Tag Archives: family

Celebrate Successes

This afternoon after work the office manager invited people to celebrate her success of clearing radiation treatments.

It was a good poolside party to celebrate her win.

I was/am very happy for her. Her treatments are not complete in that she has oral chemo next, but she has definitely cleared the worst part of cancer treatment and we are all super happy for her. I am glad that she had such a wonderful group of people to support her.

I am honored to have been included in the group.

Sometimes I feel like I should do better, or I’m no-one special, or that I am the socially awkward person that no one really wants there. The sore thumb that stands out in a room. In those moments I segregated myself to not impose too much. I have this secret bashful side that sometimes hides cleverly behind my confident side.

There are moments where my opioniated self argues “I have nothing to worry about just be who I am, the world needs to be more accepting”, but the bashful side says “I’m just so different that I make others uncomfortable and that makes me uncomfortable”. I often feel like I can feel the energy of judgement even when people don’t say anything, and it definitely makes me uncomfortable, I will often migrate away from people only realizing later what happened.

Occasionally, I have an awareness that, even though I am comfortable with my self because of my major improvements, others live in a different paradigm and have no clue about my path and progress. Those people might say or do something embarrassing and cause a scene, and it is not my intent to cause any scene anywhere, so bashful wins again, and I fold myself up to be less obtrusive.

I caught myself doing that a few times during the gathering. Fortunately, the successful-celebrant’s sister, or my co-workers, seemed to notice and help draw me back out into participation. I appreciated that, and I’m so glad that my uniqueness was tolerated for such a wonderful celebration. It was a concern for me going into the celebration, but I had done my best to ignore my fear, and I’m glad I wasn’t the cause of any disturbances for her big win.

It was a quiet, pleasant, and mostly comfortable gathering to honor and respect a much deserving person. I enjoyed a bit of slightly cool pool, good food, and even a drink to celebrate with her. I’m glad I was there and I’m more glad she had a good afternoon, she deserves it.

It also helped me to see that I have the family I’ve dreamed of. They aren’t polyamorous partners of my ideal dream, but they are family just the same. I can share my fears, my hopes, my dreams, my desires and everything. They put up with my loudness at times and respect me completely. They have helped Nathan so much it makes me cry, and when I expressed major concerns over recent things, I felt like I was really heard and that they genuinely care. The hugs I have received from them are priceless and help more than I have words for. I really appreciate my work family.

I had some of that with the one person I worked with at the job I found myself having to step away from, but at the clinic I feel that way with everyone. They all care about me and I care about them. Genuinely and completely. I am so utterly grateful. It is a wonderful feeling to have people around me that truly care.

May you enjoy celebrations of succuss with everyone you love and care about. May you see your family around you, even if they are not biological or in a marriage-like commitment. May you know those you care about also care about you. May you enjoy life mostly and see your dreams begin to manifest. May you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

First flight.

Not a famous one. Just my first time on a big airplane, and I’m 38 years old.

I’m super nervous, somewhat anxious. The first time for anything can stir that response. Yet, I know I’m hoping that virtigo or nausea stays away, and I’m hoping that being enclosed and seatbelted in helps keep my fear response at bay.

As a kid, one of the companies my dad worked for used their little plane to take employee families up over the town. It was a short flight of about 15 minutes, and at that point I had no reaction to heights. Yet the last time we went to Sears Tower (about 6 years ago) I was petrified of the plexi box and got stuck because my knees quit working.

I have window seats on my flight and half of it will be after dark, landing in CT around midnight. Family will pick me up from the airport to drive the last hour to my destination. I’m really looking forward to this trip.

With Nathan’s recent health stuff, what was supposed to be a family trip, became just me and they are staying home.

On one hand I’m going to really miss my chosen family. I haven’t been away from Nathan any significant time in our 16 years of relationship. I’ve had a night away here and there, but nothing more than 2 days total.

This trip will be 3 and a half days and I need every minute of it. I need the decompression and stress reduction, and I am looking forward to seeing most of my birth family.

I’m doing my best to stay focused on the happy moments of this experience and enjoy every minute of it. I’m also determined to spend at least a few hours at the ocean, even though it is still far too cold to swim. I just want to sit and enjoy the sound of waves and birds, and the view of a beach. Ahhhhhh….

Here’s to 3.5 days of de-stress.🎉

May you have wonderful firsts throughout your entire life. May there always be something new and different to stir your awareness and lift your spirits. May you have fun in all your endeavors, even when traveling alone. May you enjoy life mostly.

Om Shanti

For Better or Worse.

You layed yours
Bare
In return
I layed my sword
In vow
To honor our commitment
To life
As chosen family
God, Goddess and
Loved ones
Witness
Our vows to
Honor
Cherish
Love and respect
You and yours
As long as we
Live our days
In this world
For better
Or worse
We've mastered the latter
It's time for
Better
~Treasa Cailleach

I promised Nathan and his daughter I would do everything in my power to be true to our commitment for life together. Since then we’ve had two more beautiful children, whom inherited my vow. It has been really, really hard for a long time, but I have done everything in my power to keep my commitment. Even my outbursts of anger, frustration, and despair, always reconciled by apologetic countenance.

I love him and our children and I always will. We are due some serious improvement, and I’m doing everything I can to find my patience and get ready to be ready.

May you find a love strong enough for that bond. May you know for certain you could withstand those moments and not need to prove it to anyone including yourself. May you find that your bond flourishes in love and becomes stronger daily, and you still are able to enjoy life frequently in an easy flow of abundance. May you love all of your family, chosen, biological, and even neither, and may you never be forced into cutting ties with any of them. Above all, may you know and understand that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti