Tag Archives: feeling confident

On the surface I screwed up.

Side note: The hip/low back is not solved yet. Still in progress, but better. I will revisit it after my short shift this afternoon. For now I sit on ice.

The second topic for today is a mistake, which wasn’t a complete mistake.

On the surface I scared an older clinic client on accident. She came in nervous about the virus, and hesitant because she didn’t know me and usually saw one of the other therapists. I tried to soothe her nerves and it backfired. She got more agitated and decided to not do the massage.

So my mistake was in words intended to soothe but which failed to do so. But it caused the clinic to loose a paid appointment and the chiropractor to have an uncomfortable phone call the following day. For that I’m truly sorry, and have apologized profusely for it. I own it completely and would have done the call if it hadn’t been for the caller’s specific request.

Where it is not so much a mistake and important for me to acknowledge, is that I got what I wanted. I law of attractioned myself some fine tuning.

I realized later that all of my clients that I really enjoy working with are nearly the opposite. They are mostly healthy and always aiming for improvement, and none of them are afraid of much, let alone viral news. They are all confident in their being a part of a functioning society and life in general. I really appreciate that immensely.

Because I am so appreciative of those clients, I have attracted fewer and fewer of the opposite like the one I scared. I currently don’t have any of my nursing homes, my house calls are down to 3, and one of them spaced way further out than normal. And clinic clients that are scared generally aren’t scheduling with me to begin with, and really never did at all.

Yet at the same time I have had a gaggle of new clients that have all become regulars or at least repeat clients. A couple have admitted financial limitations, but promised they will reschedule as they are able.

So I had an uncomfortable moment with a perceived loss that ultimately helped me to acknowledge that I have stayed busy enough without any scardy cats scheduling. That feels good and like relief.

Please don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate anyone that has bought into the fear. In fact I feel rather sorry for them and wish I could help. But this failed appointment also reminded me that sometimes you can’t fix something for someone else even if you want to. We were so far apart in vibrational alignment that she simply could not hear me and find ease. She could not reach for a soothing place. Additionally, it would have taken me down and been very difficult on me to drop to her level. That is something I am beginning to see simply isn’t worth it. I like improvement enough that I would rather keep reaching for better, than drag myself down trying to help others find their version of better.

Lately, I even dislike conversations where people want me to commiserate with them. I find I either end up going silent, doing the “uh hmm’s”, or politely arguing with them. The latter being my least preferred response because I don’t benefit from upset clients. Sometimes though I know something so strongly to my core that I simply can’t tolerate someone trying to convince me otherwise, on the table or not. I just try to stay polite and keep it short and move on to other topics.

So all in all, my fine tuning means:

  • I’d prefer scared people to just not schedule with me at all. Same goes for people that want to commiserate or argue.
  • If they must schedule with me, then keeping their fears or arguments to themselves is important.
  • I’m perfectly okay with quiet and/or silent sessions.
  • I much prefer confident healthy people on my table.
  • I enjoy friendly people that have good conversations (I’ve had several lately over fitness, meditation, nutrition, and alternative healing choices, I like that a lot.)
  • I enjoy finding common ground with those on my table.
  • I like the relief of knowing I can help someone because we’re closer in vibrational alignment.
  • I like repeat clients a lot.
  • I like having a full schedule.
  • I really like people with stable enough finances that they tip well, and I repeat my many thank you’s for those I’ve already received.
  • I enjoy a good challenge in my work, just not so much of a challenge that it depletes me for other sessions.
  • I enjoy knowing that I am able to solve many muscular based concerns and that I know when clients need to seek additional help. I am also very grateful I have qualified chiropractors & acupuncturists to refer to in office, and other types of providers outside of the office. That is especially helpful when my skills are not enough to solve client concerns.
  • I am grateful that I have a steady flow of clients and income.
  • I am grateful for the relief I have felt this last year and look forward to more of that.
  • I am glad that I keep getting stronger and healthier to keep doing the work that I enjoy.
  • I also enjoy having the graphic design work on the side to help have more income without exhausting myself.
  • I have immensely enjoyed having time with my kids and husband and pets, and time in my garden is good too.
  • I am grateful for the knowing that I am mostly in the flow of that which is wanted and that the universe is supporting me.
  • I look forward to even more improvement.

May you all have your fine tuning moments of acknowledgement. May you see where you goofed and know how to attract corrections. May you appreciate your world and your place in it. May you continue to help move society forward. May you feel mostly good and have just the right clients continue to flow into your experience. May you have the help you need and the things you seek. May you have more fun in the process. May your skills be evident and acknowledged by others. May you feel loved and appreciated.

Siva Hir Su

Photo is not me, obviously if you’re a regular reader, but it was the closest stock image to a real massage. I dislike the images where clients are not on the table right, or it’s obviously a posed scene, it perpetuates rediculous sterotypes and misconceptions. Just FYI.

Almost back to ‘normal’

I’m a little stiff right now, but otherwise feeling better. And the stiff is no surprise because I walked 8994 steps today at work, inside one building, and no treadmill was involved. Just lots of back and forth, over and over again.

My one house call client asked if I was up to returning to giving her massages. I asked her to let me answer in the morning so I can see how stiff pans out overnight. I just know that I have to kneel and bend over a lot to give her a massage. My knee is still bruised, but I can kneel on a foam pad or small pillow and be fine there, but I definitely want my back to be normal before doing any significant bending.

