another person. It might also happen that we find several people to meet both mine and Nathan’s needs and desires.

Our hesitation with accepting the concept of multiples, initially was brought on mainly by fearful thoughts of: how do you get multiple adults on the same page and keep them in agreement and in cooperation. Especially regarding children in the family, rules of behavior, setting expectations, and even logistics of cleaning and cooking. However, at this point in our marriage we have come to the conclusion that those are challenges any relationship faces regardless if there are 2 or 12 people. We also now have lots of experience dealing with each other and multiple attempts at significant-other additions. We’ve also come to conclusions that some things are easier if approached like companies handle staffing: creating schedules and assignments of tasks, which can always be adjusted and changed as needed.

So at this point we’re much more open to alternate options and arrangements for our family structure, and have a better grasp of the interpersonal needs that entails. Our main goal now is that a variety of needs and desires are met, and that all adults act like adults and remain considerate of the family as a whole when making significant decisions. If those decisions are likely to impact the family in a huge way (move, replace belongings, or decisions regarding educational or medical concerns) then the family should be consulted with a proposal before final decisions are made.

Informed consent is a mainstay of poly whether it’s in regards to sex, reproduction, or any familial life event. Furthermore, informed consent requires a certain level of communication skills. You may have a great idea, but if you can’t make your case well to those involved it’s likely to fall flat.

So those elements have become our biggest priorities.

Beyond that, previous relationships ended due to factors involving but not limited to: personality clashes, instability due to processing previous traumas, and a lack of commitment by one or multiple parties. So we have simplified our request to the Divine that: future partners have their own stuff figured out at least well enough to cause only more minor bumps, previous severe traumas have been healed likewise, and that all parties be willing to commit enough to work through remaining glitches. All relationships have bumps, bruises, and fights, but it’s the severity and willingness to work through them that enable the relationship to last. Everyone coming together to learn and grow and heal, leads to happy long lasting family.

Acceptance of our humanness, and unconditional love allows for infinite growth. To me that means that I might get mad or frustrated with someone, but as long as I can refocus and remember we’re all human and that I do love them, then I can work through the upset to find a solution. That is the place of understanding that I aim for everyone in my family to hold.

There are also factors like honesty, openness, truthfulness, cooperative attitudes, and open mindedness which would be very important.

Finally, I wish to add compromise. A mainstay of finding solutions is learning how to compromise. There is almost always an answer that everyone can live with. It may not be perfect in everyone’s opinion, but gets the job done. Finding those compromises is paramount to maintaining family cohesion, and adults wishing to be in my family need to demonstrate an ability to compromise.

In conclusion, my ideal of Polyamory has evolved over the last 15 years to be less about the fine details and more about overarching qualities that I wish for people to exhibit.

Not to be too cliche, but can’t we all just get along, and all you need is love, would be the more concise mentality.

May you all find your family based in love and acceptance, but which committedly works through compromise to ensure everyone just gets along.

With love, be well. Siva Hir Su.

A Brief Exposé

Preface:

I’m going to intention to be somewhat vague here. I’ve noticed overlapping patterns in my manifestations and resulting interactions with others. I intend for this post to apply to as many of those overlapping situations as possible.

First and foremost:

“Don’t think about all those things you fear, just be glad to be here.” ~ “Hayling” by FC Kahuna

I have come to rest for the moment in a place of acceptance of myself as I stand. I’m seeing my power and abilities and yet evaluating whether I wish to push the envelope or just allow myself to be for a bit.

I woke hurting this morning, a combination of allergic reactions from Anya’s birthday celebration, and physical fatigue from having done a dozen very-deep tissues this week. Yet I managed to push through and find genuine gratitude that at least I’m feeling it.

There are people living in this world that are unable to feel their arms and legs and would appreciate the discomfort of my aches this morning.

That acknowledgement in combination with something that crossed my path yesterday led me to a realization that I had attracted myself an onslaught of people unwilling to express their gratitude for me in any meaningful way. I literally saw how several people in my recent history (last 5 years) probably did care on some level, but convinced themselves for whatever reasons that they could not align with the action or resources which they knew would convey that most effectively. As a result I’ve parted and chosen to move on the best way I can, but lingering hurts cross my mind on occasion.

So here I sit feeling confident in my current endeavors and abilities, a new fuller knowing of myself, but slightly hesitating. Knowing that as I move forward I wish to attract people and experiences that honor myself better.

That means I must start by honoring myself better.

You see, the Law of Attraction is just that.

Like attracts like.

I could not have attracted those people and experiences if I had not held myself in that particular alignment.

Extrapolation:

“Some of them want to use you, some of them want to be used by you. Some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused.” ~ “Sweet Dreams” by Eurythmics

I have been abused in my lifetime. Repeatedly in fact, and in multiple ways: physically, mentally, and emotionally. In turn my abused mind and body, unable to handle the hurts, reflected them back at those in my experience. I became the abuser. Not as severe as my abusers were, but abuse I delivered none-the-less. I knew in my heart I could not let that continue and prayed for help to change myself. I prayed that I might be forgiven for my indescrections. My least desire of anything in this world is to be abuser or abused.

I have been used in less abusive ways. Simply being an employee is, in a way, being used. However, because of my history with abuse, many of my being-used situations reflect a similar negative consequence. I see that my dream of Atira would in a way require that I use others. However, it is my prayer that I find a balance where I can utilize others in the best way possible, and while honoring their gifts as best as I am able. I want my having to experience the flip side to be full of as many positive consequences as possible. That means if I am to have employees I wish to compensate them properly. That means if I’m to utilize volunteers I wish to honor them fully and treat them accordingly. I want to teach people that honoring each other and ourselves is a way of honoring God.

Despite being one of my favorite songs, what “Sweet Dreams” fails to sing about is all of the other options.

I wish to love and be loved.

I wish to honor and be honored.

I wish to serve and be served in the name of God.

I wish to respect and be respected.

I wish to care and be cared for.

I wish to share and be shared with.

I wish for intellectual and emotional equals to experience this give take world with as partners and companions. Where we can all reach for better.

Full-Circle:

“I wished for you too.” ~ Practical Magic

I attracted you, with my attention to my desires and my sloppy habits stemming from hurt. My mixed bag brought you into my experience.

Yet, you must admit that you are equally responsible. You aligned in the exact same manner. You focused on your desires, but missed your sloppiness from your past.

You see we are equals, carrying the same level of blame.

I suspect you felt that you were better than I. That you could manifest things better, or that you were smarter than I, more connected, more esteemed or somehow more gifted. In your hubris you aligned yourself with idiocy and in a way became the abuser.

Your lack of humility, your inability to reach for better took us out of alignment.

You see, I seek those willing to admit we’re all equals here on this Earth stumbling through and learning how to reach for better and improve ourselves. Those willing to move mankind toward a brighter future. Those willing to take responsibility for their actions, offer apologies when necessary, and reach for honoring themselves and others better. I acknowledge that none are perfect, yet in our imperfection lies our greatest gifts.

I know you saw my intelligence, my strength, my reserve, my determination, my extra large size, as well as my extra large energy. You saw my fortitude, my resolve, my ability to endure and persevere. You saw my gifts and talents and my inner beauty.

Yet, your sloppy habits brought to your attention my strangeness, my unique views and my very unorthodox beliefs and unconventional ways. I pushed your comfort zone and set a high bar. I challenged you in ways you obviously were unable to handle, which took us further out of alignment.

So now I can revise what I want, need, and desire.

I seek someone with equal intelligence, strength, reserve, determination, and energy. Someone with fortitude, resolve, ability to endure and persevere. Someone with gifts and talents and inner beauty. Yet someone humble enough to acknowledge that all of that exists in me and many others as well. Someone open minded enough to handle my strangeness, my unique views and my very unorthodox beliefs and unconventional ways. Someone willing to allow themselves to grow through experiencing me fully. Someone able to have constructive conversations even when beliefs diverge. Someone able to convey their preferences while still exploring the unknown or perceived contrasting experiences. I seek someone willing to love and be loved. Someone to honor and be honored. Someone willing to serve and be served in the name of God. Someone willing and able to respect everyone and in turn be respected, to care and be cared for. Someone able to share and be shared with.

I need for those someones to be able to take responsibility and share their gifts to commit to not just my family, but to building Atira. You see, I don’t just need money for Atira, I need people, hands, help, specific knowledge that I would rather utilize in others than begin to learn myself. Atira will fare far better, actually become a success, if there is a group, a poly family, willing to share the work load. I seek those people.

I have thought about each person that had previously aligned and subsequently misaligned with me. If further alignment was genuine, accompanied by equally genuine apologies, and foreseeably maintainable, then I could potentially welcome them back.

At the moment I have no evidence to the possibility of that, and suggestions, mere hearsay, to the contrary. Yet, I’m going to leave room that it might be possible. However, I’m not going to hold my breath, because I know the universe will provide what I desire regardless. It has so far, I was just sloppy about maintaining my alignment, and THAT is where I know I can and will do better.

May all of my readers take this to heart and find and maintain their alignment. May you all have those in your life that honor, respect and love you for being you. May you heal your hurts and move on successfully. May you find a way to make your dreams happen.

DesperateMEasures

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I’m sitting in the garden to write this. I struggle today. Again I thought all was well, going great in fact. Yet, today all my triggers hit me. In about 24 hours, I’ve been overwhelmed by money, time, desires vs reality, food (and my lack of ability to stay strict indefinitely), and a strong feeling that I’m not good enough to do what I want and need to do, not to mention that my family needs more from me than I can give and they seem to only care about me when they want something. My messages seem to fall on deaf ears.

Nathan says it’s all in my mind. He says he knows I’m struggling, and that it’s probably from my lapses in diet and sleep. I just don’t seem to know anymore.

Regardless I have done everything I could think of to pull out. Supplements, Thyroid med, good healthy food, gardening, even trying to spend time with Ian (though he didn’t seem to care, maybe that’s just his age talking). I’m basically shut down emotionally, and struggling to open back up. When I am in a work day I do fine, great in fact. Yet, my home days are as hard as ever to stay buoyant. Today I broke down twice, and I have resorted to my break in case of emergency herb, to keep from doing anything drastic. Right now I’m just at my wits end.

So, desperate measures, for me, myself, and I. I’m writing. Maybe if I get the feelings out, and follow it with something positive I can pull my brain out of this suck-tastic nose-dive of depression.


I feel: tired, sad, unsupported, unsafe, like I have no direction…. Like what I had intended to do, what I want to do, is yet again blowing up in my face, and no matter what I try I just can’t win. There are no good options, and the money flow is never great enough to catch up and make progress. Every time I get “enough” money it turns out to not really be enough because we’re always so far behind the 8 ball that it goes far to fast trying to overcompensate for the vacuum of things we need. I’m overwhelmed. I’m feeling like I don’t know whether to believe the messages or not- I’ve done the visualizing, I’m doing my best to have faith, yet I’m in this state again, with no tangible evidence that anything is actually improving.

Nathan pointed out that things are different because I’m in love twice over, that I have to find a new way of doing things. Damned if I know what that is, and “love isn’t a potato”- a ¬†meal on the table or a safe, clean, comfortable home. Bonus I can’t get my daughter to do her chores, I can’t get the shipping container guy to get back to me with price quotes, and we’re burning through our savings trying to accomplish the little goals of life.

Nathan swears that he’ll do this or that, and I see some progress, but again it’s like the financial void, the hole was so deep I wonder if he’ll ever actually catch up and climb out.

