Tag Archives: fears

The Why of Bad.

I have been contemplating the why of negative emotions this week from a practical standpoint. I am very familiar with Abraham Hicks and others that speak of wanting to focus on positive vibrations to attract more positive things into your life. I am also familiar with Abraham Hicks stating that negative emotions feel negative because they oppose the way your spirit feels about something. These are not new concepts to me, and I have worked with them heavily for several years now. However, I find that it is a good reminder for myself to look at things through these lenses, and anytime I find a good reminder for myself I feel like it would also help others.

So I am going to break down things that have come across my mind lately and reach for the possible whys of the negativity felt. Essentially, what is one thought that feels like it is in closest proximity to what my spirit feels on the subject. I am probably going to use many topics to convey this to cover as many different ideas as possible, but I am going to start with a few close to my heart.

I have been picking up on negative trains of thought floating through my experience. I believe a lot of it was and continues to be triggered by my incessant father’s negativity. Even with his moving to Arizona, I can not seem to completely detach that cord formed at birth. I have merely managed to squeeze it off to a tiny trickle. However, negativity is all around these days and it’s not hard to bump up against negative thoughts. What I am discovering is that when I bump up against a negative thought it seems to give me the negative of whatever is on my mind, so things I generally am okay on, will suddenly become a bothersome thought. That’s why I am choosing to start with my own stuff because it is what is on my mind the most.

My others, just a couple of examples:

I have been contemplating the 3 in my experience a lot because I can feel them as being very active in my heart center again. I will call the person from India and their connected person “the duo”- they are the ones I feel left and right of heart center. Based on my recent reach out, I think I now know who the left is, but may have missed the mark on the right side. The 3rd person is an american man, he holds the position just below heart center- not quite to solar plexus area, so I’ll just refer to him as “Beau”. All 3 have been active for me for quite some time now, but The Duo has been active for over 5 years at this point. Being they still reside in my heart, I know they are significant and will eventually mean something. Generally speaking I accept all 3 as being very significant for me personally and already consider them family due to their seemingly permanent residence in my energetic awareness. Most of the time I feel their emotions (including arousal and negative emotions) or awareness of something I did. I have had a strong knowing for a long time now that all 3 will eventually come around to making some sort of commitment in my life. It is the knowing and the dreams that I keep circling back to as a reminder, because every single thing in my life that had that knowing eventually came true. So really, there is no real doubt in my mind that it will eventually be clear, make sense, and pan out as my knowing has informed me. My only confusion lies in the how and when, and really that is what the journey called life is all about. No need to take the fun out of the journey.

However, there have been those moments of energetic bumper cars that have caught me off guard or set me on brief doubt-tangents. I have so far been able to course correct on every single one, but occasionally it takes me a short bit to realize that is what happened, so I’m not instantaneously correcting yet. Here are some examples:

“Nathan needs to go, you’re mine.” Feels negative, because my inner being knows that Nathan is a very loved fixture in my life, the same as my children, and anyone wanting to be in my life will simply have to accept that. I don’t require a significant other to do anything specific with Nathan, just accept him as part of my family and interact with him as you would any other platonic family member. He is an adult, so basic respect and adult conversation would be necessary, but otherwise go as deep or as superficial as you care to. There is also an element of needing to acknowledge my desire for polyamory. I have been honest about that from the start, and I care about these people, and I know they care about me. So, since we all care and I have been completely honest about my needs, there is no need for anyone to be rejected or eliminated. My paradigm of conscious choice does not need adjusted because someone chose to look outside of an enforced paradigm and found me. If you found what you were seeking, then obviously I am perfectly fine just the way I am.