Anyway, I am glad I am generally feeling better and I’m also very glad things are inching towards normal. I’m still certain Kansas City was an area hit long before our government did anything, so I’m betting the numbers of illnesses will be much lower than projected. I’m just happy to see more things open and more people participating in society again.

I’m also glad that my efforts at Thyroid healing are working. I’ve lost a little weight, generally feeling better- energy and emotions wise, inflammation is starting to subside, and even the pressure on my throat and voicebox has backed off. Those are all really good signs. I am hopeful that if I stick to protocols religiously I will have good results at next round of testing and sonogram.

I attempted to start writing my courses today, but didn’t get far. I sat down on my lunch break, and it was cut short by pseudo emergencies with residents. So essentially I started the Word doc and then looked up the formal structure I needed to fulfill. My handwritten notes did not actually get turned into any typed text. It’s a start, some notes and the details on what needs written is still aimed in the right direction.

I did hit a moment of overwhelmed at the end of a crazy day of work and looked at Nathan when he’d arrived to pick me up. I asked seriously if I was insane. He replied “only in the membrane” jokingly referencing the song. When I scowled at him, he said “No, you’re very intelligent with good information to share with the world. It’s a big task but you’re up to it.” I appreciated his real answer much more than the joking one.

All in all, today was a very busy, but very good day, and regardless of my momentary overwhelmed, I got this shit and will kick some intellectual arse.

May you have good busy days. May you find your knowing of being on the right track. May you know what to do and when. May you know you’ve got this, no matter what this is. May you appreciate your own abilities and feel better and better. May you be loved.

Siva Hir Su

More perspective.

Thank you Trump, thank you one percenters, thank you paid disinformants, thank you paid fear mongerers. You have provided me with a priceless perspective. Thank you God for all of their presence in my life.

You have provided me with the knowledge of how much healing I have accomplished. I may not have completely healed my brain, but it’s a hell of a lot closer than I thought.

I didn’t fall for the fear, because of my knowing of my divine protection built into my hyperactive immune system. I didn’t fall for the lies and outlandish claims because I am aware and intelligent enough that I remembered details of many other diseases and causes of death and I remembered my education on the life cycle of a virus. I was educated well enough to be able to research properly, and fill in gaps in my memory. I was educated well enough that I know proper sanitation and normal appropriate sustainable means of controlling disease, and can see where measures pushed beyond sustainability and increased more suffering than the disease itself. I know and understand: “First do no harm”- if the solution is worse than the disease then any person deserves full disclosure and consent.

I had enough perspective already, to know a lot about death and dieing, and I was spiritually aware enough to not be afraid of them. Because I KNOW God intimately I am not afraid of dieing, and I know it is not my time yet, even if I do sometimes wonder why it’s not, or seek that level of peace. Because I KNOW God, I also know that the divine protects us all as much as we allow, so even if my protection means going home out of this chaos, I also know God will look after my family as well. I have awaken enough to stand independent of the fear ridden masses and rise above the darkness known as IT.

I appreciate the perspective that anything can be done in excess and to harmful levels. Greed may help save money on the shallow end, but causes the powerful to crave money so intensely that they do things to harm society as a whole. They begin to care about money more than humanity, so much that the first available opportunity becomes a plot to help credit cards, creditors, vaccine producers, and big businesses at the expense of the American and even worldwide citizens. It gave me perspective so that I can focus on what degree I do anything, I only am willing to be selfish in so much as it is helpful, selfishness that causes harm to another is unacceptable me.

I am aware enough to understand my place in it all. The outer world is a manifestation of my inner world. Everyone is overreacting to something out of their control. My immune system is hyperactive which is the same thing, but mine is reacting to molecules triggered by exposure to toxic chemicals which were injected into my blood stream. My immune system was exposed so many times in decades past, to toxins in my bloodstream, that it wants to cling to that knowledge even though it means it is killing my own body. It is trying to protect me from poisoning by going after any molecules that remotely look the same. I now know I can fix this. I will tell my immune system to relax and go back to only fighting virus, bacteria or parasites. I will remind my liver to eliminate all the toxins. There are many ways to do both, an I have already eliminated as many sources of continued toxins as humanly possible. I will remind my body as repeatedly as necessary to let God in to provide divine healing.

Because of all of this I can and will heal.

I am more confident than ever in my abilities, knowledge, experience and divine connection. I am ever so appreciative that all have improved, but especially my divine connection. Thank you God for being with me through thick and thin, through bad times and good, through sickness and health. Thank you God for helping me with my biggest challenges and getting me the information the best way I can hear it. Thank you for flowing me all of the answers through helpful people, through AI notifications, through videos and conversations. Thank for for showing me all of this and helping me see that even the bad is valuable. Thank you divine for being in me and giving me these words to express thoughts that seem larger than the written word. Thank you even more for guiding my thoughts to these solutions and greater understanding.

May you all have solutions and greater understanding. May you see the value even in the negative. May you make peace with death and understand and know whether it’s your time or not. May you have the intelligence to know fact from fiction, to know how to research whatever you don’t understand or remember, and to rise above fear. May you be awaken to your divine connection and it’s blessings and guidance. May you know you are safe and have the ability to heal. May you rise above the darkness of IT to see God’s guiding light.

An it Harm None.

Siva Hir Su