I’m stressed, and I feel like I’m begging for a vacation I’ll never get. The summer is already well underway and I have no idea what to do with construction because I could dump another 5 grand just getting the rotten wood under control and new siding and not even touch the insides for another year. So I’m sitting- stalling, hoping the shipping containers would be a viable replacement and cheaper solution, if only he’d send me the damn info. Lost, forgotten, or like I’m the brunt of a cosmic sadistic joke. Like what if I’ve done all of these prayers, all of the visualizations, and God just wants me to continue to sit here poor as dirt, with no water and everything 5 times harder than normal people get. It’d all be for naught. I just don’t know. Feeling disconnected, like all my planning was worthless, but why I just don’t know. I lack clarity, understanding, none of the messages make sense to me right now. I think I know what they are trying to tell me, but how can it be true when I’m stuck in this never ending “Pete and Repeat” cycle. Having trouble trusting my intuition, and feeling like trusting could potentially screw me even worse.

Yep, that about sums it up. I may have missed a couple of feelings, but you get the idea.


Now for what I want…. I just looked up to see a female cardinal sitting on the bean trellis post. Then suddenly 2 male cardinals danced between the garden and trees, one landed on the bird feeder, and one in the tree. Maybe they’re here to tell me I’m headed in the right direction. I certainly hope so….

What I want:

Clarity, Understanding, Evidence, Validation. – I just need a nugget or two to help me stay buoyant. Something to drop out of the heavens and show me for real that there’s someone listening. Something that helps me to know what physical action to take. [Ms. Becky my massage therapist that I trade with tells me that when you feel this confused it is a good time to do nothing. But, if I continue to do nothing I feel like the savings of my tax return and what little else we saved will just continue to dwindle away a little at a time every time an ’emergency’ comes up.— Sorry that’s more of what I feel— focus Treasa.]

What is the next step? What actions do I need to be doing right now? Some divine messages on that, which could be completely clear and blatant in their meaning, would be awesome. Even if I’m waiting on divine intervention, there has to be some level of action steps I can be taking. Something to encourage the process. Right?

So lets shift, focus to those dreams of mine for a moment. This is actually an Abraham-Hicks exercise turned blog post.¬†Lets assume (even though that idea just made me cringe-assumptions can sometimes cause problems) that the divine is about to intercept my dreams with some kind of huge miracle intervention. I do believe there is a god (and goddess), I do believe that some people get those big wonderful miracles, and I do believe that someone, something, or several of each has been listening to me and providing responses (regardless of my ability to interpret). So, if that’s the case my miracle is already on it’s way and I literally just have to hang on (for how long?).

So, acknowledge the message I got last week about letting go so the divine can do it’s work. Essentially, like a 2 year old nagging a parent for something and creating trouble before the parent can provide it, or an old man with dementia nagging the staff about another resident so they can’t actually go deal with the other resident [I had both in the same day]; I need to stop nagging about my woes and what I want, and find some peace and calm so the divine can do it’s job. Supposedly, the way to do that is assume the answer is being prepped and on it’s way, and then just amuse yourself until it manifests. (Ian sit and watch your shows and I’ll get you _____.) Abraham Hicks (via email) suggested spending time visualizing, expressing gratitude, and expressing appreciation.

 

Ok, So I’ve asked for:

Enough money to: not just rescue us, but all our friends and many homeless people- Atira Community. That’s a butt load of money. We’re talking Powerball when it’s hundreds of¬†millions. That would be really nice. I have slowly built up quite the list of people I want to invite to help build Atira (literally give them jobs and homes). Most of them know they are on the list, but I wonder how many believe it is a possibility.

My family’s home as the centerpiece: 3 story Monolithic Dome home with crows nest on top- essentially a small patio on the top of the home. The home would be partially buried like a hobbit dome.

The 3rd floor room (because domes are curved, the usable space would essentially be one big room like a living room) would be the adulting room- no kids allowed. 2nd floor smaller bedrooms for everyone. I really believe that people should have their own room for autonomy, someplace that they can feel at ease and always have their chosen activities available, and it would also create an ability to escape when family life proves too challenging.

