Tag Archives: family additions

My Polyamory

I have intentionally not written much on this topic because about a year ago I went and posted a bunch of links and good info from other sites. There are so many aspects to look at and perspectives to consider that it is all just too much for me to even attempt.

However, Nathan suggested that I write at least once on my experiences and opinions on the matter. So, I’m taking his advice.

First and foremost Polyamory is many loves, a plural relationship based in a foundation of love.

From the view of a successful balanced poly family, I’ve not had much luck, at least in maintaining such a plural commitment. However, I have had lots of fine tuning and reevaluating, which Abraham says is always a good thing. I’m going to agree.

Nathan and I used to be, what gets labeled “Unicorn Hunters” by more forceful poly opinions. We were ‘significant-others’ seeking a single bisexual female to balance my bisexuality. After several failed attempts to find our good fit, we relaxed into accepting that our perfect woman might come attached to another person. It might also happen that we find several people to meet both mine and Nathan’s needs and desires.

Our hesitation with accepting the concept of multiples, initially was brought on mainly by fearful thoughts of: how do you get multiple adults on the same page and keep them in agreement and in cooperation. Especially regarding children in the family, rules of behavior, setting expectations, and even logistics of cleaning and cooking. However, at this point in our marriage we have come to the conclusion that those are challenges any relationship faces regardless if there are 2 or 12 people. We also now have lots of experience dealing with each other and multiple attempts at significant-other additions. We’ve also come to conclusions that some things are easier if approached like companies handle staffing: creating schedules and assignments of tasks, which can always be adjusted and changed as needed.

So at this point we’re much more open to alternate options and arrangements for our family structure, and have a better grasp of the interpersonal needs that entails. Our main goal now is that a variety of needs and desires are met, and that all adults act like adults and remain considerate of the family as a whole when making significant decisions. If those decisions are likely to impact the family in a huge way (move, replace belongings, or decisions regarding educational or medical concerns) then the family should be consulted with a proposal before final decisions are made.

Informed consent is a mainstay of poly whether it’s in regards to sex, reproduction, or any familial life event. Furthermore, informed consent requires a certain level of communication skills. You may have a great idea, but if you can’t make your case well to those involved it’s likely to fall flat.

So those elements have become our biggest priorities.

Beyond that, previous relationships ended due to factors involving but not limited to: personality clashes, instability due to processing previous traumas, and a lack of commitment by one or multiple parties. So we have simplified our request to the Divine that: future partners have their own stuff figured out at least well enough to cause only more minor bumps, previous severe traumas have been healed likewise, and that all parties be willing to commit enough to work through remaining glitches. All relationships have bumps, bruises, and fights, but it’s the severity and willingness to work through them that enable the relationship to last. Everyone coming together to learn and grow and heal, leads to happy long lasting family.

Acceptance of our humanness, and unconditional love allows for infinite growth. To me that means that I might get mad or frustrated with someone, but as long as I can refocus and remember we’re all human and that I do love them, then I can work through the upset to find a solution. That is the place of understanding that I aim for everyone in my family to hold.

There are also factors like honesty, openness, truthfulness, cooperative attitudes, and open mindedness which would be very important.

Finally, I wish to add compromise. A mainstay of finding solutions is learning how to compromise. There is almost always an answer that everyone can live with. It may not be perfect in everyone’s opinion, but gets the job done. Finding those compromises is paramount to maintaining family cohesion, and adults wishing to be in my family need to demonstrate an ability to compromise.

In conclusion, my ideal of Polyamory has evolved over the last 15 years to be less about the fine details and more about overarching qualities that I wish for people to exhibit.

Not to be too cliche, but can’t we all just get along, and all you need is love, would be the more concise mentality.

May you all find your family based in love and acceptance, but which committedly works through compromise to ensure everyone just gets along.

With love, be well. Siva Hir Su.

Welcome Zelda… errr… Nadi

I got a text today about half way through my morning at work. A kitten that had been gifted to a resident and now needed a home. Was I interested, they asked.

After weird dreams I had had last night, and my knee jerk reaction remembering how we got Buddy and Missy. I replied with send a picture. My thought being if it’s a full grown ‘kitten’ I’d say no.