“You’re focused on the wrong things.” (I actually got that message through a song notification, directly following another called “I’ve been watching you”- a bit creepy especially since I’ve wondered if one of the 3 has someone digitally stalking me or manipulating/hacking my device.) Both concepts feel negative because for one the stalking/hacking thing is a huge red flag for a perp., and for two it seems like someone judging my thoughts, processes, and emotions based on their external input. Assuming that God is just trying to convey their mental space to me and no actual stalking/hacking is happening, I can then just look at the judgments. I may be focusing on the wrong things for them, but I know my predominant emotions these days and know my train is headed towards good mostly. I am gradually building forward momentum on the higher vibration end of the train. I know what I want- ALL the layers, and somehow I know that these 3 people are God’s choice for best fit for things I desire. I look forward to seeing that pan out and for my existing family to blend with them. When I think of the elements I do know for certain I generally feel really good. Even when I think of things I would like in less certain contexts I also feel good. I have gotten really good at stopping negative tangents in relation to these 3 people. I generally feel good about all 3 and the few things I have been hurt over are not life ending, and could readily be corrected with truth and apologies. So feeling negative from being told I’m focused improperly is a really good validation that I am indeed focused properly and thinking about positive things for me personally.

So, yes generally I am looking forward to seeing this part of my journey out, and the bumper car negative thoughts are being handled more and more readily. I am finding more consistent positive thought, and I look forward to my people manifesting positively. I know they are capable of accepting Nathan and I know that they will find their way through their half of this mutual journey just fine.

A couple of examples from current events- I’ll do my best to be more brief:

Fear of Covid, getting sick, getting other sick, etc.- Fear feels bad. Fear is the opposite of what your spirit thinks. Your spirit is not afraid of catching this virus. Your spirit knows you have the ability to heal if you allow it. Your spirit also knows that if you fail in the allowing, that death is merely a new beginning, and though anyone you left behind would be sad, it is not your journey to be consumed by their grief. Either way, it is okay. Additionally, you can not create in another’s experience. If you coughed the virus on 10 people, all 10 could have completely different responses. You spread the virus equally, but their consciousness and their vibrational level was what determined whether they got sick or to what degree. This applies to every aspect of life and your inner being knows it. I wear a mask these days only to soothe people that don’t know this information. I’m not afraid, they really don’t need to be afraid, but I don’t need to make their already fear based mindset worse by challenging them when they are battling an uphill thought battle to begin with. It is easier for me to wear the mask and do my best to soothe their minds and help them find better more productive thoughts. That is being a lightworker.

“Trump is a light-worker/good for humanity” I even got told that someone referred to Trump as a Demigod. I’m sorry, there are many things that Trump is, but none of these apply. Beyond the ludicrosity of calling him a Demi-God, I feel I must ferret out the rest. They feel bad to me because my spirit knows that these statements are just OFF. Here’s the deal, a light-worker is here to not just help themselves, they are here to help humanity progress in massively positive ways. Trump is only out to get what he wants at all costs. He is not doing anything that actively helps humanity. The closest thing to helping humanity is that he IS helping us to see what needs fixed, so like my father he is serving as a valuable bad example. He is teaching us what not to do for certain. In that way he is helping humanity, but there are so many alternatives to his actions that he is most definitely not demonstrating the best choices. Light-workers are supposed to aim at the best choices possible to help the most people. So Trump is failing on both fronts. The only thing that Trump is good at is using the Law of Attraction. He is spectacular at getting what he wants no matter what is going on around him. Because of that I hope he has a massive cardiac event and saves humanity the trouble of trying to over-ride his really really bad decisions while he is still alive. He is a colossal bad example which gives true light-workers a direction to aim. We can use his skills with Law of Attraction, but aim for polar opposite results and actually better the world and improve things for humanity. Trump is merely a learning tool for light-workers to do their best, in the realm of even the negatives have value in clarity. Use the skill, but do this, not that. A powerful lesson is never equivalent to light-work or Demi-God.

