Tag Archives: feel the love

I Survived the Thickness

The thick, the sick, the chemicals, and everything else laid to waste. This “mad world” has not taken me under yet, and if I have my say it won’t claim anyone else either.

I have survived chemicals in my drinks: flouride, chlorine, and other trace chemicals in my water, and sodas with sugar, acid and artificial sweeteners. I have survived chemicals in my foods: preservatives, pesticides, and others.

I survived it all.

I have survived Epstein-Barr for probably 27 years or more. I survived the damage it did to my thyroid and my emotions. The damage it caused to my pancreas, and allergies inflicted.

I survived the resulting ripple it caused for pregnancy and birth. I not only survived, I have taken care of myself and found some healing, even if it was slow.

Then I survived Covid and it’s havoc on my body taking everything negative and bringing it directly to my immediate awareness. It flared everything Epstein-Barr started, and took it a step further, driving me nearly insane. It damaged my son’s brain and my husband’s kidneys, but we’re all still alive.

Regardless of western medicines’ lack of ability to solve any of it, I will find a way. See I’m a thriver at heart.

If nastiness like that only takes me down, I survive, and I eventually overcome. Then, once I fully overcome all of it, I will thrive in a massive way. I look forward to that time.

For now I’m giving myself credit.

I deserve the beautiful body to match my beautiful insides, and to do that I have to stay focused on my love for myself.

I found reverse osmosis water and organic produce. I found auto-immune Paleo and Raw diets to enable healing. I found numerous supplements to manage symptoms and enable healing. I found my way out of darkness because of Dr Illardi’s ” Depression Cure”. I revived my love of the sun and found ways to love physical activity. I make an effort to connect with nature, mother Earth, and humanity.

I have taken care of my entire family since July of 2010. I have kept us alive and housed, and clothed and fed.

I helped my father and an acquaintance in the midst of their hard times.

I have donated time, items, and money to charities and individuals.

I help people on my table to feel better and find their own healing every day.

And through all of it I have even found a way to take care of myself. I have given myself space for healing to the best of my ability. I have done everything I could to feel better, as often as I was able.

I am strong and capable. I know how to persevere.

I am smart, nay very intelligent and I choose to use my gifts for good. I do my best to educate everyone I come in contact with.

I may never reach the same enlightened master level such as the likes of AdiYogi Shiva, Buddha, or J├ęsus, but I did mine while caring for others daily. I did mine while birthing and raising children. I did mine while fighting diseases in my own body and caring for a husband with even more complex health concerns. AND I did mine when Western Medicine was bent on doing only the lazy, simplest, send you on your way options.

So, if you ask me, my battles have been more challenging and the fact I’ve made it this far is majorly commendable.

So yes, I am focusing on my victories and accomplishments. I am loving myself so my inner beauty can be seen by everyone. I love me and I deserve the best for myself. I deserve recognition. I deserve to be acknowledged for my healing journey, everything I have gone through and survived, to reach for thriving.

I love me and I hope you love yourself too.

May you see your accomplishments. May you acknowledge your own gifts. May you love yourself and honor others for their tough journies too. Above all may you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Give each other credit.

None of us give each other enough credit.

From the office manager of 30 years, to the new chiropractor, and the massage therapist in between.

From the yogi to the cardinal, bishop, rabbi, or lay-priest.

From the owner/president, to the ceo, to the basic laborer.

From the citizens to the politicians or vice versa.

We all have skills, we all have talents, we all have good qualities, there is something special and unique about everyone.

Yet we rarely take the time to acknowledge that special moment that we all mean to someone. Often because we are too busy worrying about ourselves. Sometimes it is jealousy, feeling lack of being on the receiving end. Sometimes it is doubt in ourselves and our own capabilities. Sometimes we feel unworthy ourselves and have trouble knowing how to say or show appreciation. There are many reasons we find ourselves unable, and often they are self induced, and never mean any hurt to anyone around us.

Perception can be everything and nothing, all at once. It can uplift or drag down, all depending on one’s individual view.

But it’s fixable.

First you must convince yourself that you matter and you are special. Get your own spirits up by seeing just your best parts, and then you can see all the things to be grateful for.

Then the ah-ha moment of appreciating another stirs a desire to give back. Just follow through on that moment.


This tangent was brought to you by being the recipient of a gift today. It helped brighten my day and took a smaller stresser off of my rather large pile right now. I am very grateful for the kindness.