Instead I get a picture of a barely old enough to leave momma kitten. I couldn’t say no. Plus, she was a calico like my old lady kitty Priss.

Her temporary name was Zelda. Though I have nothing against Zelda, Nathan and I both agreed it wasn’t really a cute kitten name. I suggested Sandy due to her patches of tan. That was so, so. We ran through a whole host of other names and then started translating options to other languages.

Finally we settled on Nadi which means River- I thought it fitting as an acknowledgement of how things have just been flowing to us lately. Honoring the Divine process.

I think she’ll fit right in, and super cute. Buddy isn’t sure what to think of her, Missy and Priss are a bit standoffish yet, the dog would slobber all over her if she’d even let him close enough, but my kids think she’s great.

New love grows, yet old love remains…

I’m not a poet, but sometimes standard prose doesn’t fit my feelings. This is one such occasion….

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you, go on

-Celine Dion

Poseidon’s trident pierced my heart, and somehow I-

humanly, perfectly, imperfectly-

emerged as Aphrodite’s visage.

Life moves on, and new phases emerge.

I know not why,

not how,

only that it is as it should be,

everything will indeed be alright.

Family grows,

and new love flows,

Wonderful, radiant, feminine.

Time flies,

and I merely try

to simply keep up.

Not only for new love found,

but the new life growing within.

Family’s needs are great,

and I’m just one.

One to do my best,

Strive and persevere,

help and support,

with all my love,

For all of those that I love.

Even those

that this

time and space

hold out of reach.

Time moves on.

Memories, dreams,

hopes, goals, and desires,

never forgotten.

The brain remembers all-

Where matters

of heart

be concerned,

Fills time

where

life

breathes.

The inner fires

still burn bright

Even when daylight dwindles

And time escapes.

Solace found

In inner voice

In knowing

In that special connection.

If I never find solution

In this

Time and space

I will hold tight

My connection from afar.

I cherish it-

Special,

Unique,

Warm,

Invisible embrace.

I wish that for everyone.

I do feel,

Do see,

Every night,

Desires and longing

Mine and not mine.

And support them.

All is as it should be.

Answers will come.

If we allow.

Regardless, there is love,

Always love.

‘Tis human to err

And our humanity is our greatest asset

Love your flaws,

They are uniquely you.

I am learning

Slowly

Just that.

Even my faults

Make me who I am

Ultimately creating a better self.

So I love me,

and you,

and all of my family.

Chosen and given.

Even those who choose

Silence

Or difference

Or separation.

Love is the only thing I have to give.

And give I will.

As much as possible,

And every moment

that my brain remembers

That my brain fills.

All day,

Everyday,

Until death do I part.

Love with all my heart.

What the duck!

This weekend has yet to yield any construction progress.  However,  it did result in additions to our family. 
Welcome Duck.


My son Ian loves the cartoon “Sarah & Duck”, so he immediately yelled Duck  upon seeing our new friend.  & even with his gleeful excitement he was gentle in petting duck.

We set duck up with his own small temporary partition in the chicken coop. Once he learns this is his new home we can take down the partition.  Or at that point use it for introducing the chicks.  

Partition:

We also welcomed 2 kittens today.  We have yet to name them. The Orange one is slightly older & supposed to be a good mouser, so he’ll be an outside kitty. 

The younger black kitten is very affectionate & let Ian love on him,  so he’ll be a new inside baby. He’s a very happy easy going kitten. 


I think this weekend’s additions helped boost morale in our little family.  Since construction is going so slow,  we’ll be moving into the 3rd mobile home on the property. It was our friend Jennifer’s step-dad’s house,  but due to health problems recently- he’s moved into a nearby town to be closer to his friends and church community.  Luckily for us that means some cleaning & moving of our stuff & we’ll  be in warmth again.  

Something that is good despite my preferences.  I’d so hoped  to be further along on construction by now.

On the 18th we may have some significant progress.  A couple of our friends are planning to ask their men’s group to come out & help with the labor end.  It’ll at least get the bathroom up; which makes me heave a sigh of relief. 

I’ll take all the help that others are willing to provide.  Thank you universe & friends,  it’s most appreciated.  Now if I could just come up with 66 sheets of plywood (to go with my stack of Windows)  we could get the exterior started too!

One step at a time.