In closing:

I had a thought after the Trump trigger-conversation that “the aliens must be fucking with us”. It was a sarcastic statement, but one that made me laugh. So, functioning under the assumption that vibrational alignment and emotion based discernment are a really thing, then the aliens must actually be fucking with us. However, from my perspective that isn’t really a bad thing. It means that if Trump does get completely out of control they will likely step in. In the meantime, it is probably in a effort to help the rest of us somewhat sane humans learn to control our brains for the betterment of humanity. I appreciate that thought immensely. If that really is the end goal, which because it feels so good probably is, then I am totally on board. I will gladly play along with the challenges to heal my brain and body and aim for a better human race. At this point I am no gold medal winner in positive thought correction, but I am getting better and better at it every day. I look forward to the day that I am so focused that I get really good shit really quickly, and unlike Trump my choices have always and will always be aimed at helping as many people as I can. I do wish to help humanity and will go out of my way to manifest things that help more than just myself. I’m off to a slow but steady start and I look forward to more positive momentum.

May you see your thought journey gaining positive momentum. May you reach for helping humanity while you help yourself. May you master overriding the bogus negative-thought bumper-cars. May you be doubt free and focused on positive outcomes. May you see ways to help humanity grow and progress in amazingly positive ways. May you have positive manifestations to validate your progress. May you see your ripple in the world. May you help soothe others’ fears. May you bring light to this dark world. May you see only the best in others and this world.

Siva Hir Su

I will remind you: you turned down quick and painless.

So this week I have come to terms with not being able to fix anything or change anyone, even myself. I have given it a good long hard effort for “paultry results” as Abraham would say. I simply can’t physically do it, and even mentally there are too many thought habbits that I have failed to change. I’m still trying, still meditating frequently, and Nathan reminded me that sometimes winning really looks like just not loosing.

It’s little consolation.

However, regardless of my ability to fix anything, I am still that opinionated out spoken brawd that is going to remind you later of your own failure, as it somehow makes me feel better about my own.

The one eating at me right now, for no aparent reason, is quick painless vs long painful. I can’t count the number of conversations that I have participated in with adults of all ages, even some minors, that all ask for the short/quick and painless death. Every single one of those conversations also acknowledging a belief in some greater power/God including a sentiment of praying for the desired outcome it when it’s their time to go.

Yet, Covid19 comes along and it’s like everyone has forgotten their request, suddenly petrified of the idea of a virus being that solution.

To me, God, and the universe, if you ask for short/quick and painless; what does it matter how that is accomplished? It doesn’t matter if it’s a car accident, heart attack, massive stroke, aneurysm, silent cancer, or virus. They all have the potential to fulfill the quick painless request.

If it’s your time, it’s your time.

Beyond that, your fear of the virus is telling the medical establishment that you are in favor of slow and painful. If you are one of the few that gets the virus and has severe complications (because it’s your time) and is hospitalized for it, they will put you on a ventilator and treat all the symptoms to the best of their ability. You’ve now taken what could have been a couple of days and turned it into potentially weeks of suffering before your exit. Because as I’ve said many times, if it’s your time and the doctors do manage to get you well, something else will come along for another possible solution for your exit. I’ve watched so many people get sick 2 or 3 times in a row before finally letting go and relaxing into the afterlife. Their potentially short quick painless death turned into weeks and weeks of suffering.

That’s just in relation to cyclical diseases like flu and pneumonia. Additionally, everyone with any long term condition, so overly concerned about Covid19, is saying the same thing to the medical establishment. If you have: cancer, lukemia, rheumatoid arthritis, dementia, diabetes, chrones, or any one of the many other severe diseases that we have no solid cure for, and you are petrified of Covid19, then your message is loud and clear: “I like living a long, painful life”. You are literally saying I don’t mind living for years with pain, inflammation, and my body attacking itself repeatedly; I would rather live that way, then have a measly little virus do me in and end all the pain.

It seems horribly messed up to me. I half wish I had been one of the lucky ones that got the quick exit, except I’m certain that mystery virus I had in February was Covid19 and was no worse for me than the flu. Those that were lucky enough to get the quick exit, got out of this mess we now call life and are probably in the ethers laughing hysterically at everyone that is living in fear.

Beyond that, I’m still super annoyed that this virus still has any airtime at all. There are dozens of long term problems in our world that have far worse death tolls than Covid19. Poor water quality, lack of sanitization of any kind for vast portions of our world, lack of indoor plumbing causing disease to spread through improper human waste management, poverty, lack of proper healthcare for easily cured diseases like salmonella, lack of access for all to said proper healthcare even when it does exist, homes that don’t protect people from the elements, homelessness, nutritionally deficient children worldwide (even/especially in the oh-so-great USA), nutritionally deficient people in general, starvation, and yes even global warming (if we don’t solve that, the whole world will eventually suffer and die).

All of these things are continuous problems that we have solutions for, yet continuously fail to implement said solutions because of big dollars. Yet big business, especially big pharma, have no problem making money off all your scared asses because of a measly virus. If we stood up for what is right and just, and sucked up our own stupid fears, the money being made off of Covid19 could become money used to solve any number of the other long term problems we have the knowledge to solve. If you invested the money you waste on doctors and ineffective vaccines on Charitywater.org you would give 10 families clean water for their lifetime. If you invested the money you have wasted on not-cures there could be charity waste programs. If you invested the money you dump on the junk filled foods that cause all the long-term incurable diseases, you could help people get access to antibiotics for actual curable diseases, and might spare yourself more food-disease suffering.

But that is just another one of my half-baked cock-eyed wishful-thinking dreams. My dreams will never exist in my lifetime. Humanity is too dumb to get it, or too lazy to really care about real solutions.

May you have attainable dreams. May you have more faith in humanity. May you believe in yourself and others. May real solutions be found and worked on in meaningful ways. May you see your place on this Earth and make strides for living your best most helpful life. May your words matter and help people to stop, think, and change patterns for better results. May we all work towards better living for everyone. May we feel God’s grace and know we are doing our best to be of assistance to the divine.

Siva Hir Su

Just so I’m not completely ranty, I’ll end with a funny from the Waldo Facebook Group that Nathan shared with me via email… You know since I still boycott Facebook myself.


Repost… to clear up any confusion
The Rules:
1. Basically, you can’t leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then you can.
2. Masks are useless, but maybe you have to wear one, it can save you, it is useless, but maybe it is mandatory as well.
3. Stores are closed, except those that are open.
4. You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick.
5. This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.
6. Gloves won’t help, but they can still help.
7. Everyone needs to stay HOME, but it’s important to GO OUT.
8. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarket, but there are many things missing when you go there in the evening, but not in the morning. Sometimes.
9. The virus has no effect on children except those it affects.
10. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…
11. You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you can also get sick without symptoms, have symptoms without being sick, or be contagious without having symptoms. Oh, my..
12. In order not to get sick, you have to eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand and it’s better not to go out, well, but no…
13. It’s better to get some fresh air, but you get looked at very wrong when you get some fresh air, and most importantly, you don’t go to parks or walk. But don’t sit down, except that you can do that now if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant (but not too old).
14. You can’t go to retirement homes, but you have to take care of the elderly and bring food and medication.
15. If you are sick, you can’t go out, but you can go to the pharmacy.
16. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house, which may have been prepared by people who didn’t wear masks or gloves. But you have to have your groceries decontaminated outside for 3 hours. Pizza too?
17. Every disturbing article or disturbing interview starts with ” I don’t want to trigger panic, but…”
18. You can’t see your older mother or grandmother, but you can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver.
19. You can walk around with a friend but not with your family if they don’t live under the same roof.
20. You are safe if you maintain the appropriate social distance, but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance.
21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours, no, four, no, six, no, we didn’t say hours, maybe days? But it takes a damp environment. Oh no, not necessarily.
22. The virus stays in the air – well no, or yes, maybe, especially in a closed room, in one hour a sick person can infect ten, so if it falls, all our children were already infected at school before it was closed. But remember, if you stay at the recommended social distance, however in certain circumstances you should maintain a greater distance, which, studies show, the virus can travel further, maybe.
23. We count the number of deaths but we don’t know how many people are infected as we have only tested so far those who were “almost dead” to find out if that’s what they will die of…
24. We have no treatment, except that there may be one that apparently is not dangerous unless you take too much (which is the case with all medications). Orange man bad.
25. We should stay locked up until the virus disappears, but it will only disappear if we achieve collective immunity, so when it circulates… but we must no longer be locked up for that?

It’s a just a virus.

So, it’s just a virus, in fact being compared to the flu quite frequently. Respiratory complications the worst symptom. We have the flu circulate every year. We have tools to treat all the symptoms even/especially respiratory symptoms. We know how to sanitize and reduce transmission rate without shutting society down. Good hygiene with oneself and environment goes miles. Self-policing coughs and other manifestations of symptoms (throw tissues away and empty your own trash, etc.) also goes miles.

It was suggested this is a ploy to shut elections down, and I sincerely hope that’s not the case. I also sincerely hope people come to their senses before homes start foreclosing left and right. I think people will when they realize if they don’t work they can’t pay bills. I hope companies will when they realize their equivalent: if work doesn’t get done then companies have to close.

Here is the deal:

  • I am grateful to be alive.
  • Repeat that.
  • I have lost far more people to cancer in my social circles than any other cause of death.
  • Pneumonia and car accidents tie for a close second, mainly because I work with old people that succumb to any kind of pneumonia easily, and car accidents affect all people of every age.
  • My husband has a heart condition. He literally could die of a heart attack or stroke any day.
  • I could die of any of them, especially cancer (see my post from last night), not to mention complications from any female reproductive concerns ranging from endometriosis to birth problems.
  • I am grateful to be alive.
  • I simply can’t spend all day everyday in fear of something only slightly worse than the flu which circulates every year.
  • I can’t afford to spend all day everyday in fear of anything.
  • I am grateful to be alive.
  • The fear itself is worse than any disease or possible cause of death (of which there are many). Fear literally eats your body from the inside out. The chemistry involved in long-term fear, anger, or any stress causes far more diseases than any virus. That chemistry has already been proven to lead to several types of cancer and other degenerative diseases and weakens your immune system. It’s probably a major factor in my own thyroid struggles.
  • I have to focus on being grateful to be alive.
  • I have to acknowledge all of the many experiences I have lived through that others died from, especially all the years I did get the flu, but also times like when I was almost smashed to smitherines by a semi truck.

We live in a global society. Learn good hygiene. Learn to help keep every environment clean. Learn to appreciate all of the many things that could have killed you and didn’t. Learn to reduce transmission without becoming anti-social. Learn to acknowledge that touching each other, especially hugs and handshakes, is worth the risk of possibly catching something. Learn that even in a hug or handshake, you can still do things to avoid catching an illness (wash hands, don’t touch your own eyes, etc.). Learn that life will be miserable for everyone if we continue to ostricize each other out of fear of the what if.

What if this really is a ploy to shut elections down, do you want our government(s) to do that? What if this is a ploy to create so much fear we all end up with illnesses far worse, do you want to fall for it? You have to police yourself and know it’s going to be alright. Acknowledge you could die of thousands of causes but that your body is resilient and you do many many things to help prevent that.

We are safer than they want us to believe. God needs us to know it.

May you be healthy and social. May you rise above fear. May you ease your system with gratitude. May you find the positive answers you seek. May you find the healing you seek. May you feel loved and supported. May you have the work you desire and adequate compensation to feel abundant. May you have less stress and more love for a healthy body inside and out. May your knowing be more like that of God’s, and help you feel safe and secure.

Siva Hir Su