It made me think of the many things weighing heavy on my mind, and how just about every decision I have in front of me seems like it will hurt someone, and that is the last thing I want. I like and/or love all of those people, all for different reasons.

I really appreciate that a woman with 30 years experience has taught me enough of her job to trust me in doing it for her.

I really appreciate that I work with an experienced chiropractor, whom does his best to help everyone he knows, even if it means sacrificing his time.

I really appreciate that the younger chiropractor has lots of experience with musculature, and fitness. He has a broader perspective than many specialists do, and genuinely does his best to educate his clients.

I really appreciate that there are two spectacular acupuncturist’s, and one of whom understands a lot of my Energetic concerns, both in relation to my body and my broader awareness.

My clients too, they all are special, all unique. Some of them I can’t fix, some I only buy them temporary relief, but I always honestly give my best, doing my best to help ease their life a bit.

At my other job, I am appreciative that I can still help even with limited hours to give. I appreciate that people genuinely still care about me even though it’s been almost 2 years since I was full time there. There are so many people that impacted me and they all still come to check on me on occasion. I appreciate the learning experience I had there, and human connections I made there. They are all good people. I am grateful that the mentor figure was able to get promoted, she deserved it and worked hard to get there, I’m glad she reached her goal. I’m also glad that my impact helped the company as a whole. It’s hard to admit that some of my less than spectacular moments helped them to avoid bigger problems, but I hope that some of my best moments helped too. I really did try to give my best.

I don’t know what my near future holds, but if I could do it without hurting anyone ever, that would be my choice. I would rather be able to gift them all something special, because they are all special in my heart.


May you know where you are headed and find it peaceful. May you enjoy your time here on this earth and know it mattered to people. May you see and appreciate the best in everyone. May we all let others know they have a special place in this world. May we all find a way to make more peace and feel more love in this world. May you know that God loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

*The picture was taken by my 6 year old, he loves group selfies. This evening I saw he was adapting my qualities to 6 year old boy format, some for the better, some for cringe factor. I want to be a better person myself, to teach my son and daughter to reach for better, no matter what. I want my efforts to matter enough that they understand why it’s important. I want to make improvement a real tangible reachable possibility that brings good things into their lives.

Strengths and Weaknesses

That’s my son demonstrating his ability to scale the hallway. I was only slightly mortified as a well informed mom of a 6 year old boy. I was kinda proud, my son was doing what my brother and I did as kids. The difference was there was never anyone willing to catch my fall, so I always stuck to what was mostly safe, that way if I fell I wouldn’t have far to go.

My son knows he has me to catch him, he knows I’m strong enough and that I am willing to do what it takes to keep him from harm, he knows I love him. Yet, I still step back and watch and take pictures. I give him the space to do things himself and make obvious that I am happy he can. I do love him.

Anyway, thinking about things from that perspective made me acknowledge that I still don’t have anyone to catch my fall, and I’m 30 years older than my son. Yet the game just keeps getting harder. I want the game to be easier. As neat as it is to say I won, there is a limit to what one person can withstand, and some days I feel like I’m reaching my limit. So, I’m doing everything I can to focus on things getting easier. It means I’m having to ignore a lot of people around me, and do all the things I know and trust to help my mood stay buoyant. I am trying to make mental note of every single moment that feels easier. I am focusing on every single feel good moment I have as intently as possible to try and drown out everything else. I feel like I’m treading water, but hours into it and questioning how much longer I’ll make it. Prayers were helping and now they feel empty and one sided.

So mostly I just try to zone out for a while or take enough herbs to compensate. Nothing lasts forever, and this too shall pass. Silence, or a wall of sound, is currently golden because one helps me focus and the others drowns everything out so I don’t have to.

There will be a light at the end of the tunnel, I just need a bit more patience.

I close my eyes and focus on happy thoughts. I let music become my dominant focus, even when I’m in session with a client. I’m talking less and hiding more. Most sessions the last couple of weeks have been only the sound of peaceful music playing. It helps me think about good things and things I like and love. It helps me feel relief. It helps me find some calm.

I finishedy tax prep finally and they’re off to the accountant for her half, so I’m finally able to fit more workouts in again. I’m catching up quickly only having missed a few workouts, but I know that my current state is not just because of a few missed exercise routines. Patience.

May you do your best. May you find relief. May you find a way to chill when everything seems to be going against you. May you feel better and have more than enough focus. May you have enough energy to accommodate everything and everyone. May you know there will be someone there to catch your fall. May you know God loves and supports you.

Om Shanti