Tag Archives: feel

Life and Liberty

Ha I won
I am in the
New world
I survived
It only gets
Better from here
Moving forward

Make me cry
From burried
Memories
Make me scream
From social
Travesties
Make me doubt
From symptoms
Energetic
Make me hurt
From old
Manipulations

Yet with all
I'm still
Standing
Tall & strong
Pulling my own
Uplifting &
Providing
Caring
I'm still
Aware & open
Yet more
In control
Of myself
Than ever
More aware
Of what is
Mine and
What is
Not

My soul knows
Travesties
Unjust
Memories
Passed
Symptoms
External
Hurts
Fixable
Reactions
Reducing
Each moment
Of understanding
Bodies healing
Releasing
Relaxing

Seeing
Strong
Negatives
In feelings
Mean passion
For alternate
Solutions

Even if
Feminine
Attracted
Contributed
To negatives
In experienced
Masculine is
Also adding
Both are
Responsible
Equal in
Blame
And Owe
Each other
Corrections
And reparations
It takes at
Least TWO
To create

Feminine
Must Birth
Then Masculine
Must balance
Providing
When
Birthing
Exhausting
Overwhelmed
Regardless
Of nature
Be it
Child
Thoughts
Or ideas
Manifest

Should
Conception
Birth
Ever
Be forced
By masculine
Then triply
Responsible
He owes
Feminine
Reparations
For carrying
For birthing
For Traumas
& Damages
Encurred
& All
Aftermath
Endured

Should
Masculine
Fail or
Renig
Then also
Feminine is
Free to make
ANY choice
Including
Temination
Of that which
Was conceived

If feminine
Was forced
She owes
Herself
Everything
Forgiveness
For allowing
His unjust
Travesty
To lay
Ruin
To her
Genuine
Desires
For if he
Answered calls
In misalignment
It is his
Failure
His dense
Misinterpreted
Misconstruction
Misunderstanding
For not all
Creative
Moments
Require
Force
Will
OR
Sex

And sex
Is not love
Sex is a gift
Of intercourse
Shared between
Consenting
Adults
Only when
Love is
Already
Present
In equal
Exchange
It is so
Natural
It is
Untutored
And our
Bodies
Tell us
Immediately
When it has
Become
Wrong
Just
Feel

This is
One
Lesson
Necessary
For both sides
To see they
Are two
Halves
Of one
Non-binary
Universe
Divine

Evolution
Of humanity
May Require
We all become
Hermaphrodites
And see both
Fully equal
In everyone
If sides
Fail to
Learn

Love
Must
Come
First
But one
Must know
What love is
To know
Giving
Love at all
Know self truly
& Completely
To know
Love
It is a
Feeling
Emotional
Deepness
Of soul
Present
Within
You
It must
Be found
To be held
It must be
Held to
Give

Love
Yourself
And leave
Everyone else
Out of it
If it's
Impossible
You've already
Croakingly
Ended


~Treasa Cailleach

May you see your half more clearly. If you’re like me and resonate with both, then see all of yourself, your mistakes, your corrections, and your reparations, know how to make everything right with yourself again, and it will spill fourth to your manifested experience. May you see yourself as one non-binary divine whole in balance. May we all move forward with greater ease and speedy recoveries. May we enjoy our new more accepting world and help it find balance quickly, by finding our own balance quickly. Above all may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

Spinning

Dizzy overwhelmed
Spinning
Twirling
Round

Scared
Anxious
Surviving
Retreating

Stillness
Empty spaces
Of sanity
In Alignment
Our savior is
Found

Warmth of
Sunbeams
Serenity of
Moonbeams
Softness of
Gaea
Strength of
Thor
Energy of
Zeus

All felt
Sensed by
Every cell
Tingles of Excitement
Signs of Appreciation
For having received
Much needed
Relief

Gratitude for
Life propelling
Endless cycles
Feeling release
Finding relief

Honor self
To
Honor God

Respect self
To
Respect goddess

Love self
To
Love the divine

~ Treasa Cailleach

I am reaching for better, please be patient, it’s a process.

May you know you are loved and supported. May you know that taking care of yourself is okay and necessary sometimes. May you know that everything’s going to be okay.

Om Shanti

Nonsequiter

Call it as such, a distraction, a forray, a useful tangent to discuss something different, something more enjoyable, something I can dream of.

My simple thought was that I wished polyamory was fully legal here. It is in Massachusetts now, but not here.

I’m not afraid of the commitment, and my desire is definitely fueled somewhat by financials, but it is so much more than that.

See, at this point the masculine paradigm has shifted enough that there is no longer the weighted benefit of being head of household. I know that because I file as head of household, and it rarely nets me enough to really care. My spouse didn’t come with a dowry, there was no massive parental input into the wedding on either side, and my spouse gets no great benefits from anywhere. I literally have an insignificant benefit playing what is traditionally considered the man’s role, as a woman. Still, I know that the paradigm slowly shifted enough that head of household is genderless. It wouldn’t matter if I was a man or woman, I would still have minimal financial benefit from being head of the household.

Compared to centuries past where men were gifted sums of money by wealthy in-laws or straight up given dowrys. Even more recently there were times where men would use the power to control spousal finances, especially when banks required a male consigner on any bank account. My mom always complained that she had to hide money from dad to even buy Christmas gifts and things her or us kids needed. That is wrong and society acknowledged that problem enough decades ago that it would be difficult to accomplish in this day and age (nothing is impossible with enough motivation and resources). So now, the only real benefit you get is on taxes, and nowadays that only really means anything if you have kids. The point is if I was relying on financial benefit to marriage I fell for the old paradigm when it no longer existed.

But I know I didn’t fall for it to begin with.

I wanted love enough that I took a risk marrying an older divorcee of another race, despite both of my parents arguing with me to try and change my mind. Mom was against the age and being a divorcee with a daughter. Dad was against his race. Mom was the most correct at nailing down the hazards, because half of our financial problems linked back to his marriage and child support, the other half linked to the health concerns from a broken heart.

My source of love has cost me quite dearly, because even if I wanted to go back to school my only hope would be to test high enough for a free ride to grad school, no easy feat. I am unable to obtain student loans due to my two current ones still being in a decade of default, combined with already being leveraged to the hilt with home and vehicle- the result of being head of household. My only hope would be full scholarship on merits.

So, I took the risk and ate it. It has tied my hands in many ways, but I still have my loving husband as long as he shall live. I am still 100% grateful for his love and our years together. Tough as they were, I still have hope for better to come.

And that is where I would love poly to join us. Many days will improve with more hands, more finances to share, new ideas, and more perspectives to consider, new things to try. Beyond all of that though, more hearts equals more love; if I managed to survive everything else to experience that love twice over with much less difficulties, then I say it’s worth it. That’s why I wish poly was legal.

At this point I do still love my husband despite everything, and walking away would break my heart and cost me even more because I would become the one with the child support bill. I simply refuse to do that to myself.

Yet I still want the twice-love and less-responsibility dream of a poly family. Finding a significant other when you are already so committed to someone, is a challenge because the divine masculine still hasn’t relinquished the idea of the old paradigm. They still want the power and financial draw that is promised by the old paradigm of marriage. It’s supposed to be the reason for the ceremony and legal paperwork, the security behind the commitment. I don’t enjoy bursting bubbles over and over again, and I don’t enjoy the ripple when someone’s expectations are shattered. It has turnicated one too many attempts for me, and I don’t think I can muster another try.

But I still have hope. I still desire the loving committed supportive relationship of another. And that is why I wish poly was legal here. I could fulfill that pretense of the old paradigm of marriage committment, and still get my twice-love and less-responsibility of the poly paradigm. Plus I genuinely do wish for all the reasons anyone wants a new relationship, especially one as strong to hope it last many years. You know, the love, the new relationship energy, the going and doing fun things, the exploring of another person’s mind, personality and body, the kisses and hugs, and everything that a new relationship entails. It’s all very daydreamy for me and it’s definitely a good nonsequiter from my current reality.

So yes, I’ve pondered the shift that being able to fully commit to another partner would entail. I would love to have dates without the fear of shattering another person’s hopes, desires, or expectations. I would love to just be able able to be me and still look forward to getting to know someone new. I can daydream right?!

I love my husband and he will be my loving caring supportive companion as long as he lives. It’d be awefully nice to have better days too. So I daydream for now and leave the rest up to the divine.

May you have pleasant distractions when you need them. May your daydreams matter and help make the world a better place. May you have all the love you seek, and the fun and enjoyment too. May you enjoy your life mostly and make the best of what you do have. May we all see improvement continue in all ways. Finally, may you know that the divine loves and supports you in all that you do.

Om Shanti

I deserve to feel good.

After having found the alignment through the climb my last several posts reflected, I knew I needed to milk it. The feeling place of those high vibration moments needed to do me some major good. It was time to focus on the feelings I want more of in my body and in my world.

Thinking about the joy and freedom felt in camp was a good start, but I want more.

I deserve to feel good and see results that others will also see. I deserve for my entire body to come into alignment, even blood sugars and thyroid function, all the things that doctors document. So far some of that has improved significantly and some of that seems worse. I use seems, because sometimes seeming worse is actually on your way to improvement (detoxing is a really good example of that).

I spent a long time focusing on feeling good in my body. I did my usual moving meditation to snap, crackle, and pop my joints back into alignment. I did some more moving meditation, almost like yoga, to stretch out some of my tight muscle spots. Then I was down to just a few of my extra stubborn areas. One is my right rhomboid. I have had times where other massage therapists spent 20 minutes just on that one muscle and it’s trigger points. Well on this occasion I simple rested my hand (more my finger-tips for ease in reach) on the trigger point and used several visuals to help relax it. My touch was the focus mechanism to ‘put the power there’ (that’s a rough translation of one of the Reiki symbols I use). Then once I engaged the energy in that spot I moved through more intense Reiki symbols. I visualized being She-Ra in her moments of healing (I’m going to write more on that soon). I visualized the muscle being like a pat of butter on a hot skillet. Eventually all of it put together, the muscle did give in and relax. It took a long while, it really wanted to hold on. I really had to convince it that it was off duty and didn’t have to do anything.

Then I moved on from structural elements. I felt for and visualized energy of love in and around my body. I let it start from my heart with loving myself. I thought of all the pieces of myself that I genuinely appreciate. Once I had the feeling of the vibration of self-love, I pushed it around my body mentally. Sometimes I would have to stop and focus on something about an area that could be loved. For instance, my thighs still carry much more adipose that I prefer, so I had to focus on their strength, the fact they can lift 210 pounds in addition to my body weight, the fact that they propel me everyday and everywhere I go. That enabled the love vibration to flow in those areas.

When all was said and done, I felt genuinely spectacular. The only drawback was it took what seemed forever. It was the better part of my Sunday afternoon, and though I didn’t watch the clock, I know it took a couple of hours or more.

My goal is to get to a level of health and focused thought that my process described here is more like a normal meditation. It will probably take much practice over a long while. It seems that most of my basic goals like this take about 9 to 10 months to fruition… Hmmm… I’m seeing a correlation with pregnancy. Anyway, I have noted that I do create positive changes, but it definitely takes a while, and progress still frustrates me on occasion when it’s technically there, but less than desired.

May you have good healing meditative moments. May you genuinely feel self-love. May you convey to your body that you do care for it in all the ways you know of. May your body generally cooperate with you and show you good positive results more quickly and in bigger more noticeable ways. May you know that beyond everything God loves and supports you in all that you do and are.

Om Shanti

Multifidus 2

More tangents of my world, support and aligned functionality.

First, I’m utterly grateful to have been able to help my friend with a systemic MRSA infection. Her last update explained it would be quite a while until she could function normally again, having affected her ability to stand, walk or use her dominant arm, and included a plea for help. I was able to obtain a wheelchair for her for $60 and dropped it off at the hospital between my clinic and retirement community shifts. She now has both a walker and a wheelchair, but she is going to need financial support. As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, she’s in for 6 weeks hospital stay, with rehab afterwards. She was evicted from her apartment due to a combination of Covid closures affecting her income and then being hospitalized on top of it. Friends packed her belongings and stored them, took her pet to care for it, and we’re all pooling resources to the best of our ability, but if you can help it is very much welcomed. Please see the screenshot below for more info.

As for me, I have had an interesting week. Post strep throat I have not been eating during the day at all. Not out of avoidance, simply because I don’t feel the need to. I have a strong sense that like Covid helped the Earth find some healing by keeping us home, my body is finding additional healing by eliminating the desire to eat and thus keeping my digestive tract mostly clear for now. Today it has amplified to a wonderfully intense level. I feel spectacular and my body is really high energy, almost like having one cup of coffee too many, but as I said I’ve not had anything. I’ve literally only had water, a breakfast shake and my supplements today. I feel great and I simply know that I have everything I need in my body already, so much so that it is almost a mantra for me today. I find that I’m am experiencing immense gratitude for feeling a strong sense of healing and well being. I am feeling stronger and healthier everyday, and I had one of my license plate messages that I read as validation of my wellness…W3L UET.

Speaking of my ET, I had one of my dream visits early this morning. It was wonderful and may definitely have contributed to my high energy today. It was a very loving passionate dream, and I am glad that I am having those again. It renews my hope for my future poly family. I love being loved on and those dreams leave me feeling warm and fuzzy for hours. There is also a fair amount of excitement that is left behind in its wake.

I am also feeling appreciation for my self in terms of knowledge and experience. What was triggered by the PA and picked at by a couple of other interactions, leaves me wishing to write a PSA. Here’s the deal, just because you paid for a college degree that left you with a PhD in a specific area of study does not mean you are smarter than others. I have a Bachelor’s degree, plus a year of massage education. If it had been one topic at one school I would be holding a Master’s degree. Beyond that I have hands on experience in both: 2 years in graphic design and 12 years as a massage therapist, 8 of which were self-employed contracting work. I have experience in my own business and others. Beyond that I have been schooled in the hard-knocks of life. I understand diabetes, heart disease, and thyroid function, and pregnancy through levels of direct experience and conversing with multiple medical professionals, some of which are/were definitely more open than others. I have both book knowledge and real life practical application knowledge in multiple areas and multiple sub-topics. I find it quite insulting when someone with “more important letters” behind their name acts like I’m some dummy that doesn’t know what I’m talking about. If I have experience on something I give it, if not I am open to respectful input and do consider others as my equal. But because of such experience I can also tell when someone is doing their best to take the easy way out or avoid dealing with me, and that is simply not acceptable to me, not should it be for anyone. We all need to acknowledge that we all are human beings with a wide array of knowledge and experience and respect each other’s input and do our level best to contribute to each other’s lives in positive ways, whatever that translates into at the moment of interaction. If we did that, the world would be a better place and fewer and fewer of us would be finding frustration in seeking solutions.

I also have taken all of these moments and used them as fodder for focused meditation. My Atira, my vortex, it is becoming clearer and clearer. I can see where my sloppy focus previously allowed for misaligned moments and the failures in my manifestations. At one point I was thinking about my 3 people in my permanent energetic-heart-circle awareness, and slipped into old negative thoughts about them. This time though I caught myself nearly immediately. I literally thought ‘wait a minute, those don’t feel good, that means they aren’t right’. That simple acknowledgement was enough to flip to the opposite thoughts that do feel good. I did a happy dance just for catching myself and a second happy dance for finding what does feel good. I look forward to much better manifestations as a result.

I then applied that moment of positive momentum to the rest of my topics, and that might be why I feel so darn good today. Between giving my digestion a break, acknowledgement of myself and my skills/knowledge- that we’re all equals, and positive thoughts and massive realignment all put together just feels like an amazing combination. I feel “right as rain” and have a strong knowing at the moment that there is no spoon. My only falter is that my spoon takes longer to bend, but that’s an okay thing.

May you feel your way to better days. May you honor other’s skills and knowledge knowing that you also have applicable skills and knowledge. May you find many things to feel grateful for and appreciate. May you see there is no spoon and that shifts in awareness and healing will manifest your desires quick enough. May you be health and have all of the help and resources that you need. May you have moments of appreciation that you are able to help others because you can and you want to. May you have excitingly pleasant dreams and be healthy in mind body and spirit. May you know you are having breakthroughs that will lead to wonderful changes in your physical awareness. May everything be “right as rain” and may you know God loves and supports you.

Siva Hir Su