Tag Archives: feel good

Reaching

Preface:

This a multi topic post that I’m not sure if it will wrap up concisely. I’m still following the rabbit hole myself. I apologise in advance if it is clear as mud.

Also, I am human and just because I reach for something doesn’t mean I actually accomplish it 100% of the time myself. I do my best, but as in all things, sometimes we humans fall short of our goals. We also often have ideals that can be hard to maintain consistently. Topics of this post could definitely fall in that category for me.

And so it begins.

Two conversations this morning caught my attention and started me down a rabbit hole of thought.

The first conversation included a comment about one party having passed something by their father. The second conversation included statements about work and enjoying being the low person on the totem pole even though their manager wanted to promote them to a managerial position. Both conversations triggered thoughts for me from my perspective and I know it somehow fits together. I’m attempting to type to that conclusion.

The details:

Conversation 1:  An adult referenced running a deal by his father for input. He respects his father’s business sense and wanted to follow the father’s advice. In regards to the fullness of the conversation from my perspective, my intuition told me he was right, and in this situation listening to father’s advice was a good call.

What it stirred in me is really interesting though. My knee jerk reaction is usually: “Why would a younger adult pass something by their parents? There are so many places to look for successful input, but even more it’s an opportunity to use your own guidance system.”

This is due to many factors, one of which is that I have been surrounded by elders that were busy keeping up with the Joneses and playing corporate games to ultimately just be miserable. This was strongly evident in my parents, but also in friends’ parents. Most of the older generation from my perspective was busy chasing “good jobs” to make just enough to look like they were doing ok. Then they would spend hours of their lives making sure that they could keep up appearances and managing to keep bills paid. They were all miserable most of the time. I never wanted to be like that. I wanted more financial success- true, but more I wanted to be happier, more satisfied with my life.

Beyond that aspect, my father was an especially good example of what not to do, and most of my efforts have been directed at attempting to be the opposite of him. He was never happy, his good jobs- never were, and his bumping elbows always seemed excessive to me.

For instance, the things he told others, he never said directly to us. A good example was when I was in middle school learning flute and he would tell others how wonderful I was, but at home, if he said anything about it at all, it was to make sure my grades were still “up” and that I was doing what I was supposed to, practicing enough, etc. There was always an air of ‘you can do better’ no matter how good I was already doing.

My father was also extremely vocal about what he wanted us as kids to do, and our choices were never acceptable to him, or at least it seemed to me. I was well informed many times over that I should be an engineer and that art and music would never make me money. Well I proved I could make money off of art (still do), and I know I could off of music if I wanted to, but I chose another option out of other desires and wish for greater amounts of money to be made. I still never became his precious engineer.

Why? I just could never understand how someone that was so miserable could push so hard that someone else do what they did. I always just knew for certain that if I had any chance of finding success and being happy congruently, that I had to do a lot of things differently than my father. I saw that his system was failing him daily in many many ways, and I wanted better.

Sometimes I beat my head up against the things that he scolded into us on a regular basis. It’s hard to duck around something that was both proverbially and literally beaten into you, brainwashing is very real; but when I can see his patterns clearly as being separate from mine, I make every effort possible to do something different, aiming for better.

Mostly, I feel like I have been successful and I am far from being my father. I have moments of failure, but in general, I am definitely my own person. I can’t claim daily effortless happiness, but I’m far closer to that idea than he even considered. My financial success may not be greater yet, but I’m matching dollar for dollar but with more to show for it. That alone gives me hope for greater in the near future. So potentially I have improved in both financial and emotional happiness.

Personally, I just prefer reaching for better than my parents did because they set such good examples of what not to do. The conversation I heard this morning, really just pushed the acknowledgement within myself that I have good reasons to not look to my parents for guidance, but that others might find as many or more reasons to seek parental guidance. Really, most anyone seeks guidance from those that they trust on a given topic, and parents just happen to cover multiple topics for children.

But, that takes me one step further into seeking guidance from outside of one’s self to seeking guidance from inside one’s self.