I envision that my room would have a small bed, massage table, drawing desk, and standard desk (for computer or painting palate), music corner, and easel. If organized well, I could fit all of that into a standard sized bedroom (10x10ish or variation- domes aren’t square).

In polyamory many families¬†still share a room, and exchange places as desired. That’s why I have always wanted that 3rd floor adulting room. I would totally sacrifice the high ceilings usually offered by dome living, to accomodate 1 shared bedroom for intimacy without sacrificing my alone time and my alone space. [I often wonder if my lack of alone space is why I end up having days like today even when I think things are going great.] Thus, it becomes a priority, I now acknowledge that I like having loving intimacy, but at the same time, I need my retreat, someplace I can go to shut the world out for a bit, even if that means overnight as well.

Beyond that I’d like to see the family dome accommodate several bathrooms- multiple adults and gaggles of kids will necessitate that. It’s like having your extended family around 365 days a year. Most homes are not equipped for that many people all the time, so I want to make sure mine is, kitchen and living room included. Everything would need to be supersized and super organized and efficient to accommodate that. I do plan on inviting grandparents to Atira, but I will offer the choice of being in the family dome or in their own little home (I suspect all the GP’s will choose the latter).

Ideally my home will have a hot-tub as it has proven time and time again as valuable self-care for me. It keeps me going. I’d love to have a pool, but I’m ok with the pool being one of the last things we do after getting the rest of Atira built. The mission of Atira is more important than my desire to swim in my backyard. I will have pretty gardens though as all of Atira will have beautiful lush gardens.

The family dome would need to be smart technologically if for no other reason than to help us communicate and stay on the same page. We’ll have to have a home network and shared calendars and shopping list app. I also envision having roombas and the things that help keep showers and toilets clean. Dishwasher, and a great laundry room with a 2nd floor laundry shoot or dumbwaiter. It may seem stupid to go into that kind of detail, but existing for a decade without them, all while knowing those things would save lots of time and heartache, I can’t help but include them in the description of what I want. ¬†All would be run by wind, solar, well water, and septic system. The point of our house would be to help create an easy to maintain environment that is energy efficient and kind on the environment, yet can accommodate a dozen or more people (depending on several factors that number might need adjusted).

Nathan wants a home theater (I’m not attached, and it may fall like the pool-after everything else). And there might be other accommodations based upon other family members preferences. These are merely the things I have contemplated over the years being poly-amorous and wanting to build this home and community.

I want calm, serene, organized, plenty of very adjustable and customize-able storage places, colorful (the whole rainbow in a very designer kind of way), modern, clean lines, shiny, new, good functioning, easy to maintain, comfortable, cozy, unique, with cat-walks and other pet friendly amenities (dog/cat doors, and pet-run outside). I like tile floors for durability and ease of maintenance, but woods floors are ok too. Area rugs for bedsides and bathrooms.

& the people in my life: I want good communication, cooperation, sharing-both in chores/duties and fun, caring, listening, helpfulness, affection, efficiency, openness, trusting, truthfulness, honesty, more tact (though I’m probably the one that needs the most work there), good discussions, intelligent choices, thoughtfulness. Balanced interactions, and able to work through conflicts when they arise (no family escapes conflict, and the more people in the family the more likely it is). ¬†Everyone responsible for themselves (or their babies)- even older kids should learn to be responsible for their own rooms, belongings, and laundry. I imagine that family meals will function like co-operative houses, where main meals are planned and prepped cooperatively, and people take turns being in charge of that (the E-calendars will help with that).

“Can’t we all just get along?” I know these things are possible. I’ve seen poly families that figured it out for the most part. I just hope that my life can manifest it.

I can’t guarantee that I would suddenly have no more bad days with all of these things in my life, but I like to hope so. These things would essentially eliminate all of the things that are currently bugging me and bringing me down, eliminate all my triggers. If you solve all of the problems, it provides relief. It doesn’t mean there wont then be other problems to figure out later. There likely would end up being something else, probably several other somethings, but then again there would be more brains to brainstorm possible solutions, and more resources to throw at the solutions. So, even though “problems” are inevitable, the external factors of finances, understanding, and action would all be easier. That’s why I not only believe in polyamory, I love polyamory. More love also equals more support in every way. It helps with that love not being a potato thing: not so much in making love into a potato; but in that your multiple loves can help you find more potatoes, and then help cook those potatoes up into a scrumptious meal, and help serve that meal up to everyone present. Caring is sharing and sharing is caring. Loving more can literally create more abundance for everyone involved. I’ve seen it work for others and I look forward to it working in my life. I welcome my future poly-extended-family.



So, now I’ve given yet another glimpse of Atira. A more personal view of Atira. If the universe were only to give me enough of the money to buy land and build my home, I would still proceed with building Atira, it would just take longer. That being said the home is the most important for me, because that is the foundation, the root of why Atira is so important. My adult life has been full of challenges, which created an abundance of desires, and those desires are what created the idea of Atira Community as a whole. Just getting the house would essentially be the start of more hard work to make all of Atira an eventual reality. Once the root grows eventually there will be a beautiful plant overshadowing those original roots. Atira will be the same way. I could turn land and a house into the whole concept, it might just take me a couple of more decades to do so. Lets hope though that my miracle bypasses the decades. The sooner I accomplish the construction, the faster I can help lots of people.


Ok, so this ended up being a really long blog post. Apologies on that, but it has helped. I feel like I finally got some of the negatives out of me. (There’s a few still trying to fester.) And because I was intent on organizing my thoughts of what I want into a somewhat coherent readable blog, I really did focus well on the good things. I feel like I managed to shift my vibration a bit. There’s probably still some dietary remnants causing problems (why I didn’t completely shift), but at least the mental side, the basics were covered. I’m not as far down, I’ve stabilized. I foresee more salmon and supplements in my near future to get the rest. But at least I’m headed back up- mostly.

Thank you for reading my ramblings. Thank you for giving my thoughts some time. Thank you for your kindness, and prayers are always welcome in whatever way you prefer. I really do appreciate that people from all over the world are reading my writings and giving energy to what I’m attempting to do. Even if people don’t necessarily agree with everything that I believe, I’m certain there are few that would belittle¬†my dreams of helping others. I think most everyone would be on board with helping our society grow and showing caring to those that need it, and any positive thoughts or energy in that direction is only helpful. I hope that one day I will get to write many blog posts about that process unfolding and get to show what good things can be done with a lot of hard work and some divine intervention.

I am appreciative of my loving caring husband Nathan, he really does do a lot for me and tries very hard to support me in many ways. I am appreciative of my kind and supportive friends. I am appreciative of all of the kind words that have been expressed to me this year. I am very appreciative of being in love twice over- that is such an amazing wonderful feeling- I like to sit with the feeling when I’m in a good place, it amplifies everything wonderful. I am appreciative of the small miracles in my life- may the messages keep flowing and may I eventually understand them all. I am appreciative that there are spirits keeping watch over me, be they dearly departed or angels or both…. ¬†I am appreciative that people find my words worthwhile and that there may be many that find solace in my journey- may my words continue to help others. I am appreciative that I continue to win the battle and wake every day with 2 functioning hard working hands- able to keep helping myself, my family, and my clients. I am appreciative that I am intelligent and determined and that I have an amazing ability to endure- I am strong in every sense of the word. I am appreciative that my loving husband sees these things even when I’m low and does his best to help me in every way he can. I’m appreciative for my loving children and furry friends. I’m appreciative of this beautiful garden I sit in to write. I am very, very appreciative that I’ve raised my vibration out of desperation. Here’s to being able to give back- CHEERS!