Because I was so bent on trying to reach the opposite of my father, I had to examine all of my options closely and listen to my inner guidance system to try and choose. Sometimes I would feel like the truly-best-option was out of my reach, so I would then aim for the best I could. Regardless, I was always trying to decipher how I felt about my known available choices.

I also always knew when something dad was trying to convince me of didn’t mesh with my inner-being. Every time he told me I was wrong, I would have an internal reaction along the lines of “that’s what you think, wanna bet?!”. Specific examples that come to mind was when he tried to tell me seeking a liberal arts degree was suicide, or that marrying Nathan was a huge mistake. 2 kids and 2 careers later I still disagree with him. I am a better person because of both of them, and the challenges were worth every bit of effort.

My point is that whether or not you look to those you trust for guidance, the best guidance anyone could ever find is within themselves. If you ask others, you get their known choices and preferences, which can help you see more options- something very helpful if you feel uninformed. However, they can only give you what they know, and they might not know enough to give you a truly balanced set of choices. Even if you utilize others to expand your knowledge and choices, you still need to ask your inner-being what is best for you at this time. That is the only real way to know for certain what you should do in this moment with what is available to you. Our inner-being is always our best advocate.

Conversation 2: Someone was telling me about how their job wants them to be a next level manager because they are good at everything and know a lot about the products and processes. They were expressing a combination of appreciation over the acknowledgement, and frustration because they like their job just the way it is. They like not having so much responsibility and a bit less work.

This tied in with the other conversation for me because it was about weighing the pros and cons and doing what is right for you. You still have to listen to your inner-being.

Also, it made me realize that just because you are very appreciative of acknowledgement of your skills, does not mean you have to deviate from what you desire.

The conversation left me with a sense that she really just wanted to stay in the job she had, that it made her happy. I wanted to tell her to stick to her guns and do what made her happy, let them find someone else to promote. However, I stopped short of saying that because I know it is ultimately her choice, and in this moment she may be focused on the good reasons to stay, but that she may have vibrationally asked for things that the promotion would bring. I would have no way of knowing that. It is hard to be totally in someone else’s thought processes and know their vibrational balance.

I have had a similar mix myself on many occasions. I currently have a mix on current topics, and I’m doing my best to sort through it all emotionally, from where I am currently at. Sometimes we just need to say things out loud to another person to help solidify how we feel inside. Sometimes it helps to list all of the pros for both and look to see which option has more pros (I usually don’t involve the cons if I can help it, they muddle things to much, and everything has cons.) Regardless of how you get there, ultimately it’s a conversation between you and YOU. Your human self really just needs to check in with your higher-self to see what the best answer is right now. That is ultimately all we could ever hope for anyway.

It’s hard to do sometimes, with so much going on finding the quiet space to get that answer is a challenge. Also it often can be even harder to stick to, especially when others try to convince you otherwise. Yet if your inner-being says it is the best, then it is always the best thing for you. You inner-being never lies about that.

God doesn’t lie, humans do. Always trust God force over human input.

Finally, there was one other moment today that somehow fits.

Conversation 3: The accupincturist at the clinic was telling me how she always scolds women to “Stop It!” when they start apologizing for being sweaty, or dirty from work, or not having shaved. She explained men never apologize for such things and neither should women. I agree with her wholeheartedly. Women do tend to over apologise for things they need not care about. However, I would say that some men do as well. 

The next time you feel the need to apologise for something relatively benign, ask yourself, is this a necessary apology? Ask yourself, if someone was presenting that to you, would you be offended? Ask yourself, would you want or need an apology in a reversed situation?  Ask yourself how would you act if your gender was different?

Sometimes genders do over apologise, and sometimes genders under apologise because of the feeling that it’s just built in to your own gender. Be aware of those faux pas, and make amends to your level of apologetics regardless as to whether it is too much or not enough. It is always kind to apologise when you feel you are not at your best for a given situation. It is also kind to yourself to acknowledge that not every lapse must become a long apology. There is a happy medium we can do our best to reach for and our inner being will guide the way on that topic too.

May you sense your inner-being and it’s trustworthy guidance on all topics. May you find it easy to reach for the best option for you in any given moment or experience. May you be kind to yourself and others. May you find the right guidance in every respect. May you hear your inner-being easily. May you know that God loves and supports in every way through your connection with your higher-self.

Om Shanti

Love Prevails

My baby burned herself last night. She wanted my tea, but it had some caffeine. Even though it was minimal caffeine, I said no because it was just before her bedtime. She decided to go help herself to what her dad had set to steep for himself. I was 30 seconds too slow to realize she had sneaked away and it was too quiet. I called for her and immediately heard a scream. I lept up just as she came running back to me soaked in hot liquid. Her front was burned fairly badly, several blisters popped as I took the wet shirt off of her. I instantly went into first-aid mode, but doing my best to be loving momma at the same time. I coated her in a very thick layer of aloe and applied lavender soaked gauze pads.

This morning it was significantly better, but the worst areas were still blistered and dark. So before my short shift I reapplied another thick layer of aloe and lavender soaked gauze. She knew I was trying to fix it for her.

I know she will be okay and heal just fine. I also know she learned her lesson and will likely never do that again. I also know that she knows I love her, because not only did I try to protect her, I also helped when her choice hurt her badly.

For some reason it has made me think about this holiday season. I am determined to let love prevail and I am wishing that for everyone.

Right now we are in the midst of a collective situation that can be compared to the story of when baby Jesus’ life was threatened by troops searching for all the male babies to be killed. One person in power, afraid of his power being stripped, sent destruction out on everyone.

Powers that be desperately want us to stay afraid and sequestered. They want us to hide in our homes and loose ourselves. Sadly, part of this situation is fueled by a desire to make money off of our fears (pharma with vaccines). The other part is fueled by those already in a state of fear and compounded by fears of being sued, knowing that even if insurance is present, it often fails to do it’s job.  If you follow the trails far enough, both could likely be traced back to a handful of 1%’ers, and would definitely encourage fears of conspiracy against the masses. One could definitely assume that THEY created the virus to get at us.

But one could also assume it was an opportunity of convenience. An unknown new thing which used properly scared the daylights out of everyone, and caused a chain reaction of organizations and entities afraid of litigation.

In order to break the cycle of fear, we must simply BE ourselves. And this holiday season let us be like Mary and Joseph in that story. Cling to that which you have, and that which you know and love, and ignore the fear of others. Listen to your inner being and follow God’s cues, and let love be your guiding light.

For me I am grateful I know how to BE myself.

I am grateful for my clients and their gifts and kindness.

I am grateful that I understand that this disease is statistically no worse than the flu and comparable in risk to vaccines themselves.

I am immensely grateful that I have access to (mostly), and knowledge of, many things that help get over viral infections and any resulting damage to my body. I’m eternally grateful that God fills in where my knowledge and tools fail, providing an infinite supply of healing energy.

I am grateful that instead of making money off of other’s fears, I am earning my way helping my clients find their way back to their inner being.

I am able to support my family because I help people relax back into their inner-selves and find healing space.

I am grateful that I can find my way back to my inner-being , even when the darkness threatens to drown me.

I am grateful that my inner being helps me do good work.

I am grateful that I have clients that are generally as kind and generous as I aim to be.

I am grateful that I have a safe home and a loving family.

I am honored to be able to help people find healing, whether it is my own child, or clients on my table.

I am appreciative that I understand I don’t have to live in fear just because others are doing their best to convince me to do so. I don’t have to live in fear just because others are.

I am very happy that I understand my inner being view is far more important than what anyone else is doing or thinking.

I am so appreciative that God loves me and that I love God back. So many people forget to give God love, and I am happy to do so. Every time my brain looses it’s way, I work hard to get back on track just so I can have my connection back and give God some love again.

I’m grateful that even though I won’t be visiting long distance family, I will still be able to spend my holidays with time off and have warm loving holiday celebrations with my family.

I’m grateful for the abundance that enabled gifts for my children and good healthy food on our table.

I grateful that I was able to extend offers for friends to join our holiday celebration. Whether or not they actually join us, I am appreciative that I am capable of having them visit with us.

I am reaching for many things this holiday. I’m teaching for: a loving home, a prosperous business, a healthy body, and living in a world where love triumphs over fears.

Join me in shifting our world perspective to brighter days. Join me in focusing on the positives and letting the love flow. Demolish the fears and darkness. Rebuild with the light of a loving God.

May we all find a way to kill darkness and give birth to a loving new world. May we all find peace and joy these holidays to begin a new year in a much better place. May we all find our inner-being and higher-self view of this day and every day moving forward. May you know that God loves you and just wants loved back. May you know that God can heal us all if we allow for it. May we all find brighter, better, more joyful, more prosperous, more healing days ahead of us.

Destroy the negatives- Siva Hir Su

Rebuild the world in love and light- Dai Ko Mio, Om Mani Padme Hum.


Find peace, love and joy. – Om Shanti

Om Namo Maha Deva; Praise God, Amen

Improvement?

I was able to leave work a couple of hours early today. I knew I must take the opportunity to slide in an extra workout. I texted my husband and he decided to go with me.

I changed into my old workout outfit. It’s probably almost a decade old, and the shirt has had paint on it for longer than my 6 year old has been alive. The pants gained a bleached area after moving into our previous home about 2 years ago.

Nathan picked the treadmill, and I chose to do a combo of elliptical and rowing machine. We both did a full 45 min workout, and I did my best to maximize mine (HR, speed, resistance, etc.).

I started with the elliptical set on a big incline to maximize focus on quads and glutes. My quads have been weak and my glutes have been chronically tight; sometimes that’s a sign of weakness, but it’s also potentially just because of the nature of how I stand while working.

Either way, I wanted this workout to help in as many ways as possible. So, I picked my machines based on muscles I wanted to work, and the duration for helping my brain function.

10 min into the elliptical my clothes were bothersome. They are now so baggy that they catch on things. While still in motion I tied a knot in my shirt hem, and pulled my pants up higher and cinched in the drawstring more. I then had to pull my sleeves up as high as possible to get them to stay put.

When I got home I realized they were 18/20W or a 2XL. When I originally bought them I was not quite at my largest and they were comfortably loose. I do remember when I hit my largest they were no longer quite so comfortable and that was one of many signals to acknowledge I needed to fix things. That was over 7 years ago.

Now, I know I wore a fitted size Large scrub top last week that wasn’t quite so tight anymore. I wouldn’t call it spacious or comfy, but it’s not restrictive like it was when I bought it in the frame of mind of being hopeful.

So I’m down from an 18/20W plus size to a solid 14/16 regular, and still shrinking, not quite to a size 12 yet.

This is quite possibly the slowest process I’ve ever noticed, but it is progress. The bathroom scale is still useless registering 217-220 depending on the day, but I’m definitely slowly inching smaller.

I still get frustrated over my tummy because it shows bloating so readily, but I’m definitely smaller. When I stand with proper posture and I’m not bloated, my tummy is smaller than my breasts, the last times that happened was directly after giving birth to my children. It makes me feel good.

This all helps me feel better. The exercise itself, the results, being smaller, feeling better physically, it all helps my mood. This on top of all of my regimen is a big helper, but I’m still inching up.

It’s not taking me weeks or months anymore, but it’s still taking me multiple days to climb out of mental health pits. It is improvement, but I look forward to hours instead. Nay, I look forward to never falling to begin with.

I’m not sure I’m ready to contemplate what that puzzle looks like yet. I’ll get this one down better first.

Anyway, I wanted to share my efforts and the noticable measures of improvement. I will keep plugging away and eventually I will be back up again.

May you have moments of appreciation and validation of your efforts at improvement. May your brain always cooperate with you. May you have stable mental health and a healthy body inside and out. May you know you are doing better and find ways to love yourself for it. May you know you’re loved and supported.

Om Shanti